28. Chapter Twenty-Eight
Chapter Twenty-Eight
T he red hues of sunset bleed into the sky when I return to the castle. It’s only when Tiffy’s eyes go wide at the sight of me that I realize how long I’ve been gone.
“There you are!” she squeals, taking my arm. “I’ve been looking all over for you!” She looks down at my arms, and then my skirts. “What on the gods’ green earth happened to you? You look like you’ve gone wild!”
“What time is it?” I ask, ignoring her remark.
“Nearly time for dinner.” Her voice is rushed, and I swear it elevates several octaves. Pressing her hands to my upper back, she ushers me upstairs and into my bedchamber. “We have no time, no time at all, to get you ready.”
“It’s all right, Tiffy,” I tell her. “Don’t rush. I’ll explain to His Highness that I simply lost track of time.”
That doesn’t seem to satisfy her, but she just takes a breath and busies herself with removing my tattered gown. I notice she’s alone tonight. Following our routine, I head to the washroom, where the tub is already filled with water.
I step into it. My muscles constrict.
It’s my own fault the water’s cold.
I don’t complain, but I can tell that Tiffy notices my reaction. She doesn’t say anything, instead scrubbing my skin clean.
“You’ve scratched yourself,” she mutters. “Shall I tend to them?”
I shake my head. “I’m fine, they’re just minor scratches.”
Tiffy meets my eyes for a moment, arching a brow.
“Really, Tiffy,” I say, lightening my voice.
“Oh, all right.” She smiles a little, moving her head back and forth slightly. She playfully nudges my shoulder. “What am I going to do with you?”
I shrug and make the best doe-eyed face I can muster.
Tiffy laughs with a roll of her eyes. “Enough of you,” she teases.
I can’t help but smirk. Then I remember what I overheard Viridian tell Myrdin.
And my stomach twists into knots .
How can I ignore it? How can I face him, and say nothing, knowing what I do?
Tiffy dresses me quickly and styles my hair into a simple knot. Once she finishes, I thank her and make my way to the great hall.
Viridian has already begun the first course when I arrive. He sits with his elbows resting on the table, head bent over his plate.
The door echoes when it closes behind me.
“You’re here,” Viridian says softly, looking up at me with a hint of surprise. As if he didn’t think I would come.
“I’m here,” I repeat, frozen in place.
“I’ll have someone bring out your first course,” he tells me, looking down at his own.
“That’s not necessary,” I say, taking my seat. “I’ll just start with the second.”
Viridian only nods.
I chew on my bottom lip. I had so many words a few hours ago. Where have they gone?
Viridian finishes his first course, and the servants bring out the next. It’s a meat pie of some kind tonight—meat stewed with vegetables and gravy, baked in a flaky, delectable crust.
I take my time eating it.
“You’ve been quiet tonight,” Viridian remarks. Leaning forward, he looks at me, as if I were a puzzle he’s trying to put together. “Something troubles you. ”
He’s right. So, I finally tell him what’s on my mind. The elephant in the room I can no longer ignore.
“You’re jealous of Loren.”
Viridian shuts his eyes and pinches the bridge of his nose. “You weren’t supposed to hear that.”
“But I did.”
Viridian says nothing. He picks up his fork but doesn’t use it.
“Did you… Did you mean what you said? About caring for me?”
Viridian’s gaze locks with mine, and for the first time in a long while, he lets his barriers fall. “Every word, Little Fawn. I meant every word.”
Warmth blooms in my chest. Relief skitters through my body, and I almost feel dizzy. As if I were drunk on the feeling.
I haven’t lost him yet.
Viridian is quiet, amber eyes studying me instead. Is he happy with what he sees in my expression? He’s gone stone-faced, making him nearly impossible to read. I don’t want those barriers up again so soon.
Before I realize what’s happening, I utter the words I’ve been keeping locked away.
The words I’ve finally found the courage to say.
“I don’t love Loren anymore.” My voice is faint. “Not like that.”
Deep down, I know I’ll always love him. But now, I’m falling for another.
And soon, my heart will belong to him. Fully.
Viridian’s stone-faced expression falls. The corner of his mouth perks up, a slight smile pulling at his lips. It delights me to see it. “Is that so?”
“Yes,” I say solemnly, meeting his gaze. I even my breathing, fighting the nerves that threaten to close my mouth. “Let Loren go, Viridian. Please. You have no reason to keep him here anymore.”
Viridian’s smile falls, and he turns his face from mine. As if he’s scolding himself for daring to hope I’d forgotten all about Loren. He’s silent for a moment. Have I said something wrong?
“If that is what you wish,” he says, breaking the silence.
“It is.”
He hesitates and presses his mouth into a fine line. His whole upper body stiffens.
“Then it will be done.” Viridian beckons to the nearest guard, resigned. “Release the prisoner at once. See to it that he’s long gone before I change my mind.”
“Right away, Your Highness.” The guard bows her head, and then exits.
“Thank you,” I tell him.
Viridian just nods, eyes falling to his plate. He doesn’t say another word.
We finish our meals in silence.
I wake to a hurried knock at my chamber door.
Suddenly alert, I sit up in bed, straining my ears to listen. My heart rate accelerates, beating fast. Swinging my legs from under the covers, I rise to my feet.
Who would want to see me at this hour?
The knocking sounds again. This time, it’s accompanied by a voice.
“Cryssa! Cryssa, are you there?”
My eyes widen, and I fly to the door. When I open it, I cover my mouth.
“What are you doing here?” I ask, my shoulders suddenly tense. My voice is harsher than I intend. “Have you lost your gods-damned mind?”
Loren flashes a smile at me. One that would have made my knees weak before coming to High Keep.
But that was then. And only then.
“I had to find you,” he says. “I couldn’t leave this wretched place without you.”
“You must go,” I tell him, my voice laced with urgency. “Viridian—he’ll kill you if he finds you here.”
“So, he won’t find me,” Loren says, as if it were that easy.
“I’m—look at me.” I gesture to myself. “I’m not even dressed.”
Loren doesn’t miss a beat. “Then dress quickly. ”
I hesitate. Something tucked away in the corner of my mind is still screaming at me to run, to go with Loren and leave this place right now, appearances be damned. But my feet seem fixed to the floor, and I can’t find the strength to move.
Because the rest of me doesn’t want to.
“Cryssa,” Loren says, brows stitching together. “What is it?”
“You can’t stay.”
“And neither can you.” Loren frowns.
Blood thuds in my ears. My palms grow sweaty with panic.
“Loren,” I grind out. “Stop fighting me. You have to go now . Before Viridian—”
“Before I what , Cryssa?”
I turn to his deep rumble, my eyes wide. I’ve never heard him say my name like that before. So bitter and wounded, as if I’ve slapped him.
Guilt swirls in my stomach. I instantly wish I hadn’t said anything at all, that he hadn’t found me with Loren in nothing but my nightgown.
Gods above.
This looks bad. This looks very, very bad.
“Before you get angry,” I say, forcing myself to look at him.
Viridian’s expression hardens, the angles of his face growing sharp, like knives. His amber eyes fume, but he doesn’t look at Loren. He only stares at me, his gaze locked with mine.
I press my lips together, fighting the tears that gather in my eyes.
“Viridian—”
“You.” He says to Loren, not once breaking eye contact with me. “If you want to live, I’d suggest you leave. Now.”
Loren balls his hands into fists, his face red with anger. But he does. With one last glance at me, he takes off, running down the hall.
“Please,” I beg. “This isn’t what it looks like.”
“Isn’t it?” Viridian asks, his voice ripe with the sting of betrayal. “I thought we were past this, but…” He recoils, mouth curled with disgust. “You still see me as some horrible monster.”
“No.” I shake my head. “No, I don’t.”
But he steps back, turning his face from mine. “I dared to let myself think…” his voice trails off, tortured agony gripping his handsome features. “Perhaps I have been a fool, after all.” His voice goes lower, heavy like a death sentence. “You will never, ever love me.”
“No!” I cry. My heart aches, like it’s breaking. It is breaking. “No, that’s not true.”
Viridian says nothing. And somehow, him saying nothing is so much worse.
Then he turns, facing his back to me.
“Viridian,” I plead.
But he ignores me and walks away.
“Viridian!” I start after him.
Still no response.
“Viridian!”
I sink to my knees. In the middle of the corridor. Tilting my head down, I hold my face in my hands. Instead of bringing him closer, I’ve only pushed him farther away.
Somewhere far beyond my reach.
Oh, gods.
What have I done?