32. Chapter Thirty-Two
Chapter Thirty-Two
I emerge from my childhood home and into the night. The action is oddly familiar, yet foreign at the same time. But this time, I leave home with a newfound purpose.
Rough hands that don’t seem familiar hook around my waist and drag me forward, until I’m pressed against a body. Lips find my own, and my body recoils.
Instinctually, I bite down, a copper tang coloring my tongue.
I shove.
Hard.
“Damn it, Cryssa!” a masculine voice curses. “It’s me!”
My eyes come into focus, and I see the man that stands before me.
Wide-eyed, Loren raises his fingers to his lip, staring at the bright red that now stains them. “Have you lost your gods-damned mind?”
“ You ,” I snarl, holding myself back so I won’t be tempted to throttle him. “What are you doing here?” I ask, lowering my voice. “Haven’t you done enough?”
He’s the reason Viridian thinks I don’t want him.
It would be all too easy to blame him for everything. But I know I’m the one that’s really at fault. Purpose surges through me, the force of it giving me more than enough strength to do what I have to.
I’m returning to Keuron to repair what’s been broken.
And I won’t let Loren hold me back. Not anymore.
It’s time to let him go.
“I’m here for you,” Loren says, as if that should have been obvious. “Aren’t you happy to see me?”
When I don’t say anything, he continues.
“My feelings for you haven’t changed, Cryssa.” He takes a step toward me. “I’m sorry I left you in Keuron with him .”
The way he refers to Viridian boils my blood.
“Don’t be sorry,” I snap. “He’s good to me. More than you could ever know.”
“Good to you?” Loren leans back incredulously. “He imprisoned me for weeks . Maybe longer. He held you captive. He took you away from us—from your family. ”
“I know.” My voice goes quiet.
How could I forget?
“Have you forgotten what Theelia’s blessing means?” he seethes, while jabbing a finger at me. “That male could be your undoing. Do you even realize that he could be the reason you di—” He stumbles and covers his mouth, as if he can’t bear to say the word. “Does that mean nothing to you?”
I turn my face away from his.
“Cryssa.”
I say nothing, silently fuming. It’s as if Viridian’s quiet rage has somehow passed onto me.
“ Cryssa .” He gapes at me in horror. “What the hell happened to you?”
“What are you talking about?”
“The Cryssa I know would never have defended one of them .”
He doesn’t know that I am one of them. But I don’t have enough time to tell him that.
I clench my jaw. “You know nothing.”
“I don’t need to know anything,” he spits. “I’ve seen more than enough.”
I spin around on my heels, poised to march in the opposite direction.
Loren grabs my arm, hard enough to bruise. When I look back at him, his eyes plead with me. “Don’t go back to him.”
“Let me go.” Each syllable is sharper than steel .
“Don’t go back to him,” he repeats, still holding onto me. “Please.”
I wrench my arm from his grip. “You can’t stop me.”
“Then at least tell me why.” Loren’s face twists with pain. “Why have you chosen him over me?”
Why is it that I find myself in this exact situation again, with a different man? Only this time, I don’t feel conflicted. Even though it’s hard for me, my inability to give him the answer he wants doesn’t tear me apart.
If anything, it feels right.
“You and I—we’re not compatible, Loren. We have vastly different ideas of what we want our lives to look like.”
“That can’t be it,” he says, shaking his head. “We could work through that. We could find common gro—”
“No, Loren.” I say, my voice firm, like stone. My gut tells me that I should have done this a long time ago. “I won’t settle. Not anymore.”
“Settle?” His eyebrows shoot up, as if I’ve slapped him. “You’d have to settle to be happy with me, but not him? The noble fae that was so horrible to you? Even if you don’t want to marry me, why go back to him?”
Tightening my mouth, I harden my expression.
“Don’t tell me you…” Loren falls silent. His eyes widen with realization. “You… Oh gods. You love him, don’t you?”
I want to reply, but I can’t seem to summon the words. My silence is confirmation.
He’s right .
I have changed.
Loren just stares at me, an awful concoction of hurt, anger, and rejection burning on his face. Heat stings my cheeks and tears prick at my eyes.
I never wanted to hurt him. But I meant what I told him that fateful day.
Meeting Viridian changed the course of my life forever.
He’s my destiny, my future, and my solace, all wrapped up into one.
My mate.
I pause, like the whole world has frozen around me.
Viridian is my mate. And I love him.
I love him.
I can’t believe it took me this long to realize. Looking back now, I see that Viridian made it perfectly obvious, even though he never blatantly spelled it out for me.
Now, I am even more sure that I have to get back to Keuron.
To Viridian.
“Loren, I—”
“Don’t.” The word is a soft blow of defeat.
My face is hot with something akin to shame, but I respect him enough not to push him. More roughly than I intended, I brush past Loren. Despite what he said, I expect him to argue with me, to beg me to reconsider. To say something, anything.
But he doesn’t. And I don’t look back.
Maybe I should. Maybe I should try to make things right between us. But I know if I do that, it’ll only leave me feeling more torn than I already do. I can’t give Loren what he wants. Not anymore.
So, I leave him there. He’ll get over me, I tell myself. He’ll move on.
And I will, too.
Firm in my resolve, I head for the stables. Only, this time, I’m not going there to meet anyone. Or to sneak around under the cover of darkness.
No, this time, I have a new purpose.
I’m going to steal a horse.