Chapter 5
YOU LET A CHILD IMPREGNATE YOU?!
SHARI
I stare out my windscreen at the three-storey, pale brick house before me. A house that's as familiar to me as my own, and yet I can't help the uneasy feeling running through my veins as I sit here.
Ever since the bomb my doctor dropped on me yesterday, I've been trying to figure out how I'll tell the girls. What I'll tell them too. Not that I plan to hold anything back, but they'll have questions and I don't have all the answers yet.
Thankfully, the when to tell them decision was made for me since we already had dinner at Max's planned for tonight.
I drag myself to the house and push open the door with a very unconvincing rendition of my usual greeting, “I’m here, so put it away, Dennis.”
A chorus of Auntie Shari! sounds from all corners of the house, and a stampede of children slams into me for hugs and kisses.
This never gets old and will always be my favourite way to be greeted.
Except for the helicopter tail and clickety-clacking of dancing paws when I get home. That's my true favourite.
My lack of flair when I entered definitely caught the adults' attention, though, as several pairs of furrowed brows meet my gaze from the kitchen door.
I take a deep breath to prepare myself for the third degree, and the familiar smell of bergamot and ylang-ylang that always fills this house helps to calm me. A little.
Max shoos the kids back off to play whatever they were in the middle of when I arrived and hugs me. “Hey babe. What's going on, are you ok?”
“Yep!” Must stop squeaking. I clear my throat and try again, “I’m good, just...tired?”
Elle steps forward to hug me. “Why did that sound like a question?”
She's shoved aside by Jaime, who grabs me by the shoulders and looks me dead in the eye. “Nah, something's going on. Girl meeting, stat!” She spins me towards the kitchen and marches me through to sit at the breakfast bar.
Max's husband, Dennis, rounds the island for a quick hug, followed closely by Isaiah. Guess he and Jaime are on again. I knew their breakup wouldn’t last, it never does.
“Hey, Shari. Everything ok? You didn't even sound like you cared if I had it all hanging out,” Dennis jokes, his blue eyes probing. I’ve always found it fascinating that their twin boys take after a parent each.
They both have their dad’s blue eyes, but Tevis has red hair and pale skin like Dennis, and Tyree has dark hair and tan skin like Max.
I force a smile. “Yes, I'm fine, honestly. Just feeling a bit drained is all.”
“Hey Shari Ferrari.”
“Hey bible boy.”
Isaiah smiles at my nickname for him as he gives me a quick peck on the cheek.
As much as I hate him for breaking Jaime's heart repeatedly, they can be as bad as each other, sometimes. They need to get their shit together, because this on again off again bollocks is too toxic for their little boy to witness.
Jaime plonks a glass of rosé down in-front of me as Max herds Dennis to the door. “Go play with the kids for a bit.”
Dennis's eyes flick from her to me and back, nods, and reluctantly leaves, dragging Isaiah with him. Bet those little fiends will be eavesdropping. Men are so much worse than women when it comes to gossip.
“Ok, spill,” Jaime demands, always straight to the point.
Elle grabs my hand, “Are you sure you're ok? You don't seem yourself.”
“I…um, well, I mean, I'm fine. Medically speaking but—”
“Medically speaking?” Max shrieks. “What does that even mean? Have you been worried about your health? Why wouldn't you tell us?!”
“No, no, no! Ok, that was terrible wording, I haven't been dealing with health issues. Don't worry. Just, um, I don’t…”
I don't know why I'm struggling to say the words. I think part of me is scared to make it real. And an even bigger part might be scared that it's not.
Jaime slides the wine closer to me, and without thinking I pick it up and take a fortifying sip, only to realise at the last second that I shouldn't be drinking and spit it back out into the glass.
“Eww, don't regurgitate your wine. Why are you wasting wine?” Jaime's seriousness makes a hysterical laugh bubble up, and I. Cannot. Stop. Tears are streaming, my sides hurt, and my friends are looking at each other with varying degrees of worry in their eyes.
I finally manage to calm down long enough to blurt, “I’m pregnant! Surprise!” and dissolve into giggles again.
“What??”
“Oh my god, are you serious?”
“Babe! This is huge!”
“That’s what she said!”
I'm too far gone to even know who shouted what at this point, but soon my laughter gives way to real tears and I'm immediately enshrouded in a cocoon of arms and love.
Eventually, they all pull back and give me a minute to collect myself before demanding answers.
A mug of tea is put in front of me with a slice of red velvet cake – homemade by Elle, if I had to guess – and I don't think I've ever loved these women as much as I do right in this moment. They just get me.
“So,” I sniffle, tracing a copper vein in the black marble worktop with the tip of my pointer finger, “remember Brad?”
“Brad. Brad. Brad, Brad – oh! The bartender from the festival?” Max asks with a click of her fingers.
“That's the one.” Again, my words get stuck and I stare helplessly at that copper vein as if it will magically solve all my problems.
“You're having Brad's baby?” Elle tries to coax gently, but I can see they're all struggling not to bombard me with questions.
I blow out a breath and decide to just rip off the plaster.
“We didn't use a condom because alcohol induced lack of judgement, and I never thought in a million years I'd get pregnant.
I promised to hunt him down if he gave me an STD, but.
..I never could have anticipated this. You know how long and how hard Kristian and I tried for a baby.
I thought I was going through perimenopause, for god's sake!
I didn't think I had many eggs left, if any at all, and just...how?”
“Well, you fucked a guy without a condom, that's how,” Jaime helpfully points out.
I look up at their reserved expressions, and finally Elle breaks the silence. “You must have conflicting emotions right now but, are you happy? Is this good news?”
“I don't know how I feel,” I croak. Do I?
“Well, how would you feel if the doctor told you tomorrow that it was a false positive? Wait, have you been to a doctor yet?”
It hits me like a tonne of bricks. Devastated. I'd be devastated if I found out I wasn't really pregnant now.
“Yes, I went to the doctor yesterday to get the perimenopause blood test, ironically,” I laugh. “But it turns out all my symptoms these last few weeks were pregnancy.” I rub my hand over my belly and a slow smile creeps over my face. “I’m having a baby, guys.”
Fresh tears track down my face as my friends finally shout their excitement, congratulations, and questions over one another. The one thing I do hear clear as a bell is Jaime’s, “Oh my god, bro, you're having a baby with a guy who's young enough to be your son!”
“You let a child impregnate you?!” comes the teeth-clenching screech from the living room. The guys were eavesdropping, after all, as suspected.
“Denniiiiissss!” I bury my face in my hands and groan.
“Dennis! Don’t be a dick!” Max chastises as the boys run into the room.
“Well, I guess you really did fuck around and find out,” he jests.
I can’t help my knee jerk response, “Your face fucked around and found out!”
Max just sighs as Isaiah's booming laughter echoes. “You two are never going to grow out of this, huh.”
It’s silly banter Dennis and I have had since Max first started dating him, but it actually helps me feel a bit more grounded with the ritual of it all.
“Congratulations, Shari. Truly. But how did a baby put a baby in you?”
“Not helping, Dennis!” I whine.
He grunts as Max elbows him in the ribs.
“Ok, that helped. Elbow him again.”
Jaime immediately jumps up, shouting, “I got next! I'll elbow him!”
“I’ll hold him still for you, baby,” Isaiah grins as he flexes his impressive biceps towards her.
Dennis' protests only make us laugh harder.
A few hours later, after we've all had dinner and dessert – which was indeed the red velvet cake I suspected Elle had made – we move to sit out on the patio.
It may be June, but the nights are still on the chillier side, so Dennis gets a fire going in the chiminea for us before the guys head back inside to watch football and give us some privacy.
The kids are inside watching a Disney movie with drinks and snacks, so we shouldn't be disturbed for a while.
The full moon is clear and bright as it starts to crest over the tops of the trees, and the only sound I can hear is the fire crackling before us. Inhaling the rich scent of the wood smoke, I finally feel a sense of peace wash over me.
“So, jokes aside, do you even have Brad's number to be able to tell him about the baby?”
Goodbye peace, it was fun knowing you for that thirty seconds. I'll never forget our time together.
I brace myself, because I have been keeping a secret from them, and they're going to be pissed.
“Well, about that. It's a funny story because I didn't just spend the festival weekend with him…” I trail off for the shouting to begin, and I'm not kept waiting long.
“You, what?!”
“I knew you were seeing someone!”
“What. The. Actual. Fuck, bitch??”
I hold my stupid decaf coffee in front of my face as if it might protect me from the onslaught.
I knew Jaime would be the most vocal. “Are you fucking kidding me? You've been seeing him this whole time and didn't tell any of us? Not one of us? Why!”
“I haven't been seeing him this whole time. I spent two more weekends with him in the last six weeks. When I was working in Topsham. He only lives, like, twenty minutes from site.”
“Wow, this is such a big thing for you—”
“That's what she said!” Jaime shouts with glee for the second time tonight.
“—I’m not gonna lie, it sucks to think you didn't want to tell us, but I'm happy you've been enjoying yourself for once. Or thrice,” Max adds with a smirk.
I pick at a loose thread on the edge of the ochre cushion in my lap.
“I guess, I dunno. I just wanted this fun little secret for a while.
I didn't know if I was ever going to see him again after the last time, and if we had made plans for another hookup, I'd have told you.
And if we never did speak again, I'd have eventually told you about the fun little sordid affair I once had with a younger man.”
“Much younger,” Jaime mumbles into her rosé. Guess she's still a bit sore I kept this from them.
I snort. “Yes, much younger. Ugh!” I flop back into the rattan armchair and hang my head over the back to stare at the stars.
They’re winking at me from the black canopy above, as if to tell me they have a secret that I’m not privy to.
“What am I gonna dooooo?” The last word comes out in a staccato of whines.
Well, at least I know how to act like I'm younger than my baby daddy. “I think I'm going to be sick.”
“Oh shit, morning sickness? I do not miss that.”
“No,” I sigh, “just my situation really starting to sink in.”
Elle grabs my hand from the chair next to me and I roll my head to look at her. “Tell us about him. What's he like, what does he do—”
“How old is he?”
“—how do you think he'll take the news?” she continues, side-eyeing Jaime's interjection.
“He's twenty-two, in his last year of a business degree at Exeter Uni.
He surfs in his spare time, wants to open a beach bar, shares a student house with his best friend Trey – who is also insanely hot, by the way, I don't know what they're putting in the water down there but it's working – and two other guys I've only met once. He’s unbelievable in bed, has washboard abs and the Adonis belt V thing going on, is really attentive and complimentary and sweet and funny and is TWENTY-TWO!”
“Damn. He's still at uni! That feels reeeaaalllyyyyy young. So, do you have a photo of the V, or…?”
I burst into laughter. “Ahhh Jaime, I wish.
At least I would have had that to fondly look back on and one day show this baby.
‘See those cut abs? That's your daddy. Mummy hit that in her forties!’ Because I just don't see how he'll want any part of this.
He's barely an adult and having a kid with an older woman he hardly knows would completely turn his life upside down!”
A breeze brushes past, creating a cascade of goosebumps on my arms so I grab one of the throws Max brought out and wrap it around me. The soft, fluffy material envelops me like a warm hug and I feel minutely better.
“You are going to tell him, though, right?
You need to let him make this decision for himself and not put words in his mouth, hun.
I know you're scared right now but it'll be ok. No matter what happens, you have us.” Max's dark hair reflects the oranges and golds of the fire as she leans forward to squeeze my knee.
“I know, babe. And yes, of course I'm going to tell him and let him decide if he wants to be involved. But he needs to be sure because I won't let him hurt this baby by walking away one day if he changes his mind.”
Max positively beams as she gets up to wrap me in a hug. “You're having a baby! And I'm finally going to be a godmother!”
“Whoa, hey now! Who said anything about you being godmother? Let Shari be the one to make this huge, important, life-altering, winning decision to choose me.”
“Uhhh, actually, guys, it'll be me. I'm the only one to make Shari godmother, so of course she'd want to reciprocate!” Elle argues.
I go back to staring at the stars with a smile on my face as they bicker back and forth, and for the first time in two days, I feel like everything really will be ok.