Chapter 10
BIOLOGY! SOCIETY! HORMONES!
SHARI
I can hear voices downstairs as I finish putting away the laundry. The doorbell rang not long ago, so it must be one of the girls, they’re the only people that turn up unannounced.
Walking downstairs, empty basket in hand, I hear Marcus’ laughter before I see anyone, and he barrels into me just as I reach the last step.
“Marcus! You must be careful with Auntie Shari, please,” Jaime admonishes.
A confused look crosses his face, his arms still around my waist as he rests his chin on my stomach to look up at me. “Why?”
I drop the basket to the floor and stroke his hair back from his forehead with a smile. “Well, you have to keep it a secret for a little while longer, but I’m having a baby! Can you keep that secret for me? Just until we’ve told everyone we want to.”
Marcus’ grey eyes grow impossibly wide as he nods frantically. “I’m so good at secrets, Auntie Shari! You’ll see!”
He lets go of me to run outside, calling Pickles after him, and the two of them disappear to wreak havoc on my poor garden.
Jaime shakes her head, “The whole neighbourhood will know you’re pregnant by the time we leave. He is terrible at secrets.”
We share a laugh as Brad makes his way over to me to rub my belly. “In all seriousness, did he hurt you? Do you need to sit down or anything?”
I pat his hand where it’s resting on my bump and smile, “I’m good. He’s still kinda small and I’m not made of glass. Women’s bodies are pretty resilient at protecting the babies within.”
“Well, then I’ll go make us drinks and snacks, you sit and protect that baby,” he urges with a peck to my lips. I sigh as he walks away, appreciating the view.
“You’ve got it bad, Shari,” Jaime teases.
“I do have a big case of the hots for that guy. I mean, just look at him! Such a specimen.”
She makes a derisive noise, which confuses me. “I don’t just mean lust, bro. Of course you fancy him, you’re not blind, but you like him! You might even be falling for him.”
“What?” I laugh. “Jaime, don’t be mad. I like him as a person, sure.
I fancy the fuck out of him, obviously. But real feelings?
No, babe. He’s a great guy, but he’s so young.
He won’t want to keep doing this for much longer, so we’re having fun,” I utter quietly.
The last thing I want is for Brad to think we’re gossiping behind his back.
“You’re deluded, is what you are,” she shakes her head.
“Can we not have this conversation right now?”
Brad comes back with a tray of drinks and sandwiches, and Marcus comes tearing back inside to grab some for himself. “Can I eat this outside, Mum?”
“Sure, but don’t give too much to Pickles!” Jaime shouts after him as he runs off with my dog hot on his heels.
“So, I don’t think I ever asked how you guys all ended up in Bristol?” Brad muses before taking a bite of his lunch. “I know you moved here after your divorce, Blaze, but how did the rest of your group decide to set up camp here, of all places?”
“Well, my parents are originally from Bath and moved back there after my dad’s contract was up in South-East Asia. Their move happened to coincide with my last year of uni, so I decided to move closer to them when I was job hunting. Glasgow was just way too far for me,” Jaime explains.
“Way too far,” I agree. “Max was living in London, even after she graduated, and she was really starting to hate it. Particularly the B.O. on the tube,” I laugh. “Remember how she went through that phase of texting a description of that particular day’s smell?”
“Oh fuck me, every day for like a month! Smells like fish today. Someone hasn’t washed their socks today. Why does this guy’s pits smell like raw onion?” Jaime’s voice gets louder with every word until we’re both cackling.
“Every time she’d come visit me, she would go on about how it’s so pretty here and right by the water, and how much cheaper everything seemed to be. So I was like, why don’t you just move, duh?” Jaime adds.
“It took her a couple of years to figure out logistics and find a location to open her baby sensory place, since she no longer wanted to work a corporate job, but she’s never looked back. And she met Dennis here, so,” I shrug, not needing to finish the thought.
Brad hums in response. “And Elle?”
“Elle actually went to UWE Bristol—”
“To do an Art History degree, of all things,” Jaime interjects with a snort.
“—and yeah, she actually hated the course so dropped out after two years. Found a lovely, independent, cookery course and decided to follow her true passion of baking instead.”
“I was already living here by the time she completed it, so we actually moved in together for a couple of years,” Jaime finishes.
“It’s kind of wild that you guys ended up in the same place, on the other side of the world, nonetheless. It’s great you still have each other after all this time,” Brad reaches over to grab my hand and kisses it absently, making my stomach flutter.
“Sorry, love, I’m going to have to hit the road to get to work in time for my shift.” He stands, pulling me up with him. “Jaime, it was good to see you and to meet Marcus. Tell him I said bye?”
Jaime gives him a hug goodbye and steps into the garden to check on the boys – both human and canine.
Brad’s bag is already packed and waiting by the door, so I walk him out to his car. “I swear, it gets harder to leave you every week,” he says, pulling me to him by my waist.
“You know,” I clear my throat, ready to self-sabotage, “if it’s that you’re missing having sex on the days we aren’t together, you can, you can,” why is it so hard to say? I try again, “You’re not beholden to me, so you’re well within your rights to sleep with oth—”
“No. Do not finish that sentence, Blaze. It’s not happening, and that’s not why it’s hard to leave you.”
I part my lips to protest, but he uses the opportunity to silence me with a searing kiss. My knees are wobbly when he finally lets me go, and he kneels to kiss my belly. Not helping with the weak knees, Brad. “I’ll see you Thursday,” he says with another quick peck on my mouth.
“Text me when you get there,” I say, holding my fingers to my lips, trying to keep the feeling of his kiss buzzing on the sensitive skin there.
“I will,” he winks, and drives off with a smirk on his beautiful face.
Jaime’s voice makes me jump, “Look, I know we all teased you at first about how much younger Brad is. And I also know that I was the most vocal about it, you know that’s just who I am. But why are you so against being with him?” She drags me inside, squeezing my hand.
“I’m not against it. I’m just…wary. Because you were right, he is so much younger.”
“This isn’t news, Shari. You knew that when you first hooked up at the festival.”
“I know, but he wasn’t tied to me then. Now we’re having a baby together and he’s so young!”
We walk through the house and into the garden to soak up the sunshine, and to keep an eye on Marcus and Pickles, who have been suspiciously quiet.
“Shari, I need you to really parse this out. What does that matter, truly? Regardless of his age, you’re still having this baby.
He says he wants you, and hell, he seems to be proving it from how often he comes to Bristol to spend the night with you.
So, what has his age got to do with it?” Jaime leans her elbows on the table.
It feels like she’s trying to dig into my brain with how sharp her stare is.
“It has everything to do with it! He’s twenty-two, do you even remember what we were like at that age?
We were wild! Having the time of our lives, clubbing and partying and getting stupidly drunk.
I know I was already with Kristian, so I wasn’t exactly promiscuous in any way, but you guys were all having a blast, dating and having flings and one-night stands. He’s going to want that!”
“Says who?”
“Says…” my arms flail around as I search for the answer, “says, biology! Society! Hormones!”
Jaime doesn’t say anything for a while, just stares at me with those lethal eye-daggers, so I tip my head back on the backrest and listen to the sound of my erratic heartbeat whooshing in my ears. That’s probably not a good sign.
“That is the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard.
Yes, he has hormones, probably raging ones, but you know what?
He seems pretty fuckin’ dedicated to using them on you, and you alone.
Just because we were wild and idiotic doesn't mean he wants to be. Not everyone is built the same, Shari. And you talk about our flings and one-night stands like they were a great time, but they weren’t.
They were empty and meaningless. Do you feel like you missed out having been with Kristian? ”
“Well, no, but it’s different for—”
“I swear on all things holy and otherwise, if you say it’s different for women, I will throw out your favourite chocolate.”
I gasp, “You wouldn’t dare!”
“Oh, I would. That redundant phrase was probably coined by a man who wanted an excuse to fuck his way around town. Having testosterone and a high sex drive does not mean you want to have it with multiple people. That is a personal preference.”
“I guess…” she does kind of make sense, but my experience tells me otherwise.
“But why is it that virtually every guy we know fucked around in their early twenties? Hell, by all accounts, Kristian was a player at that age. It was luck on my part that he was almost thirty and ready to start settling down when we met.”
I always thought that my ex being eight years older than me was a blessing in terms of us being on the same page.
“And look at Max’s first love, Dane. We all thought they would go the distance and yet it turns out he cheated on her repeatedly!
” My thoughts are on a roll now, so there’s no stopping them.
“Then look at my Uncle Tom, he married an older woman and traded her in for a younger model the minute she turned forty!”
“Shari, he was only five years younger, he was hardly overcome by his youthful tendencies. He was just a selfish prick hitting his midlife crisis early.”
“My mum thinks I need to snag Brad whilst he’s still interested because I’m getting old and fat.”
“Ok, now you’re just compounding excuses.”
“But they’re not excuses if they’re true.
I’m getting old and fat, Brad is young and virile.
He should be able to have a crazy youth like we did without being held to rights by me.
We’ve seen guys his age stray time and again, and that’s when their girlfriends are also young and super hot.
I’m just…” I shrug, unsure what else to say.
“Babe, I understand where you’re coming from. I really do. But I just think you’re being really unfair to Brad when he seems genuinely committed to you.”
“Don’t you think he deserves the chance to figure out his youth, though? To have the space to sleep around and have fun and do all the wild and stupid things we did without feeling obligated to rein himself in?” I ask, more uncertain than I was when we started this conversation.
“And don’t you think he deserves to make that decision about his life himself, rather than have you make it for him?”
My chin drops to my chest as I feel my lower lip start to wobble.
But what if I give him my heart, and he proves that all my concerns are valid?