La’Nova #2
His line-up was fresh, and he reeked of cologne.
Novae made a sleepy little sound against him while he lowered his head slightly, keeping his eyes still trained on me.
He rested his cheek near hers and rubbed up and down.
Finally snatching his dark gaze off of me he looked down at her restful face and sighed.
I’d never seen Luca look at anything or anyone the way he looked at our daughter. I was stuck in a trance watching the two of them. So locked in, I blinked hard when he stood up slowly with her still against his chest with one arm now underneath her butt.
He shouldn’t look this damn fine… I wonder who the hell he been fucking…
I frowned at that thought because it was really none of my business, but at the same time, I felt like it was.
He adjusted Novae carefully against his shoulder then I watched his tall frame disappear through the archway connecting the nursery to my room and I finally exhaled the breath I didn’t realize I’d been holding.
“Get it the fuck together,” I muttered to myself quickly.
My nerves and thoughts were suddenly ridiculous. I saw this man everyday but for some reason today my naked body in front of his half naked body caused me to feel different things.
I moved fast toward my dresser before my mind could catch up to my body.
I opened drawers harder than necessary until I found a purple nightgown folded near the back.
It had thin straps and the material wasn’t thick.
It was perfect enough for me to try to carry out a decent conversation without the both of us getting sidetracked.
I wasn’t trying to impress him. At least that’s what I told myself while pulling the gown over my head.
Luca’s eyes held nothing but darkness when he gazed at my naked body.
A small part of me yearned for some sort of reaction or a tiny sign of emotion behind his eyes.
My fingers trembled while adjusting the straps on my shoulders.
I didn’t understand why I was so nervous when I should have been just as pissed as he was. I forced all my second-guessing away, sprayed my perfume in the places that mattered most then prepared my mental to finally say everything I’d been holding in.
Instead of everything I convinced myself of doing, my heart was still beating hard, anticipating his presence again.
The nursery door opened before I could sit with another thought too long. I looked up a little too urgently as Luca walked back into the room. His eyes immediately found mine.
“You changed your scent.” His nostrils flared, inhaling the new YSL scent I ordered.
That didn’t come as a surprise of him noticing it. Luca noticed everything, down to the small details. I lifted my brows slightly with a small frown painting my face. Dramatically, my hand landed on my chest as I gasped, softly feigning surprise.
“You’re talking to me.” I looked around the room clueless.
“Answer me, why?” He pressed, ignoring my sarcasm.
His voice always came out rough from disuse, even when he talked to Novae. It was deep enough to slide across my skin before settling low in my stomach. My nipples stiffened under my gown as I looked away from him momentarily to really catch my breath.
“The baccarat reminds me of when I smoked cigarettes. I realized the fragrance went along well with the smell of Newport’s. The scent changed and I wanted something new.” I smirked at my own explanation.
“And the new perfume?” He took one step forward and my heart rate sped up.
“YSL Berry Crush.”
“Hmm.” He licked his lips slowly. His eyes closed for a couple of seconds as his nostrils flared while he inhaled my new scent before flicking his eyes open with a look of satisfaction.
“I like it,” he complimented smoothly.
My heart fluttered as I watched him turn to walk out the door.
“Luca, I’m sorry!” I blurted out, sounding desperate as fuck.
Shit! My hands started to shake; his back muscles flexed before his entire body went still. Painfully slow, Luca turned around, face void of emotions. One foot in front of the other he stepped further into the room, giving me his full undivided attention.
“Sorry for what?” He asked dryly.
I swallowed around the lump clogging my throat so hard it hurt. My fingers clasped together then dug into the top of my hands to stop them from shaking. I couldn’t even fully look at him at first because the weight of his dark eyes alone was enough to crack me wide the fuck open.
In front of me wasn’t just any kind of man.
This was Luca Bonetti, a man that I discovered had so much pain stored inside of him to the point of it being unfair to me.
His pain radiated off of him in waves that he probably didn’t realize.
Luca was the definition of strength. Someone making it through hell and back, still having the capability to be unselfish and care for those close to him without expecting shit in return.
Me knowing how bad I hurt him with hiding my pregnancy from him hurt me.
Luca wasn’t a surface thinker. He thought above and beyond the average thoughts.
He had probably already made up his mind with whatever he thought of me.
I could feel the wall he built against me the moment he guided me to another wing of his house.
No matter how emotionless he kept his face, I still saw the hollowness in it. I could see the bags underneath his eyes from sleepless nights. Luca was grieving a bunch of things on top of others.
“I’m so sorry for not considering your feelings when I left.” The words came out sounding fragile as hell.
His jaw tightened, but he didn’t say a thing in return. I nodded slowly to myself, like I was trying to gather the courage to walk barefoot through fire.
“I know all you saw was me running away from you,” I whispered lowly. “But it wasn’t that simple for me.” A lone tear slipped down my cheek before I could stop it.
I wiped it away quickly, embarrassed by my own emotions, but another one followed right behind it.
“So many things played a part in me leaving.” My voice cracked. “The biggest one being… I killed your father and I still don’t regret it.”
The confession shattered me all over again even though the blood had long dried from my hands. The memory haunted me every other night in my dreams.
“I don’t care what anybody says about me doing it… I only started to care a little because of you…after I fell for you accepting me for me… It bothered me because I took someone from you.” I shook my head weakly.
My chest ached so bad, I had to press my hand harder against it.
“And then Lennox…” His uncle’s name barely made it past my lips.
I never hated a person as badly as I hated fuckin’ Lennox.
“Your uncle ended up being murdered too… Everything around you was falling apart, and instead of standing beside you through it…” My breathing staggered.
“I ran… I thought back to how I started the year out… my New Year resolution was freedom… I took it while I had the chance.” Shame flooded every inch of me until I felt like I was drowning in it.
I finally looked up at him then, and seeing the restrained pain in his expression nearly destroyed what little composure I had left.
“The truth is, Luca…” I inhaled sharply trying to calm my nerves. “I realized I fell in love with a man I didn’t feel like I deserved to have.” That last confession broke me completely because every word was true.
A sob climbed up my throat before I could stop it. I covered my mouth, trying to silence it, humiliated by how raw and broken I sounded in front of him.
“You loved me so purely, it was insanely scary….” I gasped as I choked softly on another sob.
“Even when I woke up with you in my camper… we played Russian roulette… I broke right in front of me and you caved… You loved me through the knowledge of knowing what I did that will forever hurt you… I thought about holidays and birthdays…special moments for you that you would have to spend without the man I took out of your life… I didn’t want you to eventually wake up one day and realize that you needed to let me go…
cause by then….” I looked away shamefully.
“Death would feel better than losing a man like you, Luca,” I whispered out.
“I couldn’t carry being the woman attached to your pain forever… I couldn’t breathe right with that guilt sitting on my chest every day.” I looked down at my trembling hands.