La’Nova #2
Luca was asleep… or at least trying to be. He was shirtless beneath dark blue sheets tangled low around his waist. One arm rested across his stomach while the other curled near his head like he’d been fighting something in his sleep.
But his handsome face completely destroyed me.
Tears covered his cheeks and neck. Wet streaks glistened against his flawless brown skin.
The lamp beside his bed highlighted the sea of tears that he was drowning in.
His thick, bushy brows pulled together tightly while rough broken sounds left his throat every few seconds.
It didn’t sound like words exactly, just trapped pain that he was trying to let go. Luca’s chest rose unevenly; his scar along his throat looked even more caved in like just breathing hurt him. He looked so beautifully broken laying there, suffering through his pain.
Novae stirred softly in my arms, and I moved quickly toward the small leather sectional couch near his fireplace. I laid her down carefully then swaddled the blanket underneath her small body. Surprisingly, she settled easily like she understood this moment wasn’t about her.
I turned back to Luca and inhaled his room. It smelled like cedarwood, cologne and something bitter underneath it all. I climbed carefully into the bed beside him. The mattress dipped softly beneath my weight. Heat rolled off his body in waves.
For a good second, I just stared at him.
My eyes landed on the scar stretching across his throat, then the tears that was now sliding toward his ears.
His face looked a little caved in, his well-defined body had lost mass as well.
It was clear that my Luca bear hadn’t been eating nor sleeping right for some time now…
and just that realization hurt me deeper.
He deserved proper rest and a proper meal.
Having wealth came with certain luxuries like a chef, maid, and whoever else you needed at your disposal for comfort.
Luca hadn’t been taking advantage of that.
He was still handsome as ever to me. His line up was sharp, waves cruising all around his perfect head shape.
Yet, I could still see the years of hardship evident on his face and body.
I lifted my hand slowly and rubbed his chest gently in soft circles.
“Luca,” I whispered.
His face tightened. I looked down at his balled-up fists and moved back a little in case he jumped up trying to whoop my ass. Another broken sound left his throat as I continued to rub his chest.
“Luca bear.” I spoke again.
I didn’t even know where that nickname came from. I thought it first and now it sounded better leaving my lips.
His eyes flew open suddenly. Wild and panicked.
His dark eyes darted around the room like he woke up inside of his nightmare instead of in reality.
He sat up fast, breathing hard enough to shake his king-sized bed before he noticed me sitting right next to him.
His eyes wildly landed on Novae then softened.
The second recognition hit his face, he exhaled long and shakily.
My chest ached painfully as I watched him quickly back hand his tears away roughly. His eyes dropped like he couldn’t bring himself to look at me while the rain tapped harder against the windows now.
“I killed Lucille.” His voice sounded scraped raw.
Those words settled between us; they were heavy enough to stop me from breathing. Deep down inside, his confession was unspoken when he told me about her having something to do with Dontrell. Lucille’s betrayal went deep with Luca. He swallowed hard, staring at his own shaky hands now.
“I poisoned her,” he whispered. His deep dark eyes glossed over.
No tears dropped; it was like he was willing himself to remain in silent grief. That was the worst kind of grief to go through. People who drowned in silent grief, died slowly without even realizing it.
“She knew,” he whispered hoarsely. “She knew I did it. I held her and watched her die in my arms.”
My throat tightened painfully as Luca let out a dry and bitter chuckle.
“She still sat down and ate with me, already knowing that I had been poisoning her for days,” he continued.
I moved closer without thinking twice about it. My hand reached for his jaw. I guided it my way until his eyes penetrated mine. There were no traces of guilt on his face. Despite his confession, like the twins… Luca still loved Lucille.
“Want to know the worst part?” He whispered.
I nodded my head once, stomach already twisting in knots, not ready to hear the actual worst part but needing to hear it for his sake.
“She said she loved me but not enough.” He swallowed down, visibly in pain.
“I love Novae… the twins… my other two nieces and nephew with everything in me. It will always be enough for them to feel and know…” His words trailed off before continuing.
“How could any mother… or father… not love their kid enough?” He shook his head in disbelief.
“She’s got the nerve to try to haunt my dreams at night,” he whispered roughly, flicking the tip of his nose.
I watched him carefully. His jaw clenched every couple of seconds like he was holding back. He kept staring down at his hands like they disgusted him. His grief was slowly poisoning him like he did Lucille.
“Luca,” I said his name hesitantly, hoping he didn’t reject me. His eyes stayed locked in on his huge hands. “You don’t have to hold it together in front of me,” I whispered calmly.
His jaw clenched again, without looking at me he whispered.
“Yes, I do.”
“No,” I said softer, moving close until the side of my body rubbed against his heated hard body. “You don’t have to Luca bear.”
He shook his head like the words physically hurt him.
“I killed Lucille,” he said it like he was in a trance.
It was as if his actions had finally dawned on him in finality.
“You still love her.”
I saw it in the way his face twisted after my words landed exactly where they needed to. Accountability, along with acceptance, was a bitch. Tears threatened to spill over; soon as one tear fell more followed. He looked away from me again; his shoulders deflated in defeat.
“I hate that I still love her. She doesn’t deserve my love since I wasn’t worthy of hers,” he gritted each word out.
My own eyes burned at hearing that.
“Love doesn’t disappear just because she damaged you starting at a young age… Love sometimes feel cruel as hell.” I inhaled slowly then exhaled fast because that was the raw truth.
“It’s okay to cry,” I whispered.
He laughed bitterly under his breath.
“I’ll be okay,” he whispered.
“Not tonight… you’re not.” I shook my head.
I turned slightly and reached for him again, ignoring the way he stiffened against my touch. Both of my hands slid gently along the sides of his face. My thumbs brushed at the tears that glided down his cheeks while my own vision blurred from crying now too.
“Trust me with it,” I begged.
His red rimmed eyes lifted to mine.
“Nova—”
“Please,” I whispered through the pain that crawled up my throat. “Just trust me with your pain so you can breathe a little easier.”
We stared at each other, lost in different painful emotions too deep to say aloud, and too fragile to mishandle in order for us to stay glued together in one piece without shattering.
Minutes later, he gave in.
Luca leaned forward slowly until his forehead pressed against my chest first. The weight of his head rested fully against my breasts while I instinctively wrapped my arms around him. The sound that left him shattered me into tiny pieces.
A low croak crawled from his throat before his shoulders shook hard beneath my hands. I closed my eyes and pulled him tighter against me.
“Let it all go,” I murmured, voice cracking.
I felt years of grief beyond Lucille, pouring out of him all at once.
I rubbed both hands across his broad shoulders the same way he did when he massaged tension from me.
The tip of my nose landed in the middle of his waves.
I inhaled him as my hands pressed firmly against the knots of tension in his shoulders.
“Breathe baby,” I whispered as I continued to knead at his shoulders. “I’m not leaving you,” I reassured him. “Me and the kids will help heal you through time.” I promised.
I don’t know how long we stayed like that, but I saw it through until his tears dried and his body felt heavier against mine.
His breathing became uneven, but he felt calmer and exhausted.
It felt like an hour had passed by when he collapsed to the side of me and snored with his mouth open.
Luca didn’t know it, but the hard feel of his body mixed with his vulnerability beneath my hands did something to me in a positive way.
I sluggishly retrieved Novae from his sectional couch and gently laid her between us. Before I drifted back off into my own slumber, I made a vow to sleep right here in his room moving forward.