5. Chapter 5
Chapter 5
Morrie
I pushed the door open and stepped into the entryway of my apartment, unzipping my coat and dropping it onto the floor. I probably should have picked it up and hung it on the hook because I could feel Scott watching my every move, but I was so tired I couldn’t find the energy to do even that. Kicking my boots off, I left them behind too and made my way slowly into the tiny kitchenette, yawning as I stretched my arms up to the ceiling.
Today had been brutal. I’d ended up doing the overnight shift at the diner only to learn that my replacement wasn’t coming in on time. I’d agreed to stay until he was due to arrive, but as the hours ticked by, I’d learned that he didn’t intend on coming in at all. Finally, relief had come when the next shift had started and I had been freed to finally go home. As cautious as I was that Scott had followed me upstairs and was now standing in my shitty apartment, I was secretly thankful he’d come when he did. I had almost fallen asleep on the bus ride home and hadn’t been sure I’d even make it up to my apartment under my own steam.
“Do you need a bath?” Scott asked.
“I told you,” I responded, a yawn creeping out of my mouth as I wrinkled my nose. “I don’t do bath time and besides I don’t have a tub. Just a stand up shower.”
“I wasn’t thinking bath time, I promise. I was just thinking you might want to warm up. How about you go grab a cloth and give yourself a nice warm wipe down to get the cold out of your bones, then get into your warmest jammies and crawl into bed?”
“Just wanna sleep.” Though a nice warm wipe down with a cloth would feel amazing, my body was too tired for that. I could feel myself wavering on my feet and all I wanted to do was curl up in my ocean pajamas and snuggle Mr. Starkey until I fell asleep. I was too tired to even care that Scott was in my apartment, though I’d probably have a whole meltdown about it later once I was rested.
“Okay, you go get into your jammies then and let me handle the rest.”
The rest? I scrunched up my nose as I looked at Scott, trying to figure out what the heck else there was to do.
“Just trust me for a tiny bit, okay?”
I eyed him carefully, trying to see if he was playing games or pulling tricks on me, but eventually I nodded when I saw the earnest expression in his green eyes. Scott rewarded me with a smile that felt like the words “good boy” and I blushed a little bit. He gestured towards the short, narrow hallway that led to my bedroom and I stumbled off towards the room, peeling clothing from my body as I went until I was down to just my jeans and underwear. I dove beneath the bed and slapped my hand around, looking for my ocean pajamas as I pulled out clothing and books from the darkened space, throwing them behind me.
Scott chuckled softly from somewhere behind me, clearly watching as I searched. “You’re making quite a mess.”
I frowned at him quickly, then ducked lower, peeking into the darkness to find my hidden pajamas before heaving a frustrated sigh and sitting back. “I can’t find them.”
“What are you looking for?”
“My pajamas,” I whined softly. I could sleep with a pair of plaid pajama pants and a plain t-shirt, I supposed, though I really wanted the comfort of my ocean pajamas. I slapped my hand around beneath the bed again, touching books and socks but no pajamas, frustration growing as I came up empty handed again.
“Can I take a look?”
With a resigned huff, I stood and nodded as Scott crouched to feel around beneath my bed. He hesitated a moment towards the foot of the bed, then grinned up at me. Pulling out the pajama pants printed with tiny sharks and seahorses, he handed them to me, then dove back under, emerging with the long sleeved shirt with the same print and Mr. Starkey. I reached out and grabbed my shark from him, pressing the soft fabric to my face as relief pooled inside me.
“Thank you.”
“You’re very welcome,” Scott murmured, placing the shirt on top of the pants where they slung over my arm. “He looks well loved.”
“He’s my only one,” I responded without thinking as I brushed his softness against my cheeks. I had always loved the feeling of the plush fabric the shark stuffy was made from against my skin. It wasn’t a sexual thing, but it was comfort and joy wrapped into one little toy.
“Are you okay to get into your jammies?” Scott asked, breaking into my concentration.
“Yeah,” I responded, though I wished in that moment I could say no. That I needed help and wanted him to do it for me. I couldn’t bring myself to ask for that though, my skin was already prickling uncomfortably at the very thought of letting him help because that meant touching me and I wasn’t ready for any of that.
“Okay, you do that and I’ll be right back.”
Scott headed out of the bedroom, leaving me behind in peace to get changed the rest of the way. I quickly slid out of my jeans and underwear, kicking them into the corner of the room, before getting into the warm pajamas. When I was done, I crawled onto the bed and curled up into a ball, tucking my shark stuffy in bedside me beneath the covers as I lay down and closed my eyes. I didn’t intend to fall asleep, not while Scott was still in my apartment and had told me he was coming back, but I couldn’t help it and soon I drifted away into a dreamless sleep.
I woke up to silence with Mr. Starkey smashed against my face. At some point while I’d been asleep, I’d starfished sideways on the bed and my right leg was hanging off the side, my toes chilly in the cold air of the bedroom. Alarm rushed through me as I realized I had fallen asleep with an actual stranger in my apartment. My heart raced like a rabbit’s as I stared at the open door that led to the rest of my apartment, wondering if Scott was still here and cursing myself for being stupid enough to let him come inside. I pulled myself upwards fast, grabbing Mr. Starkey as I carefully shuffled out to the kitchenette-living room combo, heart pounding in my chest as I wondered if I was alone and hoped that I was.
“Scott?” I asked into the silence, the word shaky as it left my lips. I carefully searched around the small space like he would somehow be hidden in a corner or something before relaxing a little bit. My hands still trembled around the shark stuffy I clutched and my stomach felt queasy but I was probably a bit hungry. Scott wasn't here though and that was a relief and now that I had confirmed that I was alone, I probably needed to eat something. The last real food I’d had had been a grilled cheese sandwich one of the cooks at the restaurant had made me and I couldn’t remember how long ago I’d eaten that.
I made my way to the fridge to grab a drink of juice and came face to face with a note scrawled on a piece of paper with the logo for a company called “Malcolm Property Group” on the top. I lifted my shark stuffy to my lips and nibbled on his fin while I read the note Scott had left me.
Morrie,
There’s a snack ready for you in the fridge. Please eat it all up like the good boy I know you are. When you’re all done, I have left some special things in the bathroom for you. I hope you like them. Text me when you’re ready and let me know when I can come pick you up to go see the penguins.
He’d signed the note with a simple scrawl of his signature but the whole thing made my heart ache a little bit. He’d made me a snack and gotten things for my bathroom? I was infinitely curious as to what he’d gotten and where he’d gotten them from, but his instructions were clear and my stomach was growling. I left the note where it was on the fridge and opened it to find a bright red sectioned out plate in the shape of a snowman with cut up carrot sticks, one Santa shaped sugar cookie and a handful of cheddar goldfish crackers in the sections. Sitting beside it was a brilliant blue cup with a screw-on top that had a small spout. Eyes wide, I dropped my shark stuffy to the ground and reached forward to pick up the plate and sippy cup that I knew I hadn’t owned before. The cup was printed with little reindeer and I couldn’t help the smile that crept across my face as I carried them to the small living room table I had and placed them down, heart beating as fast as hummingbird wings in my chest.
Never.
Never ever had I considered buying things like this for myself, but looking at them filled me with so much joy that I could hardly sit still so I didn’t make myself. I stood up, leaving my snack behind and heading for my bedroom to pluck my cellphone out of the pocket of my pants where they lay on the floor. Swinging by the kitchen on my way back to my snack, I grabbed Mr. Starkey off the floor then plopped back down on my beaten up old couch. I snapped a picture of my snack and sent it to Perry along with a bunch of wide eyed emojis and exclamation marks. I wasn't surprised when instead of a text back, my phone started ringing and I answered the call quickly.
“Who made you a snack, you lucky boy?” Perry asked, the grin that was likely on his face evident in his tone.
“Scott.”
“Excuse me. Daddy Scott has been to your apartment and I, your very best friend, am not allowed?”
“He caught me off guard.” I explained a bit about the strange morning, how he’d surprised me completely and insisted that he make sure I was safe as Perry sighed wistfully.
“He wants to be your Daddy.”
“I don’t know why. I’m not you.”
“Daddy Scott doesn’t need you to be me. I think he just needs you to be you.”
“What if he wants to touch me?”
Perry laughed. “I hope he does. You need to be touched.” There was a suggestion in his tone that made me roll my eyes. Sex never bothered me and I wasn’t a stranger to using an app to find someone to help scratch an itch if I needed it. Intimacy? That was the terrifying part. The closeness that came from things like hugging and cuddling before I was truly ready for it always made me feel twitchy and uncomfortable.
“Perry, I’m serious.”
“So am I. Look, I know it was hard for you. Growing up and all that. I just… don’t shut doors you don’t need to like you always do, okay? Until you know for sure that it won’t work.”
Easier said than done. My brain was already hard at work crafting worse case scenarios, wondering if this kindness and care was nothing but a ruse that hid a liar beneath the surface. Growing up, the cleanest foster homes with the nicest foster parents were always the ones that ended up being the worst. They were the ones that threw out things I’d brought with me to their house, telling me they’d done it because my toys were broken or my clothing was stained. They were also the ones that wouldn’t hesitate to cuff me upside the head for making mistakes and I still felt uncomfortable in spaces that felt clean and tidy, like I was just waiting for the inevitable smack to land on my face or my ass. Perry admitted to loving spankings and I couldn’t understand how, or why he’d let someone do that to him.
Was Scott a spanker?
I swallowed hard, staring at the plate of food in front of me. He was caring, that much I could tell, but what kind of punishment did he mete out? My stomach curled and I clutched Mr. Starkey against my chest as I stared at the Christmas plate and got lost in wondering.
“Eat your snack,” Perry said gently, reminding me I was still on the phone. “Stop thinking so much. Let yourself enjoy it. Your Daddy made it for you.”
“Not my Daddy.”
“Not yet, but just you wait, Morrison. He’s gonna snatch you right up and make you his boy. I can see it already.”
“I don’t want to be snatched.”
“Yes, you do,” Perry insisted with a laugh. “Morrie, you forget that I know you best.”
I grumbled a bit, but he wasn’t wrong. Only Perry knew the depth of my desires and the things I desperately wanted but would never ask for. I said my goodbyes to Perry and got off the phone, heart squeezing as I looked at the snack in front of me. I felt seen, more seen than I had ever been before, but somehow instead of being scary, it was exciting.
Okay, and a bit terrifying at the same time, yet the butterflies that erupted in my gut as I picked up my phone to thank Scott for my snack and the things he’d gotten for me weren’t all bad.