Chapter 53
SYLVIE
That wasn’t what I’d expected. Not even close.
I felt like the ground had shifted beneath my feet.
Again.
Just when I’d finally started to find my equilibrium after his departure, just when I’d begun to accept that he was gone and I needed to move on, he’d come back and thrown all of this at me.
My head was spinning and my damn heart was doing all kinds of crazy acrobatics.
“This isn’t fair,” I said. I had to take another deep breath to try and calm my racing pulse. “This isn’t fair of you.”
Kent’s expression shifted, confusion replacing some of the vulnerability I’d seen there moments before. “What do you mean?”
“I was just starting to accept that you were gone,” I said, wrapping my arms tighter around myself. “I was starting to get my Christmas spirit back. I was able to start focusing on what really matters. And now you’re here. It’s cruel.”
“Cruel?”
“You’re playing games with me. With us. I get it, you’re rich and bored. You have too much money and you’ve already bought all of your toys, so now you want to screw with us.”
“Absolutely not,” he said. “Never. That is not what this is. You’re not a toy. This isn’t a game. I’m here making an offer because I believe in you and this place. Your family. I know it’s a worthy investment and I know you believe in it. That’s what I’m very literally banking on.”
I stopped, frustrated by my inability to articulate the chaos in my head. There were a million thoughts bouncing around but I couldn’t bring myself to tell him what I was feeling. Telling him opened me up to more hurt.
I couldn’t deal with that. Not when I already had so much on my plate. I couldn’t let him be a distraction. It wasn’t fair to my family or our guests.
“Christmas Eve is in three days,” I said.
“We have Santa giving out toys to the kids staying at the lodge tonight, and Mrs. Claus is coming to read books to the little ones before dinner. Tomorrow night is just for my family, our private Christmas dinner at my parents’ house.
Then the Christmas Eve party, then Christmas day at the lodge, which is always the best day of the year.
I have too much to do to worry about this. ”
I was rambling now, but I couldn’t seem to stop. “I can’t be thinking about my love life right now. I can’t be weighing business proposals and second chances and whether or not I should trust you again. There’s too much happening, too much that depends on me being focused and present.”
But even as I said the words, I knew they weren’t entirely true. Because the way Kent was looking at me—guard down, raw and honest, like he’d stripped away every layer of polish and revealed the man underneath—made me want to fall into him and give him that chance he was asking for.
Maybe Christmas was the perfect time to do just that? Maybe this season of miracles and second chances and believing in the impossible was exactly when someone should take a leap of faith?
The thought terrified me. I wasn’t that brave. I wished I was, but I wasn’t.
“I’m conflicted,” I admitted, my voice barely above a whisper. “I need time to think. About everything.”
Kent nodded, though I could see disappointment flicker across his features. “Of course. Take all the time you need.”
We walked back toward the lodge in silence, the weight of unspoken possibilities hanging between us. When we reached the front porch where Brom was still standing guard, Kent cleared his throat.
“I should find somewhere to stay for the night,” he said. “Maybe that hotel you mentioned—”
“Good luck,” I said and walked away.
I wanted to get away from him as quickly as possible. I didn’t even look back at Kent. My gaze was focused on Brom.
“Inside,” I said. His eyes were locked behind me. I grabbed his arm and pulled. “Inside. Now.”
“I want to smack that guy,” he growled.
“I know, but that won’t solve anything.”
I got him inside the lodge and closed the door.
“What did he want?” Brom asked.
“It’s complicated,” I said.
“Everything’s complicated with that guy,” Brom muttered. “Just be careful, Sylvie. I don’t want to see you get hurt again.”
I squeezed his arm gratefully. “I know. I will be.”
“I could run him out of town,” Brom said.
“Can we please just finish hanging the lights?”
“Fine.”
Emmy was directing the placement of furniture in the main room, creating a cozy semicircle around the fireplace where Santa would hold court with the children later that night.
The armchair we’d designated as his throne looked perfect positioned next to the Christmas tree, with a smaller chair beside it for Mrs. Claus.
When she saw me, she gave me a sympathetic look.
“I’ll be back in a second,” I said to Brom.
“How did it go?” Emmy asked as I joined her in arranging the wrapped gifts that locals had donated throughout the year. Each present was carefully labeled with age ranges and interests, ensuring that every child staying at the lodge would receive something special.
“You saw him?”
“Duh. Not to mention Aspen and Alder ran in here and told everyone your boyfriend was back.”
“I honestly don’t know what’s happening,” I said, turning to the task at hand rather than meeting her curious gaze. “He made another offer. Different from the first one.”
“Different how?”
“Personal investment instead of corporate acquisition. Partnership instead of takeover.” I smoothed the ribbon on a gift wrapped in silver paper. “And he wants to try again with us.”
Emmy’s hands stilled on the present she was holding. “Oh.”
“Yeah. Oh.”
“And how do you feel about that?”
I set down the gift I’d been fussing with and looked around the room. Everything was coming together beautifully. The fire crackled merrily in the hearth. The pile of presents looked great. In a few hours, this room would be filled with the laughter of children and the joy of families.
This was what I was good at. This was what made sense to me. Creating magical moments for other people, preserving traditions, making sure everything ran smoothly.
Matters of the heart were considerably more complicated.
“I feel like I’m standing at the edge of a cliff,” I said finally. “And I can’t tell if jumping would be the bravest thing I’ve ever done or the stupidest.”
Emmy studied my face like she was trying to read my mind. “What does your gut tell you?”
“My gut is apparently unreliable when it comes to Kent Bancroft,” I said with a laugh. “It told me to trust him the first time and look how that turned out.”
“But do you think he’s changed?”
That was the million-dollar question, wasn’t it?
I thought about the way he’d looked at me in the hedge maze, the vulnerability in his voice when he’d talked about becoming the man I’d helped him realize he wanted to be.
I thought about his willingness to challenge his father’s business practices and risk his own standing in the family for the sake of doing the right thing.
And his own money. Even if he would still be rich, a few million dollars was nothing to sneeze at.
“I think he’s trying to,” I said. “Whether that’s enough, I honestly don’t know.”
Emmy nodded thoughtfully. “Well, you don’t have to decide tonight. Focus on the kids and Santa and making Christmas magic. Everything else can wait.”
She was right, of course. But as we continued setting up for the evening’s festivities, I found myself completely distracted.
I arranged and rearranged the same pile of presents three times.
I bumped into a side table hard enough to knock over a lamp.
When Emmy asked me to help move the coffee table, I spent a full minute staring at her like she was speaking a foreign language before her words registered.
I kept replaying his words in my head. And then imagining what it would look like to have that investment for real this time.
“Okay, that’s it,” Emmy said, taking the garland I’d been tangling instead of draping and setting it aside. “You’re useless right now. Go take a break. Get some air. Clear your head.”
“I’m fine,” I protested, but my heart wasn’t in it.
“You’re a mess,” Emmy said with fond exasperation. “A beautiful, Christmas-loving mess, but a mess, nonetheless. Go. I can handle the rest of this.”
Recognizing defeat when I saw it, I grabbed my coat and headed outside. The cold air instantly cleared some of the fog from my brain. I stood on the front porch for a moment, breathing deeply and trying to center myself.
Focus on tonight, I told myself. Focus on the joy of children meeting Santa. Focus on all the traditions that made this place special.
Everything else could wait until after Christmas.
By the time I made it back to my apartment to get ready for the evening, I was feeling more like myself again.
I took a long shower, letting the hot water wash away some of the tension I’d been carrying, and changed into a deep green sweater that Emmy insisted brought out my eyes.
I even took the time to put on a little makeup and do something intentional with my hair.
Looking in the mirror, I felt ready to be the hostess Northwood Lodge needed me to be. Ready to create magic for other people while setting aside my own feelings.
I walked outside and spotted Kent. He was walking toward Santa’s Cabin.
I stopped dead in my tracks, watching as he wrestled his duffel bag through the door.
“What the hell?” I murmured.
He was here.
Why in the hell was he here?
Because there was nowhere else to stay in Northwood. He wasn’t welcome at the lodge, and I wasn’t inviting him to crash on my couch again.
I didn’t even consider where he was going to go.
As if sensing my gaze, Kent looked up and caught sight of me standing there. Even from this distance, I could see him smile. My traitorous heart skipped a beat. I felt heat flood my cheeks despite the cold air.
This was going to be a long few days.
Was he planning to stay until he got an answer? Or was he going to run back tomorrow morning?
I forced myself to wave, a casual, friendly gesture that hopefully didn’t betray the chaos in my chest. I pulled myself together and headed toward the lodge. I had a job to do.
But as I walked away, I could feel Kent’s gaze following me. My hospitality side was telling me to invite him inside for dinner and the Santa event.
But I didn’t think that would go over well with my family. And I wasn’t sure I was strong enough to be around him without wanting him.
He was just going to have to sit and wait for my answer. I deserved the time to consider things. I pushed through the lodge doors and heard the excited chatter of families preparing for Santa’s arrival. I had a feeling that waiting wasn’t going to make this choice any easier.