Chapter 16 #2
But Mabel’s gentle inquiry and Vanessa’s sympathetic expression made it hard to not be honest with them, just then.
“I suppose… yes,” she admitted quietly. “There was a time when I thought my husband and I would be together forever, of course. And I do miss that certainty. That feeling of having a partner in life, someone who you can share all the little everyday moments with, who has your back and who is there in good times and bad. No matter how much I love Katie, there are just parts of my life that I can’t share with her, of course.
But,” she added quickly, “I’m completely satisfied with just having my daughter.
Katie is my whole world. And I would never want her to think that our family isn’t enough just because it’s the two of us.
” She looked between Vanessa and Mabel insistently. “I don’t mean that at all.”
“Just because you might miss having a significant other doesn’t mean you’re any less content with your daughter and your family,” Vanessa reassured her gently.
“It’s not an either-or situation. You can be fulfilled by your relationship with Katie and still desire adult companionship.
Anyone would. Even back in San Francisco, when I never dated because I was always so busy and never made time for it, there were times when I missed the idea of having another adult to share parts of my life with. ”
Imogen smiled gratefully at Vanessa. “Deep down I know that, I really do. Logically. But I don’t want Katie to feel like she’s missing out on something either, by not having a father figure.
I know that no matter how hard I try, I can’t give her all of both.
I know she sees her friends’ dads, and probably misses having that.
She’s never known what it’s like, so all she has is this idealized version.
And she doesn’t know yet that relationships can be so much more damaging than they are worth, sometimes. ”
“Children are perceptive,” Mabel said gently.
“I’m sure she’s picked up on moments when you’ve really felt the absence of a partner—when you’re tired, or wish you had someone there to share something with.
It doesn’t mean you’ve failed her. If anyone failed, it’s your husband, when he left,” she added sternly.
“This isn’t on you. And you’re right, there’s nothing to be gained from making a relationship happen.
That would only make things worse, and I’m glad you’re smart enough to see that.
” She patted Imogen’s hand again. “This just means Katie loves you, and wants you to be happy.”
The conversation paused momentarily as the server came by with their drink orders, and took their orders for lunch—the turkey sandwich for Mabel, the spiced pear salad for Vanessa, and an order of pumpkin soup and grilled cheese with bacon for Imogen.
When the server walked away, Vanessa leaned forward slightly.
“Is there anyone you might have your eye on though?” she asked mischievously. “Someone that you think you might want to go out with, if they were to ask?”
Imogen shook her head firmly. “No, absolutely not.” The denial came just a little too quickly, and she found herself thinking of Lincoln Blackwell’s kind, teasing smile when he’d bought them pizza at the rink and sat there having lunch with her and Katie.
But that was ridiculous, she told herself.
Everything between them had been over long ago, and they were just friends now, supporting each other’s businesses.
Mabel raised an eyebrow. “You know, back in high school, you and Lincoln Blackwell seemed like a mighty good fit. We all thought that if any of the kids who coupled back up then were going to last, it’d be you two.
And he’s grown up into a very handsome—and single—man,” Mabel added mischievously.
“The way he used to look at you… well, some things don’t change as much as we think they do. ”
Imogen felt her cheeks heat, and she smiled quickly, shaking her head.
“Lincoln and I were good together back then,” she admitted.
“But like you said, we were kids. We were totally different people. And it was a long time ago. I have a daughter now, and a business… he has his ice rink. We’ve built separate lives for ourselves. ”
“Well, when you get to be your age, anyone you meet will have a separate life from yours,” Mabel observed. “A relationship is about seeing if they fit together.”
“Well, we don’t fit any longer,” Imogen said firmly.
“There really isn’t anyone I can see myself with.
Which is why I was even more concerned about Katie’s letter, because it just isn’t possible, as far as I see.
Unless someone new moves to town that just ticks all the boxes, and how likely is that? ”
“Mm-hm,” Mabel hummed, not sounding convinced in the slightest. Even Vanessa had a small smile still on her face, clearly also unconvinced. But as their food arrived, both women let the subject drop, for which Imogen was grateful.
Still, as she picked up her spoon and breathed in the scent of pumpkin and cheese and warm bread and bacon, she couldn’t help wondering if they were right in some respects.
It would be nice, she conceded, to have someone.
Not just for sharing household and parenting duties with, but to snuggle up with at night, to share her favorite movies with, to shop for and with, to debate silly things like white or colored Christmas lights, to decorate a tree with and cook beside in the kitchen.
She missed adult companionship, like Vanessa had said.
And maybe she should be more conscious of leaving her heart open, just in case someone was to be interested in her.
Although, she thought as she bit into her sandwich, right now no one was.
So there was nothing for her to worry about.