Chapter 12 #3
We laughed together before the memory surfaced. The ritual cleansing. I glanced between them. “I almost forgot to ask. What exactly is this ritual cleansing?”
Jorius didn’t break his stride. “Oh, that? We’re meant to ritually cleanse our warrior. A tradition the Lunara fanatics insist on. A load of horse dung if you ask me. Supposedly keeps curses from taking hold after a string of unfortunate deaths.”
I faltered mid-step. “Cleanse the warriors… not in the literal sense, right?”
Livia answered before he could. “You’ll use oils infused with herbs to cleanse their body.
Then incense to cleanse their soul. The ritual takes place in the Ludaryn Springs in the upper halls.
” She glanced at me, her expression earnest. “Although you’re not formally bonded to Vayren, I expect you’ll still be ordered to perform it.
But it may not be as effective. Since your souls aren’t entwined. ”
The corridor seemed to narrow, the air pressing close.
“So I’m meant to bathe with him?”
Neither of them answered.
“To cleanse him,” I went on, quieter now. “You mean… touch him?” The words felt strange in my mouth. “Cover him in oil with my own hands? You’re teasing me. This can’t be true.”
They remained silent.
“You’re not joking?”
“No, Tina. It’s an ancient ritual,” Livia said. “Though I understand why you might be hesitant to perform it with Vayren.”
Jorius hummed in agreement. “Maybe it’s not so bad. He doesn’t seem to dislike you after all. That look he sent you,” he went on thoughtfully, “I initially mistook it for hatred. But on reflection, it may have been something far more combustible.”
“Though if anyone could thaw a monster like that, it would be you,” he added lightly. “Where Lucina is all frost and calculation, you are fire—inside and out.”
He grinned. “Your hair alone makes the distinction obvious.”
Livia burst into laughter, clutching her stomach.
Seeing her like this felt rare. Precious.
I didn’t know what she had endured at the hands of the Aedile or the Praetor, and I had no desire to pry or reopen old wounds.
But whatever her past held, she deserved moments like this. I found myself smiling with her.
“Oh, goddess,” she managed between breaths. “You’re such a fool, Jorius.”
I scowled at him, though not entirely in anger, my irritation softened by Livia. “You are insufferable,” I said, even as my mouth betrayed me with the faintest hint of a smile.
I reached out and grabbed a fistful of his blond hair, yanking his head down enough to make my point unmistakable. “Compare me to Lucina again,” I warned, “and you’ll be defrosting yourself in the springs.”
He laughed, raising his hands in surrender as we stopped outside his chamber.
“I suppose I’ll be sleeping with one eye open tonight.” He winked. “Must protect my precious parts. Unless one of you is willing to guard me?”
Livia groaned and I rolled my eyes. With a final grin, he slipped into his chamber and shut the door behind him.
I hesitated before lowering my voice. “I know I may seem… confident. But I’m not used to touching men. I haven’t had much experience. Is the ritual… sexual in any way?”
She looked at me with a gentle smile. “Wait here. I’ll be right back.”
She disappeared down the corridor. I had only just begun to wonder what she was about when she returned, her breath slightly uneven, a scroll clutched carefully in her hands.
The parchment was warm from her hands as I took it.
“These are the instructions for the rite,” she said.
“Everything you need to know is written there—the order of the ritual, the gestures, the preparations. The servants told me of it when I arrived. It’s part of my duties to cleanse the Ludaryn.
Thankfully, we don’t have to cleanse the warriors.
” A blush rose in her cheeks. “Study it before you go to sleep. It’s better to walk in prepared than be surprised. ”
I closed my fingers around the scroll. “Thank you.”
She nodded. “I’m younger, but I have more experience than I ever wanted.” Her mouth tightened. “Unwanted experience is still experience, I suppose.”
“If you ever want to talk about it, I’m here.” I reached for her hand.
She squeezed mine in return. “Goodnight.”
“Sleep well.”
The moment I stepped into my chamber, I closed the door and leaned back against it. The cool wood pressed into my spine as I exhaled slowly, letting the solitude settle around me.
Doubt crept in. Would I embarrass myself tomorrow?
The memory of his stare lingered, sharp enough to warm my skin.
How would I survive touching him? How was I meant to stand that close and remain untouched myself?
I’d never known love or true desire, only stolen kisses with boys in the market square, fleeting glances that meant nothing once the moment passed. Nothing that had ever stayed with me.
My shoulders slumped as I prepared for bed, the scroll still clutched in my hand. I would study it in the morning. Otherwise, I doubted I would sleep at all. And if I did, I wasn’t certain what I would dream of.