Chapter 19 #4
Sleep didn’t call to me. Restlessness hummed beneath my skin. I wasn’t ready to close myself away for the night. I wanted solitude. And the comfort of the only presence in the Ludaryn I fully trusted.
So I made my way to the courtyard. The guard let me pass without question. My footsteps were silent as I descended, the door closing behind me, the iron lock sliding into place. Once, that sound had felt dangerous. Final—like there was no easy way back. Now, I welcomed it.
I craved Kharos’s presence. He’d accepted me fully.
My sandals crunched through the sand, and I glanced up at the moon.
It hung bright and near, bathing the courtyard in pale light until the ground itself seemed to shimmer.
It was almost full. Crickets sang from the edges of the walls, their chorus soothing.
The sabers slept in their enclosures. A few shifted as I passed, low growls rumbling in their chests, irritated at being disturbed. I moved on quietly, careful not to wake more than I already had.
When I opened the gate and announced my presence, Kharos stirred and woke without alarm. I sat beside him and leaned into his flank, resting my head against his warm hide. He curled around me in response, offering his heat and steady comfort.
The silence between us felt rare and fragile, broken only by the stillness of the night—crickets, distant breaths, the slow rise and fall of his chest. It stood in contrast to the violence this place was built for, a gentleness that didn’t belong here, and yet, for this moment, existed all the same.
“I will never belong to Caelora as it is now, Kharos,” I whispered.
“I feel myself changing. Surviving this place, enduring all of it… I’m losing parts of myself along the way, and I’m afraid.
” My hand slowed in his fur. “Elion wants me to stay. But I have to leave. I have to escape. I hope you understand.”
He answered by nudging his paw against my leg.
As I stroked his fur, a low, steady purr rose from his chest. I looked up at the stars above the walls and wondered what this world would ask of me before it was done.
Then I leaned in, resting my cheek against him, listening in silence to the strong beat of his heart beneath my ear, and let it hold me there.
“Such self-pity… you reek of it.”
The voice sliced through the silence.
If I hadn’t already been lying down, the shock would have sent me to the ground. I whipped my head toward the darkness, straining to make out whoever had spoken.
A presence revealed itself. A silhouette sat atop Kharos’s enclosure, still and watching.
I pushed myself to my feet at once, heat rushing to my face. I smoothed my dress with quick, unnecessary motions, suddenly too aware of myself—of what he’d overheard, of how much I’d given away in the dark.
How had I not sensed him there? The one time I wanted my piercing to respond to him—it didn’t. Why? Was my body starting to trust him… it couldn’t be.
I hastened toward the gate, intent on leaving. On escaping the moment, the place. Him .
“Running already?”
His voice drifted down from above, calm and amused. I stiffened.
“And here I thought you’d last longer,” he drawled lazily. “Or is retreat your preferred talent?”
His words snagged something inside me. My hands curled into fists at my sides as I turned back, anger flaring hot enough to burn through my embarrassment. I hated that he’d heard me in a moment of weakness.
“I am not fleeing.”
A low sound followed. Almost a laugh.
“No?” He shifted atop the stone enclosure. Watching me. “You looked ready to bolt. From me. From this place.” He paused. “From everything.”
I glared up at him, my jaw set. “You know nothing about me. Why do you persist in bothering me? Can you not find someone else—someone willing?”
His gaze sharpened, dark eyes catching the moonlight.
“You bare yourself to a beast in the dark. Announcing your planned escape.” His eyes held mine as his mouth curved. “Just when things were starting to get interesting.”
He dropped from the enclosure with ease and moved toward me, his gaze untroubled by the dark as he prowled through the shadows. My pulse kicked hard, traitorous.
He circled me as if he had all the time in the world. I refused to retreat. I turned with him instead, tracking his movement, holding my ground even as my body urged me otherwise.
“You should mind your own business,” I said, hesitation threading my voice as the realization drifted over me that he could tell Marcus of my intent to leave this place whenever it suited him.
A slow smile curved his mouth.
“Yes, you keep reminding me. Yet here you are, exposing all of your secrets in the night.”
“I was confiding in Kharos.”
He came to a stop behind me, leaving a deliberate distance between us—though it felt no different than if he had touched me. “Kharos is a part of me. And I’m a part of him. You conveniently seem to forget that.”