It Matters
Robbie
Weeks passed, and we settled into a routine. We only spoke once more about that night but never again. It hurt, but we had a good relationship. As friends.
Esteban bought me new canvases, which I filled with portraits of places and people I met. Strokes of pinks and oranges contrasted with the blacks and reds I used to paint before. We went to some galleries to show my work, and I met many of the friends he’d told me about.
I even got a part-time job as an assistant for the curator at a local gallery.
Most of the gallery owners’ interest was centered on the dark painting Esteban showed them. The one from the night we met. The take they had was the same as Esteban’s, and they wanted a before-and-after exhibition of my art. The problem was that all that art was at my parents’.
No matter how many times I called them, they never picked up. Esteban offered to come with me to their house, but I wasn’t ready to face them.
As for Sylas, I called him and explained what happened. He was disgusted by what my parents did. They told my family I’d fallen ill. They even missed mass and canceled the brunch.
It broke my heart again, knowing my parents were so ashamed of me that they made up a story to hide that I was gay. But I wouldn’t dwell on it. This was my reality, and I had to move forward.
As the weeks passed, we went out with many friends and clubbed countless times, and I even had some dates with Andres. He was a good guy after all, and just an hour ago, we’d slept together.
He was a free soul, and he wasn’t interested in settling down. He made that clear when we started going out. It was all about fun and sex. When I told him I was a virgin in terms of guys, he offered to show me, and show me he did. For my first time with a man, I think it went well.
I looked at my watch as I reached Esteban’s apartment. Shit. It was 3:00 a.m.
The door screeched as I opened it.
The room was lit by a candle resting on the central table, and the scent of leather and spice filled the space.
My heart lurched. Fuck.
Esteban stared at me from the sofa, a tight expression on his face.
“Where have you been?” he asked, a glass of what appeared to be bourbon in hand.
His intensity, as always, made my pulse hike. He was that kind of man.
Not that I needed to explain, but there was something about Esteban that made me want to do what he asked. It wasn’t weird or anything. I wanted to do it for him. It seemed like the way it should be.
I scraped a hand through my long, tousled hair. I hadn’t thought of brushing it before rushing back. “I was with Andres.”
Esteban’s eyes narrowed, and he clenched his jaw. “Did you…?” He paused, his voice strained.
Esteban knew a lot about me after long conversations over coffee, and one of the things I told him was that I’d never slept with a man. It was the last time we talked about what happened with Andres at the club.
“You’ve never had sex with a man?” Esteban whispered, hand gripping his mug.
“With Andres, yes, but only oral.” I couldn’t look him in the eyes. “I’ve been with women, back when I thought what I felt was wrong, but I hated it.”
His eyes moved across my features. “It’s hard to imagine. You’re so…”
I raised both eyebrows. “So what?”
“Pretty.” He smiled, his dimples full on.
I threw a piece of my muffin at him. “Stop making things up.”
He caught it and put it in his mouth, then winked at me with a devilish grin. “You know I’d never lie to you, Robbie.”
My skin warmed, and I shook my head. “Whatever.”
“Roberto, did you sleep with him?” Esteban’s hard tone brought me back.
“Yes.” I bit my lip.
He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, then leaned forward, putting the glass on the table. His elbows rested on his thighs as he raked his hair back, keeping his face down for a couple of seconds before straightening.
His presence was all-encompassing, and I had the urge to shy away. There was something about Esteban. Something that made my insides melt. My skin tingled in anticipation. I never knew what he’d do. How he’d react. Only that he’d never harm me. That he was safe.
The sleeveless shirt that hugged his chest caught my attention as I approached him. His naked arms never failed to enthrall me. His dark-gray sweatpants were sleek against his strong legs.
We kept a friendly relationship. No more sexual innuendos. No more flirty words. But deep down, I couldn’t stop imagining how it would be if we were together, and by the way he was acting at this moment, I bet he felt the same way too.
I was very attracted to him, but he never acted on it. He gave me the space I needed, and I gave him his. He’d also made out with other men and, once in a while, had gone out on his own, but there was something off tonight.
He patted the sofa beside him. “Come here.”
I winced when my butt touched the sofa.
He frowned. “Did he treat you right?”
I shrugged. “He was gentle. It’ll take some time to get used to it, but it was good.”
Esteban tilted his face toward me. “You bottomed?”
My face warmed, but I nodded.
He touched my thigh. “Are you hurting?”
I stilled, unable to put it into words.
His hand twitched. “Talk to me, Robbie.”
“A little, but it’s okay.” It hurt, but I took it, and after a while, it stopped burning.
Andres asked if I was all right, and I said yes, not wanting to slow him down.
After a couple of minutes, having him inside me started to feel amazing.
When I moaned in pleasure, he started pounding my ass with more force and grabbed my cock.
The pleasure made me relax, and the pain receded.
I was consumed by ecstasy. I writhed in a frenzy as he hit that spot inside me again and again.
That and the way he stroked my cock in rhythm made me come so hard that it fell all over my chest.
Andres pulled my hips higher. Then, after a couple of thrusts, he pulled his cock out and came all over my abs, stroking his dick until there was nothing left. It was incredible, but something was missing.
“Okay?” He gritted his teeth. “Did he not prepare you? Was he too hard on you?”
Fuck, why was he questioning me about this? I took a deep, cleansing breath. I didn’t want a fight. “He asked if I was all right, and I said yes.”
Esteban frowned. “Why did you say yes if you weren’t ready?”
I stood and put my hands on my hips. “You know what? I don’t have to explain myself to you or to anyone.”
Esteban grabbed my arm. “Answer me, Robbie. Why did you take it if you weren’t ready?”
My blood boiled, and I jerked away. “I wanted to experience it. To know what it was like to be with a man. And in the end, I enjoyed it. So why the fuck does it matter?”
He stood. His hold was so strong I couldn’t shove him away.
“Esteban. Let me go. I’m tired, and I’m going to bed.”
I struggled against him but froze as he stepped into me, closing the space between us.
“It matters.” His tone was soft.
I looked down at his chest, unable to keep his stare “Why do you care?” My voice was but a whisper. “You were clear. You said to let go of it. Of you.”
He moved his hand to my cheek. His soft caress reached my neck. Warmth traveled through me, burning me from the inside out.
“It matters because you deserved so much more for your first time. And because…I’d never hurt you.”
His mouth was on me in an instant. Warm. Sweet. Raw. His lips were soft, but his kiss was hard. His velvety tongue nudged my lips, asking for permission, and I responded immediately. When our tongues met, fireworks ignited, and I didn’t want him to stop.
His taste was intoxicating. Like wood mixed with smoke. I shuddered in approval, and I couldn’t contain the moan that escaped me as he pulled my hips to his erection.
This was different from Andres. It was deeper.
Like I’d been dying of thirst in a desert and Esteban’s kiss was my oasis.
My whole body reacted to him. My cock strained against my pants.
My mind screamed for him to take me. To make me forget my own name as he took control of my body, sending me to heights only he could.
I couldn’t get enough. I wrapped my arms around his waist.
He tugged my hair hard, exposing my neck. He kissed it fiercely, nibbling my pulse.
I pressed my cock hard against him.
His hand moved up my shirt, and he pinched my nipple. He swallowed my groan with a searing kiss and held me tight.
I reached for his pants.
He broke the kiss, burying his face in my neck. “I’m sorry. I…”
We were both panting.
I breathed long and deep, trying to come down from the high, then hugged him. “Don’t.”
He raised his head and cupped my jaw with both hands, running his thumbs over my swollen lips. Goosebumps rose on my skin.
I wanted more.
“I couldn’t help myself. Just knowing another man was inside you drives me insane. I…” He kissed me tenderly, then rested his forehead against mine. “Go to sleep. We’ll talk tomorrow.”
I grabbed his hand when he stepped away. “Don’t do this again.” My eyes glazed. I wouldn’t recover from it.
He grabbed my nape and kissed my temple. “Listen to me, Robbie. This isn’t like the last time. I won’t let go ever again. Now, be a good boy, and go to sleep. I promise we’ll talk tomorrow.”
Something about the way he referred to me. The way his fingers grazed my nape before he let me go made me want to obey him. To make him happy.
I nodded and walked into the bedroom, my heart in my throat and my soul about to burst out of my body.
“Robbie?”
I rubbed my eyes open. Did I oversleep?
I moved and flinched. I was sore from sleeping with Andres last night, but I’d read about it, and it would get better over time.
“Babe, are you still sleeping?” Esteban knocked softly.
My heart skipped a beat at his endearment, and I covered my lips. We kissed. We really kissed last night. And it was freaking amazing.
He said we’d talk today, and I couldn’t wait.
A question kept popping into my mind. He knew I liked him, so why did he wait until last night? Was he so drunk and mad that he acted on instinct, or did he really want me?