A Coffee Away

Chapter 7 Finding My Art

Robbie

One week together, and things were moving slowly. Too slowly if you asked me.

I talked to Andres, and he took it so well. He was excited that Esteban and I were a thing, saying I had done what many couldn’t.

As for Esteban, we still slept separately. We made out a lot, but when things got intense, Esteban always pulled away. He said he wanted to make sure I was ready.

I still couldn’t figure out what I had to be ready for. Was he too big? Did he like rough sex? I only knew I was desperate for him, and sharing the same living space was making it harder by the day.

Esteban’s tongue was inside my mouth right this minute, and, God, was I ready to take things to the next level. I grabbed him over his jeans and stroked hard. He was huge and ready for me.

Esteban grunted inside my mouth and pushed his hips toward me.

It was all I needed. I undid his belt, then opened his button and zipper.

He grabbed my hand with force, stopping me midway. “Fuck, Robbie. We need to talk.”

“But…” My shaft strained against my shorts. My body ached for him.

He cupped my cheek and rested his brow against mine. “Believe me, babe. I want to fuck you as much as you want me to, but, first, we need to talk.” He kissed me softly, then led me to the dining table.

He took my hands once we sat. “There’s something you should know about me before we move forward. After you hear this, if you’re 100 percent sure you want to, we’ll take it to the next level.” He smirked. “And, believe me, I can’t wait to take you there. But your comfort and happiness come first.”

My pulse sped at his tone. What the hell could he be about to tell me?

I squeezed his hands. “What do you mean? What could make me change my mind about you?”

He swallowed hard, his Adam’s apple bobbing in a way that made me want to jump him and forget about whatever he had to say.

His blue eyes settled on me, the usual intensity replaced by something else. Vulnerability. “I’m not like most people in terms of intimacy.”

I frowned and leaned forward. So it had to do with sex. If it was a kink, we all had one. Whatever it was, it couldn’t be that bad, right?

I shook my head. “Esteban, you can tell me anything.” What could he be into?

He took a deep breath and straightened. His broad back and strong chest brought back the intensity he’d lost a few moments ago. “I like to be in control, Robbie. I…I’m a dom.”

I froze.

My hands jerked, but he held them tight.

Images of Esteban in leather pants and a mask swept through my mind. Me tied to a St. Andrew’s cross. Esteban pleasuring me as I lay shackled to his bed. Me on all fours as he spanked me and whipped my ass and back.

Fuck. It was sensory overload, and I was freaking hard. My heart pounded so loudly in my ears that I swore Esteban could hear it.

I took a deep breath. “A dom? Like in BDSM?” My voice was raspy and low, a whisper of what it usually was.

Esteban nodded and bit his lower lip. “I’ve been like this since I started being intimate about eight years ago.

I have studied it and practiced it for years now.

” He shook his head. “But I’d never harm you.

It’s not about that. It’s about your pleasure as well as mine.

” He raised my hands to his mouth and kissed them tenderly, then closed his eyes.

“It is intense, and I want you to understand before we take this further.”

The touch of his warm lips against my skin soothed me. I trusted Esteban like no one before. I couldn’t picture him harming me.

I wasn’t ignorant about this lifestyle. I’d seen porn that featured it, and, if I was being honest, I liked it more than I cared to admit.

Over the years, I even looked into it to understand the basics.

I knew people made it out to be barbaric when in reality, it was built on consent and mutual pleasure, including agreements between the people involved.

I wanted to understand him. To know more. “Esteban?”

He opened his eyes.

“I’m okay. I…I want to know more.”

Widening his eyes, Esteban clutched my hand tightly. “Really?” He studied me for a moment. “Are you sure?”

I smiled. “I am. I want this to work.”

Esteban leaned closer. “If we were to move forward, you’d become my sub. Do you know what that means?”

I nodded, imagining myself blindfolded, kneeling on the floor or waiting in bed without knowing when or where he’d touch me. I would be at his mercy, but would that be so bad?

“Words, Robbie.” His tone was strong. Dead serious.

“I do,” I said softly.

He lifted my face. “When you talk to me, I want you to look at me. I want to see your eyes.”

When I raised my gaze, something in his features turned primal.

“Good boy.” He squeezed my thigh, then removed his hand.

With those words and that touch, he only made me want to know more. To explore this with him. To learn how to please him just so he’d say it again.

“It’s like this. I would be in control, mostly when we’re intimate. I try to contain it during normal activities, but sometimes it slips.”

I recalled all the times he’d told me to come to him. Or to sit. The times he said I had to be stronger. The moments I felt the need to answer him even when I didn’t have to. Were we already in the dynamic?

“I’ve noticed,” I said.

“Oh, I know.” He gave me a sexy smile. “It didn’t take long for me to notice you have some submissive traits.”

I gasped. “But how did you…?”

“It’s just the way things are between us. It’s not hard. It’s almost organic.” He frowned, looking down at his hands. “Fuck. I’m looking for the correct word to describe it.”

“It feels natural.” I covered his hands with mine. “Ever since I met you, I’ve sensed an intensity within you. But it’s never scared me. Not even once.”

He squeezed my hands. “That’s good to know.

” He sighed. “But that still doesn’t mean you’re a sub.

It’s something you need to figure out on your own.

It also depends on how you feel about it.

People assume doms have all the power. Truth is, subs determine how far we go.

I’d never cross a line you didn’t give me permission to cross.

This is about your pleasure first and then mine. ”

I went through many scenarios, and in all, I was happy. I trusted Esteban. I wanted to feel what it would be like to let go. To stop thinking for a moment and let him take care of me.

But what if I messed up? What if I wasn’t meant for it? If I wanted this to work, I needed more from Esteban. For him to guide me so I could see if I really fell into his dynamic.

Esteban was fiddling with his nails, and when he caught me staring, he rolled his shoulders back.

God, he was as nervous as I was.

If I wanted to be with him, I had to try.

I smiled, then turned my chair sideways to face him.

He did the same, and we held hands.

I moved a strand of hair away from his eyes, then brushed his cheek softly. “I want to try it, but I need you to show me.”

He rubbed the back of his neck and let out a long breath. “Fuck. I’m so happy you said that.”

The air we shared became hot, charged with an intimacy I couldn’t describe. It was strong. Magnetic.

He took my glasses off in one swift move before crashing his lips against mine. He invaded my mouth with a hunger that stole every rational thought from me, leaving me breathless. Our worlds became one in a single moment.

When he let go, he relaxed back, his thumb circling my inner palm, sending electricity directly to my groin. “I like that look on you.”

I was speechless, my body hot and ready for his taking. But I summoned all my control and sat there as he explained everything.

“Robbie, you can’t keep postponing it. You need to face them.” Esteban buttered some toast.

After a long talk, he asked me to think things over for a couple of days before we engaged in anything. I promised I’d do so even though I was dying to experience it, to know this other side of Esteban. But I’d be patient.

For him.

Esteban moved around the kitchen, and as always, he was in his element. He never let me cook. I asked him why a couple of days ago, and he said cooking made him happy and when he served me, even more so.

The bacon sizzled, and the aroma had me salivating. God, I was starving after that long chat.

I sipped my coffee, then shook my head. “You don’t know them.”

Esteban tsked as he carried two plates filled with bacon, eggs, and toast. His specialty and what had become one of my favorite breakfasts.

He sat. “I know enough. They can’t keep ignoring you. I’m sure they’ll be happy to see you.”

I raised an eyebrow. “You weren’t there when I told them.”

Mom’s face when Dad told me to leave still made my chest hurt. How could she stay quiet?

“Your mom will come to her senses,” Esteban said, as if reading my mind.

I looked at my plate, squeezing my fork. “She wouldn’t even look at me.” A lone tear slid down my cheek, and Esteban’s hand was right there to catch it.

“You’re right. I have no idea how they’ll react, but at least try.” His voice was low. Caring.

I covered his hand and nodded. “Okay.”

He caressed my cheek. “So you’ll see them?”

I exhaled hard. “I will but only to pick up my art. I know my father. If he’s there, he’ll take the opportunity to ask me to reconsider my ways. I won’t allow him to make me feel bad about myself ever again. He’s manipulative and overbearing.”

Esteban clenched his fists over the table. “I’ll go with you.”

My breath hitched as Esteban’s blue eyes flashed. His eyebrows were set in that sure way of his.“Esteban…they’ll eat you alive!” My heart thundered.

The idea of my parents meeting Esteban, of their knowing this was real, made my skin prickle.

He shrugged. “Let them try.”

It was noon when we reached my house. Esteban didn’t want me to wait any longer. He was sure I’d change my mind, and he was right. At least Dad was at the hospital at this time, so I wouldn’t have to face him.

I wiped the sweat off my hands and rang the doorbell.

My mother opened the door. Her eyes glazed, then she wrapped her arms around me. “Robbie! You’re back!”

Everything slowed, and heat radiated throughout my chest. I stilled and glanced at Esteban. He winked, and I smiled, hugging her back.

I took a deep breath, taking in her soft, flowery scent. “Hi, Mom.”

When she let go, she used her sleeve to dry her face, then showed us in.

I looked at the second floor, and my chest ached at what I’d lost. Even though I’d lived a lie for so long, this was my family, and the memories this home carried dwelled deep inside me.

“Come to the kitchen,” she said. “I’ll prepare some snacks.”

Esteban intertwined his fingers with mine. “Are you okay?”

I took a deep breath. “It’s surreal. Being here. Knowing this is all in my past now.”

He brushed his thumb over my hand and waited in silence as I finally walked to the kitchen without letting go.

When we entered, Mom stared at our joined hands.

She widened her eyes, then she studied Esteban.

I bit my lip, and an empty feeling hit my stomach.

I tightened my grip on Esteban’s hand as he tried to let go. “This is Esteban.”

Mom nodded and plastered a smile on her face. “Hi. Nice to meet you. I’m Viviana.” Her words were short, practiced. Her smile fake. The same one she’d use in church or during my father’s events whenever she met someone she couldn’t stand.

“Nice to meet you too, Viviana.” Esteban let go of me and shook her hand.

“We’re together,” I said.

I was done with her bullshit. What the fuck happened to the mother I used to know? The one who wanted me to be happy.

Mom nodded. “Okay.” She let go of Esteban’s hand and wiped her hands on her apron. “Now sit, and tell me where you’ve been.”

“Where I’ve been?” I tensed and snapped. “Mom, I’ve called you countless times, and you never picked up. Why?”

She went to the fridge and took out some cold cuts. She slid the plate toward us. “Please sit.”

Esteban took a seat and patted the chair to his right.

I sat.

“Mom? Answer me.” Why the hell hadn’t she answered my calls if she was wondering where I was?

Mom sat in front of us. “Your father said I couldn’t.”

I clenched my fists at my sides. “And you obeyed? I’ve been away for a month!” My body shook, my heart in my throat.

“Your father wants you to reconsider, Robbie. We can’t understand why you think you’re”—she looked at Esteban, then back at me—“like that. You’re confused.”

I punched the table and stood. “For God’s sake, Mom. I’m not confused. Never have been. I’ve known I’m gay since I can remember. But you.” I growled. “You made me feel like I was a sinner. That I was unnatural.”

She squished her eyebrows together. “But you’ve dated girls. You like them. Maybe you just want to explore.” She darted her eyes between us, then pursed her lips. “You know you can come back when you return to your senses. God will forgive you.”

The pounding in my ears was unbearable. How could I make her understand?

“Mom, you need to listen. I am gay. I like men. If I dated girls in the past, it was to convince myself that I could be the person you wanted me to be.” I gestured toward myself.

“But this is me. Your son. The same Robbie you raised. How can you throw me out because I decided to be true to myself?”

Mom watched me, then grabbed the cross on her necklace. “I’ve missed you, son, but this isn’t right.”

My blood boiled. I was done with her. “I’m going to get my stuff and leave. You won’t have to deal with me any longer.” I gripped Esteban’s hand and went straight to my room, ignoring my mother’s pleas as she followed us.

“Please, Robbie, don’t leave again. We can talk it over.” Mom stood by the door as Esteban and I took all my art pieces.

I ignored her, hands shaking as I grabbed everything I could and put the paintings into the canvas bag. I didn’t know if I wanted to cry or scream at the top of my lungs.

I put my hand on my chest, forcing myself to breathe. It hurt. It hurt so badly. The lump in my throat threatened to choke me, but I swallowed my tears and closed the bag.

Esteban held my forearm. “It’s your mom, Robbie. Maybe you should try to talk.”

I shook my head. “No. You heard her in the kitchen. Let’s grab everything we can and go before Dad arrives.”

Esteban squeezed my arm, then let go and nodded, taking his duffel bag. He followed me down the stairs, my mom right behind us.

“Please, son. Don’t leave. I love you.”

I scrunched my eyes as we stepped out, the afternoon sun merciless. “You have my number if you change your mind about me. I love you too.” I kissed her cheek and left her there.

Thick tears covered my face as Esteban drove down the street and away from my past.