Drowning in Shadows
Esteban
Achill ran up my neck. I was up in an instant. “Fuck! You scared me.”
Raúl chuckled, his hand on my shoulder. “Sorry, man, but I’m here to take over for a little while. You haven’t left this room in days.”
I watched Robbie for a long moment. Two weeks had gone by and still nothing.
How long would he sleep? He’d already gone through the MRI and CT scan.
As expected, the CT came out normal, so there was nothing intrinsically wrong.
But the MRI… There were spots of bleeding and abnormalities in the white matter.
I didn’t understand at first, but the doctor explained it was as she had suspected.
Robbie had suffered the injury she had predicted at the moment of impact, affecting the connections inside his brain. Now it depended on him and how long it took for his brain to fix itself.
What stayed with me were Dr. Echevarría’s final words before she left last night.
“With this kind of injury, the longer he takes to wake up, the more common memory loss becomes. We won’t know the extent until Roberto opens his eyes, but you should be prepared for the possibility that he may not remember the accident or even certain parts of his life before it. ”
The risk was there, and a piece of me cried at the thought of him being lost. I wasn’t a man of faith, but Robbie was. I held his hand and closed my eyes in a silent prayer.
If someone is listening, please. Please let Robbie wake. Please let him remember his life. To suffer memory loss would not only kill those of us who love him but Robbie himself. Please spare him that pain. Let him come back to me. To his family. Safe.
I opened my eyes and kissed his hand. “How can I leave him? What if he comes out of the coma? I need to be here when he does.”
Raúl moved to the other side of the bed. “When you called last night, you said everything was uncertain. You need to work and go on with your life, Esteban. We can help. Eva. Stephany. Miguel. We’re here, and we’re not leaving Robbie alone. Please. We’re worried about you.”
I hadn’t left his side even when his parents came to visit. We didn’t talk, and his father never acknowledged my presence, but Viviana did. Sometimes she’d even bring something for me to eat or drink.
I nodded. “I’ll go home, but I’ll be back in a few hours.”
Raúl’s shoulders sank. “Okay. I guess that will do for now.”
The world was smaller without Robbie by my side.
The rainbow painting at our door seemed dull.
The apartment was dark and void, as if something had swallowed all our memories.
The canvas of our night at Maunabo’s lighthouse stood on its tripod by our window.
A testament of what was lost. Most of Robbie’s paintings were here.
I’d asked Miguel to bring them. They were my Robbie, what he’d left for me, and I held on to them like a lifeline.
After two months of waiting for Robbie to wake up, I was at the point of losing it. These past weeks, Mr. Fernández had been relentless in his comments, and my patience was growing thin. It was almost like he was trying to test my control.
Dad and I had been battling him in terms of the proxy letter, but we were losing ground fast. He used the fact that we weren’t married and that we didn’t go to a lawyer to question it. With his power within the hospital board, it was only a matter of time.
After a quick shower, I buttoned my black shirt.
Robbie’s medical bills were accumulating by the minute, and his parents were slowly taking control.
This was the main reason why I was losing this fight.
They had money. I had to balance my barista job, being there for Robbie, and working a night shift at a local club as a bartender.
“See you tomorrow, love.” I kissed my fingers and touched our proposal picture set above our sofa, one Raúl had taken during that sunset when we decided to spend our lives together.
There was always that punch. That weight that fell on my stomach every time I thought of him. Of the never-ending clash with his father. Of the possibility of losing everything we’d built. I pocketed my hands and made my way down the block.
“Emile.” I shook the bouncer’s hand.
“Windy night, huh?”
I nodded, looking back at our apartment at the end of the street. “It feels colder than usual.”
Emile gave me a slow smile and opened the door. “Hang in there, buddy.”
“Thanks, man.” I took a deep breath and entered.
The place was packed already. Bodies swayed to the music. Laser lights and smoke filled the neon-colored dance floor. I took off my shirt and fixed my leather pants so they’d fall below my V-line, as was the rule at the bar—show all the skin you can. Customers want sexy bartenders.
“Esteban!” Andres rushed to me and clasped my hand.
His long, blond hair was as beautiful as ever, and his green eyes gleamed with that sheer sexiness he always carried.
He’d been the one to take Robbie’s virginity, but I’d put that aside when he, after finding out about Robbie and the battle I was trying to win, talked to his boss and got me this job.
“Fuck, man. This place is packed. Thank Bacchus you came in. These people are wild and thirsty.” He fixed his black leather corset as a man called for a Jameson. His black hot pants were so short you could glimpse part of his asscheeks, something he was well-endowed with. “How’s Robbie?”
I poured the Jameson into the glass. “Same. Still waiting.” I swallowed the lump in my throat.
Andres patted my shoulder. “Hang in there. I’m sure he’ll be back with us in no time.”
Everyone said the same thing—that he would wake soon. That I had to keep my hopes up. I nodded and passed the drink to the client.
I was a spectator in a dream, one in which my body kept moving and living its life but my soul stayed anchored to that bed. That lonely room where two breathed but one soul was trapped inside its cage, and I couldn’t get it out.
The fatigue was taking over my day-to-day life. I was hollowed out and almost at the edge of losing whatever hope I had. I raked my hair back as another customer approached the bar, dancing and laughing with his partner.
Before I knew it, the night was over, and I was at our apartment.
I closed my eyes, standing by the window and waiting for the sun to come out.
Robbie wrapped his arms around me from behind, then covered my pecs with his warm hands. We were both naked, taking in the miracle of a day that had just begun.
“Wait for it. You’re about to witness the proof that light can overcome darkness. Every single time I watch the sun, I tell myself I made it out once again.” Robbie kissed my neck. “I was never able to see it till I met you.”
My skin was on fire, and blood rushed to my cock as he nipped my earlobe. With a velvety stroke of his tongue, I was done for.
“Fuck me.” Robbie took hold of my hard shaft. “Right here.”
I spun around and grabbed his neck, choking him just how he liked it.
He gasped, pure ecstasy in his honey-brown eyes.
“Fuck, baby. You’re so beautiful.” I kissed him hard.
I shook my head and wiped away my tears. That was the morning of the day I lost him.
“Esteban, hold on a minute.”
I turned as I was about to open Robbie’s door. “Carmen?”
Black hair tied back, Carmen hurried to me from the nursing station.
“You’re still here?”
The shadows beneath her eyes were as dark as usual, contrasting heavily with her porcelain skin. Robbie and I met her while salsa dancing, and she’d been supportive ever since the accident.
She kissed my cheek. “Yeah. It was a long night.” She darted her eyes around the empty hallway, then came closer. “There’s been talk about a board meeting. A fellow nurse overheard Dr. Fernández when he came out. She said he was smiling, that his usual grouchiness was gone.”
She tilted her head toward room 232. “Look, I don’t know what happened, but be ready, and breathe before going in. He’s inside.”
My pulse skyrocketed. I squeezed her hand. “Thank you for the warning.”
Carmen nodded. “Whatever happens, I’m here for you both.”
My stomach knotted, and I grabbed my phone.
Can you make it to the hospital? Something happened.
Dad’s text came instantly.
I’ll be there in ten.
I faced the door and took a deep, cleansing breath. Robbie’s father had been quiet for the last couple of months. Whatever waited for me inside couldn’t be good.
A prickly sensation ran down my spine.
Dr. Fernández stood at the end of the bed, holding the medical charts. The room seemed colder than usual the moment he smiled at me.
“Mr. Miranda.” He closed the file and put it back in the metal bin without taking his eyes off me. “Just who I was waiting for.”
My mind raced, and my thoughts darkened. Had he finally done it? I pocketed my hands. “And why is that?”
He shrugged. “I wanted to be the one to tell you that from now on, we alone will be in charge of Roberto’s care.”
My chest tightened. I tilted my head. “I don’t understand what you’re implying. I won’t leave his side, and I’m still his proxy.”
He chuckled. “Not anymore.”
I tensed. I glanced from him to Robbie, the pounding in my ears increasing exponentially. I stepped toward him. “What the fuck do you mean?”
Dr. Fernández brought his hands up. “No need for that tone. It was bound to happen. You don’t have the evidence to prove the proxy letter is authentic or the means to handle the increasing medical bills.
Until the board analyzes with the hospital’s lawyer whether the proxy is legal or not, Roberto’s mother and I will make the decisions from now on. ”
I swallowed dryly, trying to make sense of what he was saying. “You can’t do that.”
The lump in my throat made it hard to breathe. Was this really happening?
He grinned. “I can, and I did. It’s only a matter of time till I get the hospital to prohibit your visits.”
I clenched my fists. “I won’t leave his side.” I wanted to wipe that smile off his face.
He shook his head. “We’ll see about that.” He closed the distance between us, stopping inches from my face. “I won’t rest until I rid Roberto of your sinful ways. You turned my son into a faggot just like you.”
I clenched my fists. “What the fuck did you just call me?”
He glared at me. “Well, that’s what you are, aren’t you? Roberto was confused, and you took advantage of that. Did you think we’d let you have your way?”
I grabbed the collar of his suit. “Shut the fuck up!”
A sinister laugh left him. “Are you going to hit me, boy?”
My fist hit his nose before I knew it, followed by a crack.
Blood poured down his face and onto his clean white shirt.
“Security!” he yelled.
My vision blurred, and darkness overtook me. I don’t know how many times I punched him until someone pulled me away.
“Stop it, son!” Dad’s voice cleared my head.
Robbie’s father was on the floor, smiling. “You just dug your own grave.”
I heard a talkie, and security came inside. An officer pushed me against the wall.
“Please don’t hurt him,” Dad said to no avail as they manhandled me.
“Sir, are you okay?” A nurse came inside and helped Robbie’s father.
Fuck! What had I done?
“Get him off the property!” He pointed at me, holding a cloth to his broken nose. “I won’t press charges, but know this—I’ll make sure this is the last time you set foot in this hospital.”
“No!” I struggled against security as they dragged me away.
I took one last glance at Robbie before the door closed and they walked me off the premises. Once outside, they let me go.
I ran to the door.
“Don’t!” Dad said.
I stopped midway, breathing heavily.
“No, no, no.” I raked my hair back. “Dad…”
Dad hugged me. His hold was tender, like when I was a child.
I buried my face in his neck. “I can’t live without him.”
Dad cupped my face, wiping away the renegade tears that ran down my cheeks. “I know. We’ll figure something out.”
Breathing was hard, and my chest hurt. “I fucked up.” My voice broke.
I needed to see him. To be by his side. I couldn’t stop shaking. The torrent of tears blinded me.
“Dad?” I held him tight. “How can I fight for him now?”
Dad grasped my shoulders. “Have faith. We’ll find a way.”
I took a shaky breath before nodding. I would keep fighting until I was able to see him again. No one would stop me.