Teagan #3
“I know,” I said. “It’s just hard to take everything in.
And while you’ve been preparing for this all your life, I’ve only had seven years to cope with it all.
Especially since we had to try to figure out things about me.
There was no one there to give me all the answers.
Then, I learned the man I dreamed about was the man I was to be mated to. ”
Tristan chuckled. “You were already mated to me.”
“You know what I mean. I was rebellious at first and didn’t want to bother with it.
I didn’t even want to face the fact I had a wolf.
Instead of spending time grooming her, I shunned her for a while.
Now, I’m trying to build a relationship with her and find out who I am.
I feel like so much has been taken from me, and I feel like the mating is another thing I don’t have control over.
War aside, when the smoke clears, I want salvation in the fact I’ll be with someone who wants to be with me because I’m Teagan, not because I can help save the world.
I want to be able to teach my kids to lead with their hearts and fuck anybody who says differently, including me.
More importantly, I don’t want to resent you. ”
“That all makes sense. I respect you even more for it. While I have grown up with it and I have my own agenda to work with, I can be patient with you. As long as you know when the next heat strikes, I have to take a mate. Not because I want to rush things, but because I have the responsibility of a whole nation on my shoulders. I’d love for it to be you, but I want you to make the best decision for you, just like I do. ”
“I appreciate that.” I paused and wondered if he knew the answer to one of my issues. “What happens to Mac?”
“When?”
“If I mate you?”
“Mac goes back to his territory after the ceremony. I’m not sure how long he’s been gone, but he has to make sure he runs his territory successfully so his rule is not overturned.”
“I don’t want to let him go. There’s no way to keep him with me?”
“The only way for him to continue to protect you is if he gave up his territory. But he would lose all his ranks that he’s earned.”
“Oh.” I nodded, not liking his answer.
“I’ll look after you just as he does. I wouldn’t let anything happen to you.”
“I don’t doubt it. It’s just—”
“You’ve grown attached to him?”
“Yes! He’s my everything right now, and moving on seems like a smack in the face and so ungrateful. He’s like the father I’ve never had. I can’t leave him behind. He can’t become the protector of this new pack?”
“No. It doesn’t work that way. Only certain packs have protectors.
Mostly they protect regions and not just one pack.
The way I understand it is Mac’s territory has grown so big, he has a second helping him who takes over when he has to handle business.
There is a protector over this region, but he doesn’t identify with any one pack. ”
“Okay.” I rolled over on my other side, trying to figure out how to keep Mac. I couldn’t keep him bottled up away from others.
Tristan cuddled me and kissed my shoulder. He didn’t speak right away, and I was glad. “I’m sorry you have to decide between Mac and me. It’s not fair.”
I nodded because he was right, and I didn’t know what to say.
I pulled the blanket closer around me and allowed him to hold me.
I didn’t relax into his arms as I did before, but I let him try to put the warmth back into my body.
I didn’t know if I could be who everybody wanted me to be.
I wasn’t afraid to fight with fate, but I couldn’t handle losing Mac.
I just needed to find a damn good way to get him to stay with me without making him lose everything he’d ever worked for.
I didn’t want to force him into choosing between me and what he loved.
That was selfish, and I knew the feeling.
I needed him to make the decision without me bringing it up to him. I didn’t want him to do it because he felt obligated. I wanted him to choose what he wanted without my input. Even if I didn’t like it, he needed to determine his own path.
Tonight had been magical with Tristan, and I was beginning to soften toward him. I could see his dilemma, and I was happy he could see mine. Regardless of whatever happened between us, we had to make a decision, dramatically altering our lives forever.
My issue wasn’t so much Tristan anymore.
If I decided to mate him, I would have to kill Charise to take over her pack.
If I decided not to, he would break the treaty, in turn breaking our mating bond to take Charise.
She could very well come after me with a vengeance to try to kill me.
I had no doubt she would. I’d embarrassed her in front of her pack and, as the Alpha, that needed to be rectified.
Either way, I was fighting. Why hadn’t I listened to Mac and stayed inside, talking to the Alpha like he’d insisted?
I exhaled and tried to focus on the snoring that was happening behind me, luring me to sleep as well.