Chapter 6
How long before I give in?
"You're sure I can't convince you to stay?" Carter asked as he kissed my neck. We were just inside his door. He'd pulled me inside when I reminded him that he couldn't hug me right outside my door.
I tapped his bicep. "No. You already told me what would happen if I stayed, and I don't want to be tempted more than I am."
"Good. Glad I can tempt you," he mumbled against my skin. His lips were lulling me into submission.
Carter then wrapped his strong arms around me and started kissing me.
Deep kissing. Tongue dipped and stroked me the way he wanted to be inside me.
The prelude to sex. Hot sex, the way my body hummed in need of his.
His hands moved underneath my shirt to cup my breasts, and I moaned into his mouth. "Why do you feel so good?"
He begged, "Let me fuck you."
When I only deepened the kiss, Carter started walking me backward toward his brown leather sofa, his hands on my breasts, tongue in my mouth. No resistance left in me until my cell rang, and I reached into my pocket to silence it.
Suddenly, Grey's voice broke through my passion haze. "Call me when you get this message. Wanted to know if you want to grab dinner later."
I turned my head, breaking the kiss, and whispered, "He's right outside. I have to go."
Carter pecked my lips again. "Maybe he's going somewhere."
"He's not." I slipped away and went to Carter's ring camera by the door, similar to ours. Grey stood outside in his shirt and shorts, stretching. Sweat sprinkled down his face, probably from a jog on the beach. He then opened our door and went inside.
I looked back at Carter, who sat on his sofa with outstretched legs and hard inches protruding through his shorts, waiting to see my next move.
Oh, how easy would it be for me to sit on his lap and let him do whatever he wanted to me?
That today, I would finally know what it would feel like to have a man inside of me.
A man who obviously knew his way around a woman's anatomy and would be the perfect entry into my sexuality.
But Grey's call happened for a reason, and it was way past time for me to get my ass out of there.
"I'll let myself out," I told him as his head flopped back in frustration, and I picked up my bag by the door and left his condo. I then crept back down the stairs and called an Uber to take me back to campus to get Grey's car.
LATER THAT NIGHT, AS Grey and I returned from dinner at Pappas Bar-B-Q, Grey commented, "It's a good thing you work at the gym because how you eat is crazy.
A three-meat plate with potato salad and mac and cheese.
No way I can eat like that and still run.
I'm not treating you to any more dinners. You're too expensive."
"You owe me for helping you with stats last spring anyway.
Your B is worth more than a barbecue dinner.
" I reminded him as we walked side by side to our condo.
We had been spending more time together since we became roommates.
Before, we might have hung out two or three times a week when he wasn't actively in training or hugged up with some woman.
In the last week, we binge-watched shows and shared most of our meals.
Tonight was our last time in the condo without Chelsea.
Or Hurricane Chelsea, as Grey liked to call her, and we wanted to commemorate that with a dinner at my favorite restaurant joint.
I wonder if Carter would still think that Grey and I are a couple once he sees Chelsea coming in and out of our place.
Would that change his fire for me? After all, men like challenges, and having a live-in boyfriend was a major challenge for a competitive man like Carter.
"What’s with that goofy smile?”
“What?” We were nearing the walkway to the stairs leading to our condo.
Grey pointed to my mouth. “That one. Over dinner, you had the same smile, and I know it wasn’t anything I said.”
“Nothing. I'm happy about our place, and Chelsea’s coming home tomorrow.
He shrugged. “Fine, don’t tell me.”
“There’s nothing to tell.”
“You’ll tell me sooner or later,” Grey insisted.
“Oh my God, there’s nothing to tell.”
He raised a naturally arched brow. “Must be some new crush hanging at the gym since classes don’t start until next week.”
“You think you know me.” I slung my arm around his neck and pulled his head down to give him a smack on his cheek.
At that moment, Carter appeared out of the walkway looking fine as ever in a pale, yellow shirt he left partially open over linen slacks.
He’d taken his hair down and worn it out.
A curly fro that only enhanced his handsome face.
I quickly removed my arm and could feel Grey’s stare as we approached Carter. I called, “Hey. Good to see you again.”
His lips curled. “Yeah. It is.”
Grey and Carter only nodded in greeting. Carter passed close enough to touch his pinky to mine, reminding me of this afternoon. The urge. God. The urge to touch him again, to look over my shoulder at him, tortured me as I started up the stairs.
“The truth. What happened between you and Carter?” Grey asked quietly after we arrived at our door. We’d made a pact years ago that if one of us asked for the truth, we had no choice but to comply.
“We hooked up earlier,” I replied, like hooking up with Carter was a part of my daily routine while I punched the entrance code into our condo.
“Hooked up? Like sex?” He kept his voice level, but I heard the judgment.
“Not sex. Like made out at his place.” I neglected to tell Grey that he gave me a ride home. I managed to get Grey’s car home without him knowing I left it on campus, and that little lie was going to my grave.
“That’s why you were gone so long.” He followed behind me into the kitchen. “Does Chelsea know?”
“Yeah.” I'd called her with all the deets on the drive back from campus. “She was proud of me. Unlike you.”
“Why didn’t you tell me?” He leaned against the counter as I grabbed a water bottle from the fridge.
I pointed at his mouth. “I didn’t want to hear that Carter is out of my league. That I’m not good enough. Besides, Chelsea gets me when it comes to men.”
“What? I get you. No one gave me the time of day until I started looking like this. Chelsea never went through an awkward stage in her life. Even though I'm a man, I can relate more to you than her.” He swiped my hand down. “And I would never say he’s out of your league.”
“You did the day we moved in.” I held the bottle in my hand and pointed the tip at him. “And even if you don’t remember telling me. You believe it.”
He shook his head. “No, I don’t. St. Patrick isn't good enough for you. He’ll only hurt you. Where do you think he’s going tonight, dressed up?”
Although I had the same question, I pushed it to the back of my mind. “Love is a risk. Maybe I’m willing to take it with him.”
Grey scoffed loudly. “You mean lust. That dude knows nothing about love.”
I defended, “You don’t know him.”
Grey pushed off the counter and said calmly, “Game recognize game.”
I couldn’t argue. Grey had been with many girls and shied away from commitment, too focused on his relationship goals. After the last guy I dated dumped me for not being ready for sex, he told me that he would tell me whether the guy I liked was worth it. I trusted Grey wouldn’t steer me wrong.
“Well, maybe I don’t care. I’m about to be legal and haven’t had sex.
That sounds lame even to my ears. I want to have fun and stop being so damn careful.
I'm tired of living vicariously through you and Chelsea while you have these amazing lives, and I have nothing. Carter may be playing me, but at least he makes me feel like something.”
“You’re not lame. That’s in your head. You can’t see what I see.
What Chelsea sees. That you have more than what we have.
You’re brilliant. You know what you want from life and have never been afraid to go after it.
You know who you are. Shit, I don’t know who I am most days.
Raised in a white world by a white mama and my black father, who picks and chooses when he wants to be bothered.
So, learning to be a man, a black man who wants to be accepted and loved by a black woman, is fucking hard.
Chelsea relies too much on her looks and money to know who she is.
But you...you...we envy you. You have everything.
Goals. Self-aware. Older siblings who would ride for you.
Parents who still love each other and love you.
And you would’ve been in love by now if you weren’t trying to live this romantic movie in real life. ”
I digested his words. Heard the truth in them and knew his struggles with being biracial.
Yet he didn’t fully understand my loneliness.
My desire for a great love. For someone to treat me like the main character.
“How many men am I turning down to live in this fantasy world? Huh? How many men have pursued me, and I rejected them?”
Grey sighed before dropping his gaze to his Nikes.
“Men don’t seek me. I don’t know why, but they don’t. Not even the ones who may be in my league. So, stop making it seem like I’m letting good men go to have someone like Carter.” I touched my chest. “He approached me. Remembers me from class, though we never spoke, and he wants me. Me.”
He continued to study his shoes.
I tapped his foot with mine, and he looked at me. His hazel eyes dulled by our conversation. “Give me this, Grey. Give me a moment of giddy, goofy lust that may or may not turn into love. Let me enjoy that a man like Carter St. Patrick wants me.”
“Alright. Alright,” Grey conceded with a shake of his head. “I’ll back off. Whatever you want, Darren.”
He moved past me to pick up a bag of chips on top of the fridge.
“Glad you’re saying that. Carter thinks you’re my boyfriend. Don’t make him think otherwise,” I quickly said as I hurried out of the kitchen.
He rushed to the corner of the kitchen to yell, “Fuck Darren, why would you tell him something like that?”
I turned around. “I didn’t. He assumed, and I let him run with it. Thank you, Bestie. Are we still watching Breaking Bad after we put on PJs?”
Grey muttered under his breath and went back into the kitchen.
My cell beeped while I changed into a tank and shorts. I picked up my phone expecting a text from Mama, who sent me prayers nightly.
I almost dropped my phone when I read Carter's text.
I’m already jealous.
I collapsed on my bed, feeling unbelievably happy and wondering if I could resist Carter long enough to get what I wanted.