Chapter 19
Better than I imagined.
Grey was all over me. His hands roamed my body, and his tongue dipped in and out of my mouth so passionately I had trouble breathing. I panted the moment he raised his head. "I can't believe you're here."
His chest heaved up and down as his right hand cupped the back of my head, and his other one gripped my waist tight.
He didn't say anything, his hungry gaze savoring every inch of my face as he lowered his head to kiss me again.
I eagerly wrapped my arms around his neck, and he lifted me off my feet, carrying me to the bed, our lips still locked.
His erection throbbed on my belly, and I couldn't get enough of his kiss, his touch, of him.
Grey stopped kissing me long enough to ask, "Can I have you?"
I nodded, wanting him to be my first. Wanting.
..needing to share this special moment with him.
Because I knew he loved me. Whether or not we would ever be after tonight, my first time would be with a man I loved, and he loved me back.
He unzipped my jumper until the material pooled around my feet, leaving me in a matching pink bra and panty set.
Grey cupped my face again and kissed me deeply and ardently.
I pushed up his tank, my hands rubbing his beautiful, chiseled chest.
He groaned when I tasted his skin and sucked on his stiff bud.
His nimble fingers popped open the front clasp of my bra.
My breasts tumbled out, and he paid sweet attention to each one with his mouth while his other hand slid my panties over my hips and down my legs until they joined my jumper.
I stepped out of them, perched at the end of the bed, tugging down his joggers, and his hard manhood released.
I kissed the tip, wanting to taste and suck on his long length.
Grey had other plans and pushed me higher on the bed as he rose above me.
"I don't have anything. Please say you do," Grey begged.
"No." I licked his neck and chest, unconcerned about protection.
He frowned. "How many times I tell you to keep condoms on you in case he doesn't have them?"
I giggled and opened my legs. "Not the time for a lecture. I want to feel you. Just don't come in me. I'll grab a morning-after pill later."
"Darren, you can't rely on..."
Before he could finish his thought, I tongued him and reached between us, placing his dick at my slick entrance. Refusing to let his worry ruin my first time and our first time together. "I trust you."
Grey's eyes glowed in the lamp's light as his hands spread my thighs wider, and I raised my mound to meet him.
He slowly pushed himself through my tight, slick barrier and captured my grunt of pain in his kiss.
He cajoled and soothed me with his tongue while moving inside me, inch by inch, until our bodies joined at the hip.
As he stretched me wider, I burned, and tears ran down my face.
It would've hurt worse if Grey hadn't been aware it was my first time.
He started moving in and out gingerly. Every movement was a sweet ache mixed with pleasure, and he kept going until all that remained was pleasure.
Once my sounds became moans, Grey began thrusting faster and faster.
As Chelsea had predicted, I wanted more of him.
I wrapped my legs around his waist and grabbed his taut ass, urging him to fuck me harder.
He began to grunt, and his hip action became stronger, firmer, and rhythmic as he pumped until the ecstasy spiral in my body threatened to overwhelm me.
I'd heard that I may not climax my first time.
Yet, every nerve ending in my body screamed for release, and I bit his shoulder when it came.
Seemingly oblivious to the pain of my bite, Grey rocked against me until he became rigid, and he pulled out, breathing shallowly, holding himself as his cum sprayed my stomach.
He then collapsed on top of me, and I welcomed his weight, satiated and elated that my first time was exactly how I wanted it to be.
OUR BODIES WERE INTERLOCKED. Neither of us wanted to be apart. My head rested on his chest. We both should have been exhausted, yet we were too wired to sleep at three in the morning. His hand rubbed my back. "Are you disappointed it wasn't Carter?"
"No. I'm glad it was you." I lifted my head to look at him, and he bent his head to press his lips against mine. "How did you know where to find me?"
"I texted Chelsea and told her I wanted to send you balloons, and I promised her I wouldn't sign my name. She doesn't know I'm here if you want to keep what we did between us."
"Thinking I will. At least for the moment." I snickered. "She warned me about giving you some whenever I did see you again because I missed you so much."
His eyes softened. "Missed you more. Wish I could stay the rest of the weekend. I need to get up while I still have energy and drive back. My first race is at eleven."
I snuggled against his body. "I know. You sacrificed so much to be here with me. I don't want to be the reason you don't win today."
"You won't." He reassured me. "I snuck away and drove back here because I wasn't going to get rest anyway, knowing you were upset and alone. I didn't plan for us to have sex. But when I saw you, instinct took over. I hope you don't regret being with me."
"How could I regret it?" I kissed his chest. "It was beyond perfection."
Grey grinned. "There you go, making everything so romantic."
"It wasn't perfect for you?" I asked without any insecurities. He was Grey. My Grey. We'd always accepted each other. The good, bad, and the ugly.
"Better than I ever could possibly imagine, which is why we need to talk before I go back to Austin." He stopped rubbing my back, and his eyes became hooded.
My stomach dropped, feeling him already distancing himself from me. "What happens now, Grey? You got what you wanted, and now you're done?"
"Don't do that when you know I love you," Grey retorted, shifting us so I was beneath him.
His warm, firm body back on top of mine, his center firmly between my legs that opened, ready to receive him over and over again if he so desired.
"I know you want a relationship. A commitment that will eventually end in marriage and a family.
You also know I don't believe in that institution, and I'm not sure I want to be a father.
I've been in love with you, but I've held back telling you because I know we want different things.
I love you too much to ever ask you to settle for less than you desire. "
I searched his earnest face for the truth. Only love shone from his hazel eyes. "What if I'm willing to compromise? Love is about sacrificing for each other."
"Okay. Let's say we do this, and a year from now, you want more, and I don't. Will you hate me? Will you still be good? Will you leave me?"
I ran my hand over his curls to the fine hair on his nape. "But what if you change your mind and want the same things I want? We're like a couple in every way, especially now that we've had sex. You and I work."
Grey affirmed, "I can be your boyfriend.
I have no doubt I can be faithful to you, and you would support my busy practice schedule.
But my stance on marriage hasn't changed.
I don't operate on what-ifs, and you shouldn't either.
I can only tell you how I feel and have always felt. You know this about me."
I nodded slowly because I did. That may be why, subconsciously, I never saw Grey as potential.
Why I ignored the hints of attraction that he didn't really hide.
He's always been near me or around me. Grey suggested we attend college together when I'd been prepared to apply to other schools.
"Why does our relationship hinge on what you feel? I don't have a say?"
He looked down at me. "You do. Can you be with me, knowing we may forever be boyfriend and girlfriend? That we may always live together out of wedlock. That I may not ever want children? I will be committed to you and only you if you can."
Tears gathered behind my eyes. "Grey, you're asking a lot of me. I don't know if I can promise you anything like that."
"That's just it. I'm not asking or requiring it of you. You asked what's next, and I get that because you just gave me a gift I'll treasure for the rest of my life." His eyes searched my face. "I ask again, do you regret what we did?"
"No. I always envisioned my first time with someone I loved and who loved me back.
I'd been willing to settle for less, but I'm glad you were my first." I touched his cheek, and he kissed my palm.
"Just don't know how we can move forward as friends with this love between us.
Like how do we do this? I will be with another man one day, and you'll be with a woman.
Our friendship almost ended over Carter, and we hadn't had sex.
You were already possessive over me before.
Can you honestly be okay with another man touching me, being with me like you are right now? "
Grey kissed my palm again. "I don't want another man near you. Period. But I can't be selfish either. I'll accept whatever you decide, and I'll live with it. I won't ask you to choose or act as I did with Carter again. I can't lose you, no matter what. Even if all we will ever be is friends."
I pulled his head back down to me and kissed him.
Kissed him in case this was our last time being this way with one another.
With every swirl of my tongue with his, I wanted to erase his childhood pain.
I hated that his childhood had given him such a warped view of marriage that he didn't believe happiness existed between a husband and a wife.
He'd grown up in a toxic environment, observing the turbulent, sometimes violent relationship with his parents.
Grey told me countless times over the years how he would have a life different than his parents.
He wouldn't mess up a good relationship with marriage or make a child feel what he did growing up.
We would argue and debate, and I would use my parents' healthy relationship as an example.
Grey would never discount my experiences or feelings about marriage.
He simply believed his happiness wouldn't result from marriage and a family.
For him, it was making the Olympic Team, whether he ever earned a medal.
For him, it was a thriving career and a woman with similar views about marriage and family.
He moaned, nudged my legs further apart, and entered me so wholly, and suddenly I gasped. Grey whispered, "Do you want me to stop? Does it still hurt?"
"No. It feels too damn good. Like I never want you to stop."
He continued, slowly moving in and out of me, cognizant of my soreness. "And I wish I could stay inside of you forever."
Grey then snared my mouth, and his tongue matched the incessant strokes of his dick.
My arms held onto his neck, enjoying every delicious moment.
And when my moans increased, he picked up the rhythm, thrusting faster and harder.
Still kissing me until I couldn't take it anymore.
I yelled my second orgasm as he pulled out and spewed himself over my stomach and breasts.
AFTER WE SHOWERED TOGETHER, laughing and talking about everything much like we've always done, he left for his two-and-a-half-hour drive back to Austin.
Only wearing the hotel's terry-cloth robe, I moved to the balcony and soaked in the early-morning light and breeze.
Truly grateful for this day. My 21st birthday had finally arrived, and I was no longer a virgin.
I hugged myself at the bittersweetness of Grey and me.
We were set in our ways and knew each other better than anyone else.
Neither of us would compromise on what we wanted.
We agreed to table any further discussion about us and focus on our friendship for now.
Agreed that our special night of lovemaking would only be between us, and see if we could truly let the chemistry between us fade to black.
I slipped back inside to sleep when a knock scared me.
Something told me it wouldn't be Grey this time.
Without checking the peephole, I opened the door, and a contrite Carter, holding a bouquet of flowers and balloons, greeted me, "Please, let me explain."
I leaned against the door, debating whether to hear his weak-ass excuse. "Flowers and balloons are not going to cut it."
He glanced at the bouquet in his hands. "This isn't an apology gift. This is for your birthday. Today is your birthday, right?"
What the fuck? Carter knew it was my birthday. Knowing it was my birthday, he'd asked to spend his only weekend off with me. Had I underestimated his feelings for me yet again?
Tired of the lies and needing to clear the air, unsmiling, I stepped back. "You’re right. We do need to talk.”
His jaw tightened. “About him?”
I nodded.
Carter entered the suite reluctantly, and the door slammed shut for the second time.