Chapter 31 #2
He raised his own knees and leaned on them, studying me.
“When I walked out and saw you like that, all broken and hurt, all I could do was hold you. I’m still wrapping my mind around you being with another man.
I don’t care if it was Grey or that this would be your last time because we were still together.
I haven’t been with another woman since we ate at In-N-Out.
I started to fuck someone else, but couldn’t even kiss her because, for me, it was cheating on you. ”
“Chelsea?” I asked before I could stop myself and felt a tinge of jealousy. Carter was the real one in our relationship if he could tolerate this whole conversation while I still ached so painfully thinking of him and Chelsea.
“No. That’s been over.” Carter jerked his head like he’d been slapped.
“I don’t know what she told you, but she was just someone I fucked.
Something she wanted, too. She was recording one of her videos on campus, and I walked past her camera unknowingly.
She stopped me, and we flirted heavily. We came back here, and that happened a few more times.
I thought we were on the same page, and then she told me she caught feelings.
That night you heard us was our last night.
I drove her back to campus to her car. Before she got out, she told me she would leave her man for me.
I told her not to because I didn’t want a relationship.
We were in my truck, and her boyfriend walked up on us.
She jumped out, trying to keep him from me.
I watched her lie to him that we hadn’t done anything.
They argued, and when I was sure he wouldn’t hit her or me, I drove away.
That happened a few days after you moved in. ”
“Have you talked in the last two weeks?”
He snorted, “Fuck no. And I hope that you’re not trying to still be friends with her.”
“Why?”
“Because she’s selfish and a piss poor friend.”
I reminded him, “You fucked her knowing she had a man.”
He lifted his head. “And? You fucked Grey, knowing you had me. On second thought, you and Chelsea are perfect friends for each other.”
Anger rose inside of me at being compared to her. I would never be her. “Chelsea and I haven’t spoken since homecoming when I accused her of being with you and Grey in front of Carmello after I caught her and Carmello having sex. Grey had to stop him from hurting her.”
“What the fuck? She’s been with Grey, too? And you busted her with her ex? This keeps getting better and better.” He laughed like it was the funniest thing he had heard.
“She didn’t have sex with Grey, though she tried him.” I bit my lip to hide my smile.
“You know you want to laugh. That shit is hilarious. Your girl, gets around.”
“I know you’re not judging her. You’ve had your share of women, too.”
“Not at all. Stating facts.” Carter grinned, and then his smile faded. “Or am I Carmello in this situation? Because that night on campus, I thought he was done with her, and then a few weeks later, he’s with her, and he’s hurt all over again.”
I touched his knee. “I’m not Chelsea, Carter. If you really thought that you wouldn’t be here with me, and you know that.” I pushed up to join him against the headboard. “She wrote me something that I haven’t read. We can read it together, unless I should be concerned about something?”
He dropped his head back on the headboard and looked at me. “Read it. If there’s something that upsets you, keep in mind you just fucked Grey. Whatever she and I did was weeks ago. If I’m willing to forgive you, you need to forgive me.”
“How can you be so calm as you talk about me being with Grey? Because Carmello laid hands on Chelsea for the same reason.”
Carter shrugged. “Maybe I’m too numb. Maybe seeing you so broken scared me. Maybe I’m excited that you’re in my bed again. Maybe I’m the biggest fool in love. Or maybe it’s me working it through with the woman I love, showing you that we have what it takes to get through the worst.”
I grinned. “Damn, you’re even better.”
He snorted and gave a half-smile.
“Okay, to prove I want to move forward....” I climbed out of bed.
“Thought we weren’t leaving this bed...not even to piss?”
I tossed the middle finger. “Hush, man. I’m making a point. Did you bring my black mesh bag from next door?”
“Yeah, it’s in the living room.”
I found the bag, pulled out the card and bear, and returned to his bed. After I returned and pulled the covers over me, I passed him the card. “Tear it up.”
“You don’t want to read it?” He held it up.
“No. There’s nothing Chelsea can say that will make me forgive her.”
“What if there’s some shit about me?”
I kissed his cheek, and he blushed. “I can’t expect you to forgive me for Grey if I can’t forgive you for Chelsea.”
Carter fingered the card. “I don’t know. Think you need to read it. She was your friend for years.”
“Was my friend, and I probably won’t believe what she says about you. Tear it, or I will.” I lunged for it, and he held it higher, and I fell into him.
His gaze drifted to my lips, and he inhaled deeply before pushing me gently away. He took the card and ripped it into pieces. The remains of Chelsea’s apology/confession note landed between us.
“Can we move forward?” I asked him, ignoring the sting of his rejection.
He didn’t want to kiss me and hadn’t been remotely flirty or naughty in our interactions, which had never been the case between him and me in the weeks we’d known each other.
Then again, this was a lot, and I’m grateful that he’d been there for me when Grey left.
“Why didn’t you tell Grey you were pregnant?” This time, he met my gaze. Steady. Unwavering. Ready to hear my answer.
“Because he would’ve turned the Olympics down to be here with me.”
“And why would he do that when I’m here?” He held his hand up. “Please don’t piss me off by saying you didn’t think I would be here for my baby when I’ve made that abundantly clear that I would be there for you and my baby.”
I took a deep breath and admitted, “There’s a small chance it’s his. The first time we slept together was the day before my birthday.”
“You were a virgin?” The lines in his forehead increased.
“Yeah. Wanted you to be the first. I thought you stood me up, and he was there for me.”
Carter’s eyes shut tight for a long time, and then he eased out of bed and walked out of the bedroom. It was too much for him.
This time, he left me, and I couldn’t blame him at all.
THE NEXT DAY, I SAT alone in the doctor’s waiting room, thinking about yesterday.
Instead of tears, once he left without another word to me, I showered, dressed, gathered my things, and took an Uber to my sister’s place to join the family.
I told my family that Carter wanted to spend the holiday with his family, and I preferred mine.
They never questioned me because they also preferred me to be with them.
I hid my true sadness, even from Danielle’s watchful eyes.
I wanted to be normal and happy with my family, and that was what I did.
Now, seeing the other women with their partners, I willed myself to remain strong and that I wouldn’t be alone in this journey to motherhood.
My sister and family would be there even if the father of my child wouldn’t.
I held my stomach and swore to my unborn child that no matter what, we would be fine.
Maybe once I had the baby and did a paternity test, Carter would come back around if the baby was his.
If it were Grey’s, I would wait until after the Olympics to tell him.
When the nurse announced my name, I rose with a timid smile. No turning back. I would find out the potential birthdate and maybe hear the heartbeat. As the door closed behind me, I heard a familiar voice yell, “Wait. I’m with her.”
I wanted to jump and shout when she opened the door, and Carter stood on the other side with a nervous smile. I said, “I didn’t think you were going to be here with me. Didn’t think you would be here, period.”
“I didn’t either at first. I fought with myself during Thanksgiving dinner.
Barely paying attention to my family, I couldn’t sleep all night.
Realized this morning that I could let go of the past and move forward with you, and I didn’t want you to go through this appointment alone.
I kissed my Mama, told her I’d make it up to her for Christmas, and drove straight here.
I love you, and that means we weather the storm together.
” He hugged me to him. “We’re in the middle of the perfect storm, and I won’t let us drown.
I told you I wasn’t going anywhere and that we would work it out. I meant that.”
The nurse cleared her throat, reminding us that she and the whole office watched our own reality show. She grinned at Carter and looked at me. “Girl, you better hang on to him. He fine, and he talking right.”
“I think I will.” I laughed as Carter grabbed me up in a big hug, lifting me off my feet.
We were already one step closer to forever.