Chapter 33
Loyalty means something.
Present Day
Carter looked down at me. "Did you know he would be here?"
"I don't follow him and haven't for years. You don't think I would've warned you or had you come here alone?"
He grunted. "I don't know what you would do when it comes to him."
“Is this why you’ve been jumpy and drinking too much? You knew he would be here and didn't warn me. Were you testing me or something?”
Carter tightened his jaw, and his silence answered me.
Eight years of love, marriage, and family, and yet Carter's insecurities rushed to the forefront at the sight of Grey. I didn't have the energy or the desire to reassure him, especially after the last few weeks we'd had, in which I questioned if I wanted to continue being with him, knowing that he was probably cheating on me. After the hot sex in the closet and the closeness we shared in bed later that night, I thought I’d gotten my Carter back. Since that night, over two weeks ago, we hadn’t had sex, and he'd been coming home late more than on time with the same excuses of long practice or negotiation talks over dinner. Whenever I attempted to question him, he was dismissive and accused me of not trusting him. We argued more, and he didn’t seem to care if our disagreements weren’t resolved.
I hated the sadness and feelings of betrayal that attacked me daily.
I wanted peace again. The peace of his love and knowing Carter would never hurt me. Lately, only the vow we'd made to each other that we would stick it out through thick and thin, and our beautiful and brilliant twins, kept me tethered to him.
"Do you think he knows?" Carter squeezed my hand, and his hand felt clammy, and my heart suddenly ached for him.
He wasn't worried about whether Grey still had power over me.
Power over my heart. He worried that Grey would discover that our daughter was his.
Carter loved Elle in ways he would never love me or his biological son, Ethyn.
She reached a part of his heart that he'd kept from me. The part that kept us from being the couple I knew we could be, despite how good our marriage had been. The part that never truly forgave me when I left him for Grey, no matter how short-lived Grey’s love had been.
“I don’t know how he would know.”
Carter and I decided long ago that we wouldn’t post our children. Pics of our twins were usually captured by fans when we were all together in public as a family or when they came to a game with me.
“We need to go speak,” Carter said, stunning me with his words. We were on our way out, and as much as I wanted to talk to Grey, I wouldn’t put my husband through the pain of watching Grey and me after all these years.
“We don’t have to.” I touched his forearm.
“Yeah, we do. Everyone knows we graduated from the same university at the same time. We can’t not speak.”
Although we held hands, I hung back slightly, my steps no longer in sync with Carter's. I wasn’t ready to see Grey either. He’d been my best friend since we were fourteen, and while I was trying to get Carter’s attention, Grey captured mine.
When he noticed us, standing next to one of the open bars, his smile faltered, his hazel eyes hooded, and sadness flowed through me.
I’d known Grey for seven years and spent most days with him.
I watched him practice tirelessly and was there for him when he needed a shoulder because of his unsupportive mother, or needed extra encouragement that he would make the Olympic Team.
I never got to watch him live his dream because of a little old thing called love.
We were now strangers. Strangers that were forever connected because of the little girl with eyes just like her father’s.
The closer we approached Grey, the slower my heart beat, and my pulse became ragged.
I’d known him as a friend for so much longer than as a lover, yet the memory that scarred my heart and mind was of the intimate moments we shared.
The completeness and happiness I felt that he’d been my first, and those two weeks we were locked away from the world before his ambitions took him away from me forever.
As if sensing my thoughts or for his own reassurance, Carter squeezed my hand.
The hand that I’d been holding for years now.
He’d been my rock and became my best friend after Grey left.
Both men loved me with a depth that sometimes I couldn’t fathom.
A depth that allowed one to give up the only woman he’d loved to another man, and one that forgave a woman who loved another and had agreed to raise that man’s child.
I leaned into Carter’s strong shoulder, needing to let him know that he still mattered more to me.
For most of our marriage, we were completely honest with each other, even if it hurt.
We wanted to break the mold and not be that couple who withhold information or keep secrets.
It’s why I knew he protected a part of himself from me.
He’d confessed during our third year of marriage that there were times he still warred with himself about forgiving me after I abandoned him while he was in the hospital to be with Grey.
Although that wasn’t quite what happened, Carter believed it was.
It was also why the pain cut deep that, as we embarked on our eight years of being together, Carter was now keeping a secret.
Whether it was another woman or something else, he was keeping something from me, and it was slowly unraveling the fabric of our love.
The fabric of us.
Grey shoved his left hand in his pocket as we finally met.
I'd been accustomed to his clean-shaven appearance. Now, he’d grown a mustache and goatee.
His lean face had become fuller with age, and he wore wild, curly hair.
A style he hated when he saw it on other biracial men like the actor Corbin Bleu.
A style that only made him more handsome and more appealing as a model if he so chose.
His gaze darted to mine before settling on Carter’s. He held his hand out.
Carter accepted it, and Grey pulled him in for a slight hug.
I stood awkwardly waiting for my turn next to them as they embraced.
Respectfully, Grey looked at Carter, and he nodded subtly.
Grey then turned to me and held his arms out to me.
I went into them, trying not to allow our bodies to touch, and failed.
In that moment when my breasts pressed against his solid chest, a memory of the last time we hugged when he left me hit me.
Tears pricked, and I quickly backed up to the safety of Carter’s side.
Grey’s brow furrowed briefly, but he focused his attention on Carter. “I thought I would know what to say once I saw you two again, but my mind is blank.”
Carter shrugged. “Guess I never thought we would.”
Grey glanced at me and then back at Carter. “I’m actually surprised we hadn’t seen each other at one of these events before.”
“I’m usually away practicing and preparing for the season. My coach and agent told me I had no choice this year since our first official game is in town this season.” Carter chuckled. “Plus, this type of shit isn’t my thing.”
I thought this was our first time being invited to this event. Apparently, Carter had been avoiding this annual event, knowing Grey might be here. I might not have been keeping tabs on Grey, but Carter had.
“I know it isn’t hers.” Grey nodded at me. “We used to go to these athletic banquets and make fun of people because we hated the airs everyone had because we were dressed up.”
I smiled. “Your team had a fit when you showed up in a tux and Nikes that one year.”
“Nothing has changed.” He gestured to his shoes, which I hadn’t noticed. He wore black Jordans with his fitted black suit.
We laughed, and I could see my best friend again, not my lover. “I should have known. I bet you still don’t own any shoes besides Jordans or spiked shoes.”
He raised his hand. “I plead the fifth.”
Carter cleared his throat, and we sobered as he picked up my hand. “Just wanted to speak and congratulate you on your success.”
“Same to you. A lot has happened in eight years. Rams quarterback, MVP, and possibly Super Bowl ring this year, right?”
Carter half-smiled. “Something like that.”
Grey asked me. “Have you opened up your own pharmacy yet?”
Before I could respond, Carter answered, “We’ve been busy with other endeavors. Good night, and I hope you enjoy the rest of your evening.”
Grey took a step back, clenched his jaw, and nodded.
I gave him a sympathetic glance and allowed my husband to pull me away from him. I took one backward glance over my shoulder. Grey’s eyes sparkled in the light, and I realized they were wet like mine.
Carter’s grip tightened, and I faced forward. The determined set of his jawline and the heat that emanated from his body made me nervous. He said, “I’m driving home.”
“Baby, I don’t think that’s a good idea.” I rubbed his arm, hoping my touch could soothe him.
He gave me a long side glance. “Seeing the two of you together has completely sobered me the fuck up. Trust me.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?” I asked, thinking our interaction had been awkward but polite.
“Fuck,” he muttered as we meandered through the party.
“What, Carter?”
“I need to find Travis before I leave.” Travis was his sports agent. We hadn’t seen him all night, though he was somewhere around the party.
I stopped walking. “Then let’s find him.”
He snorted. “A few minutes ago, you were ready to leave. Now, you’re so willing to hunt for Travis with me. I wonder why.”
“Please. Let’s not go back to the past. Please. We’ve come too far,” I implored while quietly scanning our area. Hoping no one paid attention to the apparent tension between us.
Carter lowered his voice, “Seriously? Because back there, he couldn’t stop staring.”
“I thought he was being respectful. And even if he did stare, we hadn't seen each other in a long time. We were friends for –"
“Seven fucking years,” he cut me off tersely.
“I now have officially known you longer and have shared a life with you. Still sharing.” I reached into his front jacket and tapped his chest playfully as I went into his inside pocket. “Where’s the valet ticket?”
“You know I don’t keep up with shit.” He grinned, though I could see the simmering anger in his eyes.
“Positively horrible. I’ll get the car while you find Travis.” I pulled his chin down and pressed my lips to him. “I love you and only you.”
“Sorry.” His hand cupped my ass. “Did I ever tell you that I’m glad you’re my wife and head of my family?”
I replied smartly, “You need to tell me more.”
He smacked my lips. “You’re right, I do.”
"Go so we can get home." I moved away from him as he backed up, smiling and playfully blowing me a kiss.
I captured it and headed toward the valet stand.
Thoughts swirled with Carter and Grey, whether my reaction to Grey was about the friendship I missed or the passion we never finished.
I had so many questions for Grey. About his life and how he felt when he finally accomplished his lifelong dream.
I wanted to catch up like the old friends we had been.
As I described our car to the valet and tried to prove that I was Carter St. Patrick’s wife, a voice called behind me. “He speaks for you now.”
I shuddered involuntarily, and his warm hands gripped my bare shoulders.
I closed my eyes, savoring these seconds before I turned around to face him.
Seconds where I can pretend he was the one I was going home with for the night.
Seconds, I can pretend that it had only been him and me.
That I never crushed on Carter and that we didn’t have a family.
Seconds where I could pretend we were those best friends who realized we were meant to be together forever.
Turning around meant my reality would exist, and he and I could never be together again.
Then Carter and my sweet babies flashed, and I turned around to face my past.