Chapter 50
Understanding doesn’t mean acceptance.
Chelsea answered first, “We just used his sperm. No sex was involved.”
Joi walked to her son and picked him up. “Come on, let’s go to the bedroom and finish watching your show.”
She closed the door behind them, and I stood back up and folded my arms. “Okay, then what does Grey know?”
Carter scoffed, “You mean he didn’t tell you when you spent your birthday together?”
Chelsea glanced at Carter before asking me, “You’ve seen Grey?”
I shrugged. “He’s the one who told me about Carter being Sekani's godfather. He assumed we were cool again and had no idea I didn’t know.”
Chelsea answered, “He knows nothing about Sekani except that Carter is his godfather. He knows Carter, and I hooked up the day before your birthday and told him I was pregnant. I didn't tell him the baby was Carter's or that I had a miscarriage. He might think Sekani is the same baby.”
Carter indignantly stared at me. He knew that was the first time Grey and I had sex that led to Elle. Damn it to hell. “Did Grey see you two or something before he came to see me?”
“No. He called to ask where you were staying, and I was in my feelings. I told what had just happened between Carter and me.”
Carter muttered, “Guess he was more like me than I thought.”
“Yeah, I have a penchant for selfish men.” I walked past Chelsea to stare out into the city. “Why are you here this weekend?”
“You mean, why your birthday weekend?” Chelsea asked from behind.
I touched the window, looking at the city and beyond. “Yes.”
Carter said, “Sekani has sickle cell like my brother, and he’s here for experimental treatment. This was the only time to get him in to see the specialist. He had the appointment this morning, and it looks promising.”
I turned around and met his sad gaze. “Oh, Carter. I’m sorry. I know how much you worry about Chase.” His younger brother had suffered from excruciating pain and blood transfusions most of his life. Because of Carter’s money, he has had fewer crises over the last few years.
Chelsea nodded. “Fortunately, Sekani doesn’t have the worst type.
His pain is rare and happens maybe once or twice a year.
We knew there was a chance he might be born with it, but we hoped for the best. Joi and I have the trait, so who carried him didn’t matter.
” She held her hand up. “I carried Sekani before you ask. I swear, no sex with your man. Just used his sperm, and Carter was there for us shortly after his birth when we found out Sekani had sickle cell. Carter is the father figure in his life. We’ve forgiven each other, and we’ve become friends. ”
“Still don’t know how, with everything we’ve been through, why you couldn’t share this with me?
” I folded my arms and addressed Carter.
“We were a team, and you’ve created another team where, apparently, you’re the star too.
What should I do with this information after five years of lying to me?
You don’t think I would’ve understood wanting to right your wrongs? ”
He moved to the edge of the sofa. “I hated myself and how I behaved toward Chelsea and you, initially. I disrespected Chelsea and didn’t take you seriously.
.. I was humoring Grey, who told me to be nice to you.
..thought you were sexy, figured I would hit it and quit it.
Getting to know you and, over the years, really getting to know Chelsea, I realized I’d been hurtful and disrespectful. I’m not that man anymore.”
I corrected, “You might not be that man anymore to Chelsea and her family, but to me, you are. You’ve been hurtful and disrespectful to the family you already have, Carter. If you can’t see that, then I don’t know if there’s a point to staying married.”
He ran a frustrated hand over his hair and down his face. "I wasn't trying to hurt you or our twins. I knew you wouldn't understand."
“Carter, can you take a walk and give Darren and me a moment?” Chelsea asked.
Carter looked at me for confirmation, and I nodded.
Once the front door closed, I waited to see what Chelsea had to say, although I just wanted to leave and take my children far away from this madness that started because I liked Carter St. Patrick in college.
“Look, I know you don’t care about anything I have to say since you didn’t bother reading the letter I sent you. But I-”
I cut her off. “I’m still glad I didn’t. You were still stirring up shit between Carter and me.”
“I wasn’t stirring up shit.”
“Bullshit.” I circled her. “Pure bullshit because asking my husband to have your baby is the ultimate shit starter.
Let's not forget that you kept your true feelings about Carter from me because you wanted to see if he would treat me like he did you. What kind of fucking friend is that?” I incredulously asked.
“I cared about you so much back then that as much as I crushed on him - because it was a crush at first - I would’ve left him alone.
You and I were supposed to marry and raise our children together one day.
You weren't supposed to stab me in the back or make a family with my husband. "
She flipped her hair and scoffed, “Grey used to always say how you stay stuck in a fairytale world, and you’re still living there.
You could never see what was clear to everyone else.
You could tell that Carter didn’t like being around Grey and me when we were roommates, but you never questioned him, just like now.
It’s been five years, and you’re just figuring out that your husband has another life.
For once, accept responsibility for the role you played in your own fucking marriage. Stop being this victim.”
My heart pounded almost out of my chest. “How can I accept responsibility for my role when the very people I’m supposed to trust lied to me?
” I placed my hands on my hips. “Chelsea, you were supposed to be my best friend, and you kept the fact that you were in love with Carter a secret because your ego couldn’t believe he would ever fall for me.
Do you know how narcissistic you sound? I knew you were selfish, but I thought you truly cared about me.
I thought you saw my worth and believed any man would be glad to have me, including Carter.
I am sorry you had a miscarriage alone and that Carter was a straight-up asshole to you.
No woman deserves that. But asking him to be the father of your child was another way to get back at me.
You played on his guilt and his kindness.
” I walked closer to her and pointed at her face.
“I know you more than he does. He might have thought he was helping you and washing away his sins. Instead, this was another way for you to get at me because you couldn’t stand that I beat you being me.
That a superstar athlete who’s supposed to choose you chose me.
” I snorted, “Making sure my sister told me she saw you and your son. Dropping seeds to Grey so he would tell me that Carter is your child’s father, and I would know.
All games that Carter, bless his heart, is too blind to see. ”
She shook her head and retorted, “I’m not playing games.
I wanted you to know from the beginning.
Not to get back at you...I didn’t want any more secrets.
Yes, maybe I shouldn’t have asked him to be the father of my baby, but I did.
I wanted what I lost. A baby boy. And yeah, maybe I always wanted a bit of Carter.
You don’t know how it felt to be alone and pregnant for a man who acted like you were shit simply because he fell in love with someone else.
And then, once I let go of him and was prepared to be a single mother like so many other women before me, I lost my baby.
” Her voice trembled, “I’d bonded with my baby for sixteen weeks, and I lost him on New Year’s Day.
I didn’t know you were pregnant until graduation, standing next to Carter, wearing an engagement ring.
All the grief and loss came back with a vengeance.
Karma was a real bitch to me, and I don’t want that type of karma to ever hit my doorstep again.
So, when I asked Carter to donate his sperm, he first said that it was a commitment he couldn’t make.
When I told him he wouldn’t have to be involved.
..that he could sign away his rights, and that he would be like a sperm donor because I had a committed partner in Joi.
He started considering it, and I urged him to speak to you before deciding.
Carter responded that you didn’t have to know since he would be a donor. ”
“Then why are you all this happy family?" Another thought popped into my head as I asked, "Are you the reason he wants a trade to Dallas?”
Her forehead wrinkled. “I didn't know he wanted to move.
We still live in Houston. Maybe he really just wants to be near his family and play for the Cowboys.
" She stepped closer to me. "He's Sekani's father figure, but he isn't the head of our household. We may see him four or five times a year. Once we realized that Sekani has sickle cell, Carter said he wanted to be there for us, and with his money, our son wouldn’t suffer as his brother had. So far, Sekani rarely has to be hospitalized.” Tears sprang from her eyes and melted some of my ice.
I didn't want to feel for Chelsea, but I did.
I'd seen Carter's brother sick, and it was heart-wrenching. “All right. We agree to disagree about your motives. Regardless, I won’t interfere with whatever relationship Carter has with Sekani. He’s a beautiful boy who adores Carter, and Carter loves him too.
I have babies, and I know a mother wants their children to be happy.
I won't take that smile from Sekani. I wish I could say it was nice seeing you again.” I picked up my bag.