Chapter 20
CHAPTER TWENTY
When Draven saw the stars, he normally thought of his mother.
It was nearly impossible not to. Searching the night sky for constellations, scouring the stars for the brightest amongst them—it was his and his mother’s favorite thing to do.
It was also an escape for them; a moment of something beautiful against a lifetime of something ugly.
Yet life was not ugly anymore, and Draven and his mother had stopped searching the stars as a result.
But he returned to them tonight, as if summoned. A willing captive to their mysteries and contradictions, both dark and beautiful, shrouded in shadows and twinkling effervescence.
Do you see that star, Draven? You are just like it. It does not let the darkness dim its shine—it burns brighter because of it. And you? You burn so brightly, my son. That darkness in your veins is just a backdrop for all your glorious light.
For the first time in his short existence, he felt like he could just maybe believe it.
“Well, don’t you look peaceful.”
Draven turned his chin over his shoulder just in time to catch Suzumi closing the latch to the roof. She waltzed over to him, plopping herself down on the blankets beside him. The burning lantern cast a warm glow against her chestnut eyes, making them appear rich with golden depth.
“I feel peaceful,” he replied through a helpless smile.
“Rejoice, rejoice—the Dalmar Heir has found peace at last.” She chuckled, but at Draven’s flash of displeasure, she pressed a palm against her forehead. “Sorry, I did it again.” She made a show of clearing her throat. “Rejoice, rejoice—Just Draven has found peace at last.”
Draven cracked a smile, and Suzumi bumped her shoulder into his. “No really, though,” she said, voice softening. “There’s been something different about you all evening.”
“Is that bad?”
She shook her head. “No. In fact, I rather really like it.” Suzumi turned away from him, instead gazing out over the peaceful city of Príth, draped in shadow and firelight.
Draven watched her while something fluttered erratically in his chest. His palms were clammy, and his pulse was pounding so forcefully against his neck, he thought it may burst through his skin.
It’s what happened every time he gazed too long at Suzumi’s caramel hair and inviting eyes.
When he took the time to admire her delicate features and appreciate how strong and caring of a person she was.
Draven might have thought his heart bled black, but hers certainly bled gold.
He was lost in his admiration when Suzumi mused, “I’m really glad you and your mother stumbled into our bookshop that day.” Her chin swiveled over her shoulder so she could look at him. “For so many different reasons, I am glad.”
His throat tightened with emotion, and words were momentarily lodged somewhere inaccessible to him.
Suzumi reached out and took his hand in hers.
Just like the first time, the contact sent his skin burning with a sort of buzzing frenzy.
There was a large swooping sensation in his stomach, and at the overwhelming sensations piling on top of him, he almost jerked away from her.
Almost.
But as he gazed into her eyes and allowed the feel of her palm in his hand to settle, he simply breathed.
I also think you are deserving of both giving and receiving love. You have a good heart, Draven. One of the best I’ve ever seen.
He had never seen Atlas be wrong about anything before, and Atlas was everything he wanted to be as a man.
Brilliant and caring. Sharp, but soft. Quick to listen, slow to speak.
He was warm and patient—filled with understanding and empty of cruel judgements.
Draven practically idolized him at this point, so why shouldn’t he believe Atlas when he said he was both worthy and capable of love?
He had no fears that Draven would shatter such a wholly sacred thing; would allow the blood of his father to envelope him into the monster he didn’t want to be.
Atlas thought he was worthy. So, perhaps it was time Draven began to think he was worthy, too.
The stars flickered overhead, as if offering their approval.
The crisp, night air was filled with the lingering sweet scent from the nearby bakery, and though dark outside, Draven could finally see how much light there still was.
The lantern between Suzumi and him. The braziers and torches lining the small buildings across the cobblestone streets. The moon and its stars.
His mother was right; the night sky truly was just a backdrop for it all. Allowed those things to shine more beautifully than they would if constantly competing with the sun.
“Suzumi?” Draven finally asked, her name a tentative sound on his tongue.
“Yes?”
“Have you ever been in love?”
The question caught her off guard, but only for a moment. “I’m not sure.” A pause. “I think I could be.”
Draven jerked his eyes to her as his heart deflated in his chest. Yet those feelings of defeat and jealousy only lasted a moment as he noticed the sparkling gleam in her eyes.
The gentle curve of her lips. The probing furrow of her brows.
The affection for another person undeniably resting in her gaze.
The affection she was directing toward him.
She was talking about him.
His cheeks flooded with heat, and he rubbed at his neck nervously.
“Can I confess something to you?” Her soft voice was low, barely above a whisper.
Draven’s heart skipped. “Of course.”
“I’ve never been kissed before.”
This surprised him to a near speechless degree. “Really?”
Her lips twitched as she nodded. “Mhm,” she replied. “Never. I’m always with my sister or helping my father with something.” A small laugh. “It doesn’t really leave a lot of time for having your first kiss.”
“You really love Rhea, huh?”
“I do. When our mother died, I swore to myself I would do my best to fill the void her absence would leave in Rhea’s life. I know I’m not much, but I figured Rhea having even just the smallest maternal something is better than her having nothing.”
He studied her as she glanced down at her lap, tilting her chin up to gaze at the sky after. “You are everything,” he whispered earnestly. “Everything and more.”
She still didn’t look at him, instead keeping her eyes on the stars above. But he did not miss the unmistakable quiver of her lips and twitch of her brow. “Draven?” she finally said.
“Yes?”
Slowly, she pulled her gaze away from the night sky, halting only once she reached him. She looked at him—really looked at him—and he looked back. “I’d really like to have my first kiss.”
So many emotions flooded through him at that seemingly minor sentence. A flurry of something tender, something sweet. Something that swelled and overtook him. A feeling of desires and falling. A new beginning and hope.
I suspect all of us are unworthy of such a purely sacred thing; yet at the same time, we wholly deserve it.
Draven didn’t believe he would ever be worthy, but he was beginning to realize that didn’t mean he should deprive himself of such a vital thing, either.
No, perhaps knowing he was unworthy was enough.
Because he would work tirelessly to be someone deserving of the way Suzumi was looking at him.
Would strive to be the version of the man he saw reflected in her chestnut gaze.
Perhaps those very reasons were what made him deserving of love.
With unhurried movements, he pulled his hand free of Suzumi’s and stretched his fingers across her cheek.
He swiped a gentle thumb across her skin, studying her expression to make sure this was truly something she wanted.
Once he was sure it was, he leaned forward, until the space between their mouths was heated by the proximity of their nearing skin.
There, he waited, still stroking her cheek.
Until he could wait no more, pressing his lips against hers at last.
The fall was terrifying. But it was also beautiful.
Zipping colors whirled behind his closed eyelids. Bursts of radiant light. As he kissed her, he fell deeper and deeper through the fabrics of his soul. He saw fragility and peace. Sunrises over shadowed hills finding their light. Tender warmth and stitching threads.
He saw and felt and relished.
Suzumi lifted a hand and slid it along Draven’s face, her thumb pressed gently just behind his ear. They kissed until their lips could no longer hold the others, their lungs starved of oxygen and in desperate need of a replenishing breath.
When they pulled apart, Suzumi lightly pressed her fingertips to her lips, eyes momentarily staring absently at the ground.
As Draven watched her, like some smitten fool, all he could think was that he—someone who was so convinced he would never know love, would never hold the warmth of something so delicate and precious inside of him—had perhaps finally been able to know the sweetness of it at last.
When Suzumi finally looked up, locking her glittering eyes to Draven, words catapulted from his mouth, despite being keenly aware of how awkward they were. “How was it?”
Her answering chuckle played in the wind as melodically as the strings of a harp. “Are you fishing for a compliment, Just Draven?”
Now it was his turn to laugh, some of the awkwardness slipping from his shoulders. “No,” he refuted in a drawn out way. “I just…” He paused, dropping his voice. “I just wanted to make sure your first kiss was special.”
She made a show of glancing around, a small curve hooking her mouth. “We are sitting on a rooftop in a spread of blankets under a sea of stars overlooking my favorite city.” She huffed a laugh. “I don’t think it gets more special than that.”
“No, I suppose it doesn’t,” Draven agreed through his utterly helpless smile.
She tilted her head at him then, narrowing her eyes. “Where was your first kiss?”
He tipped his head back and barked a laugh. “Believe me, you don’t want to know.”