Chapter Eighteen
I’m rolling over in bed to turn off the light when I hear a tap on the door.
‘Cameron. Are you there? It’s CJ.’
By the time I scramble to the end of the bed, Keith Urban is at the door and wagging his tail. I take two rungs at a time down the ladder. When I open the door, CJ, arms wrapped around his body, blinks. His eyes are red and his face is blotchy.
‘I saw the light,’ he says. ‘I forgot you were here.’
‘What’s the matter, CJ? It’s after ten. How did you get here?’
‘I rode my bike. Cam isn’t here, is he? He’ll be at his house.’ CJ, tears now streaming down his face, backs away. ‘It’s late like you said. I’ll go home again.’
‘Wait, CJ. What’s happened?’
‘It’s about cricket.’ He sniffs and wipes his nose. ‘I’ll tell Cam tomorrow.’
‘You were on your way to cricket the first time we met.’ I put a hand on his arm. ‘I don’t know anything about cricket except that the balls are hard, but I don’t think you should ride all the way home again until you’ve had a break. I have hot chocolate. Why don’t you come in?’
‘I hate the balls too.’ He sniffs and shudders as I close the door behind him.
‘Is that what you wanted to talk to Cameron about?’
‘Team selection for next year started tonight and I didn’t go.’ I give CJ tissues and he blows his nose. ‘I’ve been skipping cricket practice, but the selection sessions are compulsory.’
‘Are you worried that Cameron will find out?’
‘He’s good mates with one of the selectors, so it’ll happen sometime. I wanted to tell him last week but …’ CJ shudders. ‘I didn’t have the guts.’
After hugging him tightly, I sit CJ on the sofa. When Keith Urban clambers up next to him, CJ takes his paw and strokes it.
‘You came a long way in the dark.’ I hand CJ a glass of water. ‘Drink this while I make hot chocolate.’
CJ blows his nose again before pointing to a cupboard above the sink. ‘Cam keeps it up there.’
‘You go to cricket tests with Cameron, don’t you?’
‘One Day games too, and we watch cricket on the telly when he has time. We get to talk about team selection, player form, pitch conditions and everything else. I love that.’
‘You’d prefer to watch cricket than play it?’
‘Now I’m older and in a higher division, the bowlers are brutal. I’m scared of the ball and my batting is crap. I’ve been lying to Cam about going to practice.’
I tip a sachet into a mug and pour in hot water. ‘Extra milk?’
‘Just two sugars.’
CJ cradles the mug of chocolate, and I perch on a dining chair opposite. ‘You feel bad because you lied, but that can be fixed.’
‘Cam always says he doesn’t care what I do wrong, but he wants me to be straight with him.’ CJ swipes at his eyes. ‘He says lying is the worst thing you can do and that’s what I’ve done.’
‘You don’t want to let him down but—’
‘Mum says if he didn’t help her when she needed him …’ His voice breaks.
‘The last thing Cameron would want is for you to feel you owed him anything. He loves you and Anna, and he loves having both of you in his life.’
‘Cam has been better than any dad I know. Mum says he’s always been good at everything.’
‘Maybe that’s true, but he doesn’t judge people who aren’t like him. Even when he was your age, he didn’t do that.’ My voice crackles like CJ’s. ‘I knew that better than anyone.’
‘I want to tell him the truth, but I don’t want to disappoint him.’
‘He’ll be happy you’ve been honest with him, and you’ll feel better that you’ve owned up.’ Keith Urban has stretched out on the sofa next to CJ, so I perch in front of him. ‘Does your mum know you’re here?’
‘I snuck out.’
‘I’d like to call her, just in case she wakes up, so she knows where you are. Can I do that?’
‘I don’t want to talk to her before I talk to Cam.’
‘How about I talk to Anna, and then I message Cameron? He’ll come and pick you up, and you can confess.’
Anna had no idea that CJ had left the house, but after I reassure her that he’s safe, she agrees they can talk things through in the morning. When I message Cameron and tell him CJ is at the cabin and very upset, he messages right back: Two minutes.
‘My hand-eye coordination isn’t too bad, so I could play another sport.’ CJ sips his chocolate. ‘I have a good mate, Reuben, who plays volleyball, and his team is looking for extras.’
When Keith Urban, who generally isn’t allowed on the furniture, rolls and lies on his back, I pretend I haven’t seen him and return to the chair.
‘You haven’t let Cameron come to your cricket matches lately, have you?’
‘It made it even worse, him watching me stuff up and then being nice about it.’
‘If you enjoy volleyball, Cameron could watch you playing that.’ Wincing, I stretch out my fingers. ‘Volleyball was painful. I hated it.’
‘You couldn’t have been doing it right.’ Smiling through his tears, CJ links his hands tightly together. ‘You hold your hands like this.’
‘Ball sports and me …’ I shrug. ‘We’ve never got along.’
‘Cam said you were great with his cattle and old Mrs Bates’s cat.’
Tyres on the gravel and I open the door. Cameron, unshaven, scruffy and heartachingly concerned, jumps from his ute and strides to the cabin. When I turn back to CJ, he’s leaning forward on the sofa and crying again.
‘Remember what I said,’ I whisper as I take the mug. ‘You’ll feel much better afterwards.’
I back away as Cameron, expression tender, crouches in front of CJ in the same way he did when I had stomach cramps. ‘What’s up, mate?’
‘Amelie?’ Anna’s voice is quiet but clear. ‘Can I come in?’
I’ve put crisp cotton sheets on the sofa, so I don’t have to climb up and down the ladder to the loft. It’s early morning, and the cramps are at their worst. Keeping the now lukewarm hot water bottle on my stomach, I roll to face the door.
‘I won’t be very good company.’
‘You poor thing.’ Anna drops a basket onto the dining table. ‘Cameron said this happens every twenty-eight days.’
Almost a week has passed since we kissed after dinner at the pub.
Since then, when our utes have passed on the driveway, we’ve lifted our hands in acknowledgement.
He sent a text to let me know Caesar the sheep was doing well and I didn’t need to come back to see him.
When I saw Cameron with Julia on the footpath, he nodded politely.
I hug the hot water bottle more tightly. ‘Did he put this date in his diary?’
‘He’s miserable, Amelie.’
‘Me too.’
She smiles kindly as she hands over another hot water bottle—wrapped in a flannelette pillowcase and much warmer than the one I’ve been clinging to. ‘Cam knows what he wants.’
‘He might be horrified if I told him what I want.’
‘You’ll never know unless you talk about it.’ Anna holds up a slice of quiche before putting it in the fridge. She glances at the ornaments, the dove, the cow and the rosella, lined up on the windowsill. Flicks the glass ball with her thumb. ‘What have you got to lose?’
Even though I’d let him down, Cameron told me I was smart and brave, accomplished and modest, generous and sweet. Making things right between us isn’t holding his hand and kissing his mouth and telling him I care about him. He deserves more.
I came back to Summerfield to face my past. What about my future?
‘Do you think I could still come to Julia’s for dinner on Christmas Eve?’
‘She’d love that.’
‘Would it be okay to bring Miss Winters, and Maggie and Rocket, with me? I’ve told them I’ll be here with Keith Urban, and they don’t have much on either.’
‘It’s Christmas, Amelie. Everyone is welcome.’