Chapter 13
“You really gonna do this?” Ben asked. Ever my constant companion, he had climbed up on the rail to watch me work. “You’re gonna get on Belle?”
“Oh, I’m definitely going to get on. The question is how I get off.” I laughed, but quickly stopped when I saw the look of genuine fear on Ben’s face. “Hey, don’t worry, bud. Falling off is part of my job as a trainer. You’ve seen people get thrown before, right? I’m going to be okay.”
He nodded. I clipped a lead rope to Belle’s halter and led her to the mounting block. With a steady breath, I swung my right leg over Belle’s bare back and settled my weight behind her withers. Belle lifted her head. I breathed. Once. Twice. Then I dismounted and clucked my tongue as I tugged gently on the lead rope, walking her in another circle.
“You did it, James,” Ben breathed. “You rode Belle.”
The moment had left me almost giddy, but I knew we weren’t there yet. “That wasn’t riding. That was sitting on her back. It was a good start, though.”
“I’m texting my dad. He needs to see this.”
I nodded even though I had the feeling Adam wasn’t going to be half as impressed as his son. This was progress—huge progress—but we still had a long way to go.
On our second loop around the ring, we once again stopped at the mounting block. I stayed on a beat or two longer before sliding off again and making a third loop around the ring.
Adam appeared for our third try, his arms crossed over his chest, brow furrowed as he watched us silently. A week ago, I would have taken that as disapproval, but now I understood him a little better. Resting Grump Face. He wasn’t mean, he was thoughtful. Careful.
Unfortunately, he was also hot. I had to work extra hard not to fidget on Belle’s back as he stared at us beneath his dark brows.
On our fourth try, Belle stopped at the block without me asking her to. This time, hoping I wasn’t pushing my luck, I squeezed my calves against her belly and clucked my tongue, urging her forward. At first, she didn’t move. I squeezed again, clucked again, and she stepped forward.
“Good girl,” I said, rewarding her with a pat on the neck.
She gave her head a shake and nickered. We ambled around the ring, following the fence like we had before. I didn’t have anything to guide her except my legs and the lead rope, but my smart girl had figured out the routine by now. We came to the mounting block, and I gave the rope a gentle tug, sinking my weight into my seat and leaning back. She got the message and stopped.
When I slid off, I wrapped my arms around her neck and scratched exactly where she liked it. “You’re going to get so many carrots,” I promised.
Ben whooped, and I laughed. I chanced a peek at Adam, who shook his head slowly, like he couldn’t believe what he had witnessed. At least, that was how I took it. It could also be that he couldn’t believe I was careless enough to ride Belle without a bridle.
“I’m going to tell Gramps!” Ben said and took off for the big house.
I busied myself with Belle, pretending I didn’t care that Adam hadn’t said a single word. “I know we have a lot of work to do—”
“You did good,” he cut me off gruffly. “You’ve made more progress in two weeks than we’ve made in two years.”
I beamed. God, I was such a sucker for head pats. “I think her problem has to do with the tack. It can be a long process, getting the right fit for everything.”
“Could be so. We never got far enough in the process to isolate the issue. She never gave anyone a chance once they were in the saddle. You’re the first one stupid enough to try to ride her bareback with no bridle.”
I might have taken offense to that if his whole face hadn’t brightened. Lightened. Good lord, the man was smiling. Full on smiling. At me. And it was every bit as dangerous to my well-being as I had suspected it might be.
He was gorgeous.
“Where do we go from here?” he asked.
Straight to hell, I thought. Where bad girls go for lusting after their boss.
“I mean, what’s your next step with Belle?” he clarified, when I stared at him like an idiot.
“Oh, right. Well, I think we need to keep moving forward slowly and really be thoughtful about it. If her issue isn’t having someone on her back, we need to isolate the problem. It could be her mouth. Tomorrow I’ll—”
My words cut off as an SUV pulled up and a man stepped out. Adam went rigid, his smile replaced by another frown. And this time it wasn’t simply Resting Grump Face. He scowled like he meant it.
“Adam.” The man touched the brim of his baseball hat.
Adam stood with his barrel thighs wide, arms crossed over his chest, scowl firmly in place. “Deacon,” he grunted.
My eyes darted between the two men nervously. Even Belle felt the tension.
“Would have called first, but I didn’t want to have this conversation twice,” Deacon said. He rubbed the back of his neck and squinted at the sky. “It sucks.”
“Yeah,” Adam agreed, and I wondered how he knew that. Was this conversation a long time coming?
Whatever else it was or wasn’t, this moment was private. That much was clear. I turned to lead Belle back through the barn to the paddock out back for some well-deserved turnout, but Adam’s gaze cut to me and stopped me cold. I didn’t know how he felt about having an audience for this conversation, but something in his face made me reluctant to leave him alone. If he wanted me gone, he was going to have to ask.
Deacon looked at me, clearly wondering why the hell I was still standing here.
“She stays,” Adam gritted.
Well. That settled that.
“Emily left some things,” Deacon said. He kept his face averted, never quite looking Adam in the eye. “Photos. Those watercolors she did. Journals. A letter—” His voice cracked.
Adam stared at him, waiting out the man’s obvious pain without a single word.
Deacon’s throat worked as he swallowed hard. “She wrote him a letter. Made me promise to give it to him when he’s fifteen. She figured that was old enough.”
“He’s only eleven,” Adam said roughly, and I realized that the he Deacon referred to was Ben.
“I won’t be here when he’s fifteen. I’m moving on. I got a job in Washington. It’s time. This town is too—” He broke off again and shook his head. “I’m leaving it in your care. I don’t know what it says. She sealed it shut. But she wanted him to have it. She’s his mom, he has the right—”
“I’ll give it to him,” Adam bit out. “The journals?”
Deacon looked to the ground. “She said she didn’t care who read them, but the only person who can destroy them is Ben. I read them. It’s all…it’s all there. The whole mess of it. It’s probably too much for a kid to understand, but when he’s older, if he wants to know his mom, her words and feelings are right there.” He lifted his head, for the first time meeting Adam’s gaze head on. “She wasn’t unfaithful to you.”
“She loved you.” Adam’s voice shook with helpless fury. I sucked in a sharp breath, wanting to go to him, comfort him somehow, knowing I shouldn’t. Couldn’t.
“Physically,” Deacon amended. “She wasn’t physically unfaithful to you. I don’t know if that makes it better.”
Adam tilted his head, looking like he was actually mulling that over. “No,” he said. “It doesn’t.”
“Yeah.” Deacon looked away. “How’s her boy?”
Despite the fact that I was one hundred percent on Adam’s side, even without knowing what the hell was going on, my heart cracked at the look on Deacon’s face. Ben meant something to him.
Adam must have seen it too because his eyes flickered with a hint of compassion. “He’s good,” he said gruffly. There was a pause while something battled inside him, and he sounded almost angry when he said, “You want to see him?”
Deacon jerked in surprise. “Yeah?”
Adam nodded. “He doesn’t know about you. He knows his mom and I weren’t together when she passed, but I didn’t…I figured it didn’t matter. All he needs to know is that his mom loved him.”
Deacon nodded. “I—”
He was interrupted by Ben himself running out. “Gramps can’t believe you rode Belle! He says—” He came to a sudden halt as he caught sight of Deacon.
Adam pulled him against his side. “Ben, I want you to meet a friend of your mom’s. This is Deacon.”
Ben’s eyes went wide. “You knew my mom?” he asked eagerly.
“Sure did.” Deacon glanced at Adam and then back to Ben. “I knew you, too, when you were a baby. I’ve got some pictures of the two of you. You and your mom. Your dad will give them to you.”
“Are you in the picture too?” Ben asked.
Deacon’s lips tilted up, but he looked sad. He shook his head. “No. I was the one holding the camera.”
Adam’s grip must have tightened on Ben’s shoulder, because Ben suddenly looked at his dad’s hand and then up at his face. His expression turned far too assessing for an eleven-year-old.
“I gotta see about my watermelons. Nice to meet you!” He pulled free of Adam’s hold and zoomed off.
Deacon stared after him. “He’s got a lot of his mom in his face.”
“Yeah,” Adam acknowledged.
“Well.” Deacon cleared his throat. “I’ve got a box in my truck.”
When Emily’s box was in Adam’s possession, Deacon didn’t waste time in getting the hell out.
For a moment, Adam stood rooted to the spot, the box in his arms, staring into nothingness. I wondered what he saw. I doubted it was anything good.
“Adam?”
He blinked like he had forgotten I was there. He shook his head. “I need a drink.”