Chapter 35
All I wanted to do after brunch was find Adam, but Adam was nowhere to be found. He wasn’t in his office. He wasn’t in the big house, although Ben told me he had stopped by for lunch. I interrupted Brax’s heated conversation with Essie long enough for him to tell me he hadn’t seen his brother since they had dewormed the calves this morning.
My man was definitely avoiding me, and I was not having it.
Frustrated, I headed back to my cabin to regroup. And that’s where I finally found him. Sitting on the front step, back propped against the door, his long legs stretched out in front of him. He pushed to his feet when he saw me.
“There you are.” He said it like he had been looking for me, too.
I moved toward him like a horse to sweet feed. I couldn’t help it. He looked so damn good. All I wanted was to be as close to him as I could get. “Here I am. Want to come inside?” I asked. One hand fisted his shirt at the waist while I used my other to unlock the door. I wasn’t really giving him a choice.
“Yes.” He dropped a kiss on my mouth as I turned to look up at him, like it was the most natural thing in the world. Like he hadn’t told me to go to California. “How was brunch with your mom?”
“It was interesting.” I moved deeper into the cabin. Dropped my bag, keys, and phone on the table. Turned to face him and found him right behind me, so close I had to back up a step to look him in the eyes.
I took a deep breath, but when I let it out again, the words didn’t come with it. They stayed clogged in my throat, choking me. I wanted to be brave. To say how I felt, even though I knew he wasn’t there yet. That maybe he would never let himself get there. That awful little voice in my head told me not to be a fool. Don’t let him hurt you like your dad hurt you. But the other voice, the one that had grown stronger and louder here at Lodestar, reminded me that Adam wasn’t my dad, and he was every bit as scared as I was.
This man was worth chasing.
I had to try.
“James,” he started. “I—”
“I love you,” I blurted. The words came out strangled and shaking. I cleared my throat and tried again. “I love you, Adam.” Better.
He said nothing, which, to be fair, I expected as much. Just stared at me blankly with those bright blue eyes of his while his brows slowly pushed together in a frown.
“Did you know the flight from Denver to Sacramento is under three hours?” he asked. “Cheap, too.”
Okay, that I wasn’t expecting.
Goddammit, he was still trying to make me leave.
“Stop,” I said. “Don’t—”
“James.” He reached for me, pulled me close, dropped his forehead to mine. “Hear me out. Please?”
I swallowed hard, then nodded. “Okay,” I whispered.
“The flight is less than three hours. It’s cheap. I could come visit you a couple of weekends a month. Maybe bring Ben sometimes, too, especially when he’s on break from school. You could come to Lodestar whenever you want, for as long as you want. We could make it work, James. I know we could.”
It took me a minute to puzzle through what he was suggesting. “You want to try long distance?”
“For now. I know it’s not a long-term solution, you in California and me in Colorado. But it could work for a few months. Maybe even a couple of years. It will give us time for me to get Lodestar running the way it needs to be so I can join you at Blue Skies. I’ll need to—”
I jerked back, stunned. “What?”
“I think it will take me about a year to get everything in order, so I’m not leaving Dad with more than he can handle. Eventually, Zack will step back from the rodeo. He’s getting older. And then—”
“Shut up.” I clapped my palm over his mouth, stemming whatever fool thing he had planned to say next. “Shut up and let me choose you. I’m not going to Blue Skies. I’m staying here at Lodestar. With you.”
He tried to speak, but it came out muffled against my hand. That was fine. Judging from the glower he was serving me, he planned to argue.
Also fine.
He could argue all he wanted. I planned to win.
Gently, he pried my fingers from his face. “James,” he said, clearly exasperated. “We talked about this. Blue Skies is your dream. I won’t stand in the way of you being happy.”
“You’re not in my way, dumbass,” I said, every bit as exasperated as he was. “You are what makes me happy. Lodestar and Belle make me happy. Ben makes me happy. I want all of it. Yes, Blue Skies was my dream. But working with my dad…the reality was never going to live up to that. I want to work with people who respect and love me, people I love and respect in turn. That’s my true dream. And I found that here at Lodestar. But Lodestar is just the very delicious icing on the cake. You, Adam Hale, are the cake.”
His throat worked as he swallowed hard. “I read Emily’s journals.”
Now, that I wasn’t expecting. “You did?”
“I needed to know.” He heaved an audible breath. “I needed to know how it all went wrong. It’s haunted me, not knowing.”
“It wasn’t all your fault.” Even though I hadn’t read a single word, I knew that. Because I knew him. “Whatever ended your marriage, it was on both of you.”
He smiled a little. “I know. Logically, maybe I always knew. But it never felt like anything less than one hundred percent my fault. I was so damn blindsided. And now I understand why.”
“Tell me.”
“I didn’t fight for Emily. When she told me she wanted out, I let her go. Hell, I literally drove her to her new man. But even before that, I didn’t put in the work for our marriage. I had this idea of what I wanted for my life. The ranch, a wife, some kids. I pushed her into that box and ignored all the signs that she didn’t really fit. That she didn’t want to fit. She didn’t want to be a rancher’s wife. She wanted to be an artist and live in town. She didn’t even like horses, but I thought it didn’t matter, because she loved me enough to be where I was. I look back, and I see it. But we never talked about it. We never really talked about anything.”
“You have to let go of that,” I said. “It was just as much her fault as yours. More, even, because she was in love with someone else and she didn’t talk about that, either.”
“I loved her, James. I really did. But I loved her like a boy because that’s what I was. That was all I had to give.” His fingertips traced my jaw before he tilted my chin, forcing my gaze to his. “But you were right. I’m not the same person I was then. I’m a man now and that’s how I love you. I’ll fight for you, for us, for as long as I’m on this earth breathing. You got that?”
“Got it,” I breathed.
“So if you want another minute to think about your dad’s offer, that’s fine. Nothing has to be decided today. You’re mine, James. I’m yours. Everything else is negotiable.”
I shook my head. I didn’t need a minute. But the fact that he gave it to me anyway? Damn. I was falling more in love with him by the second. “Yesterday, I wished my parents had never shown up here, because it hurt so much when you told me to go. But right now, I’m glad I have a choice. Because it’s an opportunity to choose you. Over and over again, every day, I will always choose you. I’m glad you were a footnote in someone else’s happily-ever-after, because that’s what made you who you are today.”
“Yeah? And who is that?” he teased, but there was a pleading note in his tone that I would never ignore.
I rose up on my toes and pressed a soft kiss to his lips. “My fairy tale.”