Chapter 6
“I’ve been told you’re the man I need to talk to about building anything around here.” Tillman spoke to Tobias, one of Phoebe’s many younger brothers.
One drawback to having a large family was the fact that anyone who came into the family had to figure out everyone else. In the two days that Tillman had been there, he barely figured out names, let alone birth order.
He had a lot of other things to think about and figured that the Clybornes would all agree that was not the most important thing that he needed to be thinking about. Still, he liked to have all the information he could, and he really appreciated getting the details right, but he also knew that sometimes things just took a little bit of time. Eventually he would figure out birth order, but in the meantime, he was just happy to know Tobias’s name.
“I don’t know who told you that, because everyone around here knows how to wield a hammer and use a drill and a tape measure, even my sisters.” Tobias didn’t say that like there was anything special about his sisters being able to do it. More like a stranger might not know, or might assume, that they could only work in the kitchen. “But I’m happy to help you with whatever I can.”
“Phoebe told me that you would. But I also know that what I want is going to take some time, and you have other jobs you need to pay attention to. Since the first thing we’re trying to do is nail down a date, the earliest date possible, but with enough time to get everything ready, for the rodeo. I just thought I would throw out what I needed to get done, and you can give me a ballpark idea of how much time it will take you, including the time that you’ll need to be spending on other jobs.”
Tobias nodded, even though that hadn’t been the most clear explanation Tillman had ever given. He was a little overwhelmed, if he was being honest. This was a much bigger job than what he had anticipated. They had no arena, no bleachers, no stables where horses could be housed, and the only accommodations they had were the ones they used for the dude ranch guests.
Tillman was going to assume that they were hoping a lot of the dude ranch guests would be booking accommodations for the rodeo dates, hence there would be no place to put up people who might drive from a thousand miles away just to participate in the rodeo.
Most of the rodeo folks that he knew had accommodations in their horse trailers and were no strangers to sleeping in those or in the back seats of their pickups. Still, it was always nice when a person could go somewhere and get a shower at the very least.
So that was what he was going to do, since there was no time or money to put up an entire building to house participants. He was just going to focus on toilets and showers. Most likely they would be renting the toilets, but to his knowledge, there was no such thing as shower rentals, and they were going to need to figure something out. Preferably something that would go along with the ranch’s long-term plan, so anything they built could eventually be integrated into buildings that they intended to put up when finances allowed.
He really did want to work with the Clybornes, rather than take from them. Of course, the success of the rodeo would be a feather in his cap, but he wasn’t just about feathering his cap.
That was a selfish way to live, and he’d been on the receiving end of that more than once in his life. It didn’t make him determined to be selfish, it made him determined to be the opposite. Although, he’d seen it have that effect on other people. People who would say, “I’m going to take more from you than you take from me” and that type of thing.
At least he hoped he wasn’t like that. Although he couldn’t say that he wouldn’t take the opportunity to pay his ex-wife back in spades for the pain and suffering she put him through. In fact, he had to stop himself from looking for opportunities to be as unkind to her as she had been to him. The desire was strong.
He showed his plans to Tobias and told him the least amount that he thought that they needed in order to pull this off.
“Of course, we can have a bigger and better rodeo if we rent the fairgrounds at Rockerton. We can also go to any of the neighboring ranches, where they have accommodations, as I understand it. I haven’t been out to check, and I don’t have any plans on going, because I assumed that we wanted this to be something that took place right here on our ranch property. Sweet View Ranch.”
“Yeah. I think that’s important. The idea is not always to make money this year, which I hope we do, but also to get something started that will be a moneymaker every year. We can hardly have the first annual Sweet View Ranch rodeo on someone else’s spread.”
“That’s exactly what I was thinking, so that’s why I’ve come up with this list.” He hadn’t thought Tobias or anyone else would want to do it somewhere else. It was something he hadn’t talked to Phoebe about, because they had so many things to go through in their last two meetings.
So help him, he was looking forward to talking to her tonight. He was disappointed that they hadn’t gotten to work together today. She had some things she’d already committed to, and told him that he was on his own, after apologizing.
Of course he waved off her apology, and he’d also shoved aside his disappointment. It irritated him more than anything. He didn’t want to look forward to seeing some woman. He didn’t want her to walk in his view and his whole being light up with excitement and happiness. He didn’t want to admire the way her neck curved, to get lost in the blue depths of her eyes, watch as her hair blew in the wind and she shoved it out of her face, fighting the urge to lift his hand up and help her. To have his fingers wrap around hers, to pull her toward him and... Yeah. It was better for him not to be working with Phoebe and for them to work together as little as possible.
“Once I get the materials, I think I can put these things in pretty easily. They’re just showers and drains, and it’s brown water, not septic, so we should be good just having a drain field. I think we can even make a pad for the job johnnies, that will make things a little easier, and I wanted to cement an area that we can use as seating for when it’s wet and muddy out.” Tobias spoke softly, as though talking to himself. He narrowed his eyes and tapped his chin as he looked over the rest.
“Can I have a copy of this?” he asked, pointing to the list that Tillman had held in his hand.
Phoebe had actually taken what he had made yesterday and what he had shown her this morning and made six or seven copies of it. She laughed and said that a person could just take a picture on their phone and have it just as easily, but it wasn’t as big.
And he appreciated her foresight now as he pulled one of the copies that she made out of his notebook and handed it to Tobias.
“Phoebe said you could take a picture with your phone if you wanted to,” he said.
Tobias grinned. “That’s a good idea. It’ll be a little small, but I’ll have the paper to refer to when I need it, and I’ll have my phone all the time.”
He snapped a pic and thanked Tillman.
“This is a little bigger job than what you were expecting?” Tobias asked as he shoved his phone back in his pocket and folded the piece of paper.
“I can handle it,” Tillman said, not wanting to show weakness. Then, because Tobias seemed like the kind of guy who thought about things, he said, “It is going to be the biggest thing I’ve ever attempted though. I still think as long as we’re careful with our expenses, we’ll make money no matter what. The thing is, will it be enough?”
Tobias nodded his head. Tillman had no idea of how much was enough. And if Tobias knew, he didn’t say.
Tillman figured that was for the best. He didn’t want that pressure on his shoulders right now. He had enough going on, and he knew that financial pressure could crush a man. He’d been under it for years, after his marriage. His wife had insisted on spending money they didn’t have to make her living accommodations be up to her standards. She had also run up credit card bills he didn’t know about and had bought vehicles they couldn’t afford.
She didn’t have a care in the world, because if they lost the ranch, it actually would make her happier.
He wished he would have seen that before he committed his life to her. In particular, before they had children.
But he supposed that life was a series of learning opportunities. Some people lucked into their marriages. Although he hated to say it that way, it was true. He’d heard people say that they were blessed with the way their marriage turned out, and they hadn’t known what they were getting into.
Still, he didn’t like to think that life was just luck. In his experience, hard work mattered a lot more, although there was nothing he could have done to save his ranch. No one could have worked harder, longer, more than he had. It was just when someone pulled against a person, fought against them, shot down every good thing that they did, trying to make things fail, a man really didn’t have much opportunity to fix anything.
“We go over the finances on a regular basis, and I’ll talk to Ezra, but I would say that since you’re working here, you have a right to know what they are.”
“Not sure I want to.”
“Same. It’s good to have a grasp, but a man can’t live with that kind of pressure all the time. Ezra and I’ve had several talks about that. He’s closer to it than any of us are, but we just have to work as hard as we can and let the Lord give the increase.”
“Or take everything away,” Tillman said, and despite his preference, there was bitterness in those words.
“Sometimes He has to take away in order to give us something better.”
“And you’re the expert on that?” He wanted to get along with Tobias. He liked the man and respected him. He could tell from the little bit of time they spent together that Tobias was an awful lot like him, even more so than Ezra, quiet and determined, more interested in showing with his actions what he believed than spouting off a bunch of words that didn’t mean anything.
“I thought about it a lot after God took my parents away. Wondered why He would do that. There were twelve of us. We were basically orphans. They were doing a good thing. They were living for God, their lives reflected Jesus, and they drew people to them. Lives were changed because they interacted with my parents. And I didn’t understand how God’s kingdom could be furthered by taking that away. How any of our lives would be better. As for me, I got a little angry.”
“Rightfully so. No one should lose their parents like that.”
“But I wouldn’t be the man I am if I hadn’t had to man up at that point. You know? There were a lot of things that fell on our shoulders, a lot of work we had to do, a lot of things we had to walk through, and I had to make the decision as to whether I was going to fall apart or whether I was going to draw closer to the Lord. I have a better relationship with God today because I lost my parents fifteen years ago. It was a hard loss, but God gave me something better. A relationship with Him. Up until that point, I had just kinda been thinking that because I was part of my family, God and I were good. I didn’t really have a deep relationship with Him. Not like I do now.”
Tillman nodded, but he didn’t have a lot to say. He had a better relationship with the Lord before his divorce. After it, things had gone sideways. Or even backward.
But the idea of taking something bad and using it for good, or as Tobias had said, when God took something away, He wanted to fill it with something better. Maybe Tillman was keeping himself in a position where God couldn’t fill him with something better because Tillman was in the way.
He knew his attitude hadn’t been the best, he knew he was fighting bitterness, he knew he pretty much hated his ex and resented her.
But he didn’t know how to get out of any of that. Couldn’t change it, and he felt he was justified in his feelings. Still thought he was.
“I’m not judging you, I’m not saying anything. Other than, it’s up to you. It’s also up to you as to whether you want to be included in the family meetings, but if you do, I think you deserve to be.”
“If you guys let me, I’ll be there.”
Tobias nodded, and they walked along, with Tobias pointing out where he thought Tillman might be best served to use areas for parking and to put up a vendor area. They chatted for a while more, and Tillman walked away with a greater appreciation for Tobias and his calm, steady influence. He didn’t preach, and he didn’t make Tillman feel bad. Other than maybe convicting Tillman that he wasn’t doing everything that he could be. Not in his spiritual life.
He prided himself for working hard physically, but that wasn’t the only area of a man’s life. And it was kind of silly to be strong in one area and completely weak and lacking in another. It would be like having a strong right arm and a left arm that was withered and useless. He didn’t want that to be the way he was as a man.
He wasn’t sure exactly what he needed to do to fix the issue. His wife wasn’t interested in reconciling, and a man can only do so much himself.
He shook his head as he walked away. If God wanted him to change, He was going to have to show him how.