Chapter Five
Mia
Rushing away from the porch, I feel so stupid. Why did I pull away? It was such a beautiful moment, and Chance chose it so well. He was so careful, so patient, and I just completely rejected him. I can’t believe myself. When he leaned in to kiss me, it felt like I had been waiting forever for that moment.
Yet I’m running away from him. I spent the whole afternoon marveling at this man. He listened to everything I said so intently. Made me feel like I was the only person in the world. Nothing like any man who’s taken me out before.
But really, I need to be rational. It could be that Chance is a smooth-talker, someone who’s doing whatever he needs to do to get in my pants. He could simply leave me by the wayside once he’s done using me. One side of me really doubts that’s the case, but the other is still careful.
I can’t fall in love with this man after I’ve promised myself it would be just Ellie and me. I can’t put Ellie through heartbreak. She needs stability, and I might have finally found it on the ranch.
I just have to promise myself that I won’t be alone with him. That we’ll be friends, but I won’t allow myself to fall in love. It’s not the time for that right now. It might never be.
The stone path beneath my feet turns to earth as I pass the waist-level gate that separates the lodge from the rest of the ranch. Hurrying up to the main house to find Ellie, who’s been with Maggie for much too long anyway, I convince myself that it’s for the best. I have too much baggage, and Chance doesn’t deserve to put up with that, either. I wouldn’t be good for him. It would be much better if he found someone else, someone he could start his own family with.
Maggie’s on the porch, rocking in a pale wooden chair that looks ancient, with Ellie at her feet. They’re both deeply focused on the knitting they’re doing, though I have no idea what Ellie could be trying to make.
“Hi,” I say as breezily as possible. “I’m sorry I’m so late. I’ll make it up to you.”
“Don’t you worry about that for a minute,” Maggie insists as she stretches herself up and out of her rocking chair. “This little girl’s an angel. She’s welcome up here any time.”
“She gave me cookies!” Ellie announces, still staring intently at her knitting. “And learned me to knit.”
I don’t correct her mistake. It’ll probably go in one ear and out the other.
“You can take the wool and her needles with her,” Maggie says with a wave. “If she promises to keep practicing.”
“Mm!” Ellie nods vigorously as she starts packing things into a little handmade bag that I assume Maggie has also given to her.
There’s a strange feeling in my heart. Warm and happy. My own parents want nothing to do with Ellie, and neither does her father. She’s never had a grandmother before. I don’t have to marry Maggie’s son for her to be involved like a nana, do I? I almost sigh as I think about it but catch myself just in time.
I do wonder if Maggie is still married. Where Chance’s father is. But it would be beyond rude to ask about something like that, so I say nothing. I’m sure I’ll be introduced to him if it’s necessary.
Ellie gives Maggie a hug before she bounces over to me with a bright smile on her face. As we leave, I can’t help but be happy. We’ve never been in a place as safe as this. I’ve always needed to hurry, to run, to try and make things come together.
This is the first time that I don’t feel like I need to do any of that. We could stay here forever, and I would be happy. So would Ellie, if I found her a school around here.
Still, I shouldn’t just fall into that fairy tale. It seems too good to be true. I should strengthen my defenses, not let them crumble at the first bit of kindness that I see. Taking Ellie back to the lodge, the inner conflict really starts to rage.
So far, Maggie, Chance, and the other people on the ranch have been nothing but good to us. Yet I can’t help but think there has to be a catch here somewhere. Something has to go wrong, and I just don’t know what that is yet.
Maybe I’m being too neurotic, and this place really is the heaven we’ve been waiting for. I’m not sure how that could be possible, and I don’t know if I should give it a chance.
The room that Ellie and I have is fairly spacious and even has an en-suite bathroom. It’s big enough that it has space for a small living area and even a bedroom of sorts for Ellie once I get a divider. It’s probably bigger than the cramped apartment we used to have, with the double French doors leading out onto a short porch of our own.
Hopefully, if I prove myself and offer to pay rent later, I can get one of the self-service cottages. I mull over it in my mind, trying not to keep thinking about Chance.
By the time I finally get to sleep, it’s past midnight, and I’m completely exhausted. I still don’t know what I’m going to do.
In the morning, the sun fluttering through my curtains and Ellie’s small finger poking my cheek combine to wake me up. I get both of us ready and head out to work after breakfast. For most of the morning, I’m distracted. I find myself terribly disappointed when no one asks to be taken out to the stables.
At the same time, I’m relieved. I already don’t trust myself. If I see Chance now, I might just leap into his arms. As I’m thinking that, a familiar shadow appears at the entrance to the lodge. I swallow as I watch Chance walking up to the reception.
“Afternoon, miss,” he says as he dips his hat. “Looks pretty quiet in here.”
“Cowboy!” Ellie yells, running over from where she was coloring to give him a hug. “I’m making a hat.”
At first, I’m confused. Then I remember her knitting with Maggie the previous day. Was that what she was trying to make?
I smile. “Looks like you have a fan, Mr. Woods.”
Chance winks at me as he pats Ellie on the head. “I don’t blame her. Cowboys are really cool.”
“Okay, that might be a bit too cheesy.” I roll my eyes, but I can’t help the small chuckle that escapes me. The butterflies are fluttering in my stomach, and I’m already dizzy. This is dangerous. I should ask him to go or pretend to get a call or something.
Of course, I can’t get myself to do anything of the sort. Instead, I keep standing ever so slightly closer to Chance, the scent of leather and a spicy cologne pulling me toward him.
“Dang, I thought I was being terribly smooth.” Chance grins, so close now that I could probably lean forward into his chest. The temptation to do so is stronger than ever. The air between us is suddenly electric. The world seems to shrink until it is just us. I can’t pull away anymore.
Any semblance of resistance from my side has disappeared. When Chance leans down to me, I don’t push him away or stop him at all, despite a part of my mind screaming that I have to.
When our lips meet, it is as if my mind has been wiped entirely blank. As if I am wrapped up in a heaven that I have never known before. The heat of Chance’s body, the scent of his cologne and the leather he wears, the slight brush of his beard against my skin, everything envelopes me into it, creating a bubble that makes me shiver.
“Ew, Mommy’s kissing a boy!” Ellie’s shout drags me forcefully back down to reality. When I step away from Chance, I can’t ignore that I’m blushing. I look away, but Chance is laughing.
“Ah, sorry, Ellie. I forgot that you were here for a second,” he says sheepishly. I glance back at him, and he’s just as red as I am. At the same time, he manages to paint that charismatic smile on his face again quite quickly.
“I think we need to talk,” I announce in a serious tone. “Ellie, could you wait for me in the room, please?”
Ellie looks disappointed, but she finally nods and leaves the reception. Sighing, I motion for Chance to follow me out of the building. I’m not sure what I want to say. Do I ask him to leave me alone, or do I give this a shot? I don’t know. I feel completely torn, and I have no idea what the right thing would be to do here.
“Don’t tell me that was a mistake,” Chance says as soon as we’re around a corner where no one can hear us. “I know that you’d be lying.”
I clench my jaw. “I don’t think it was a mistake. I don’t know what to think.”
Chance lifts my chin with one finger, and I expect him to kiss me again. He doesn’t.
“Listen, I have no idea what’s wrong with liking you,” he explains with a deep breath. “All I know is that I have no way to deny my feelings. If you want me to leave you alone from here on in, I will, but I’m willing to be patient, too, if time is what you need.”
“I have feelings for you, too,” I whisper in return, dropping my eyes to my shoes. “I’m just scared.”
Chance remains quiet, as if he’s waiting for me to say something more. I’m afraid to tell him the truth. What if he thinks that I’m damaged goods and decides to leave? Maybe Chance is a better man than that, but I haven’t known him long enough to have real evidence.
“People have hurt me in the past,” I say carefully, not wanting to tell him everything all at once. “I’ll be honest; I’m not sure I can trust you. I want to give this a try, but...”
“We need to move slow?” Chance asks sincerely, his hands on my shoulders. I expected him to pry further. To push me into telling him more. “Okay, I can understand that. If you need us to slow down, we can. Like I said, I can wait if I need to. I’m just happy that you’re willing to try.”
I’m surprised to hear him say that. Most men would be annoyed at me for being reserved, never mind suggesting taking things slow in the first place. I take a moment to think about it. The slower we go, the more time I might have to actually see red flags. I will know when to back out.
It will give me time to think more reasonably about everything. Finally, I take Chance’s hand and nod up at him.
“Okay, we can do that.” It’s strange to feel the words come out of my mouth, but at the same time, my heart is lifted. Butterflies flutter in my stomach, making me want to blush again. Chance smiles, a movement that I return. I find myself hoping that he will look at me like that forever, but another part of me quickly shoves that sensation away.
I need to be clear-headed about this; otherwise, I could be going down a dangerous road.
“Hey, Chance, there’s another cow for ya to cut.” The head of one of the ranch hands pops around the corner, and I immediately wonder whether he’s been listening to us. I hope not. Like a hot potato, I let go of Chance’s hand and stand back.
Does this man suspect something? Is a rumor going to be flying around the ranch by the time the sun sets? I don’t know. If it does, I’ll ignore it. It won’t help to get worked up right now.
Chance sighs but tips his hat at the ranch hand. “Of course there is. Give me a minute, will you? I’ll be there in a bit.”
The ranch hand whistles suspiciously, but he walks off. Chance turns back to me.
“I suppose we’ll have to talk about this more tomorrow, if you don’t mind,” he says, leaning down for a quick kiss on my cheek. The brush of his lips makes me want to shiver.
“Of course,” I answer, clearing my throat and reaching out a hand for him to shake. “Good luck with the cow.”
Chance shakes my hand with a smirk on his face, and my knees almost buckle beneath me. Still, I keep a straight face until he turns and walks away toward the stables.
My mind drifts into a daydream as I head back to the reception area. I imagine myself and Chance on the porch, Ellie playing with a younger sibling, the sun setting in the distance over the dusty ranch. A life that I could always only dream of, one which now seems like a possibility.
But there’s a lot that could still go wrong.
“Oh, there you are.” Penny is standing behind my desk with a scowl on her face. I’ve quickly learned that’s the permanent expression that she wears. “Have you been out fondling that boy?”
The way she asks that question has me stopping in my tracks. “What?”
“Don’t think you can fool me, I see that look in your pretty little eyes,” Penny scolds, wagging her finger at me. “Don’t you start slacking right in your first week, you hear?”
I want to roll my eyes. Penny isn’t my boss in the slightest. But I also know she’s been here for years, and her opinion probably holds a lot of sway. If she decides to tell Maggie I’m doing an awful job, Maggie might just listen to her.
Still, I’m not going to let Penny walk all over me. “I’m allowed to take a break. There’s no one in here, except for you. Would you like to check in as a guest?”
She huffs at me, and I already know I’ve won. I motion for her to leave my station behind the desk, and to my surprise, she does so without any complaints. But I’m sure this interaction isn’t quite over yet, and when she turns to face me, I know that I’m right.
“Look, missy, I don’t know what your endgame is, but you better not break that boy’s heart,” Penny warns, as if she herself has feelings for Chance. It’s a little strange. “He’s a good kid, and too many women have trampled all over him.”
That comment gives me pause. It makes it sound like he dates a woman a month. Maybe he does. I haven’t exactly had the opportunity to ask him about his love life before. What if he just gets lovesick over every woman who shows up on the ranch? What if he gets bored of me in a few weeks and moves on to the next?
“Penny, I’m not playing a game,” I say insistently. I want her to understand this loud and clear. I don’t care if she’s only being protective, I’m not one to be spoken to like that. I’ve gone through way too much to let it slide.