Chapter Eleven
Jaxon was having one hell of an erotic dream. He could feel Presley’s tongue on his dick. Opening his eyes, he raised his head to see her looking at him with her mouth on him. He groaned.
“Presley…”
“Hmmm?”
He about lost it then. When she murmured with her lips around him, it vibrated against his dick. She had one hand wrapped around the base while she took him deeper into her mouth. He was so hard he didn’t think he’d ever be flaccid again. He fisted his hands in her hair.
Presley’s tongue moved up and down his hard cock, making it wet. She swirled her tongue around the head, then moved her mouth down over him again. Shit! He wasn’t going to last much longer.
“Presley…”
She laughed as she looked into his eyes. “You said that already.”
“Hell, woman. I’m not going to last. You have to stop.”
“I don’t think so,”
she said then moved her tongue over his balls .
Jaxon groaned and arched his hips. He was too close. When she removed her mouth, he let out a sigh of relief then she kissed his scar, and he jerked against her.
“This is beautiful, Jaxon. Because it’s you, and it would never repulse me.”
He reached for her arms. “Come here.”
“No. I’m not done with you yet.”
She slapped his hands away, put her mouth back over him and sucked hard.
Jaxon threw his head back on the pillow and gripped fistfuls of the sheet. His orgasm hit him hard. A low groan tore from him as he came in her mouth. She kept pumping her hand up and down his cock. He didn’t think his orgasm was ever going to end. When it did, he collapsed back against the pillow. Presley kissed her way up his chest to his lips. He grabbed her hair in his fists and kissed her hard and deep.
“Damn, Presley. You didn’t have to do that.”
“I know. I wanted to.”
“Well, thank you. It was great.”
He rolled her to her back and moved on top of her. “I loved it.”
“Good. I don’t do that for just anyone, you know.”
Jaxon laughed. “Glad to hear it. ”
Her hand moved down the outside of his left leg. “This is nothing to be ashamed of. Do you hear me?”
Leaning down, he kissed her. “Yes, ma’am.”
She smiled up at him. “You cowboys and those yes ma'ams . So sexy.”
“Sexy? No. Simply good manners. If I ever don’t answer my mom by saying that or yes, Mom , she’d take a switch to me.”
“Surely not,”
she said in a shocked voice.
He chuckled. “No, she wouldn’t, but she’d sure threaten me with one.”
“I think I like your mom.”
“She likes you—”
“Don’t worry, I’m not thinking of her as a mother-in-law.”
“I wasn’t going to say that.”
“What then?”
“I don’t want my family to think this will go anywhere. I don’t want to give them false hope.”
You’re so full of shit, Callahan!
“Oh, my God! Jaxon, you need to stop. I’m leaving, and we both know nothing can come of this. You’ve made it clear over and over. If your family thinks there is more going on, I’m sorry and I’m sure you’ll set them straight.”
Rolling away from her, he stood then pulled his jeans on and zipped them then strode from the room to head for the kitchen. Yanking open the fridge door, he reached for a beer but changed his mind and pushed the door closed. He turned when he heard her enter the room. She had his T-shirt on. She was so beautiful, and he already wanted her again, even though he didn’t want to. Son of a bitch . This scenario seemed to play out repeatedly. Chicken shit!
“Do you want me to leave?”
she asked from the doorway.
“Up to you.”
He shrugged. He knew he was acting like a prick, but his feelings for her scared the ever-loving hell out of him.
“I care about you, Jaxon. I want to be with you, but I’m going to be leaving here with my heart broken and every time you do this, it hurts me even more. I wonder why I bother.”
“So, why do you?”
He watched as she walked to him and pressed up against him.
Presley wrapped her arms around his neck and stood on her toes to kiss him.
“Because I can’t stay away from you even when I know I should.”
She moved her lips across his cheek to his ear and took the lobe between her teeth. “I’m a fool for you,”
she whispered in his ear.
He shuddered then wrapped his arms around her and pulled her tight against him.
“Then let’s go have some more fun,”
he whispered as he picked her up and carried her back to bed .
The following Saturday afternoon, Jaxon sat beside Devin and Willa in the second pew of the church and watched as his uncle, Liam married Jackie Butler. He was happy for his uncle. A woman had crushed Liam years ago and he had sworn never to fall again then along comes Priscilla’s mother, and they hit it off. Like the other Callahan men, Liam fell fast and hard. Jackie was a beautiful woman with copper-colored hair like her daughter, but worn in a bob. Everyone in the family loved her and had welcomed her with open arms.
“You do realize you’ll be the only single Callahan left, right?”
Devin whispered from beside him.
“Yeah,”
Jaxon whispered back. “I don’t have a problem with that.”
Willa leaned across Devin. “You shouldn’t be the only one. Bethany wouldn’t want that for you. You’re too young to be alone.”
Jaxon snorted. “Look who’s talking. You didn’t want to get involved with anyone again.”
“Yes, but I did. Devin was very persuasive.”
Devin wiggled his eyebrows. “Not to mention, I’m fantastic in bed. ”
Jaxon chuckled when their mother turned around from the pew in front of them and gave Devin the Mom look .
“Sorry, Mom,”
Devin murmured.
Jaxon saw Willa slap her hand over her mouth to hold the laughter in while Devin glared at them. The wedding went off without a hitch, and after the reception, Jaxon headed home.
****
Sunday afternoon, Presley entered her cabin as her cell phone rang. Without looking at the caller ID, she answered.
“Hello?”
“Hello, Presley. It’s Bev Devoroux. I’m wondering if you could come back now so we can discuss your job offer?”
Presley was startled. “I thought I’d be given as much time as I needed?”
“That was the plan, but we have other nurses wanting the position, and it doesn’t seem fair to keep them in limbo.”
“I understand. When do you need me back?”
“The board is meeting in three days. I’ll need your decision the day before. I want you to come back, so I can do my best to convince you to take the position. I know you love the ER, but I think you’d be a great fit in the Recovery Unit. If you don’t want it, we need to pick another applicant. ”
“All right. Uh, I’ll do my best to get back then. But if I’m not there by Tuesday, then give the job to another nurse.”
Silence met her.
“Presley, if you don’t want the job, you can tell me now.”
“I just need to do something first.”
Bev’s sigh came across the line. “All right. Hopefully, I’ll see you on Tuesday.”
She hung up.
Presley needed to talk to Jaxon and tell him she might be leaving. Might be leaving. All he had to do was ask her to stay, and she’d do it. Running outside, she strolled to his home and climbed the steps then knocked on the door.
Jaxon smiled at her when he opened the door. “What are you doing here? You just left. I thought you weren’t coming back until later.”
Taking a deep breath, she entered the kitchen. “The hospital called, and they want me back with my decision.”
Presley saw him swallow hard as he stared at her. She hated this, but all he had to do was ask her to stay.
“When?”
“They want me back on Tuesday, so I would have to leave tomorrow.”
He nodded and looked away from her. “Jaxon? ”
“I can’t say what you want to hear,”
he said quietly.
“Why not?”
“Damn it, you know why.”
“This hasn’t just been sex for me.”
Her voice caught hard in her throat.
“You just don’t get it. I am too fucking scared to go through any of it again,”
he growled.
“You won’t be with me because you’re afraid I’ll die?”
She couldn’t believe this was his reason. “Jaxon, we all die.”
“You have no idea what it’s like to lose someone—”
“You’re losing me anyway,”
she shouted.
“That’s different. So different.”
He turned his back to her. “Just go.”
Placing her hand over her mouth, she stared up at him as tears spilled down her cheeks.
“Jaxon—”
“You need to go pack.”
“I love you, Jaxon. You know where to find me if you change your mind.”
She was sure she’d never hurt this badly in her life.
“I won’t.”
He spun around to face her.
Taking a deep breath, she tried to stem her tears. “Goodbye, Jaxon. Enjoy your lonely life with a dead woman!”
She ran from the house and down the steps, leaving the man she loved. All he’d had to do was ask her to stay.
****
Jaxon walked to the window and watched her run down the road until he could no longer see her.
Damn it! He couldn’t ask her to stay with him.
Life could be ruthless at times.
Hell, he knew that firsthand.
He’d lost his wife and dream job of bull riding, but he’d adjusted because he loved this ranch.
Presley said she loved him.
His gut ached thinking of her leaving, but he couldn’t give her what she wanted.
God! How did he feel about her? She was the first woman he’d been with since Bethany.
Didn’t that say something? He loved it when she was in his bed, and he couldn’t seem to get enough of her.
He was chicken shit. So scared of loving and losing someone again.
“ Motherfucker!”
He turned from the window and stalked to the kitchen.
He needed to get out for a while and be alone in the woods.
He’d saddle up and take off for a few hours.
Away from seeing Presley.
Since there were no activities today, he wouldn’t see her anyway and she’d be leaving tomorrow.
She had to pack today and plan to get out of here.
Grabbing his hat off the peg, he slapped it on his head and walked out to his truck.
After driving to the barn, he climbed out and entered the barn where he saddled Zander then tore out of there to head back toward his place.
He rode a trail when he wanted to be alone.
As he headed for it, he gave a shrill whistle and Jinks came running down the steps of the porch.
This was all he needed—just him, Zander and Jinks.
As he rode the trail, he tried his best to keep Presley off his mind, but she kept creeping in.
Her beautiful blue eyes would haunt him for the rest of his life, along with her laugh and smile.
Her face when her orgasm hit her.
Shit! How could he make himself forget her? There was definitely a long, hard climb ahead of him.
Riding Zander down the trail, he glanced back to see Jinks following behind.
This was Jaxon’s quiet place.
It was a three-mile trail on his property that led to a secluded pond.
He’d forged the path two years ago when he’d been forced into retirement from bull riding.
Eventually, the trail took shape, and the horse knew it as well as his master did.
All Jaxon had to do was hold on.
It was so quiet, so peaceful.
Usually, but not today.
Not when he knew Presley was leaving.
She’d be gone tomorrow, and he knew sleep would elude him once she was.
Hell, he wouldn’t sleep tonight just thinking about her leaving. Life would never be the same. This is what you get for getting involved with her .
He stopped at the pond and dismounted then walked to the bank and sat down.
Zander wouldn’t go anywhere, and Jinks lay beside Jaxon in the tall grass.
Damn it.
He should never have gotten involved with her.
He was just too scared to love another woman.
What was it he was feeling for Presley? Love? Lust? No, it was more than desire.
If it had been just lust, he would have had her and never thought about any feelings, but there were feelings.
Emotions he didn’t want to think about because he didn’t want another woman in his heart.
Bethany was there and always would be.
So make room for Presley.
Why is that so hard?
“Hell if I know,”
he muttered and lay back in the grass.
****
Presley entered her cabin, ran to the bedroom and threw herself across the bed sobbing.
If he would just ask her to stay, she’d give up everything for him.
She loved him so much, but he had been honest from the beginning telling her it would only be sex and she thought she could handle that.
Never being the type to have a fling, she couldn’t help herself since she’d never forgotten him all these years.
Sitting up, she wiped the tears from her face.
Maybe he did fraternize with the guests, and she’d been the one this time.
No.
Shaking her head, she didn’t believe that because of the way he’d acted at first.
Angry with himself for wanting her and making it clear about what he was interested in.
Sex and sex only.
Damn it.
She’d come here to think about moving from the ER to the Recovery Unit.
It was a job she really wanted, but she also loved working the ER.
That was what she needed to think about then she saw Jaxon Callahan again.
The man she’d never forgotten.
She’d thought of him a lot over the past two years. Now she loved him more than anything. More than the job, she’d been offered. She wanted to stay, but she was not so desperate that she’d stay where she wasn’t wanted.
She fell back on the bed, and tears rolled down her temples. Love hurts. Choking out a laugh as she thought about the old song. She couldn’t believe it was because he was afraid to lose someone again. She could understand being nervous about that but no one knew what the days ahead would bring, and she always thought people should grab hold with both hands and enjoy the ride while you could. Damn him!
Reaching for her cell phone, she called her best friend, Denise. Hearing her voice would help comfort her some.
“Denise—”
Her voice caught.
“Pres? What is it?”
Denise’s voice was filled with concern .
“I don’t know what to do.”
“About the job?”
“Everything. I’m so confused about all of this. I love Jaxon, but he won’t ask me to stay.”
“Jaxon?”
“Jaxon Callahan. He owns half of the ranch.”
“Oh! That Jaxon. I remember him. He is so gorgeous. Wait. You’re in love with him?”
“Yes. He was in the ER two years ago, and needed surgery because he was in a bad accident—”
“Stop. Back up. What accident?”
“He was brought in because he was in a bad accident. I think I fell in love with him right then. I came here, and he was here.”
“Did you know he’d be there?”
“No, not at all. I found out when he brought me towels.”
“Dear God, Pres. You are not making sense.”
Presley took a deep breath and explained about her first day here.
“I was shocked to see him. I had no idea he ran this guest ranch. Anyway, I asked to go on the camping trip he was leading, and that was when he kissed me. Denise, I’ve never been kissed like that in my whole life. After we returned from the trip, we started seeing each other and… ”
“You slept with him,”
Denise said.
“Yes. I’m so in love with him.”
“Does he feel the same?”
“He hasn’t said, but I just came back from telling him I had to leave tomorrow and he didn’t ask me to stay. He just told me to go. He’s afraid to love anyone because he’s afraid to lose someone again.”
She hiccupped a sob.
“We all take chances every day.”
“I know, and I told him he was losing me anyway but he just told me to go. I’d be willing to give up that job for him.”
“Wow. You must be in love if you’d do that. I know how much you talked about wanting that job.”
“That job doesn’t mean as much to me as Jaxon does. But he didn’t ask me. He told me from the beginning that it could only be a sexual relationship and like an idiot, I agreed. But I fell in love.”
“Oh, hon, I’m so sorry. Maybe you need to figure out how to convince him you’d stay.”
“I’m not sure he’d want me.”
“I’m so sorry, honey. Jaxon sounds like a stubborn man.”
“He is, but I love him so much. I don’t want to leave him but if I stay, I think he’d just ignore me.”
“When are you supposed to leave? ”
“Tomorrow. I’ll leave here early.”
“Why are you coming back early?”
“Bev called and said they need a decision because other nurses were interested in the position, and they need to know what I want to do. I told Jaxon about it, but he didn’t seem to care.”
“Come back, Pres. Let him miss you for a while. Maybe he’ll come after you.”
“I told him he knew where I was if he changed his mind, and he said he wouldn’t.”
“Damn, he is hardheaded. But listen, just come back and see what happens. If you stay there, he’s not going to happy about it. He needs to get over his fears and missing you might do that. Maybe then, he’ll be able to love again.”
“I need to pack, but I needed to talk to you.”
“I’m always here for you. You know that. I’ll see you when you get back. Chin up, boobs out.”
Presley laughed. “I don’t know what I’d do without you.”
“You’ll never find out. Talk soon. Love you.”
“Love you too.”
Presley hung up.
Denise was right, there was no reason to keep staying here when Jaxon wouldn’t be happy about it.
She’d leave, make her decision, and move on with her life.
The thought of moving on with her life without Jaxon had her heart aching.
She called Josie to let her know she was checking out.
“We’ll be sorry to see you go,”
Josie said. “Jaxon did call me about you leaving and we’ll be refunding the last week of your stay to you.”
That was big of him.
Some people might be sad to see her go, and she hoped Jaxon was one of them.
Placing her hands over her face as more tears spilled down her cheeks, she knew she was going to miss him so very much.
Taking a deep breath, she pushed to her feet and pulled her suitcases out and began to pack.
If it weren’t so late in the day, she’d leave now but she hated driving late into the night.
She’d set the alarm for four and go.
The sooner, the better.
Four-thirty the next morning, Presley drove onto the road and away from Bur Oak ranch.
Her heart was breaking, and she couldn’t stop the flow of tears.
How was she going to go on without Jaxon in her life? If you had just stayed away from him, this wouldn’t be so hard!
Driving slowly along the dark road, she kept an eye out for animals.
Being in the country, she knew they could pop out at any time.
Maybe she should have waited until daylight, but she wanted to go as soon as she was able.
She hadn’t slept at all, so why not go? Leave the man she loved behind and just go.
A sob tore from her chest, and tears rolled down her cheeks.
Life just wasn’t fair.
Taking a deep breath, she drove through the little town of Spring City, Montana.
The only lights were from her headlights and streetlamps.
Glancing around, she tried to burn the image into her brain.
She never wanted to forget her time here.
Maybe when she got a vacation next year…no. She knew she’d never come back.
Three hours later, she was halfway home and hadn’t cried any more tears in at least half an hour.
Reaching over to turn the radio up, she almost turned it off.
A favorite song of hers came on, and although she knew it was a heartbreaker, she couldn’t help but listen to it.
I Would’ve Loved You Anyway by Trisha Yearwood said everything Presley was feeling.
Even if she had known her heart would be break, she would have loved Jaxon anyway.
She wouldn’t trade any of her time with him for anything.
He was the man she’d love until she took her last breath and beyond.
As the song played, fresh tears rolled down her face to the point she had to pull off the road and throw the gear into Park.
Damn song! It was a tearjerker even if someone wasn’t going through it but hearing it now had her sobbing so hard her body shook.
Leaning her forehead against the steering wheel, she cried.
When the song ended, she tilted her head back and wiped the tears away. After checking traffic, she put the gear into Drive and pulled onto the road then drove home to start her life without Jaxon Callahan.
****
Jaxon saddled horses in the barn for the camping trip. Fifteen people were going. Make that fourteen. One wouldn’t be going. Hell. He’d been up all night, and he just hoped he didn’t fall asleep in the saddle and tumble from Zander.
“Jax?”
Turning, he saw Devin striding toward him. “Yeah?”
“I just heard that Presley left early.”
“Yeah.”
“Why?”
Jaxon looked at his brother. “She has a job to get back to.”
“I was under the impression she’d possibly be staying on.”
“Why would you think that?”
“Oh, I don’t know. Maybe because you’re in love with her.”
“No, I’m not.”
“The hell you aren’t. Let Bethany go so you can be with Presley.”
Jaxon shrugged. “It doesn’t matter.”
“The hell it doesn’t. ”
“Leave it alone, Dev.”
He turned to adjust the cinch on the saddle.
“Jax? Why did you let her go?”
Jaxon spun to face Devin. “I let her go because I’m afraid to love again. I already lost the love of my life and I can’t lose someone again.”
“You already have,”
Devin said quietly.
“Let it go, Devin.”
Presley had said the same thing.
“Go after her. She loves you. Hell, I asked Willa to stay.”
“I know, but Willa was more than ready to get away from her job.”
“So you’re saying she only stayed to get away from Rocky?”
“No. Willa loves you—”
“Just as Presley loves you. You should have asked her to stay. You told me to ask Willa to stay when I had doubts about it. I did, and I’ve never regretted it. She’s the love of my life. Presley is yours. Go get her back.”
“I already had the love of my life, and I lost her. I’m busy. Go away.”
“Who says you can’t have it again?”
“The best things in life seldom come along twice.”
“True but in your case, they have. Go for it. Try again. ”
“I’m not trying again. I’m not going after Presley. End of story. Now, I see the guests coming in. I have work to do.”
“You’re a fucking idiot,”
Devin muttered as he walked past him.
Jaxon shook his head. Devin didn’t understand. His situation was different. Willa had no desire to go back to Hollywood with the actor she’d arrived with but she did because she and Devin had fought, and she’d been so hung up on the age difference. Jaxon had talked Devin into going to Hollywood after her, so he did and brought her back to where she belonged. Now she did work around the ranch, helping in the lodge and with the itinerary but she was first and foremost, Devin’s wife and that’s all she wanted.
When Jaxon came back from the trail ride, he told everyone to dismount, and the ranch hands would take care of the horses. He dismounted then led Zander to his stall. After removing the tack and a warm-down, he rinsed the horse off with the hose.
“You’re seriously not going after her?”
Jaxon turned to see Willa standing outside the stall gate. Shaking his head, he refused to answer her.
“Jaxon, ignoring me won’t work. You should know how stubborn I am by now. ”
Blowing out a breath, he turned to look at her. “No. I’m not going after her.”
“Why not? You love her, and she loves you. Sometimes, we women need to see just how much you men want us. When I left, I wanted Devin to convince me to stay, but I’d made him so angry that I had to go. I was so happy he came after me because we’d both be miserable now. Just like you and Presley are going to be. She loves you. We can all see it, and we also see how you are with her.”
“I’m not ready—”
“When do you think you will be? When it’s too late? I can promise you, she wanted to stay. I could see how she looked at you. I look at Devin the same way. Lucy looks at Reid like that, and it’s the same with Priscilla and Roark. We women love you Callahans. You love deep, but so do we. Go get her, Jax. You don’t want to go through life thinking you should have gone after her. I’m telling you if you don’t, you’ll regret it.”
Jaxon stared at her and didn’t know what to say. He was scared. Fear was his enemy. What if it was too late now? What if he did go after her and she wouldn’t come back with him? Taking a deep breath, he blew it out and shook his head.
“Please let it go,” he said .
Willa stepped into the stall and hugged him. “I will…for now.”
She turned and walked away.
Jaxon walked out of the barn to where his truck sat, but he took a seat on the swing that sat beside the barn. He removed his hat, pulled his T-shirt off over his head then resettled the hat. It was hot today. Removing his hat again, he pulled the chain he always wore over his head. Leaning forward, he placed his forearms on his knees, clasped his hands, dangled the chain from his hands, and hung his head. No one understood what he was going through, and he could never explain it. Taking a deep breath, he stood, stuffed the chain into his pocket, picked up his shirt then headed home for a while. He just hoped he could stop thinking of not seeing Presley ever again.
Later as Jaxon worked in the barn, he heard someone clear their throat, he looked up to see his cousin, Reid, standing in the doorway of the stall.
“Hey, Reid. What are you doing here?”
Jaxon pulled his leather gloves off.
“Jax. I was driving by and thought I’d stop in. Devin tells me you let Presley leave.”
Jaxon clenched his jaw and felt a muscle twitch in his cheek. He nodded.
“I did. No reason for her to stay.”
He folded his arms while staring at Reid .
“Really? Didn’t look that way at the dance. You asked her to dance, and you two couldn’t keep your eyes off each other.”
“It doesn’t matter, Reid. I’m going to tell you like I’ve told Devin and Willa. Let it go.”
“Is it because of Bethany?”
Reid walked over to a stack of hay bales and sat on one.
Blowing out a breath, Jaxon followed him and took a seat beside him.
“She was the love of my life.”
“As Zeke was Lucy’s and Maisy were Brayden’s.”
“You’re the love of Lucy’s life, Reid.”
Reid stared at him. “I am, and Melissa is the love of Brayden’s life. Sometimes, we get a second chance to have it all again and when we do, we have to take it or it will slip away. I got that chance with Lucy, and Brayden got it with Melissa. Maybe you need to talk to Bethany.”
Jaxon frowned. “Talk to her?”
Reid smiled. “Yep. Just as I did with Zeke. I was scared to tell him I loved Lucy and Z-man, but I had to. He was my best friend and I thought I was overstepping, but he let me know he was fine with it. He knew I’d take care of them and love them until I take my last breath.”
Jaxon shook his head. “You talked to Zeke? And just how did he let you know? ”
“I won’t tell you that, but he did. Go talk to Bethany. She knows you still love her and won’t forget her but I’m sure she wants you to be happy.”
Reid clasped his shoulder then stood and walked off.
Jaxon stared after Reid. As crazy as it all sounded, maybe his cousin was right. He strode out to his truck, climbed in it and drove up to his house. He ran inside then to the bedroom, and after getting what he needed, he hurried back out to the truck, got inside then tore out of the ranch. The miles flew by as he drove to his destination. Pulling onto the road leading to the cemetery, he found a place to park then exited the truck. Striding through the grass, he found her headstone and stared down at it. It had been a while since he’d been here. Squatting down, he reached his hand out and touched the cold stone.
“Hi, Bethany. I’m sorry I haven’t been here in a while. It’s hard to come here. I know you’re not really here, but I really needed to talk to you today.”
He stood when he heard a truck pull up and swore when he saw Devin climbing out of his vehicle and walking toward him.
“Jaxon?”
Jaxon frowned at his brother. “What are you doing here, Devin? ”
“I saw you tear out of the ranch, and I wanted to make sure you were all right.”
Jaxon took a deep breath and turned back to look at the headstone.
“I don’t want to forget her,”
he whispered.
“You’ll never forget her, Jaxon. You loved her.”
Shaking his head, Jaxon could feel the tears stinging his eyes.
“Her face is fading from me. How can I forget her face? I fell in love with her the minute I saw her, and now I can barely remember what she looked like. Damn it, Devin. I don’t want to let her go.”
“You don’t have to. She’s always going to be in your heart. But even Bethany wanted you to move on. You need to do that. With Presley. You love her.”
Jaxon spun around and glared at his brother. “Who says I love her?”
Devin smirked. “I do. I see that look in your eyes. I see it in the mirror every day. The eyes of a man in love. You love her, Jaxon. Don’t let her go too. Bethany wouldn’t want that for you. She loved you enough to let you go. Now you do the same.”
Jaxon clenched his hands into fists. “I don’t know if I can.”
Devin’s hand came down on his shoulder. “Letting her go and forgetting her are two different things. You’ll always remember her, but if you don’t let go of her you’re never going to be happy and damn it, Jaxon, you deserve to be happy. Presley makes you happy. I’ve seen you looking at her, smiling at her.”
He shrugged. “You’re not fooling anyone. You’re in love with her.”
“I’m so scared, Dev. Scared to death of this feeling and losing it again.”
“I know but take what you can. We all do.”
“I have to talk to her.”
Jaxon moved away from him.
“Presley?”
“Bethany. Please leave me alone for a while.”
He glanced at Devin to see him nod then his brother walked away. Jaxon heard his vehicle start up and drive off.
Once Jaxon was alone, he took a deep breath and wondered if he’d be able to do this. The pain inside him was to the point where he wanted to curl into a ball and wish the world away.
“What the hell am I supposed to do, Bethany? I know you told me to find someone but why does it feel so wrong, or is it because I’m just so scared?”
Jaxon took his hat off then squatted down and stared at the headstone.
Reaching out a hand, he touched the headstone again as tears welled in his eyes .
“I thought you were the love of my life. How can I love Presley, if you were? I don’t understand. I don’t doubt that I loved you, but now I wonder if I loved you as much as I thought. Fuck.”
A sad smile lifted his lips. “Yeah, I know. Don’t swear, Jaxon.”
Pushing to his feet, he glanced around the cemetery to see he was the only one here since Devin had left. He needed to go, but he just couldn’t make himself walk away yet. Hunkering back down, he stared at the headstone.
“I love her, Bethany. Doesn’t mean I didn’t love you. I did. I do. Shit.”
He ran his hand down his face, then placed his hat back on his head. “I’m not making a lot of sense, am I? I’ll always love you. You held my heart for a long time. I thought it would be longer though. I really thought we’d grow old together. Have kids.”
He swallowed hard. “This is so hard, Bethany. I don’t want you to think I didn’t love you. You must know I did and you will always have a place in my heart, but I want to move on with Presley. I—I love her so much, and I’m going to lose her if I don’t get my act together and let her know. But I had to talk to you. You wanted this for me, damn it,”
he growled as he stood again.
Turning on his heel, he started to walk away then turned back. Clenching his hands into fists again, he swore as he stared at the headstone. Tipping his head down, he reached into his pocket, pulled the chain out holding their two wedding rings. He’d put it away earlier that day but now he removed his wedding band from it. Staring at it, he took a deep breath then blew it out as he put the chain with her ring still on it back into his pocket. He would put it away in a drawer.
“What the hell do you want from me? This is what you wanted. This is what you told me the night you…left me. Find someone, is what you said, and now I have.”
Tears rolled down his cheeks, and he angrily wiped them away. “Damn it, Bethany. I have found someone, but I want you to be happy for me. I love you, but I love her too. Christ! I hate saying that. I’m going now, and I’m not coming back for a long time. I want to be with her. I want to marry Presley and spend my life with her. Please be happy for me, Bethany. Please.”
Jaxon reached up to swipe his hand across his cheek when he felt something else brush against it. He looked at his hand but didn’t see anything, and nothing other than grass lay on the ground at his feet. It had felt like a…like a flower petal.
Looking up at the sky, he shook his head. He knew it couldn’t have been a flower. Could it? It felt just as it had when Bethany stroked a lily across his cheek. Jaxon pulled in a deep breath and blinked his eyes. Reid had told him that Zeke had let him know some way. Had Bethany just let him know?
“I’ll always hold you in my heart,”
he whispered and placed his wedding band on the top of the headstone then turned and walked back to his truck.
Once he returned to his house, he removed all the photos on the mantle except the one of them with Bethany holding a tiger lily, put them in a box, and stored them in the attic .