Chapter Sixteen #2
Asher did not understand why this was suddenly difficult, as if he was somehow letting Big E down, too. This was always the way things were going to go. Asher cleared his throat and said, “When I get home, I’ll talk with my brothers and figure out next steps.”
Big E hummed his acknowledgment.
“You don’t need to stay, either,” Asher said.
“I think I’ll hang about for a bit longer,” Big E said quietly. “Feels like there’s a lot of dust left to settle around here yet.”
“I appreciate it.” Asher stuck his arm out to shake Big E’s hand.
Big E gripped Asher’s hand and pulled Asher in for a tight embrace. One that Big E ended with a hearty thump on Asher’s back and Asher’s word that he would call when he landed in New York. Big E touched the brim of his hat, then walked over to join the others at the trailer.
Asher finally climbed into the UTV and drove back to the house.
Hours later, his flight confirmed, the office set back to rights and his bags packed, Asher heard the familiar bootsteps in the kitchen. Kelley was there. Asher sat behind the desk and rubbed his palms on his jeans and fought to find the words for one final goodbye.
Here we go. And for the record, cowgirl, I am really sorry.
* * *
Humming a country love song, Kelley set the picnic basket she prepared for her sunset ride with Asher later on the kitchen island, then went in search of her cowboy.
Stepping into the office doorway, she caught sight of Asher’s packed suitcase and grinned.
“I see you are finally moving into a bedroom. That will surely be more comfortable than the couch.”
He stood, came around the desk but didn’t close the distance between them.
Okay. The love song broke apart in her suddenly dry throat. Kelley swallowed and searched Asher’s very composed face.
He leaned against the front edge of the desk, fluid and graceful yet reserved and guarded all the same. “Actually, I’m heading back to New York.”
Oh. Okay. Kelley locked her knees and braced herself. “When?”
“My flight departs at four thirty.” He held her gaze, steady and undaunted. “Today.”
That was the same time they were supposed to be out on a trail ride with River Run and Maple. The same trail ride he had invited Kelley on yesterday in a late-night text, wishing her sweet dreams. She clenched her jaw until the burn of disappointment receded.
This was the goodbye she knew was coming. This one she prepared for. This one she expected. It was not supposed to change her. No. She would not allow that.
“Big E wants to ride with you later,” he said, his words smooth and refined as if all was as it should be. “I’m sure Frannie and Owen would like to go as well.”
But not you. She forced herself to stand tall. Her shoulders back. Her heart in plain sight. Don’t hold back, cowboy. She would not flinch. He could count on that. She asked, “What about the parade?”
“I worked it all out with Owen before he left for the Rising Star Classic,” Asher explained. He anchored his arms, no tension in his grip around the desk edge. No strain in his words. “It’s been more of his vision and his project anyway.”
Kelley matched his indifference. “What about the pasture patrol?”
“Big E is already looking for buyers,” Asher said simply.
Kelley curled her fingers into her palms and let her nails bite into her skin. “What about the stables?”
“I need to talk to my brothers,” he explained, easy and sure. “We need to decide how to move forward together.”
She nodded. “You certainly have all the answers, don’t you?” What if I dared you to stay, cowboy? Kelley planted her boots. Got an answer for that? Didn’t think so.
“They want me back in New York. My boss called this morning,” he said, so very cool and unflappable. “I have to go. They need me.”
I need you more. What do you think of that? Kelley smashed her lips together and waited out the tremble before she said, “It seems your mind is set.”
“It always was.” He did not blink. He stayed the course and said, “We both knew this was always how it was going to be.”
“Of course, we did.” Kelley took in a careful breath, steadied herself, even while her pulse beat wild inside her. She forced a small smile. “Don’t worry. My heart is not breaking or anything like that.” He could not break what she did not give him.
“That’s good.” His gaze trailed over her face. His words gentled, revealing the slightest hint of regret. “I never wanted to hurt you.”
Oh no you don’t, cowboy. He did not get to flinch now. There was no folding. No retreating. This they would face head-on. She said, “You never wanted to do a lot of things.”
“What does that mean?” he asked, carefully.
It was time for a little straight talk. Call it a parting gift. “You’re starting to care, Asher Blackwell,” she said, a challenge in her words. “You’re starting to care about the horses. The staff. The town.” Me.
He reached up and wiped his hand over his mouth as if catching his response.
But Kelley was not waiting for him to gather his thoughts.
There were more things ready to get off her chest and she let those truths free.
“And all that caring has you running scared all the way back to the city.” She inhaled and let another truth fly on her exhale.
“Not that it really matters. You were out before you were ever in.”
“This hasn’t ever been my place.” He extended his legs, crossed one ankle over the other as if to prove she had not shaken him. He added, “This is not where I belong.”
“You made that decision a long time ago and you’ve been proving it to yourself ever since,” she challenged. “Maybe it’s time to try a new narrative and realize you are enough. Just as you are. You always have been.”
“You should take your own advice.” His grin was brief. “You’re thriving in a small-town diner in a barely-on-the-map Kentucky town. Doing what you love surrounded by people who love you.” He arched an eyebrow at her. “What’s so wrong with that?”
She would be doing it all without him. She caught the catch in her throat and evened out her voice. “You didn’t come back because it was a convenient excuse to get away from work. You came home because your family needed you.”
“Is that so?” he drawled.
“Everyone knows it,” she said, ignoring caution. “But the truth is, Asher Blackwell, you need them and this place more.” I could be everything you ever needed.
“What do you need, Kelley Munroe?” he asked, his words icy-cool. “Because as far as I can tell, you’re so afraid to fail again, you’re standing still. You’re existing, not living.”
Kelley notched her chin up. “At least I’ve put myself out there, my heart and all.” Perhaps she was standing still, but better that than tossing him her heart and watching it land in the dust around his boots.
“Is that what you want?” he asked and tipped his head to consider her. “Do you want my heart?”
She wanted his whole heart, not the pieces he chose to give her. All or nothing. Broken bits and all, cowboy. She shook her head. “It was never about that, remember?” Because she was starting to.
“Then what is this?”
“Just a cowboy and a cowgirl clearing the air for the last time.” Now it was time to call it. She met his gaze. “Bye, Asher.”
He waited for a beat and finally said, “Kelley, I wish—”
“Please don’t say anything else,” she interrupted him. If she bent an inch, she just might splinter. “There’s really nothing left to say.”
He closed his mouth.
She straightened, kept her head high and walked out of the office.
Because Kelley was not chasing love. She was not going to try to hold on to a cowboy who was already gone.
She was letting go. Making a clean break. Moving on.