Chapter Eighteen
Asher lasted all of five days in New York before the silence spurred him into booking a red-eye flight back to Kentucky. He missed diner coffee. He missed sunrise out on a pasture. He missed the horses. The staff. The land. But mostly, he missed Kelley.
Now he was home again. And breathing easier. Asher carried his suitcase into the house and heard water running in the kitchen. He veered that way and found Big E standing at the sink, a cup of coffee cradled in his hands.
“Welcome back.” Big E’s smile was slow and knowing. “This is unexpected. I thought we were having a phone call with the potential buyer for River Run, not an in-person meeting?”
“I changed my mind.” About a few things. But he would get to those in time. Asher set his suitcase down and continued, “I don’t want to sell River Run.”
Big E placed his coffee on the island, took another mug from the cabinet and poured a cup for Asher. Handing it to Asher, he said, “I get the impression you have a lot on your mind.”
Asher took a deep sip, then realized he was still restless. Caffeine would not help. He gripped the mug and paced around the kitchen. “River Run and I have a sort of bond.”
“And you don’t just trade that away,” Big E stated.
“Exactly.” Asher paused. “I want to give River Run his second act.” And perhaps have one for himself.
“That sounds like it’s not only River Run who will be sticking around here.” Big E tipped his head toward Asher’s suitcase. “I guess my next question is where are you putting that this time around?”
Asher curved his fingers around the coffee mug. “I thought I might try a bedroom this time around.”
Big E’s grin drifted out. “Then you’re thinking of staying for more than a bit.”
“I was thinking more like for good.” Asher leaned in to the promise. It felt like he was finally going in the right direction.
“That’s the best news I’ve heard today.” Big E lifted his coffee mug in a toast.
“The day has barely gotten started,” Asher said, a tease in his words.
“Don’t make light of it,” Big E cautioned. “Your father would have been proud of you. I know I am.”
That settled inside Asher, not lightly, but rightly. As if the words fit. He intended to keep on making them proud.
“This place needs a Blackwell caring for it. Looking after it,” Big E continued. “You will do well by it.”
“I hope the staff agrees,” Asher said, a hint of uncertainty in his words.
“Prove to them you mean to stick.” Big E put a hand on Asher’s shoulder. “Show them how much you care, and they won’t doubt you or your intentions.”
“I should get changed so I can get to work on that.” Asher picked up his suitcase and turned toward the bedroom wing.
Big E stopped him and said, “I cleaned out Walter’s room, painted and changed the furniture.”
Asher turned to look at Big E and asked, “Why?”
“To get it ready.” Big E met Asher’s gaze and held it. “For the next generation.”
Asher looked away, then nodded and turned toward the private wing for the primary bedroom suite.
Big E said, “Of course, you can change whatever you like, it’s yours now. And you’ll be wanting to update the other rooms I’m sure, but you’ve got time for that.”
He did, didn’t he? Asher stepped into his parents’ old bedroom and stopped short. He didn’t recognize it. The light gray walls, white trim and neutral tones were gentle to the eye and welcoming. The natural wood furniture and other fixtures everything he preferred.
Asher set his suitcase in the walk-in closet and headed toward the French doors and patio. An old-school-style notebook on the dresser caught his attention. There was a handwritten note stuck to the cover. Asher, seeing is believing. Found this in your dad’s office.
He picked up the notebook and sat on the padded bench at the end of the king-size bed.
Opening the cover, Asher found another note, this one from his father.
Asher, you’ve always gone your own way. Cowboy to cowboy, I respect that.
But this father misses his son. Here’s hoping you find your way home one day. Dad.
Asher squeezed his eyes closed, but that only acted like a dam, backing up his tears so when he blinked, they all fell at once.
The scrapbook turned out to be a photo album of Asher’s highlights growing up.
Each picture was labeled and dated in his father’s handwriting.
In the back was a collection of articles written about Asher during his years in New York.
It was a bittersweet, but necessary walk down memory lane. He knew there would always be regret for not making the time for one last conversation with his father. And he would always miss his twin. But for the first time, Asher was at peace in his family home and knew he was where he belonged.
Big E tapped on the door and said, “I’m heading down to the stables. Wanted to see if you are ready?”
Asher closed the scrapbook and stood. “Why didn’t you give this to me before?”
“I’ve found there’s a right time for things,” Big E explained. “You might have heard me, but I don’t know if you were open to listen, in here.” Big E put a hand over his chest.
Asher understood and tucked the notebook carefully into a drawer in the bedside table. “Thank you for this and not giving up on me.”
“You’re family.” Big E smiled. “I don’t know any other way.”
Asher was glad to have Elias Blackwell in his corner. A quick change into his jeans, cotton shirt and favorite cowboy hat, then Asher met Big E and they headed to the stables.
The lunch hour was quickly approaching just as Big E and Asher made it out to the pasture patrol to exercise the trio and check on Pride. They worked with the horses through lunch and only just finished cooling them down when Joe showed up.
Asher and Big E joined Joe at the pasture fence.
“Welcome back,” Joe said. “Heard from Owen you were here. He’s expecting you at the parade float this afternoon for final touches.”
“I will be there.” Asher grinned. “I’m looking forward to seeing it.
” There was a special cowgirl he was looking forward to seeing even more.
He just had not quite figured out what he was going to say to Kelley when he finally saw her.
I’m back seemed a little less than satisfactory.
And I’m sorry seemed hardly enough for his spirited cowgirl.
“I owe you an apology.” Joe stepped forward and reached an arm over toward Asher. “For not listening about Derby Dreamer.”
Asher gave Joe a solid handshake and a nod.
“I’ve got no excuse except pride,” Joe admitted and scratched his weathered cheek. “Seems I’ve been fighting to prove time wrong. To prove I haven’t lost a step the past few years.”
“Getting older doesn’t mean a cowboy stops making mistakes.” Big E braced his arms on the fence and considered Joe.
Asher knew his fair share about making mistakes. He was going to get to righting a few shortly. Just as soon as he got his cowgirl alone.
“But age does give us the insight to own up to our mistakes faster,” Joe said, his words wry. He took off his cowboy hat and tapped it against his leg. “And I’m doing that now.”
“Appreciate it,” Asher said, and noted the shadows under the older cowboy’s eyes and that his hair was more gray than brown. “Looks like you’ve got more on your mind, though.”
“I need to step away,” Joe said.
Surprised, Asher asked, “For how long?”
“I’m still figuring that out.” Joe brushed the dust off his hat brim. “I watched Walter fade away on these lands. I don’t want that. If the legacy I leave is that I was fully present with my wife and kids and grandkids in my final years, then that is more than enough for me.”
“Family first,” Big E said, with clear approval.
“Take all the time you need,” Asher said, repeating the words his own boss had told him when Asher turned down the London job offer and requested an extended leave. “But can you tell me what happened? Was there something more to it than Derby Dreamer?”
“Watching Derby Dreamer falter on that warm-up track at the Rising Star Classic all but did my heart in,” Joe confessed. “But the truth is I haven’t been at my best since Walter passed. That’s no good for the horses or anyone.”
Asher nodded and realized he was starting to find his best. Perhaps for the first time.
“Walter and me, we did real good. We were a team. We trusted each other and we were loyal to the end. That’s why we made magic on the track together,” Joe explained and held Asher’s gaze.
“Now it’s time for you to take the reins, Asher.
You’ve got it in you. Find your own team and you will make your own magic. ”
Joe had his back, too. Just like that, his foundation was feeling even more steady. Asher asked, “When are you leaving?”
“I’ll tie up a few things here. Speak to the staff and take off before the week is out,” Joe said, a small grin on his face. “I got time to make up for with my wife and family. I’m going to get to that vacation we put off for far too long. I don’t want any regrets.”
Handshakes all around and Joe walked away.
“I know a thing or two about regrets,” Big E said and propped his boot on the bottom fence post. “I had quite a collection myself at one time.”
“What did you do?” Asher asked.
“Dusted ’em off, put on my boots and got down to the business of going toe-to-toe with each one,” Big E said, amusement in his tone. Yet, there was a solemn glint in his gaze as if it was a hard-won fight.
“Got any left?” Asher asked.
“Can’t say that I do.” Big E hooked his thumbs into his belt loops and gave Asher a sidelong smile. “Been a bit of a good run recently. Collecting memories these days like Joe is intending to do with his kin. What about you?”
“I think I’ve got one giant regret in the making,” Asher said. And if he didn’t fix things with Kelley, it was going to turn into a tumbleweed picking up speed and size until it became a thornbush barreling into his chest.
Big E adjusted his hat and said, “You’re regretting not asking me to be on the parade float, aren’t you?”
“You’re riding with Lenny Culver in a nineteen sixty-five Ford Mustang. Best seat in the parade.” Asher chuckled. “And it’s a bit more personal than that.”
“Why didn’t you say so?” Big E stood and faced Asher. “This is a simple fix. Listen to your heart and there won’t be anything to regret.”
“I can guarantee I have not ever done that,” Asher said. If he had, he wouldn’t have let Kelley go.
“Maybe it’s time you tried,” Big E suggested. “Where has not listening gotten you?”
Alone. Although he argued, “I haven’t done too bad on my own.”
“Can’t disagree with you on that,” Big E said good-naturedly. “If you’re happy, well, then there’s nothing wrong with going on as you have been. On your own, as it were.”
Except there was that tumbleweed of regret building inside him. Not to mention he was not content quite yet. He said, “How happy are we talking?”
“Deep down to your core.” Big E grinned at him. “That’s where the good stuff is.”
The good stuff had been his time spent with Kelley. As for really happy, he had been with his cowgirl. But was that enough to stake a future on? And was he ready to stake his future there in Gold Finch? To go all in? “I never imagined I would find myself back here. Let alone running the place.”
“Sometimes you gotta leave to feel the tug of the roots pulling you back to where you are meant to be.”
“But I did not feel any tug when I left all those years ago.” Asher frowned.
“Perhaps this time it’s not so much about the roots you’ve got but rather it’s about the roots you want to put down with a certain cowgirl,” Big E said.
Kelley. Asher tested out that pull inside his chest. All roads seemed to be leading back to his cowgirl. A slow grin spread across his face. “I think you might be right.”
“Of course, I am.” Big E laughed and set his hand on Asher’s shoulder again. “Son, this isn’t my first rodeo with love.”
“Love,” Asher repeated.
“What did you think this was all about?” Big E eyed him and continued, “Even your dad knew that much. Love is at the core of it all.”
Asher gripped the fence, yet it was something else entirely that started to center him. Feelings, strong ones, important ones, he supposed. For once he didn’t shut them down.
“Your dad was never the same after his Priscilla passed. A broken heart has been known to do that to a cowboy,” Big E said. “But then Walter lost Dylan and instead of clinging to you boys like he should have, he pushed you all away further.”
Asher stepped back from the fence and straightened as if to prove to himself he knew exactly where he stood.
“Easier to push you away than love you up close, and fear the day he loses you, too,” Big E added. “Walter loved you, but on his own terms.”
You’re starting to care, cowboy. And then he ran. Asher knew about having terms. He scrubbed a hand over his face and realized he was more like his father than he wanted to admit.
“But Walter closed himself off so tight, he never could heal properly.” Big E shook his head. “Shame, that. He missed so much time with you and your brothers.”
The time away from Kelley felt like years, not days.
Asher accused Kelley of existing, not living.
But he was doing the same. Living with his heart mostly closed.
Perhaps his cowgirl was right all along.
It was past time to flip the narrative. Grinning, he glanced at Big E and declared, “I am in love.”
“I already knew that, son.” Big E chuckled. “What I’m wanting to know is what you’re intending on doing about it?”
“I’m going to take Joe’s advice,” Asher said, his smile spreading wide. “I’m going to build a team. My own team.” And his first pick for a partner—the sort that stuck for life—was his special cowgirl.