Chapter 20
CHAPTER 20
B elle relished the shower and clean clothes. In the shower, she couldn’t scrub hard enough to rid herself of the lake smell. She sighed and closed her eyes when she slipped into joggers and a top. Never had clean clothes felt so good. With damp curls springing about her head, she rushed to the kitchen to help Naomi with dinner.
At the dinner table, her adventure with the fish was the main topic. Her children laughed as they described Belle’s flight into the lake, though their panic-filled faces made Belle swallow the rising ache in her heart. They had lost one parent. The fear of losing another dulled the light in their eyes.
It was after everyone had finished dessert and was carrying their plates to the kitchen, that Aaron’s phone notified him of an emergency.
He spoke little before rushing upstairs to change. The concern in Naomi’s eyes reflected what rose in Belle’s heart.
A moment later, when Aaron walked through the kitchen, Belle couldn’t keep her thoughts to herself.
“I don’t think you should go,” she said, her tone barely restrained.
Surprise flashed in Aaron’s eyes. He said nothing but looked straight at her. Naomi stilled.
“I mean, you jumped in the lake because that fish dragged me into the water.” Her gaze held his. He worked hard. When they were at the cabin, she saw how hard he worked and with little rest. “Can’t you call in sick?”
“I’m not sick.” His frown didn’t hide his amusement.
“But you could get sick,” she said. She wouldn’t add her greater fear, that his exhaustion could cause him to get hurt. Though her work didn’t compare to his, she knew what it was like to work when she was exhausted.
“I appreciate the concern, but this is my work.” The look in his eyes said he knew she’d understand.
She did. Aaron followed his heart.
“Who knows? This may be an easy call, and I’ll be back in time to play a game.” His laugh was soft and disbelieving.
She didn’t believe that either but wouldn’t stand in the way of his commitment. Reluctantly, she stepped aside. She watched him until he disappeared into the mudroom. When she turned away, she saw Naomi’s watchful eye.
“I didn’t mean to interfere.” Shame washed over Belle. She had interfered with the people who desperately needed him and the other crew members. They would save lives among other things. “It’s just that what he does is dangerous.” Her face came up. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to say that.”
How could she be so careless as to say something that every mother feared—that her child was in danger?
“It’s okay.” Naomi’s smile was filled with understanding. “I worry about him, too, but he’s in God’s hands. I pray for his protection. These are the times when I let go and let God, not that it’s easy, but he’s doing what God called him to do. I won’t stand in his way.”
“I didn’t mean to stand in his way,” Belle said. Too late she realized her defensive tone. “I’m sorry.”
“Hon, it’s all right.” Naomi stepped to her and took her hand, her smile understanding.
“I guess this is more evidence that I need to give it to God.” She looked away. She couldn’t look this compassionate woman in the eyes. Doing so filled her with guilt.
“Ask Him for the strength you need,” Naomi said quietly. “He’ll give it to you.”
Belle nodded. She looked around the kitchen, which was sparkling clean. Too bad. She needed something to keep her busy, and she needed to focus on God and let Him work His perfect way in her.
“I’m going to put the kids to bed.” She squeezed Naomi’s hand, then released it. “Thank you for everything you’ve done, including reminding me that God is waiting to help me.”
“I can tell you know that, but sometimes it helps to hear it from someone else,” Naomi said.
Belle nodded. Turning away, she strode from the kitchen.
Lyle and Kelsey looked relieved when Belle told them it was time for bed. She tucked them in and realized how exhausted they were. The fishing trip had worn them out. They were too tired to play a family game. When she pulled the covers over them, their eyes closed. Their breathing relaxed as they drifted off.
The house was quiet when she went downstairs. Naomi and Felix weren’t in the living room. Movement from upstairs told her everyone was getting ready for bed.
Praying for God’s strength to help her stay strong, she stepped into the laundry room and threw everyone’s fishing clothes into the washer. She wouldn’t make more work for Naomi, who had been kind enough to open her home to them.
After she put the clothes in the dryer, she moved to the conversation area on the terrace and marveled at the cloudless sky filled with stars she couldn’t see in the city. Memories of sitting on the deck of her family’s cabin moved through her mind.
Back then she couldn’t wait to reach her goals—graduate from college and start her career. She had such dreams.
How different her life turned out. She wouldn’t change it. God had given her Lyle and Kelsey—the gifts that meant more to her than life.
Thank you, Lord.
Hadn’t God given her another gift—that of His Son?
Remembering Naomi’s words, she closed her eyes.
Please give me the peace I need from You to protect Aaron, Lord. You love him more than I do.
The thought made her pause. Did she love Aaron? She felt a great fondness for him. Her divorce from Chad would be finalized within days.
Any hope she had of the marriage being healed fizzled away. She didn’t know how she could trust Chad after his betrayal, but if that was what God wanted, she’d wait on Him.
She looked down at her wedding rings. She had vowed to wear them until her divorce was final. With tears in her eyes, she slipped them from her finger. Chad wasn’t coming back. He loved someone else. She had to forgive, forget and move on.
The only thing that hurt worse than Chad leaving was his ignoring his children, who loved him dearly. They accepted their parents were divorcing but didn’t understand why their father didn’t want to be with them and didn’t call. Seeing how they suffered drew the tears she couldn’t fight.
The crunch of tires on gravel made Belle lift her head. Headlights traveled down the ranch’s service road to the garage. Her breath caught before she remembered Aaron would be coming home. Turning to the driveway, she watched the black truck’s headlights make their way along the road. Her nose numb, her eyes raw, she dashed away her tears.
She couldn’t let Aaron see her this way. He would care, and she didn’t want to drag him into her messy life. He had enough to think about with his father recovering from his stroke and his job as a first responder, and who knew what else? Tonight, he could have witnessed horrific damage. What if someone had been injured? She prayed everyone involved was safe.
She started to rise when she heard boots move along the gravel path that led to the house.
“Belle?” Aaron’s deep voice silenced the crickets for a moment.
She released a slow breath. So much for slipping into the house unnoticed.
“Hi.” She turned to the powerful form illuminated by the lights along the footpath. “How did it go this evening?”
“As well as to be expected.” The flatness of his tone revealed he’d seen more devastation than he cared to discuss.
Her heart ached knowing people suffered.
“Fortunately, there were no injuries.” The silence that followed indicated that though no one was hurt, the damage had been extensive.
The unseen wounds caused by loss could hurt as much as the physical ones. It still pained her that her parents’ cabin was an ash heap on the side of the mountain. Her parents planned to rebuild, but the place that held joyful memories was gone.
“Thank God for that,” she murmured.
“What are you still doing up?” he asked, his direct stare probing.
“I couldn’t sleep.” She offered a half smile, though he wouldn’t see it.
“Belle, you don’t have to go through this alone.” His tone was low and even.
The tears she’d successfully banked spilled forth. Rolling her eyes, she brushed them away. Just when she thought she’d run out of tears, more came.
“You’ve done enough,” she said, impatient that she couldn’t control her emotions. She pressed her hand to her mouth. “I’m sorry.”
“There isn’t a limit on how much help you need.” He moved closer.
“I have two people depending on me to be strong.” She blinked. “Chad left six months ago.” She felt him flinch and wished she hadn’t mentioned her ex-husband’s name. She couldn’t blame Chad for everything. If she’d been a strong person to begin with, she wouldn’t be struggling in this quagmire of emotions. “Don’t you think that’s enough time to heal and be the dependable person my children need?”
“Everyone’s different,” he said, the note of compassion in his voice moving her.
“What do you mean?” She lifted her face.
“I mean, I see a lot of people facing trauma every day.” He moved up the steps to the deck. “Some people bounce back, others lose parts of themselves. Everyone handles grief differently. Don’t hold back, Belle.”
“All right. I shouldn’t be grieving.” Relief flooded her. “Chad and I were growing apart. I was just going through the motions. Our marriage ending hurt worse than any physical wound.” She relaxed at sharing what had been bottled up inside her. Aaron was so easy to talk to. “I guess that’s what you’re talking about.”
“There’s no right or wrong way to heal.” He was standing in front of her. “Everyone’s different. If you need help, there’s nothing wrong with that. A moment ago, you said I’d done enough. How much is enough, and who decides that?”
“But you have your own life to live.” She felt guilty taking him away from friends or even a girlfriend, though there’d been no indication he saw anyone.
Because he was looking after her, he didn’t have time to be with anyone else, and he should be. He loved children. He’d make a great dad.
Wasn’t he capable of making that decision himself? Had he already made it? She wouldn’t take advantage of him.
She hadn’t meant to, but trying to move on past her divorce had left her exhausted. Aaron wanted to help her, ease the burden that weighed on her shoulders, but wasn’t that God’s job? Again, she remembered the wise words Naomi had spoken. God was waiting for her to turn everything over to Him. She had to trust Him.”
“I think I’m ready to go to bed now,” she said. “I know you are.”
She felt him still. He reached a hand to her. “Come on, I’ll walk you up.”
She laid her hand in his and rose.
The ping of metal against the terrace’s pavers shot a bolt of panic through her.
“Oh, no.” She wanted to collapse. She had removed her wedding rings but hadn’t paid attention to where she’d put them. When she heard Aaron’s truck moving down the drive lane, she’d forgotten about her rings.
“What fell?” The tension in his touch radiated through her.
“My rings.” The words stuck in her throat. She wished she didn’t have to mention her wedding rings to the man who stood by her side. Discussing the rings to him felt like a betrayal, but she had to be honest.
“They fell off your finger?” he asked in surprise.
“No, I took them off.” She couldn’t tell him her decision. It made her feel ambivalent. “When you came home, I forgot I removed them. I must have laid them on my lap.”
Wordlessly, he pulled his cell phone from his pocket. He tapped the screen, and the phone’s flashlight turned on. He flicked the beam over the deck.
“We can’t look for them now. We’ll never find them.” She touched his arm. “I’ll look in the morning.”
“Waiting for morning could be too late.” He paced the length of the deck, his silhouette outlined by the deck’s spotlights.
A rumble sounded in the distance.
“Thunder?” she asked in alarm. “Is it supposed to rain tonight?”
“It’s possible,” he said flatly.
Rolling her eyes, she dropped to her knees. How could she have been so careless with her rings? Not that she cared about them, but she hadn’t wanted to lose them.
“Aaron, please go to bed,” she pleaded. “I’ll look for them.”
He’d taken care of an emergency. He had to be exhausted.
“We can both look,” Aaron said. “Who knows? We just might find them.”
Belle prayed for forgiveness and that they would find the rings, then she prayed Aaron would get the rest he needed. He could still receive another call tonight and have to leave again.
A raindrop splashed against the deck. The distant rumbling came closer. Belle went rigid.
“Aaron—”
“Go inside.” His voice was calm and steady. He had moved toward the stone railing that rimmed the deck.
She remained silent and moved forward. She skimmed her hand over the pavers.
“Belle—”
“I’m staying.” She could be stubborn, too.
He moved down the steps. He reached into the garden, then straightened.
Rain fell in big heavy drops. Lightning flashed. Thunder followed. Belle’s heart pounded. A few more seconds and the storm would be overhead. They had to give up.
Sensing the tension drain from Aaron, she leaned back on her haunches. Wordlessly, he climbed the steps. Holding out his hand, he flashed the light over his palm.
Tears sprang into her eyes as she stared at the wedding ring set and drops of rain—not because she had them back. This powerful man had risked everything to make sure he found them. Risk was something he lived with. He didn’t know how to give up.
“How did you …” She lifted her gaze to his. She couldn’t speak past her closing throat.
The rain fell hard, the large drops stinging as they fell. They soaked through her clothes and plastered her hair to her head.
Aaron closed his hand. With his other hand, he took hers and brought her to her feet. He wrapped his arm around her shoulders and guided her into the house.
In the mudroom, he pulled two towels from a cabinet. He wrapped one around her shivering shoulders. The other he pressed into her hands. He was soaked, but he was thinking of her.
The steady pounding of the rain sounded through the windows. A flash of lightning illuminated the barn, pigpen and chicken coop, then went dark. The cracking thunder made her stiffen.
“Dry your hair,” he said. He pulled another towel from the cupboard.
Gently he pressed it to her head, his touch so gentle and tender that tears filled her eyes. The first time she met him, she sensed his kindness.
Water seeped from her hair and filled the towel.
“Thank you.” She lifted her gaze to his. She dragged the towel from her head.
“Better?” His mouth curved slightly. He looked into her eyes.
“Much,” she murmured.
He lifted her hand. “Open your palm.”
She did. He set the rings in her hand and curved her fingers over them. She held them tight. She was afraid to let go.
“How did you find them?” Her voice was husky.
“I’m not sure,” he said. “I guess God led me. I guessed the way you were sitting on the deck and tried to imagine the trajectory.”
“You did math?” She stuttered a laugh.
The corner of his mouth tipped. “With a little physics thrown in.”
“You’re amazing.” She shook her head.
He touched a finger to her chin and lifted her face to his. With a soft gasp, she looked into his eyes, blue and beautiful and filled with an emotion that made her heart beat fast and hard.
Slowly, gently, he touched his lips to hers. She gasped in surprise. This man rode bulls and traipsed through the fire, yet every kiss was tender.
The years separating this moment from when she sat in the bleachers with her friends and watched the cowboys ride the bulls into the arena faded. When Aaron and his bull shot out of the chute, the rush of adrenaline made her freeze. Never had she been around a man or boy who faced danger headlong.
Just as he did now when he received an emergency call.
Who was this man who remained calm even as he risked everything, including his life?
The warmth flooding her heated her blood. Aaron pushed his fingers through her hair. His kiss was tender yet filled with passion. The taste of him made her stomach rise, then fall. She was breathless when he lifted his head from hers and looked into her eyes.
He closed his eyes. “Sorry.”
“For … what?” she asked confused. Was he sorry he kissed her? It was the most magnificent instant of her life.
“I shouldn’t have done that. The moment got away from me.” His voice was low and restrained.
She didn’t know what to say. She had been drawn into the moment as well. Her conscience tore her, poked holes in her reasoning.
“You have your rings,” he said. “That’s what matters.”
“You kissed me like this before,” she stammered, stating the obvious. She gripped the rings, the prongs holding the diamond cutting into her palm. She didn’t care.
“I’ve been wanting to since I met you.” Though his laugh was dry, a muscle worked in his jaw.
Her eyes widened. She had no idea.
Naomi knew how Aaron felt about Belle during all these years.
“So long?” Her lips parted.
“It was hard to get you out of my mind, not that I tried that hard.” He laughed again. “I shouldn’t have kissed you.” The regret in his eyes made it hard for her to draw a breath.
A notification sounded on his phone—a sound she readily identified. Swift fear for him rolled over her. He pulled his phone from his pocket.
“You can’t answer that,” she whispered. She covered her hand with his.
“I have to.” His head came up.
“But you just got back. They can’t expect you to go out again,” she said, alarmed and frightened of what could happen if he worked while fatigued.
“Dear Belle.” The tenderness in his eyes made her press her fingers to her lips. “This is the commitment I made. We all do. We’re a small department with limited manpower. Everything will be fine.”
The emptiness welling inside her made her wish she could believe that.
She had to give her fear for Aaron’s safety to God. He was doing what he loved—helping people. He’d helped her and her family.
He wrapped his hand around hers. The look in his eyes unleashed the floodgates of emotion. She couldn’t let him walk away.
She threw her arms around his neck. “Oh, Aaron,” she breathed.
He stilled a moment. Slowly his arms slipped around her. He brought her close. When she lifted her face to his, he slanted his mouth over hers. She melted against him relishing the taste and the tenderness she’d remember forever.
“I have to go,” he murmured against her lips.
She dropped her head and stepped back, her arms sliding from around him. He gave her one last look, then strode out the door.
Her heart beating wildly, she rushed to the window and watched him fade into the darkness. The motion sensor lights at the garage flashed bright as he moved into the building. A moment later, his truck rumbled up the drive, then vanished into the night.
Belle dropped to the mudroom’s bench.
Her mind was too full to think of anything, then the reassuring scripture wavered into her mind.
Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on thee: because he trusteth in thee.
Did she trust God? This was the test she needed to learn from God’s word.