Chapter 22
CHAPTER 22
I t was late when Belle sat on the deck. She checked the calendar on her phone for the appointments she’d made for the next day when builders would come to her parents’ cabin and discuss the rebuilding. She was glad her parents wanted to rebuild the mountain home.
During Belle’s marriage, she and Chad never visited the cabin. He didn’t like the isolation. Being around people—the right people—recharged him and helped with business connections. He planned family vacations on cruise ships or with groups as they traveled across the continents.
Though Belle missed the quiet summers in Sweet Mountain, her top priority was her children. As long as they were happy, she didn’t care where they vacationed.
The cacophony of those vacations drifted away as she laid her phone on her lap and stared into the night. Once she had wanted nothing more than to travel to every place imaginable. Now those goals no longer mattered, though if her children wanted to go somewhere beside the mountains, she’d take them. For now, she enjoyed the peace surrounding her.
At dinnertime, Aaron woke and ate with the family but he still hadn’t caught up on his sleep and went back to bed. Belle prayed that he wouldn’t receive another call so he could rest.
After dinner, she and her children helped Aaron’s brothers check the animals. They still didn’t know all the things that needed to be done, but did everything the McSweeney men told them to do. When they returned to the house, she, the children and Aaron’s family played charades until it was time for her children to go to bed. Aaron’s family rose early, they went to bed early and retired for the evening shortly after she put her children to bed. Though she loved the activity of the large family, she used the quiet moments to collect her thoughts.
The back door opened. She sat up straight and turned.
Aaron stood in the doorway. He blinked as if trying to shake away lingering slumber. He wore a hat and vest over his long-sleeved t-shirt. He crossed the deck. He had almost reached Belle when he saw her and stopped.
“Sorry, I didn’t realize anyone was up.” He didn’t move.
“It’s okay.” She rose. “Come on out. Did you finally catch up on your sleep?”
“Thankfully, yes.” He laughed dryly. “It helps when there are no fires in the meantime. I take it you’re not ready to go to bed.”
“My mind is such a whirl, I thought I’d give it a chance to settle down.” Her laugh was more of a soft snort. “I was just checking my schedule for tomorrow.”
“When you meet the builders?” He moved toward her.
“Yes, I’m glad my parents want to rebuild,” she said, her voice filled with relief.
“Does that mean you’ll visit more often?” His tone was low, but she noticed the lift.
That was the temptation she had to resist. It would be so easy to slip into another relationship when she was vulnerable. Chad’s rejection of her made her doubt her attraction as a woman. Aaron’s interest gave her hope that men still found value in her.
“That was something I was just thinking about.” She breathed in the fresh air that cleared her head when her mind became cluttered with all the decisions she had to make. “I can’t stay in our current home. When I return to Los Angeles, I’ll put it on the market.”
She wouldn’t add that Chad was eager to take his share of the proceeds. Maybe she should let him take it all.
“Which means I’ll need to look for a new place to live,” she said. “My parents want me to stay with them while I make decisions. I’m grateful that they want to help, but most of my life I’ve depended on others to support me. God is Who I should depend on. I’ve always loved coming to Colorado. I’ll have to wait to see where God leads me, but if it’s to Colorado, I’d welcome the change.”
“It’s a lot to think about … and pray about.” His voice held feeling and stirred within her sensations she found too tempting to ignore.
“I’ll need to get a job, so I’ll have to live near a city, but if I find something in Denver or Colorado Springs, it will be a short drive for weekend trips to the cabin,” she said.
“It sounds like you’re working things out.” There was a smile in his tone, which lightened her mood.
“This time, I’ll follow God’s leading,” she said realizing the commitment she had made and feeling relief to have shared this with someone. Her eyes filled as overflowing peace flooded her. “This will be a new way of approaching decisions, but it will be nice to know the wisdom that surpasses all understanding will be leading me.”
“You’ll do fine,” he said, his light tone making her relax even more. It felt good to know she was on the right track.
One by one, the steps she needed to take formed in her mind. Sadly, she realized the first step would be to leave Sweet Mountain Ranch.
She and the children loved staying at the ranch, but the temptation to turn to Aaron for her needs meant she looked to him and not to God, Who offered divine and perfect help. The Lord would stand back and wait until she turned to Him.
She wouldn’t depend on Aaron, and she wouldn’t depend on her parents, who were also waiting to step in and help her. She had to be a role model for her children. She wouldn’t teach them to turn to other people for help. She’d show them they could trust God.
And why take ye thought for raiment? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow; they toil not, neither do they spin.
The perfect scripture for this uncertain time.
“For the first time since Chad left, I actually believe I will do fine,” she said more to herself than to Aaron.
She sensed a change in him. Did he understand it was time for her to leave? The desire for him to pull her into his arms and hold her and kiss her burned within her like a raging fire. Instead, she felt a distance stretch between them. He was close to God. He would know when it was time to stand back and let God do His perfect work.
The affirmation she felt mixed with aching sadness. Looking back at the summers she had spent in Sweet Mountain, she had thought Aaron was interested in her. She hadn’t taken advantage of his attraction. She’d been open and upfront about her plans. She didn’t have room in her life for a boyfriend.
He respected them. It had never occurred to her that all these years later he would still have feelings for her. It would be so easy to turn to him now when she was vulnerable and needing comfort to take advantage of what he felt for her.
Her feelings for him were growing, but she didn’t want them to be based on her physical needs. She wanted her heart to be open to the love he offered her. The love and comfort he could give her deserved to be returned.
Even now she longed to feel his arms slip around her and hold her close, feel the steady beat of his heart against hers. Instead, he remained still. She ached for his nearness. With reluctance, she was grateful he kept his distance.
“How are you going to meet the builders tomorrow?” His steady voice broke the silence that had settled over them.
“I’ll …” She broke off.
After her parents’ cabin had caught fire, the car rental agency had delivered an SUV to Aaron’s cabin, but that had been destroyed in the landslide. She had planned to rent another SUV, but with so much happening she’d conveniently put that thought from her mind. She hadn’t needed to drive anywhere. Everything she needed was at the ranch.
Now she needed transportation to her parents’ cabin so she could meet the builders.
“I’ll have to rent a car,” she said lamely. “I’ll have to reschedule my appointments with the builders.”
“You don’t do that,” he said. “If you want, I can drive you.”
“But you have work.” She felt guilty that she was turning to him for help after her commitment to trust God.
“Did you think that maybe God brought you this help?” He lifted a brow.
“No.” Her surprised laugh turned soft.
“Don’t think of this as not depending upon God.” He leveled a straight look at her. “Look at it as a friend helping a friend.”
There he had confirmed what their relationship was—friendship. Disappointment welled inside her, though she knew it was the right step to take.
“All right,” she said at last.
“What time is your first appointment?” he asked.
“At nine,” she said. “I scheduled three meetings for two-hour intervals.”
“That seems reasonable,” he said as if he were calculating how much time he would need to drive to her parents’ place. “If we leave here at eight, that should give us plenty of time to get there.”
“What if you get a call for an emergency?” Her face came up as she worked through the possibilities.
“Then we move to Plan B.” There was humor in his tone.
“Plan B?” she asked. She should schedule to have a rental car delivered to the ranch anyway.
“Let’s focus on Plan A,” he said. “For now, it’s quiet. You should go to bed. You have a busy day planned.”
“So do you,” she said. Even if she did go to bed, she wouldn’t sleep. Her mind was filled with the meetings she’d have and the plans she’d make.
Her chest tightened. She had trusted God to take care of everything. She had to show her trust by letting Him work his perfect way.
“Yes, but I’ve been sleeping,” he said. “I’m plenty rested. I couldn’t sleep if I tried.”
“Does that mean your sleep schedule is off kilter?” she asked.
“It does.” Air slowly seeped from his lungs. “It happens. Thankfully, I don’t punch a clock at my day job. When the design contractor hired me, I told them I was a volunteer first responder. As long as I meet their deadlines, we have an understanding.”
“Had you planned to go somewhere when you came outside?” Her gaze moved over his hat, work shirt, padded vest, then jeans to his boots. “It looks like you’re ready to work.”
“Down to the barn.” His gaze held hers. “My brothers would’ve taken care of everything, but I wanted to be ready in case I needed to do something.” He hesitated. “Do you want to come?”
“Sure. Let me grab my jacket.” She hurried into the mudroom and lifted her jacket from one of the hooks. She slipped it on as she rushed back to him.
“The children and I went down here after dinner,” she said as they moved down the path toward the barn. “They like feeding apples and carrots to the horses.”
“That means you’ll have friends for life,” he said. She felt his smile and his gaze shift toward her.
The pigs grunted as they moved past the pen, followed by tiny, soft squeals. Belle’s heart rate kicked up a notch, and she took a step away from the pen. She bumped into Aaron’s solid form.
“Sorry,” she murmured. She felt his comforting heat and moved away to allow more distance. “I thought they’d be asleep.”
“They can always tell when someone is nearby.” He laughed softly. “They know who fills their trough. They want to be ready to scarf down food.”
“I can’t believe they’re worried they’ll miss something,” she said with sympathy. “They’re aware of everything that goes on around them.”
“Eating is the major part of the animal world.” He gave a short laugh. “Everything is focused on food.”
They stepped into the barn. The sensor lights flickered on. Belle was relieved to see Aaron looked rested after serving a double shift. If the horses had been asleep, they were awake now. Soft nickers sounded from the stalls as the horses leaned through the Dutch doors to greet the visitors—and accept treats.
“Hey, guys, how’s it going?” Aaron’s voice was gentle and tender.
The horses snorted and whinnied as if they understood what he’d asked.
“They really do have personalities, don’t they,” Belle said in amazement.
“Yes, they do.” He scratched the nose of a mare with a star on her forehead. “And they know who has a soft touch.”
The mare flipped her head so her nose rested in his palm.
“Meaning you have a soft touch.” She smiled. “She’s looking for a treat.”
“Guilty as charged.” He laughed. “It doesn’t take much to get them excited, but an apple will make their day.” He dug some apples out of a barrel, then looked over his shoulder at her. “Do you want to feed them?”
“Definitely.” She moved to his side. “It’s nice to know they’re happy to see us—like the pigs.”
“They say food is the way to a man’s heart, but it’s hard to beat an animal’s enthusiasm for a treat.” He handed her three apples. “Can you manage those?” His hands cupped around hers.
She took a breath, his touch kind despite the roughness of his calloused palms. He stilled. She lifted her gaze to his. Never more than now did she want to feel the kisses that had heated her blood the night before.
Things were different between them now that she’d confessed her commitment to let God work in her life. It would be tempting to go back on her word, but this man of integrity wouldn’t be a part of that. He wouldn’t stand in her way to receive the gifts God had waiting for her.
She wanted to experience those. What the world offered was like tinder to a fire—fragile and combustible.
“Yes.” Her teeth set, she tightened her hands around the apples.
He waited a moment, then slipped his hand from hers and left her longing for his touch. She steeled herself against the rush of pleasure that threatened to drown all resistance.
She turned away before her fortitude crumbled.
They walked down the alley, talking to the horses and feeding them apples that the animals delicately worked into their mouths.
Despite knowing she had to leave, Belle couldn’t ignore how much it felt as if she belonged at Sweet Mountain Ranch.
Aaron checked supplies, then logged into the barn’s office computer and checked the readings on the mechanical system.
“I think we’ve done enough.” He shut down the computer. “Let’s call it a night.”
She nodded. She hated that her time with him would end.
Would she ever return to Sweet Mountain Ranch? She prayed that was part of God’s plan for her and her children.
And what of Aaron? What if he met someone? She braced herself against the threatening reality.
She shouldn’t have grown so close to Aaron. Now was a good time to leave before the connection between them was so deep that the separation would feel like a knife slicing into her heart.