Chapter 2
Holy hell.
Sydney blinked. Declan was actually standing there, his hand wrapped around hers, eyes brimming with something dangerous—
Hope? Hunger?
All that popped to mind was, “What?”
As far as responses went, it was the worst. It didn’t even buy her time to get her head screwed on straight.
Declan cleared his throat then tilted his head toward his truck. “I’d like to take you to dinner. We can go somewhere casual—and there’s no problem with us not being at the table. The guys will demolish every ounce of pasta Aiden cooked without any trouble.”
Dinner with Declan. A date, official-like.
Temptation wrapped in a six-foot-three package.
If her grandpa hadn’t picked today to drop in, she might’ve landed at the restaurant before it even sank in what a terrible idea it was. Terrible, but wonderful. She wanted so, so badly to take hold of his hand as well and tramp down the stairs toward…something new.
Instead, she stiffened her spine. “That’s not our arrangement,” she said softly.
He met her gaze evenly. “Sometimes arrangements change.”
This was going from bad to worse, because while his suggestion came out of the blue, it wasn’t something she hadn’t daydreamed about. Especially with her best friends hooking up and falling in love.
She was brilliant, yes—but not a romantic at heart. That soft part of her, the part that longed for fairy tales and slow dancing in the kitchen, had been hidden deep. Buried like forbidden treasure.
Sydney took the coward’s way out. “We need to go in for dinner.”
She stole her hand back and pushed past him into the house.
Shoes kicked off under the coat rack, she all but sprinted forward until she landed beside Tansy.
The blonde woman had her casted leg propped up on a chair and Jake’s son in her lap. “Hey, Sydney. Petra said you might come.”
“Free dinner? Wouldn’t miss it for the world.” Sydney settled into what was normally Jinx’s seat, leaning in to wiggle her fingers at Jeffrey. “Hello, kiddo. Have a good day?”
He nodded, dark brown eyes wide in his pale face as he clung tightly to Tansy. “We went to the bookstore. Grandpa Mal said I was a hoot.”
Amusement escaped, even as her stomach tightened when Declan slipped into the house and settled at the other end of the dinner table. “Well, Grandpa Mal knows his hoots very well, so I’d take that as a compliment.”
“I assume that’s some kind of poke at me,” Tansy offered with a wink. “But yes, my dad is the king of hoot-spotters.”
Jeffrey looked pleased, but didn’t give up his grip on Tansy until Jake sat to the left of Sydney. Then Jeffrey switched allegiances in a shot and settled in on his new father’s lap as if he’d known Jake his entire life.
Tansy took a deep breath and shifted her foot to the floor. “Love that kiddo, but it’s nice to be able to move around a bit more. Also to chat with you without watching my language as hard. Glad you could come tonight.”
Sydney’s reply was drowned out as Petra arrived with a tray piled high with warm garlic knots, the scent of butter and rosemary trailing behind her like a ribbon.
Aiden followed with steaming bowls of pasta, meatballs, and sauce.
A Caesar salad and endless supply of lemonade were added, and the entire meal was finished off with baked apple crumble and ice cream.
Through it all, Sydney chatted with Tansy and Petra. Or more like she let them chatter a million miles an hour while she nodded a lot.
She was somehow linked into Declan three chairs down the table from her. She couldn’t see him directly, didn’t talk to him.
But she was utterly aware of his presence all the same.
Late in the meal, Tansy leaned a shoulder into hers. “You okay?”
“Yeah.” Sydney lied with quick ease then smiled at her friend. “Long day.”
“Stay and relax by the fire?”
“Head home and crash,” Sydney countered. “I love you guys, but tonight I need to escape.”
“Love you too.” Petra patted her hand. “Escape as needed. If you change your mind, or need an intervention, we can travel to your place.”
“I promise I’ll call.”
Avoiding eye contact with any of the men still seated at the table, Sydney carried her dishes to the counter then tried for a smooth getaway.
It didn’t work. The second she stepped onto the porch she spotted him. Declan leaned against the side of her truck, staring at his feet as he tapped one toe gently.
“Fuck,” she muttered, motionless on the stairs.
He snorted, still staring at the ground.
“How did you hear that?” she demanded, making her way to his side.
“I was expecting it,” he admitted. “I’ve been thinking it all night.”
Yeah. She could believe that.
She should’ve walked past him. Instead, she stopped and stared up into his deep blue eyes. God, the depths she saw in there. The strength, and the compassion. Beyond temptation. “You threw me for a loop.”
“Threw myself, to be honest. Timing wasn’t very smart,” he said quietly.
This was lining up to be the worst moment ever, Sydney decided. The only way to make it more painful would be to draw it out and hurt a good man for longer than necessary. “I’m flattered, but the answer is no.”
Because trying to explain without telling the truth—that she couldn’t, and that on top of it, she had too many phobias to even consider being with someone full-time…
No is a complete sentence. It felt like a cruel one at a moment like this, but it was a full sentence.
She wondered if he would flinch or look sad.
He simply nodded sagely. “Okay. I won’t argue with you. But just so that I know the lay of the land, is this a no forever because you’ve zero interest in ever getting involved with a man like me on a permanent basis, or is it—”
“What kind of bullshit is that?” Sydney snapped, seeing red on his behalf. “What do you mean a man like you?”
Declan made a face. “You don’t have to sugarcoat it, Syd. I know I’m not the sharpest tool in the shed. I can understand if that bothers you.”
For fuck’s sake. “The only sign you’ve given that you’re not playing with a full deck is trying to make an idea that fucked up sound logical,” she growled.
“I’m not turning you down because I think you’re not smart enough.
Dammit, man, you can fix anything, build anything, and you’re the type who can get wild animals to walk up to you and eat out of your hand.
There’s no way I could do any of that in a million years.
Who cares if my brain and your brain operate on different wavelengths?
There’s nobody out there that you need to be thinking is too smart for you or too anything for you.
So stop that bullshit. I never want to hear it again. ”
Declan sat quietly for a moment. “Question still stands. Is this a no forever? Or is there a chance down the road you might be inclined to change your mind?”
Sweet baby Jesus. She was really starting to understand the phrase about being between a rock and a hard place.
If she had free rein over her decisions, she might be tempted, with a whole lot of rules involved to keep a relationship within acceptable parameters, but being with him—with anyone—wasn’t something she was free to do.
Not if she wanted to keep running the clinic.
Not if she wanted to avoid a life that was the exact opposite of everything she’d worked for.
“You are one hell of a man, Declan Skye. I wouldn’t have gotten involved with you in the first place if you weren’t.
I’m just not looking for a relationship.
Period.” She squeezed his fingers even as she cursed inside.
“I don’t know when I will be, if ever, and it would be a travesty for you to wait around for me.
If you want to find somebody to be with, I think you should make that happen. ”
It physically hurt to say the words.
Sydney forced herself to keep a neutral expression. Something edging toward optimism, but not gleeful. She could fake the expression on her face but couldn’t do anything about the hollow pit in her belly.
She could perhaps keep a good man from wasting his life.
Declan thought for another moment. “Slightly different topic. Did you want to stop seeing me completely? Now that I changed things up, are you calling us off?”
This answer was easy and instant because the idea of having to give him up a second before she needed to might be the straw that broke her.
“If you’re talking about sex, as long as you’re not involved with anyone else, I’m okay keeping our status quo intact.
I will not see you once you have another woman in your life. ”
“Thank God,” he muttered.
A snicker-snort escaped her.
Declan offered a sheepish smile. “Excuse me for being crude, but I really like fucking you.”
“Trust me, the feeling is mutual. But while we have a very healthy relationship within our parameters, if you’re really looking for more, you should find someone who can give you more. I want that for you.”
He shrugged. “I’ll think about it.” His expression turned darker. Needier. “Okay if I come over?”
Hell yes. “Give me an hour and I’ll be ready for you,” she promised.
During the trip home alone in her truck, Sydney stared at the passing countryside and debated one more time if she was making the right choice.
She saw no other answer. The clinic couldn’t run without the financial support of her grandfather. The support would be cut off if she got involved with Declan.
Frankly, that was the least of her worries. Getting involved with Declan, seriously involved, might make her gut tense with anticipation, but the mental images swiftly morphed into terror goosebumps and stomach wrenching nausea.
Physician, heal thyself.
Great idea, but it wasn’t that easy. Her fears were still too raw and too real. Until she got over them, she couldn’t be with anyone long term.
Not even a gentle giant with pale grey eyes that seemed to peer right into her soul.