Chapter 22
A da sat back and leaned her head against the airplane seat. Take off was her favorite and least favorite part of the airplane ride. Her favorite part, because it was exciting and felt like a roller coaster in some ways. Her least favorite, because if anything was going to happen, it was probably going to happen during takeoff or landing.
She squeezed Cash’s hand and turned her head to look across the seat at hand.
"Are you okay?" he asked, his eyes smiling, his face happy and content.
He had loved their visit home to Virginia. He loved the people there. He loved showing her around other places that he enjoyed while he lived there. In short, he had a wonderful time on their honeymoon.
She had to too, of course, but...she had missed her home and family. The mountains had made her feel claustrophobic, like she was being closed in. She was used to being able to look around and see for miles, and that was not the way it was in Virginia.
Of course, he’d taken her to stunning mountaintops, where they could see in the distance, such beauty and grandeur that she'd only imagined. Of course, those mountains weren't as high as the Rockies, and she remembered them from her time in Wyoming, but it had been a long time ago.
"Yes. I'm fine. You?"
"I'm good." He laid his head back and smiled at her.
They had stayed at his parents’ house, in separate bedrooms. His parents had not thought it odd, since they knew that they had gotten married quickly and did not know each other well.
She had hit it off with his mom, and he and his dad had had several long conversations which she had not asked about.
Still, she had been extremely happy to get on the airplane and to be headed West.
She thought that perhaps Cash was less happy and more excited about the idea of coming back.
He had not given his church an answer, but she was almost certain that he was leaning toward taking the pastorate back.
She supposed that was just as well. And, she knew she would be happy there. She would decide to be, and then make it so. After all, a person could control their emotions. Now, she wasn't so silly as to think that she could control her emotions immediately after a devastating blow, but, part of getting out of the funk, and not allowing oneself to get into a funk to begin with was to make sure that a person didn't allow their thoughts to spiral away from them.
The plane had leveled out, although they were still climbing. They had passed a little bit of turbulence, which she also enjoyed. She was probably the ideal airline flyer, and maybe she should be more concerned than what she always was.
"Abby was beautiful. I wasn’t expecting that," Ada said softly, turning her head and looking at her husband.
That was not what he was thinking about, if the way his brows went up was any indication. Then, he narrowed his eyes and looked thoughtfully at the seat in front of them.
"I suppose she is." He didn't seem overly interested.
"Do you miss Virginia?"
She knew he did, but she supposed she wanted to talk about it. To see what he was thinking. She had tried not to ask. She didn't want to be the kind of wife who nagged.
Cash didn't nag her about anything. And she appreciated the fact that he treated her like an adult. She didn't want to treat him like a little boy who needed her opinion on everything.
Of course, he would ask when the time was right, and she just had to bide her time and be patient until then.
"I do. Going back showed me just how much." He seemed a little sad at that point, and she wasn't quite sure why.
"The church definitely misses you. You pretty much had a rock star's welcome on Sunday, and Sunday evening was even worse. I don't think you had three seconds to yourself the entire time you were there, except for while the interim pastor was speaking."
"I agree. I think you're right. And, I have to say there was a part of me that enjoyed that, after the way I was treated a few months ago."
"It was probably very gratifying," she agreed.
"It was." He paused for a moment, and then he brought their linked hands up to his mouth and kissed her knuckle.
"What did you think?"
"It's beautiful. It's different from North Dakota. I felt a little claustrophobic at times, but I'm sure I'll get used to it."
"You’ll get used to it?" he asked, his brows furrowed.
"Yes. If we live there, I'll get used to it. The mountains and everything. I mean, you know how flat North Dakota is and you can see for miles. And what is the saying we always say? If your dog runs away in the morning you'll still be watching him come evening? Or something like that.
He laughed. "I haven't heard that one yet," he said.
"Anyway. I'm sure it will be nice."
"So that's what you want to do?" He paused, and then he added almost as though he were confused. "Do you think that's what God wants us to do?"
"I kind of feel like God's probably gonna speak to you, not me. But, you just look so happy there, so at home. Like you'd come back to where you belong."
"I felt at home. I felt like I had come back to my safe place." Then he paused. "But I don't think God wants us to stay in our safe places. In fact, I think that if we stay in our safe places, we can never grow and become what God really wants us to become."
"I don't disagree with that." She thought about her family. And how that was her safe place.
"Wait. That's not entirely true. Your safe place is your family," he said, and she gave him a smile that told him that she had been thinking that very thing. He laughed. "I’m right."
"You are."
"But yet, you grew up there. And you’re one of the people who are most like Jesus that I know."
"Even though my family is my safe place, it doesn't mean that we get along perfectly all the time. In fact, I'd say a lot of the time we didn't get along at all. And, in fact, I think that sometimes those irritations, and how we handled them are the things that make us grow. And, you can choose to grow, or you can choose to be selfish, and fight for yourself."
"That's wise. That's one of the things that struck me about you from the very beginning. You're a wise woman. And, I think that's because you’ve spent so much time in God's word. The Bible makes a person wise."
"I lost count of how many times I've read it the whole way through. It gets sweeter every time. But I suppose that you can't help but read the Bible and become wise."
"I agree." He absently kissed her knuckle again, and then put their hands down so that he could cradle her hand in his other hand. "Anyway, for me, Virginia is my safe space, but I don't belong there. Not anymore. God sent me away, and I don't believe He's calling me back. Not now. Who knows what's going to happen in the future." He lifted his shoulder.
At once her heart was elated, but she was also sad.
"I'm sorry. Your parents will be devastated, and I know you love it there. It makes me sad to think that you're not going back."
"My dad and I actually had several long discussions. Aunt Karen is his sister, and now that he is retired from his job, he said he wouldn’t mind coming out and maybe moving in with her. After all, the house is completely clean, and there's plenty of well aired and well scrubbed bedrooms for him to choose from."
Ada laughed. Maybe the work that she’d done in the last few months was going to be rewarded by Cash getting to have his parents live with him. Although, he hadn't said what they were going to do.
"I think Aunt Karen would be thrilled if her brother and his wife came out to live with her. I think she's been lonely since her husband died, and having you, and then me showing up has just breathed new life into her."
He nodded. "Absolutely. I've noticed a huge difference in her since you've come. I guess I haven't thanked you for what you've done. I know you've worked really hard. That's part of the reason I insisted on a vacation/honeymoon. Just because I knew you needed it. And I wanted you to have it."
"Thank you. I don't think I can take credit for it though. Your aunt is quite a woman, and I've enjoyed talking to her and learning from her."
He smiled at her, a kind loving smile. She still hadn't gotten over what he'd said about her in front of the entire church. She had been concerned about Abby, and had been fighting to keep those feelings of inadequacy at bay, and her husband had gone and said the kindest most wonderful things to her that he possibly could have, and it made her feel like she truly was his wife. The one that he adored above all others. Of course, she knew he wasn't passionately in love with her, but it didn't matter. Not when he made it clear to everyone and anyone that he admired her and wanted her and was proud of her and viewed her as the most precious, cherished gift from God.
Yeah. She got warm just thinking about it and snuggled further down in her airplane seat. She could relive that memory for the rest of her life and be completely happy with it.
"So, aren't you going to ask me what I think we should do?" he asked, squinting over at her, and lifting a brow as though he was challenging her.
"I'm not sure I want to know. I had such a great vacation, and I'm looking forward to going home, and...I don't want to be sad."
"All right. Then I'll tell you without you asking me."
"Okay," she said, unsure of what he was trying to say. But, knowing that he wasn't going to deliberately burst her bubble. It must be good news. Maybe he thought that moving to Virginia was what she wanted.
"I didn't mention it to you, but before we left, the Sunday before we left actually, I talked to your brother at church."
"I saw you guys talking. I wondered what it was about, but I'd forgotten about it until just now."
"Well, let me tell you. It surprised me, but we knew Pastor Stone was thinking about taking the church in Virginia. Ezra asked me if I’d be interested in taking the pastorate in Sweet Water if Pastor Stone left, and he also wanted to know if I would be interested in being a preacher for the Clybourn family."
"Oh my goodness! We've been talking about that for years. Literally. About how we need a pastor to come over in the afternoon, because sometimes Sunday mornings are just so hectic, and it's almost every week that at least some of us can't make it to church."
"Yeah. That's pretty much what Ezra said. And, I've been thinking about that."
"You have?" she asked, wondering exactly what he thought. But, trying to keep the hope that sprang up in her heart at bay. She didn't want to be bitterly disappointed, so she tried to temper her excitement.
"And, remember what we were saying about safe places?"
"Yeah. Yours is Virginia, mine is my family."
"Yeah. But I figured that being a pastor's wife would not be a safe place for you."
"Definitely not. I feel very intimidated by the idea, but I knew going into the marriage that it could be something that happened. Since it was something you did in your past. Even though you were a used car salesman, and didn't indicate that you ever would be anything different."
"Right. So, Ezra also said that we were always welcome to live on the ranch, and we could figure out the how and why and where at any point."
"That's his policy with all of the siblings."
"Well, we have a little bit of money in the bank," he grinned at her.
She grinned back. That was the understatement of the year. "We do."
"And, we could build a house if we wanted to. So, I thought I would take the pastorate at Sweet Water. That's getting me in my safe space, because I'm comfortable being a pastor. And I'm pretty confident that Sweet Water will be a good fit for me, and you, too. But it’s a safe space for me, not a safe space for you. But, we’ll live on your family ranch, which is a safe space for you, not a safe space for me. And, I'll be the pastor for your family, which I'm pretty sure is going to end up being a safe space for both of us."
She laughed at the way he had explained it. Like they both needed their safe spaces. While they were both being challenged as well. She didn't care if she was challenged, as long as she was with Cash, but if she could end up being with her family, that would be best.
"That sounds perfect to me. I could not have made a better decision if I tried.”
"You know, I think the Lord really worked that out. And, like I said, it's going to challenge me a bit, but I'm really happy about it. Especially when my dad took me aside and said that he was thinking about moving out West, even though he thought that I was probably going to be moving to Virginia. That wasn't what changed my mind, but because I had already been thinking in that direction, but it definitely made it seem like the right thing. I'll be able to take care of them in their old age.”
“We can take care of them,” she corrected him.
"We. I love that you consider my parents your parents."
"I love that our children might have grandparents." She blushed. They hadn’t really talked about that.
"That reminds me," he said, and she braced herself. She didn't mean to bring that conversation out.
"Yeah?" She tried to keep her voice steady.
"There's a dance on Saturday night in Sweet Water. It's a barn dance. Maybe you've been to some of them, although I haven't."
"I have. They’re a lot of fun. When we can get the work done in time, we go, although we usually leave early because we have to get up early on Sunday morning to get everything done in order to go to church."
"I suppose as a pastor, I make sure I get to bed early on Saturday night, but since I won’t be preaching on Sunday, we can close the place down if we want to. That is, if you'd like to go with me?" he asked, like he was asking her out on a date.
"Really?" she asked, tilting her head.
"Really. I want to dance with you, and I thought that might be the best way. Well, I just want to hold you. I don't care if we’re dancing or not. So, just so you know, I have ulterior motives."
"You really don't need to take me out to a dance just to be able to hold me. You know that, right?" She figured that the airplane probably wasn't the best place to start doing amorous displays, but they did have completely private rooms upstairs in his aunt's house, and they'd be there later tonight.
"I know. But, I wanted to do this right. I figure I owe you a few dates, a little bit of courting, maybe some make out sessions."
She laughed. "Really? Aren’t we too old for that term?"
"I don't know. I suppose you're right. I can't think of what else to call it, no matter what age the person is."
"Hmm." She felt oddly warm, and strangely happy. Not strangely, wildly, happy.
He pulled her hand back up and kissed her knuckles again. "I know we had an odd beginning, but I just wanted to make sure that you knew that I loved you. Maybe I’m not very good at saying it. But I hope to get better. I admire you, and I feel blessed every day that God used something terrible in my life to bring me the most wonderful blessing I could ever imagine. Just so you know, I'm not talking about the money. I’m talking about you."
"I love you too.” She gave him a soft smile. “I want to show biblical love, but it's a feeling as well. I love watching you. I admire you. I see how you interact with people, and how you make them think, and the way you want to make sure that you live your life according to God's standards. It's a beautiful thing to me, and I love and respect that and you. Thank you for allowing me to walk beside you. It's a privilege." She meant that with all of her heart. Abby had missed out on the best thing of her life. And that had given Ada the opportunity to step in. She didn't want to squander her chance.