Chapter Three
Mia
As the door slams behind me, I’m already furious at myself. From the very moment Chance walked into reception to chase Brian away, I’ve only wanted to launch myself into his arms and find comfort there. But not once have I done any such thing. Frustration has built up, and my defenses have simply overwhelmed any desire for Chance that I might have.
It’s probably better that way, though, if I think about it logically. If Chance actually listens to me and stops trying to interfere, I can protect him. He doesn’t need to get involved in all of this.
“Mommy?” a tiny, tearful voice asks from the corner, and my heart almost stops. “Are you mad?”
I let my body relax as I turn around and walk straight to Ellie, scooping her up in my arms and squeezing her against me. Being close to tears too, it’s difficult to get a hold of my emotions. For a while, I simply hug my daughter before I set her down on the bed. I’m not entirely sure what to say.
Of course I don’t want her to be afraid or worried, but I’m not the kind of person who endorses lying, either. I hold out my hand, allowing her to take it as I try to straighten out my thoughts. No one ever really prepared me for this situation, and frankly, I’ve never thought Brian would come back. I’ve always been willing to talk about that, to explain it, to be there when Ellie inevitably became angry about it.
But what I’d say and do if Brian came barging in, demanding to see her after so long? I have no idea as I look down into those tearful, giant eyes now.
“Who was the mean man, Mommy?” she asks, the picture of innocence.“Why did he fight with you?”
The words won’t leave my mouth. I simply don’t think I have it in me to tell her that he might win in court, that he might force me to let him see her. That he’s the man who left us behind and never wanted to meet her. That I have no idea what’s prompted him to come back after so long, only to torment me and demand to see her.
Despite not wanting to, I find myself lying. “You don’t have to worry about him. He’s just some grumpy old guy.”
“Then why are you mad about the cowboy?” Ellie’s on the verge of crying again. I wipe one tear from her cheek. She’s asking me all the questions I can’t really answer. I wish we could go back to when she was simply asking why the fridge was cold or why I wanted her to eat bananas or why red looks that way.
We can’t stay here in this kind of mood. The whole day will be ruined, and Ellie will be cranky at least until morning. Possibly longer, knowing how she can hammer on things. I get up from the bed, clapping my hands together and ignoring her last question entirely.
I don’t even know myself why I drove Chance away like that. No, I do, but I don’t want to admit that it might not have been the best choice.
“Do you want to go to the restaurant to get some ice cream?” I ask as brightly as my mood will allow. It is suddenly as if this room wants to swallow me whole, the walls pressing in around me, squeezing the breath easily from my lungs. A panic attack? Strange. I haven’t had one in years, but it’s probably been brought on by the possibility of Brian getting his way.
“You’re very white, Mommy,” Ellie complains, reaching out to touch my cheeks, flush with cold sweat. “Are you sick?”
I shake my head firmly, even as the world begins to spin around me. Trying not to hyperventilate is only making the panic worse. I take Ellie’s hand and walk as calmly as my body will allow to the door. A flash of fresh air caresses my face when I open it and step out, almost gulping at it to keep away the dark shadows at the edges of my vision.
Outside, I finally let go of Ellie’s hand, stretching out my own to point in the direction of the restaurant.
“I’ll race you,” I breathe, trying to drag my wits back by force. “Last one there is a rotten egg!”
Without hesitation, Ellie darts off, giggling that I’m definitely going to lose to her. I know I am, but I need a few seconds to gather myself. Slowly, the panic starts to dissipate, and my mind returns back to me, but I’m exhausted, like I’ve just run a marathon. Luckily I don’t have another shift today. Part of me wants to walk up to the main house to talk to Chance. He deserves an apology, at the very least.
But I wouldn’t be surprised if this time he decides that he’s had enough. That he doesn’t want to chase after a woman who would push him away the second that something difficult comes up.
It isn’t fair, but at the same time, Chance deserves so much more than me and my baggage. Besides, I haven’t known him that long. I still don’t know if I can really trust him. It’s possible that he was the one who found Brian and told him where I was. Told him that he has to look after his daughter and his ex.
Shaking my head, I sigh and lean against the nearest wall. I doubt Chance would do anything of the sort, but a small voice is insisting that’s exactly what’s happened. My shoulders feel the age in the wallpaper as it scratches at my skin. It should probably be replaced. Maybe Chance will get his mother to fire and replace me too. Maybe with a younger woman who has less problems.
“Mommy!” Ellie runs back down the hallway, coming to a skidding halt in front of me. “Why are you taking so long? I won already, and I want ice cream!”
Confused for a moment, I stare at her, wondering why she’d say that. Then I remember my promise and realize that my thoughts must have derailed into chaos for longer than I’d thought. Smiling, I grab Ellie’s hand and start marching toward the restaurant.
“I’m sorry, sweetheart.” I shake my head with a quick laugh. “Looks like I forgot already! Don’t worry, we’ll get that ice cream right now.”
We reach the restaurant, and Ellie beelines toward a small table in the corner, hidden behind a bit of wall and leaning against tall windows that showcase the beauty of the ranch when the sun sets. Right now, they only offer a glance out at dust and earth, but I don’t mind. At least it’s not in the middle of everything.
“Your kid has no manners,” Penny says when I come to a standstill at the host’s table. “She should wait to be seated. Can’t she read? Call her back here.”
“Come on, the place is almost empty.” I roll my eyes, already used to Penny’s brazen attitude. Today, I’m not really in the mood to be kind and patient.
Penny glares at me, and I know this isn’t just about Ellie. “You just like dumping the world into chaos, don’t you? You’ll leave here, having burnt everything to the ground, with a great big smile on your face.”
My voice is knocked right out of my chest. All I can do is stare at her. She’s had an attitude this whole time, but this is the first time that she’s actually been malicious. It’s as if she hates me, the way that her eyes are squinting at me, a glint of anger resting behind them.
“Don’t play dumb with me,” Penny says as she grabs a set of menus and marches to one of the window tables ahead of me. I follow, realizing that a brand-new rumor must have swept its way through the ranch. What has she heard, and what are people saying? I want to press, but I don’t want to be nosy. Maybe something happened that I definitely don’t want to know about.
Unfortunately for me, Penny has no reservations. She drops the menus on the table unceremoniously before turning to chide me with crossed arms.
“I was right. You’re just going to ruin Chance’s life,” she starts, ignoring the fact that Ellie is now staring at her. “Everyone knows your past showed up here and you chased Chance off like some flea-ridden dog. You’re trouble, and you should get going before you make things even worse.”
Glancing at Ellie, who’s tearing up now, I fight to keep my cool. I’m not going to go off on a rant, even if Penny clearly wants that. Instead, I sigh, taking a seat at the table and shaking my head. I trace a finger across the grooves in the old wood.
“Look, Penny, I understand that it all looks bad,” I say, hoping that she’ll give me a chance to explain. “I know that I didn’t come here perfectly out of the box. Did you?”
She rolls her eyes but doesn’t walk away. I decide to keep going. “I have no idea how Brian found me, and I don’t intend to stir up drama. I told Chance to stay away from me because I wanted to protect him.”
This time, that hardened stare in Penny’s eyes shifts slightly, and I know that I’m going in the right direction.
“Ice cream!” Ellie pipes up, clearly getting rather bored with our conversation. I ignore her. If at least Penny can get on my side, things will be a lot easier for me. I’m going to need someone to talk to, especially if Chance heeds my warnings and leaves me behind. The thought of that tugs at my heart harshly.
I don’t want to imagine my future without him in it, even if I don’t know him well enough to think about that kind of thing anyway. Somehow, that doesn’t matter. I wish he’d come back and try one more time, but I don’t think he will.
“My past should only be haunting me.” I look down at my hands, fiddling with one broken nail and wondering if I have the money to fix it. “Chance doesn’t need to be saddled with all of that. He should find himself a nice normal girl who will make him as happy as he deserves to be.”
Penny shakes her head vehemently, promptly taking the seat across from me with a strict look. Ellie stays quiet, though I can see she’s upset at the lack of ice cream in front of her.
“So you’re saying that what Chance needs is a boring girl?” Penny glowers with enough force to make me glance back up at her. “Ridiculous! That man was head over heels for you the moment he saw you, even if I don’t know why. He can make his own decisions.”
I shake my head. “It doesn’t matter. He’s not going to forgive me for the horrible things I said, and he shouldn’t. It’s better for both of us if we let this thing go before it gets serious.”
In my tone, even I can hear that I don’t mean it. That I desperately want someone to disagree with me.
“Silly girl.” Penny clicks her tongue at me, reaching out to put her hand on mine. “Perhaps I read you wrong. Maybe you aren’t a snake after all, even if you are kind of stupid.”
My eyebrow shoots for the sky at her words. “Rude.”
“I prefer honest .” Penny shrugs as she sits back again, ignoring the line of customers starting to form at her station. Her nonchalance is even making me nervous. “Anyway, of course Chance will forgive you. He’s nuts about you. You go right up there and apologize, and he’ll wrap you up in his arms happily, you’ll see.”
Her speech does make me feel better, but I don’t think that a simple apology will cut it. I’m about to mention that when Penny excitedly taps at her chin as if she’s had a brilliant idea.
“You know how they say a man’s heart is through the stomach?” Despite the fact that the saying is entirely wrong, I nod my head. I at least get what she’s talking about. “And Chance has that competition tomorrow out at the rodeo place.”
“Okay…” Now I really have no idea what she’s trying to explain, but I stay hopeful.
“I’m sure the chefs won’t mind if you use the kitchen after closing tonight, as long as you clean up after yourself.” Penny keeps speaking as if she’s deep in thought, until she sees the confused expression I’ve been wearing for a while now. “I’m saying you should make him something to eat and take it to the competition. Thought that’d be obvious.”
That suggestion makes me brighten up quickly. “That’s a brilliant idea! But… What would he want to eat?”
“What any man wants, right?” Penny shrugs, but she doesn’t answer the question or give me any hints as to what that would be. “Anyway, I should probably get back to work before someone lodges a complaint. A waiter will be with the two of you shortly.”
“Thanks,” I say, watching as she walks back to where the faces in the small line are progressively getting redder. Ignoring the argument that breaks out, I finally turn myself to Ellie, who seems to be nearing the end of her patience.
“You owe me the biggest ice cream,” she insists with a serious pout. “I waited forever.”
“I’m sorry, you’re right,” I answer with the most dramatic sigh that I can muster. “I’m so terrible. I’ll get us a great big ice cream with a whole bunch of chocolate sauce, okay?”
That suggestion seems to bring the smile back to her face, even if she still seems skeptical of my claim. One of the waiters, Peter, hurries over to the table to take our order. Ellie repeats my last sentence nearly wordforword to him, and it’s obvious that he’s struggling not to laugh. When he walks off again, she’s grinning from ear to ear, clapping her small hands together.
In the meantime, my hands are under the table, jittery from the nerves that are fluttering in my stomach. A million meal ideas are bursting forth in my mind, but none of them seem good enough. Besides that, I can’t even make half of them.
If I’m going to surprise Chance at his competition, everything has to be perfect. One slip-up and it could all go wrong. That realization makes me almost lose my appetite. What if he decides that he doesn’t want to forgive me? If he does, could I still live with myself and stay here on the ranch, or would I be forced back into a city where I’m just another face in the crowd?