𝐃𝐎𝐍𝐓 𝐆𝐈𝐕𝐄 𝐔𝐏
"Fuck Wiley, I can't do this shit!" I grunted, my voice filled with frustration as I paced back and forth like a caged animal. It had been a week since I'd stepped back into the bull riding scene, and it felt like I was tryin' to ride a bull with no saddle.
I couldn't seem to get my grip right, and every single time I climbed on that damn mechanical bull, it threw me off in five seconds or less. I felt like I had lost my technique, the one I'd worked so hard to perfect over the years.
"Wyatt, you gotta calm your nerves," Wiley said, trying to calm me. "It's been a year since you've done this. It ain't gonna be easy."
"I know that!" I snapped, feeling the weight of my past failures on my shoulders.
"But I can't keep makin' a fool of myself like this.
I need to get back in the game, and I need to do it fast. Them competitions are comin' up, and they got big cash prizes.
If I can win, it could put me back on the map for the bull ridin' season, Wiley! "
"Look, just give it one more shot," Wiley urged, his eyes steady as he looked at me. "If you can't get it this time, then we can talk about callin' it a day."
I took a deep breath, the air feeling heavy in my lungs.
"Fine, I'm gonna try this shit one more time.
But if I can't get it? I'm done for today!
" I turned, stomping back toward the mechanical bull, determination thrumming in my veins.
I slipped on my gloves and strapped on the helmet, hoping this time would be different.
"Alright, Wyatt, we're gonna start it off slow," Wiley announced as I climbed onto the mechanical bull, my heart pounding as I sat on the bull. I gripped the bull tight, feeling the cold metal beneath my hands.
The machine whirred to life, and I felt the gentle sway at first. "How does that feel?" Wiley shouted over the noise.
"Fine!" I yelled back, nodding like a damn fool. But then the bull started to pick up speed, and my grip began to falter. "Whoa, whoa!" I shouted as the bull bucked harder, sending jolts through my body. I could feel my heart racing, adrenaline flooding my veins.
"Keep holdin' on!" Wiley yelled, but I could feel my fingers starting to slip. I fought to stay on, but the bull had other plans, and before I knew it, I was flying through the air, crashing onto the mat below.
I laid there for a moment, my breath knocked outta me. "Wyatt, you're gonna get it," Wiley said, his voice full of encouragement, but I didn't wanna hear it.
I jumped up, storming off the bull, and in a fit of rage, I threw my helmet and gloves to the ground. "I'm done with this bullshit!" I shouted, my voice echoing in the empty arena.
"Wyatt, come on! Givin' up ain't gonna help!
" Wiley called after me, but I didn't wanna listen.
I stormed outside, my heart pounding in my chest. I started pacing back and forth, my frustration boiling over.
"FUCK!" I screamed, kicking the wall and slamming my hands against the floor. "I'm done with this shit, I'm done!"
"Uh oh... I know that look from anywhere." I then heard someone say to me in the distance. My heart froze as I looked up to see my grandma walking toward me. It'd been two weeks since we'd spoken, and it felt like a lifetime.
"G-grandma?" I stammered, the word barely escaping my lips.
"Hey, Buckie," she said with a smile that lit up her face.
"What are you doin' here, Grandma?" I asked, guilt gnawing at my insides.
"Wiley called and said you might've needed a heart-to-heart with your ol' grandma," she explained.
"Grandma, you didn't have to come all the way down here. Truly, I'm fine," I said, trying to brush it off.
"When my baby boy needs his grandma, this grandma shows up. No matter how mad she is," she said firmly, her arms opening wide.
I couldn't help but smile as I stepped into her embrace, feeling the warmth of her love wrap around me. It was exactly what I needed, and I held her tightly, my heart swelling with gratitude.
"Now what's this I hear from Wiley about you givin' up on bull ridin'?" she asked, pulling back to look me in the eyes, her brow furrowed in concern.
"Grandma, I'm not givin' up, it's just... It's been a whole year since I stopped ridin', and I can't stay on for more than five seconds. Maybe I should just give it all up," I confessed, unsure of how to feel.
She let out a hearty laugh, the kind that made my heart feel lighter. "Come on now, Buckie. You ain't the kinda boy to back down just 'cause things get tough. I remember when you were fifteen, and you came to me tellin' me you wanted to get into bull ridin'."
I chuckled at the memory. "Yeah, I remember that day. You looked at me like I was crazy."
"Boy, I never thought I'd see the day! Bull ridin'? That was about as dangerous as it gets!" she said, shaking her head. "I wasn't havin' it at first, but then Wiley came to the rescue and convinced me to let you try."
I smiled, remembering how Wiley had always been there, pushing me to follow my dreams. "You know, I was just a kid back then. I ain't know any better."
"Yeah, but you had the spirit and the heart," she said, her eyes twinkling. "I couldn't understand why you wanted to do it at first. Then I came across some old photos of you and your mama at the rodeos when you were little."
I glanced down at her, my heart aching with bittersweet memories. "Yeah, those were good times."
She nodded, her voice softening. "That's when it hit me, Buckie. You wanted to do this for your mama. And when I realized that, I couldn't say no. You were so happy, and she loved watchin' the rides. It warmed my heart to see you light up like that when you rode."
Tears started to form my eyes as I thought about my mom. "Yeah, I did start all this for my mama," I murmured, my voice full of emotion.
"Now just imagine how mad your mama would be if she heard you sayin' you wanted to give up just 'cause it got a little tricky," she said, her voice firm but warm.
I thought about it for a moment, the image of her face popping into my mind. "She'd be pretty pissed," I admitted, a small laugh escaping me.
"She damn sure would," Grandma chuckled, and for a moment, the heaviness in my chest lifted.
"Don't give up, Wyatt, especially not because things got hard. I remember when you first started out. You'd hop on a bull and get thrown off after only three seconds. But that didn't stop you!" she said, pointing at me.
I sighed, feeling the weight of her words. "I just... I don't know if I got it in me anymore."
"Sure you do! You worked all day and night, ridin' that mechanical bull at its fullest speed. You studied your technique, you mastered it to make yourself better. You've come too far to throw in the towel now," she encouraged, squeezing my hand.
"Thanks, Grandma. I really needed that," I said, feeling a little more grounded.
"Anytime, baby boy. Now come here and give your sweet grandma a hug. I missed you so much," she said, opening her arms wide.
I stepped into her embrace again, holding her tight, realizing I needed this hug more than she knew. "I missed you too, Grandma," I whispered.
As she pulled away, she cupped my face in her hands, her gaze earnest. "I'm really sorry for ignorin' you, Buckie. It doesn't matter how upset I am; I shouldn't have done that to you. You're all I got left in this world aside from Wiley."
"Grandma, it's okay. I should've told you about Beau. I just didn't want to worry you," I said, guilt gnawing at me again.
"It's okay. I'm just glad you're here with me now," she smiled, her eyes soft. "Now come on, let's get you back in the saddle."
I smiled at my grandma, wrapping my arm around her shoulders.
No matter how hard this got, I knew I couldn't give up.
Not now.
Not ever.