Chapter 19
Dashing Through the Snow, on a Reindeer-Powered Sleigh, What Fun it is to Blow, a Cowboy Daddy AYE
Eleven Days Left of Feeling Like I’m Part of a Family
We’d wrapped up work early, and with the snow finally letting up, Jamie decided it was the perfect day to see the tree he and the girls had decorated.
“Are you sure I don’t need a helmet?” I ask, eyeing the sleigh skeptically.
Jamie laughs, the sound echoing off the trees lining the back of the barn.
Yesterday’s snow tumbles off the branches and onto the untouched ground.
He’s in his thick Carhartt jacket, cheeks pink from the cold.
Before we left the barn, he wrapped an extra jacket around me.
It’s only twenty degrees, so I’m grateful for the layer.
It swallows me whole, the sleeves hanging past my gloved hands, and it smells like him: coffee, hay, and yeast.
“I promise,” Jamie says, grinning as he tightens one of the harnesses on Calcifer, the lead reindeer. Four others stand waiting. Their thick chest fur blows in the wind. Tiny bells jingle across their harnesses as they shift, hooves thudding in the snow.
I reach up to scratch the back of Spoots’s ear. He huffs, tossing his head in delight, his antlers glinting in the low sun.
“But this looks bigger than a snowmobile.”
“You’ll be fine, Joy. I promise.”
The sleigh is nothing like the usual red and gold ones. One side is airbrushed like the Mystery Machine in bright blues and greens and swirls of flowers. The other side is dusted in pink glitter.
“You picked the colors, huh?” I joke.
“Stop stalling.” He takes my hand and helps me into the sleigh, and I settle on the wooden bench beside him.
Beyond the barn, the forest stretches for miles. The tall firs are capped with white, and the distant hills are brushed in gold where the afternoon light hits them.
Jamie turns, holding something behind his back. “One more thing. I got it in vegan suede.”
He reveals a brown cowboy hat—like his, but smaller, with a soft red bow tied around the band. He places it gently on my head, tilting it just right so my bangs don’t fall into my eyes.
“My own cowgirl hat,” I say, rubbing my fingers over the smooth fabric.
“Now that you’re a rural girl,” he says, clicking his tongue to the reindeer.
“I like this way better than a Santa hat.”
“Good.” He kisses me, then takes the reins in his hands, mushing them.
The sleigh jerks forward with a soft jingle of harness bells, and my stomach swoops in delight.
I gasp, gripping the edge of the seat as we glide into motion.
Snow sprays in soft arcs from the runners as we pick up speed.
The wind rushes against my cheeks and tugs at my new hat, almost lifting it clean off. I pluck it back down with one hand.
Jamie glances over, faint ridges on his temple deepening. “You good?”
He’s always checking on me. Making sure I’m okay. It’s a kind of care I haven’t felt since I was a kid. He makes it so easy to feel safe again. Little by little, he’s helping me thaw out parts of myself I thought I’d buried for good.
So, I shift forward and do what I would have done as a child. “I feel alive!” I shout, spreading my arms out wide. My heart thuds hard enough to make me light-headed.
He whoops with me, and the reindeer seem to catch our energy, their hooves pounding louder.
Between the laughter and the sting of fresh air, a dangerous little thought slips in.
Three weeks ago, I walked in on Parker in that disgusting polyester suit, and ever since, even seeing a glimpse of red and white makes my skin crawl.
I don’t want to hide from mall Santas forever.
I don’t want Parker ruining another moment of my life.
I stare over at Jamie, smirking at me. His cowboy hat may not be a Santa hat, but that’s okay. I just want to make new memories that don’t hurt. Ones that are mine and don’t include a cheating ex.
I want to do something I would have never done weeks ago. I reach over and rest my hand on Jamie’s jeans.
“What’s going on in that wicked mind over there?” he asks.
“Just seeing if you’re excited to see me.” I graze my fingers over his zipper.
“I’m always ecstatic to see you, Doc.”
“He is too.” I stroke the heel of my palm across his erection. “How safe did you say this sleigh is?”
“Reindeer are practically on autopilot out here.” He bites his lip, and before I can second-guess myself, I lower myself before him, squeezing between his widespread legs. His hands rest on either side of me, holding the reins still. “Joy, what are you doing?”
“Sled head.” I chuckle. “Okay, it sounded better in my head.”
“Out here?”
“I need to do this,” I say, and he doesn’t pry or push, just nods his head. I bat my eyelashes up at him, stripping off one of my gloves. “And what? Are you worried we’ll be caught, Mr. Wilder?”
“Quit making it so easy to look at you.”
“Better at this angle?”
“Perfect at this angle.”
I unclasp his belt, unzip his jeans, and shift his boxers around until I fist his cock, lifting it free from the fabric. Even in the cold, he’s solid and firm. I love when Jamie is in control, but there is a current humming under my skin that makes me feel powerful and in charge.
“Fuck.” We hit a drift, and the sled bounces, my knees hitting the hard wooden floor. I tip my hat back enough so that I can still make eye contact with him.
I smirk, running my tongue along my bottom lip. “Pay attention to the road.”
Screw thinking about the future or the past. All I want is to please Jamie.
I flick my tongue against the swollen head of his cock, and his hand jolts, prompting the reindeer to move faster. My body knocks into his thighs, but he squeezes around me, attempting to anchor me in place.
Thank God I don’t get motion sickness.
I flatten the underside of his dick against my tongue, taking the first inch and then the next. It’ll be impossible to fit him entirely inside without suffocating.
But then he says, “You look so fucking sexy with my cock in your mouth.” And I relax, delighting in the sting of his size.
His hips twitch, but I land my hands on his thighs, shaking my head and moaning “Nuh-uh” on his cock. His gaze darts from the front of the sleigh to me, his brain clearly having a problem deciding what to focus on.
Good.
He’s made me forget about so much over these past three weeks. I want to give him everything he’s given to me and more.
I twist my hand around the base, eyes never leaving his as I take his stiff length into my mouth. I gag and he curses.
“I’m not gonna last long like this, Joy.” He’s gasping now.
“God, I can’t think—fuck. I like watching you take me in your mouth.
” He moves the reins to one hand, and the sleigh bucks, which only makes his dick hit my throat.
I choke, tears stinging the edges of my eyes.
His fingers grip the nape of my neck, hard, but he doesn’t force me down, just holds me there.
He tastes like salt and adrenaline, and my core throbs with pleasure.
I’ve never enjoyed giving head, but watching Jamie lose control like this makes it my new favorite thing in the world. I suck him messier now. I can barely breathe, but I don’t stop.
I squeeze my own thighs together. My nipples ache to be touched. I swear I could orgasm from having him in my mouth alone.
“Joy, I’m gonna come.” He motions for me to move my mouth, but I just suck deeper, precum coating the inside of my cheeks.
I feel his thighs start to shake just before a burst of hot liquid fills my mouth. I swallow it as it comes and revel in the power I feel and the incoherent groans coming from the man above me.
Suddenly, the sleigh comes to a stop.
“What are you doing?” I ask, wiping the back of my hand across my swollen lips.
“We are here.”
He helps me up, fixing his jeans and pulling me into his lap. Just ahead of the reindeer, tucked between two tall pines, stands a fir tree, not the tallest in the forest, but easily the widest, its branches heavy with snow and color.
It smells like balsam and ice.
Ornaments hang from nearly every branch—round pink ones from Honey, sleek matte black ones Kiki must have chosen. Some are half-buried under frost, others twinkle softly. A few have fallen, scattered at the base like marbles.
I can almost see them all here, bundled up, throwing snowballs, Jamie lifting the girls high enough to reach the top branches.
“Wow,” I whisper. “It’s gorgeous.”
“Good, then you’ll have something to look at while I repay the favor.” Jamie shifts, setting me on the bench, and this time he drops to his knees.
He shimmies me out of my leggings, the freezing air nipping at my skin. I close my eyes, letting myself feel the safety in him. Not rushed, not taken, but chosen. Wanted. The ache I’ve carried since that awful day with Parker loosens, piece by piece.
And before I’m lost in my pleasure, I look at the glittering star on top of the tree and make a wish—to one day hang an ornament on a tree like this, with a family of my own.