43. Gabriel
Chapter 43
Gabriel
G abriel paced across the solarium. He felt as if a knife had plunged into his heart. “I should go back.”
“She’ll be fine,” Rose said from her spot on the settee. She currently had her legs draped over Paxton’s lap, and the beta was watching her sketch something on a canvas. “You agreed this is our best chance at breaking the curse.”
He sighed and ran a hand through his hair. “I know, but she’s the High Sorceress. She’s the one who cast the curse to begin with. Do you really think she’ll remove it just because Brinley asks?”
“Brinley is her granddaughter,” Pax said. “You know better than anyone that it’s impossible not to love that girl and do what she wants… We all do.”
Gabriel did know that. Moving back toward his sister and best friend, he sat on an ottoman.
“And she loves you, Gabe,” Rose said in a gentle tone. Apparently, Daci had shared what happened at the gate after he left. He hadn’t planned on telling them about Brinley saying she loved him because he hadn’t wanted to add that fear of it not breaking the curse. But they already knew. Rose met his gaze. “She’ll figure something out and return home.”
His sister looked so tired today. Paxton had one arm wrapped around her back and was absently playing with a lock of her hair.
“I just… I have such a bad feeling.” Gabriel couldn’t stop thinking about what the rogue had said. He told himself repeatedly that Brinley could take care of herself and that she didn’t believe the assassin’s story, but it didn’t make this any easier. She should be returning soon if successful; he’d left her there three days ago. Running home in a shorter time than it took to get to Nimiré in the first place, he’d returned last night only to realize he couldn’t eat or sleep with so much uncertainty hanging over them. “And it physically hurts being apart from her.”
“I get it,” Paxton said.
Gabriel shook his head. “No, you don’t. It’s different than just being away from someone you love. Being apart from my mate… it feels like half of my soul has been ripped apart and I’m bleeding inside. Unless you find a mate, you will never truly understand this agony from not just the distance but knowing she’s in danger and there’s nothing I can do.”
His friend’s hand stilled. They both stilled, actually. A second passed before the sound of Rose’s charcoal scratching on the canvas started again, but the tension remained. Gabriel’s brow furrowed. Neither of them were looking his way, and he thought about Brinley’s comment about them being cute together and the way he noticed their closeness a couple weeks ago. He’d been so consumed by the curse and his mate that he had forgotten he wanted to talk to Pax about it. Was something really going on here? How long had he not noticed what was right in front of him?
As Gabriel opened his mouth, trying to figure out how to ask, Paxton’s eyes finally shot up. The shake of his head was so subtle that Gabriel would’ve missed it if he hadn’t been watching so closely. But the pleading in his beta’s gaze was unmistakable. Gabriel glanced back and forth between his best friend and sister. She was all but sitting on top of Pax, with her legs over his as she leaned against him. The two had always been comfortable around each other, and she’d always found excuses to be close, but he’d chalked it up to her crush. When had it become more? Gabriel thought back, realizing it wasn’t just her. Anytime Pax came into a room, if Rose was there, he went straight to her. Every single time. Not just after something bad or stressful happened, like with the rogue attacks.
And for weeks, he’d been taking more and more shifts with her, to the point where he only left her side when Gabriel had him working elsewhere. Even upon returning last night, he found Pax holding her as she slept. But he’d been in so much pain himself that he hadn’t thought too much of it.
Did Paxton understand what Gabriel was struggling with?
Closing his mouth, Gabriel clenched his jaw. They needed to have a conversation. The man was like a brother to him, and there was no one he trusted more, but that didn’t mean Gabriel would just turn a blind eye and pretend he was fine with them being together. One day, maybe, but how long had this been going on? She wasn’t even turning eighteen until tomorrow; Pax was seven years older than her. But Gabriel didn’t want to have that conversation today, and certainly not in front of Rose. No, he would wait until later.
One crisis at a time.
Right now, his main concern was just her making it past her birthday.
The door to the solarium opened, and Daciana and Harris entered with smiles. Daciana nodded as she made her way to them. He didn’t think he’d ever seen her so enthusiastic.
Standing, Gabriel said, “It’s time.”
Pax grinned. Rose glanced between them. “Time for what?”
Paxton took her canvas and held it up for Gabriel to grab, as well as the charcoal. As he began to push to his feet, she slid her legs off him, but he tugged her along with him. “Nope, you’re coming too.”
She laughed, letting out a soft snort. “Where?”
“You know we’re not telling you,” Harris said with a laugh.
Pax snatched her shawl from the back of the settee and wrapped it around her shoulders before kissing her forehead.
Gabriel couldn’t help but scowl at the man. He never would’ve thought anything of it before, but now he saw the adoration as they held each other’s gazes a moment too long.
He cleared his throat, and they pulled apart. Rose tucked a piece of hair behind her ear, appearing almost nervous. It made him even more certain he wasn’t imagining things.
“All right, but if it’s outside… I can’t make it that far,” she said. “I’m exhausted and achy.”
Paxton’s smile didn’t falter, but it turned into something sad and full of pain. “I know, sweetheart. We’ve got you.”
The plan had been for Gabriel to carry her. However, as Pax looked his way, Gabriel knew he couldn’t do it. If what he was beginning to suspect was true, he couldn’t take this time away from them. They didn’t know what midnight would bring for Rosalyn, so today was all about making her happy. And he knew that meant letting her go with Pax.
Holding out a hand toward the door, he said, “Lead the way.”
Paxton looked shocked for a second, but he didn’t argue. He simply scooped Rose into his arms, cradling her against his chest, and followed the other two out. Gabriel sighed and set her art supplies down before going after them. Yeah, that was not going to be a fun conversation to have.
They all made their way downstairs, Rose peppering Pax with questions the entire time. He chuckled and continued to shake his head.
“Just give me a hint,” she said as they stepped out into the remaining sunshine of the day—the last day of the soleil months. The warmth was already starting to fade from the air. Gabriel had wanted to do this earlier, but Rose had napped most of the afternoon.
“Patience, woman. Déesse save us.” Paxton’s tone was teasing but full of love all the same.
When they turned into the nearest alley, Rose sucked in a breath. “Pax.”
He pressed another kiss to her temple as they walked to the door that was already unlocked and open, waiting for them. A couple lanterns had been set up to light the way through the dark, abandoned building, guiding the path to Rose’s favorite spot in the whole world.
As they stepped into the courtyard, back into the sun, Gabriel moved to stand beside his best friend so he could see Rose’s face. At the sight of her tears, his own eyes burned. He struggled to take in a steady breath. Brinley loved this place too; it meant so much to all of them. She should have been here for this.
“You did this for me?” Rose looked at Gabriel.
“We all helped, but it was Paxton’s idea,” he said. They’d cleaned up some of the space but kept most of the crumbled pillars and overgrown plant life because he knew she loved it. Mostly what they’d done was clear off some of the benches. Brighid sat on one, waiting for them, with Joel standing nearby. They’d also laid out a blanket beneath the pink tree for Rose.
Daciana went to rest on the bench with Brighid as Paxton and Harris took Rose to her spot. Joel approached Gabriel and bumped his shoulder. “She looks so happy.”
Gabriel nodded. “She does. I should’ve done better the last couple years and helped her get down here more.”
“You did the best you could,” Joel said. “You weren’t even twenty yet when your father died, and all at once you were the alpha of this pack and the guardian of a twelve year old. Not to mention, your mate had been taken from you again. All things considered, I think you handled it pretty well.”
Chuckling, Gabriel shook his head. “Obviously, you’re forgetting about the following summer.”
Joel’s smile fell. That summer, Gabriel hadn’t handled anything at all. He’d explained to Brinley that, to numb the pain of everything, he’d started drinking heavily and sleeping around. But he didn’t tell her how, when that stopped working as a distraction… he left. He ran away, not caring that he couldn’t be in his human form outside the walls. Pax had kept things in line while he was gone.
Joel had stayed with Gabriel throughout that time. In their wolf forms, they ran all over Reinous. The first week, his friend kept his distance. He followed Gabriel to keep an eye on him, but he didn’t stop him. It was just silence and running. Until Gabriel couldn’t take it anymore. Then, he’d turned and pounced on his friend, wrestling to get some of the anger out before mounting him from behind.
For three months, they did nothing but run, hunt, and sleep together under the stars. And on the nights of the full moon, they’d shift into their human forms and fuck some more. Until the third full moon, when he’d finally talked. When he’d finally broken down and admitted to how hurt and scared he was, how he’d thought just maybe he would be able to at least find Brinley while running through the queendom. Joel had listened, letting him vent as much as he needed.
Then, they made their way home.
“You deserved so much better,” Gabriel whispered.
“Don’t do that.” Joel turned toward him, gently putting a hand on his arm. “I was there because I wanted to be. You never forced me to do anything I didn’t want to do, and if you recall, that’s the summer you finally started letting me take charge.”
The corner of Gabriel’s mouth twitched. He was an alpha through and through, even in the bedroom. But he’d given this man control because he trusted him enough to let him inside, literally and figuratively. He could be vulnerable with Joel in a way he couldn’t be with anyone else.
Except, Brinley. With her, it was even easier. Despite their constant bickering, it was so effortless to love her. It was as if he didn’t have a choice. And he didn’t believe it was just their bond causing those feelings. It didn’t make two people fall in love. It caused a fierce need to protect—and sexual desire once older, which explained his and Brinley’s behavior when first reunited this time. The love though? That was all them.
She challenged him. She was his match in every way, made perfectly for him.
Just as he was for her.
He never could have imagined feeling this way about anyone. It was so strong, so pure. He had seen grand love between his mother and father; he’d seen it with her parents too. But that had always been an unreachable dream, a fairy tale. There had been too much tragedy in his life to think he would ever be lucky enough to find his other half.
But he had.
When he lost her the last time, they had only just realized they were mates; there hadn’t been time to explore that bond or get to know each other better. Before that, he hadn’t seen her since she was a child. Throughout their lives, they were drawn together over and over. And they had finally become one, accepting they were mates.
It couldn’t have been for nothing.
She hadn’t remembered him at all, and yet, she’d grown to trust and love him. That was what brought back those memories. That was what fully brought her back to him. Why didn’t it break the curse? Why did she insist on leaving to face the true monster on her own?
Gabriel clenched his jaw and stared at the ground, trying not to fall apart. How was it possible to miss someone this much? He’d lost his parents, he’d lost several friends against the sorcières and rogues, but none of that compared to this physical agony. And this was only a fraction of what he would have experienced if she’d decided to reject the bond. Some didn’t survive that severance because it was so overwhelming and consuming. The thought alone nearly made him sick.
“She’ll return,” Joel said, as if reading his mind. He squeezed Gabriel’s arm before heading over to sit with Daciana and Brighid. Gabriel took a deep breath and glanced over to his sister, Paxton, and Harris. She was lying on her back with her head in Paxton’s lap, staring up into the branches full of pink leaves. Her smile was infectious. As Gabriel headed in their direction, he noticed Paxton’s fingers gently combing through her long blond hair. His other hand rested on her stomach, which she’d covered with her own hand. The scene was so peaceful that Gabriel almost didn’t want to interrupt.
Then, he remembered this was his baby sister, and he really didn’t like seeing this level of comfort between them. Their hushed conversation stopped as he neared. Paxton tried to pull his hand away, but Gabriel saw Rose grip it tighter. Harris covered his mouth, as if trying to hide a smile. Gabriel rolled his eyes and lowered to sit across from them. He laughed internally at how nervous his beta looked. Good.
“I was just telling Rose that we’ll have a big celebration tomorrow, but we thought it might be nice to do something smaller with just us today.” Pax left the just in case unspoken. They all knew what this was; no one needed to say it.
“Brighid made you a cake,” Gabriel said. “Do you want a piece?” He hadn’t known if she would want any because she’d barely been eating, according to Pax. But he had to try.
Smiling, she nodded and attempted to sit upright. At the sight of her struggling, Gabriel’s throat burned. Her appetite wasn’t the only thing waning this week. Her strength was all but gone. Paxton helped, lifting her and guiding her to pivot so that she sat between his legs with her back to his chest. Pax himself was sitting against the base of the tree. He looked at Gabriel in apology, as if knowing this might not be the most appropriate position. In any other circumstances, Gabriel would have laughed at the absurdity. She’d just had her head in his lap; this wasn’t worse. But he could only smile and stand.
“I’ll grab you all a piece. It’s waiting in the shade.”
“With the rats?” Rose raised one eyebrow.
He welcomed the sarcasm. “Yes. We thought we’d offer it to them first.”
She grinned with a soft chuckle, and it was such a beautiful sound. Pax closed his eyes for a moment, his jaw visibly clenching as he held her closer. The truth of how much this was hurting his friend hit Gabriel in the chest hard. When Paxton opened them again, they were red and glossy, and Gabriel understood the true purpose of them sitting like this. Pax didn’t want her to see him breaking down.
Even the always-smiling Harris turned his head away from her, hiding his own pain. This was destroying all of them.
Gabriel went to where Brighid’s cake sat in the shadows of the pillars, on a covered tray to keep small creatures out. He put a two big pieces on plates and grabbed a couple forks before covering it all once more. On his way back, he paused beside their friends chatting on the bench.
“Thank you, Brighid. She’s excited about the cake.” He put a hand on the healer’s shoulder.
The older woman smiled and used her hands to say, You’re welcome .
“And thank you both for helping clean this place up,” he said to Joel and Daciana.
Daci nodded. “Of course. How’s she doing?”
“If she’s afraid, she’s doing an incredible job hiding it. I think Paxton is having a harder time than she is.”
“Understandable.”
Gabriel sighed. “Did everyone know besides me?”
He didn’t wait for a response, but he heard his friends’ soft laughter behind him as he returned to two of his favorite people in this world. Only one person was missing. To distract himself from that pain, he offered one plate to Harris and the other to Rose before sitting again.
She took a bite of the cake as Pax said, “What, none for me?”
“I figured you two could share.” Gabriel shrugged then leaned back on his hands.
Pax narrowed his eyes in clear suspicion, but it didn’t last long. Rose shifted in his arms and offered him a bite, holding the forkful up to his lips. He took it with a smile, and Gabriel wanted to throw up. He’d tried to make a sweet gesture, but it backfired. Now, the two were grinning at each other, feeding each other. Paxton’s arms were wrapped around her waist, not even attempting to hide the way he held her anymore.
Gabriel groaned and lay down on the edge of the blanket. Staring at the pink tree and darkening sky above was better than watching them. “You two are the worst,” he muttered.
Harris laughed again. His sister snorted and nudged Gabriel with her foot. “Thank you. This is nice.”
When he turned his head toward her, her smile dropped. Understanding filled her gaze.
“I’m sorry,” she said. “I know that’s not enough and it won’t help, but I am. She should be here with us.” When Rose held out a hand, he reached over to hold it.
“She would have loved sitting out here with all of us.” He sighed. Seeing Rose happy under her tree would have meant the world to Brinley.
“We’ll do it again someday,” Harris promised.
Paxton agreed. “When she’s back, we’ll spend more time here together. We can have another celebration or something.”
Rose took another small bite. “Weren’t her parents married here?”
“Yes,” Gabriel said with a nod.
His sister’s lip curved up slightly. “Maybe that should be a new tradition… You’re going to make her your Luna, right?”
His pulse raced as he considered that. Though, there was nothing really to consider. “I hope so.”
“Gabriel!” a voice shouted, and he snapped upright to search for the source. Darren rushed into the courtyard. “Sorcières on the horizon. They’ll be here by nightfall.”
Gabriel started to smile.
But the man shook his head. “The High Sorceress is leading them, but there’s no sign of Brinley, sir.”
“What are you talking about? I took her to them. She has to be with them.” His heart pounded harder in his chest. He’d known something was wrong. He should have trusted his gut.
“Our scouts didn’t see her,” Darren said. “Brinley isn’t coming.”