Chapter Fourteen #2
“That’s the hard part,” Eliza said. “PTSD isn’t the same from person to person.
Everyone experiences it differently. But from what I’ve seen and read, the best thing is not to crowd her.
Don’t ever make a spectacle of whatever she’s feeling.
Don’t draw attention to any of her symptoms. You keep an eye on the triggers that affect her and try to alleviate them for her.
We make sure she eats and sleeps and fuels that immortal body of hers.
We let her set the pace. And when she wants to talk, we don’t try to magically fix her problems or tell her there’s nothing to worry about.
We shut up, we listen, we sympathize and offer comfort. ”
“I can do that,” I said gruffly.
“Yeah, I know you can,” Eliza paused for a beat. “But you also need to sleep, Rathiel. You can’t wear yourself ragged guarding her for days on end. We’re all here to support her. Even when she explodes and lashes out at us.”
A bark of laughter to our right pulled my attention away from our conversation.
Korrak, Sareth, Varz, and Calder were walking among the ranks, kicking all the others awake, just for fun.
I scanned the rest of our surroundings to find Calyx now seated by Levi.
The latter met my gaze across the fire, then dipped his chin.
I returned it before facing Eliza again.
I had a question for the siren. One I hadn’t had a chance to ask. But since we were here, and things were moderately quiet, now was the time.
“There’s something I need to know,” I said. “And you’re going to tell me the exact truth. No sidestepping.”
“Sounds ominous.”
“I know you two’ve made some sort of an agreement, and I want the details.”
She sighed.
It took all my willpower to keep from forcing her to talk. I wanted answers. Now.
“You already figured it out,” she said.
“Yes, but now I want the finer details. All of it.”
“Fine,” Eliza said, clearly sensing my impatience. “If the worst does happen and her magic turns her dark, she wants me to be the one who…” She hesitated, then bit out, “makes the call.”
I narrowed my eyes. “Makes what call?”
“You know exactly what call,” she muttered darkly, pulling her knees up to her chest. “The call.”
Anger flared in my chest, and my mouth opened, ready to utter every terrifying threat I could think possible.
Eliza held out a placating hand. “Just listen, okay? She knows you would never hurt her. But she also knows how bad things could get if the magic she’s experimenting with consumes and turns her.
The last thing we need is another Lucifer.
We all know if she turns into her father, we’re screwed.
And she refuses to place that burden on you. So, I get to do it. Yay me.”
And just like that, I wanted to kill the siren. To eliminate any threat to Lily’s existence right here and now. In no universe or realm would I ever let Eliza harm a hair on Lily’s head. And they both knew that.
“Calm down, Captain America,” Eliza said. “It’s a moot point, because she hasn’t gone dark, right?”
“Right,” I growled. Though, I did hear the unspoken yet in her statement.
“Then there’s no problem. She raised her army, she didn’t go dark, everything’s good. No need for me—or anyone—to take any unfortunate actions.”
I closed my eyes and focused on my breathing. Eliza was right—everything had worked out. No reason for me to kill anyone. Today.
Eliza patted my shoulder. “I know. I don’t like the idea either.
But it’s the only request she’s made of me, and I won’t let her down.
She needs us, Rathiel. In more ways than the obvious.
I think…I think we ground her. We keep her focused.
She is fighting an impossible war. And it’s up to us to support her any way we can.
Even if that means making secret murder pacts. It gives her peace of mind.”
“What method do you have planned?” I asked, my voice colder than I intended.
She met my stare with a frown. “Rath—”
“What. Method?” I growled.
She sighed. “Quick. Clean. And only if there’s no way to save her.”
“Your daggers?”
“Of course.”
I almost laughed. If Eliza thought she could kill Lily with a dagger, she needed a dose of reality.
“I’ll ask Calyx to help,” Eliza said, as though sensing my line of thought.
That made me stiffen. When I could finally look at her again without wanting to kill her, I turned to face her.
“I’ll be clear. I like you, Eliza. You’ve been helpful and loyal.
Fought at Lily’s side in a war that isn’t yours.
But if you ever so much as raise a blade toward her, I will tear you apart myself.
And when there’s nothing left but bits of meat and flesh, I’ll feed you to Mephisar. He won’t waste a bite.”
As though to reinforce my threat, not that he knew it, the hellwyrm slithered toward us.
Eliza paled, but she didn’t flinch. She studied me, then nodded once. “As long as we’re on the same page.”
“Oh, we are.”
She sighed. “You know, I didn’t ask her for the job. It isn’t my fault that she came to me. But even if it would kill me to do it—”
“Yes, it would,” I agreed.
She cut me a glare. “I would still do it. Because she asked this of me. I refuse to force her to live an existence she doesn’t want. Can you say the same?”
I returned her glare. Instead of answering, I rose to my feet, so very done with this conversation.
“Yeah, that’s what I thought,” she murmured.
I approached Lily. Eliza had said we needed to let her sleep, and I wanted to, but unfortunately, we had an outpost to raid.
As much as I wanted to handle it all for her, she would kill me when she woke up and realized what I’d done.
This was her army, her people. And as old and powerful as I was, I was still just one of her soldiers. She wouldn’t appreciate me babying her.
Leaning down, I brushed her hair back from her face. “Lily, love, it’s time to wake up.”
For a moment, she didn’t stir, until I ran my fingers across her cheek. Then she hummed, a low, pleased sound that might have woken something in me. Now wasn’t the time, though, so I pushed that urge aside and focused on my task.
“Come on,” I said, my knuckles now running down her neck. “You’ve slept longer than the entire front line put together.”
Her eyelids fluttered, then opened, and those celestial-blue irises of hers cut right through me. She slowly blinked before smiling, and the sight of it eased my shoulders.
“What time is it?” she rasped, her voice still wrecked from last night.
I chuckled at the very human question. It wasn’t like we wore watches or had clocks down here. I’d heard her discuss the concept of time once or twice back in her apartment, but I’d never bothered to learn how any of it actually worked. “Hell o’clock. Camp’s all up, but you’re not.”
“How rude of me,” she said, closing her eyes again.
“How do you feel?” I asked.
“Mm, tired,” was all she said.
I reached for her hand and gave it a squeeze. “You had me worried. You went under hard and haven’t moved in hours.”
Her eyes slitted open. “Did I drool?”
I chuckled at her teasing question. “Oh absolutely. Snored a few times too.”
She rolled her eyes, then gently shoved my chest. I caught her hand with mine and pressed it over my heart.
“Help me up,” she said.
“Always.” I leveraged her into a sitting position and waited while she rested her head on my shoulder for a moment. Then I helped her stand with my palm placed against the small of her back.
Eliza approached the two of us. I instinctively stiffened, and her eyes darted to me. “Hey, girl. Rough night, eh?”
Lily hummed a response, then glanced between the two of us and frowned. “What’s up? You two seem all bad-moody.”
“Nothing,” I assured her. “We were just discussing the terms of the little arrangement you two came up with.”
Lily had the grace to look guilty, but eventually she just shrugged it off. “Ah, well. Guess we couldn’t keep that a secret forever.”
“We’ll discuss it later,” I muttered.
“Can’t wait,” she drawled.
She took a step, then swayed, her knees kicking out from under her. I caught her before she fell, and steadied her weight, my brow wrinkling as I stared at her. She’d said she was still tired even after many hours of sleep. Was that another PTSD thing?
“Lily?” I asked.
She gripped my other arm and shook her head.
Her colour looked better, and she wasn’t sweaty, so that was a marked improvement. But the bags under her eyes and the weakness in her grip was alarming.
Once Lily regained her balance, she gestured at her army. “Can you get everyone ready to go? I just need to freshen up a bit before we head out.” With her next step, she released my arm, and thankfully, walked on steadier legs toward her pack.
I left her to her hygiene care, then faced the army, gaining their attention with a quick shout.
“Time to prove yourself useful!” I called out. “And to show us all why Lily brought you back! Today, we take an outpost. There’s blood to spill and resources to steal! Then tonight, we celebrate!”
A cheer shot up from the entire army, and Eliza practically jolted out of her skin.
I laughed at her bewildered expression. “Hellspawn love a good fight. Raiding an outpost is one of their favourite pastimes.”
A group started stomping their feet to an imaginary beat. It didn’t take long for it to roll through the army. Even less time for the ranks to start thrusting their fists in the air and chanting their excitement.
Without any instruction, they formed into their separate battalions, and their leaders began barking out orders. They might have been dead for ten years, but it seemed they hadn’t forgotten how to operate.
After a few minutes, Lily passed by me, dressed and armed, and cut through the crowd, her pace stable now. She traded nods with the soldiers she passed, patted a few on the shoulders, smiled at the battalion leaders.
I quickly armed myself, then followed after her, ready to take my place at her side at the front of the horde. Once the last row of soldiers fell into place, she grabbed Inferno’s Kiss, thrust it to the sky, and released a roar that would make any hellspawn proud.
Anticipation hummed in the air as her army cheered back.
Without a word, she pointed her blade toward the outpost and began to march.
They immediately followed.
Because we would follow her anywhere. And now was our chance to prove that.