Chapter Twenty-Nine
LILY
I sat down beside Eliza without a word. Her shoulders trembled beneath my arm the moment I wrapped it around her. I just held her. There was nothing clever to say. Nothing that would make the hurt stop. So I simply sat there and let her sob.
Purrgatory squirmed until she released him, but he didn’t jump down. Instead, he tucked himself into her lap, as though he knew his little body could provide her all the comfort.
When the worst of her sobs passed, she drew a shuddering breath and lowered her hands. Her eyes were red and her lashes damp. She looked younger, stripped of the sharp confidence she wore like armour.
“I’m sorry,” she whispered, voice raw.
“For what?” I brushed a lock of hair from her damp cheek.
She gave a watery laugh. “For crying about this. For being so upset. I lost Levi, but you lost your father—”
“Don’t,” I said softly. “Don’t apologize for grieving the loss of someone you cared about.
And don’t downplay your grief because my father is dead.
I’m not sad about his death, and I don’t want you to be either.
He had to die. But I am sorry you’re hurting.
And I’m sorry my father deceived you in such a cruel way.
” I swallowed, the words forming a lump in my throat. “You didn’t deserve that.”
Her chin trembled. “It’s just…you’ve been through so much—”
“So have you,” I said. “Lucifer fooled everyone. He’d been playing this game for thousands of years. He knew what he was doing. You cared about the person you thought was Levi. Nothing to be ashamed of.”
Her mouth twisted. “It feels like I should be. I feel so stupid for thinking I could find love in Hell.” She immediately winced. “Okay, I definitely need to apologize for that remark. You found love in Hell.”
I smiled faintly, the corners of my mouth tugging upward. “Rathiel would likely agree with your assessment.”
That made Eliza laugh. She sat straight and wiped her face, then blew out a shuddering breath. “I feel so foolish. So stupid. And so very betrayed.”
I nodded while rubbing her back in small, slow circles. “Those feelings will fade over time. And then…you’ll start to get mad. So mad. And then livid that he isn’t here for you to punish.”
“Speaking from experience?” she asked, chuckling.
“Very much so. My father didn’t exactly win awards for being supportive. The only time he ever praised me was when I let the darkness take control.” I snorted softly. “That says everything, doesn’t it?”
“It says he was a wretched thing,” she murmured, stroking Purrgy’s back.
“An incredibly wretched thing. And I hope he’s burning in the deepest pits of Hell.”
Eliza winced.
“What?” I asked.
“I keep forgetting he’s still…somewhere. Or at least, his soul is. Assuming he had one.”
Ah, yes. That did sour the mood. “Let’s hope there’s a pit deep enough for us both to forget him.”
“Let him rot,” Eliza muttered, but she glanced away, her thoughts clearly still torn.
“What is it?” I asked.
She spared me a glance, then sighed. “I just…can’t help but wonder. Who did I actually fall in love with? Levi? Or Lucifer? The thought that I might have loved him—that I could be capable of loving someone like him—terrifies me. He was pure evil, and yet…” Her voice broke. “I miss him.”
I didn’t say anything. Words couldn’t fix that kind of wound. Instead, I wrapped my arm around her and rested my forehead gently against hers.
“A part of me wishes he was still here,” she whispered. “But do I want him here because I loved Levi, or because I want to stab Lucifer a few dozen times for doing this to me?”
“Can’t it be both?” I asked.
“Maybe. But does that make me terrible?”
I opened my eyes and leaned back, holding her gaze.
“It just makes you a person. Emotions are complex, and sometimes we don’t need to understand them.
We just need to feel them. One day, it won’t hurt as much.
It won’t happen quickly, but I truly believe one morning you’ll wake up, and you won’t even think about him. ”
“I wouldn’t mind that happening now,” she said, sighing.
I laid my head on her shoulder and together, we just sat there.
After a few moments, she said, “Thank you.”
I straightened. “What for?”
“For being here. For sitting with me,” she said. “For not treating me like I’m broken.”
A small smile touched my lips. “Nah. No one here is broken. We’re just a little…bruised. But bruises fade.”
Her breath shook again, but this time it wasn’t a sob—more like a release. “I hope so.”
“They will,” I promised.
After a few silent moments, I lifted my head and stared down the corridor.
I’d grown up in this palace. I knew every nook and cranny.
But beyond that, I’d once memorized every patrol, every hellspawn, that walked these hallways.
Now, there was no one and nothing but the sound of silence.
I’d first noticed it when leaving my bedroom, and I’d intended to ask Rathiel about it, but then I’d spotted Eliza and decided her pain took precedence over my curiosity.
“Where is everyone?” I asked. “Where are my soldiers?”
Eliza heaved another sigh and looped her arm around mine. “They’re gone.”
I didn’t need to ask what she meant or where they’d gone. I could hear it in her voice—the finality of it. I’d known this was coming, prepared myself for it even. But knowing something in theory and seeing the hollow reality of it were two very different things.
“Ah,” I whispered. I truly hadn’t thought it would happen that fast.
I blew out a breath, my chest suddenly too tight to breathe.
We’d known from the start that when I took my place as Hell’s rightful ruler, the hellspawn would revert back to their proper soul state.
They were never meant to exist like this in the first place.
My father had created them, trapped them here, condemned them to a mindless existence on his whim.
Their disappearance was a good thing. It meant we’d won their freedom and found the balance we’d been fighting for. Now they had a chance to move on.
But damn, it hurt.
I would miss them. So much.
We’d come so far together. They’d stood at my side for so long, I wasn’t ready to do this without them.
I swallowed and stared at the stretch of hallway ahead. The heat radiating off the stones felt different now, less like perpetual hellfire and more like the warmth left in a hearth after the flames died.
I had so many questions and no one left to answer them. My mind immediately flashed to Levi. He’d been the one guiding me through all this. Helping me in any way he could. But thanks to my father, Levi was dead, and for a single breath, I felt truly alone.
No, that wasn’t true. I still had Rathiel and Eliza. Calyx. And—
“Where’s Mephisar?” I suddenly asked. “And Dragon?”
Eliza was quick to reassure me, squeezing my hand. “Mephisar is still here. He’s outside, slithering around, doing hell beasty stuff.” She paused. “Unfortunately, Dragon disappeared alongside the rest of the hellspawn.”
Oh…
I hadn’t known what to expect for him, but I’d hoped… Well, it didn’t matter what I’d hoped.
Thank goodness Mephisar was still here. I wasn’t sure I could handle losing him.
I let out a sad sigh, and the moment I did, something brushed against me. Something that very much wasn’t Eliza. It felt more like a faint presence, warm but familiar. It happened again a moment later, almost like someone was nudging their head against my side.
The second that thought came to me, a smile came to my lips.
There was only one soul I knew of who would butt his head against me.
Gorr.
There was nothing tangible that proved it was him other than this feeling I had within me. This innate ability to recognize not only when a soul was nearby but which one.
Happy tears sprang to my eyes.
My friends weren’t completely gone. Not yet anyway. They were still here, waiting to move on, and depending on me to protect them in the meantime.
And I would. Gladly.
For the first time since the battle ended, I let the quiet settle inside me—not as emptiness, but as peace.
I imagined myself patting Gorr’s head with all the love and affection I had for him. And when I did, he brushed against me again, as though telling me he felt me as much as I did him. It was the smallest thing, but it made me feel more at home than anything else.
I took Purrgy from Eliza’s lap and set him on the floor before pulling her to her feet. “Come on. Let’s go find Rath and Calyx.”
We made our way, sans kitty, to the palace doors, threw them open, then stepped out into the courtyard. The moment the hot air hit my face, I stopped and glanced around.
My father’s palace had always teemed with hellspawn. And now it was completely quiet. Nothing but red dirt, ash, and smoke.
And my two fallen.
Rathiel and Calyx stood nearby, their backs to us.
From this angle, I spotted Rath’s wrapped wing, and my body immediately flushed with the thought of what we could do to help him heal faster.
Now that we didn’t have a war to fight, I could think of nothing else I’d enjoy more than feeding a certain vampire my blood—especially since it always led to far more enjoyable activities.
At the sound of our approaching footsteps, Rathiel turned, though one hand fell to his side, likely in search of a weapon. His face softened the instant his gaze found me. He crossed the distance between us in a few long strides, took my hand, and pulled me tight against him.
I opened my mouth to say something, but a low rumble caught my attention, and my heart leapt when a massive shape loomed overhead.
“Mephisar,” I breathed.
My favourite hellwyrm dropped to the ground and slithered toward me. The moment he was within reach, he lowered his head and shoved Rathiel out of the way, then coiled around me. He gave a small huff, his smoky breath brushing against me.
“I’m fine,” I told him.
My hellwyrm didn’t seem to believe me, though, his snout poking and prodding me as he inhaled my scent.