Chapter 23 This Isn’t Over
This Isn’t Over
Raewyn
Stellon looked away and scratched his head, took a deep breath, and let it out. Then he finally met my eyes.
“What do you want to know?” he asked.
“How she died. And what part you played in it.”
“You don’t want to hear this,” he argued.
“Yes. I do. Now start talking.” Without moving your lips.
His posture slumping, Stellon began relating the story.
Jeneve was a traitor to our people—my father’s words, not mine. She was a high Fae of noble birth. She left her Elven family to marry a human man she’d fallen in love with.
My father, I said.
Stellon nodded.
Yes, though of course I didn’t know anything about him—or you—at the time. She was banished for her crime, and likely that would have been the end of it. But then she joined the Rebellion… on the side of the humans. She was captured while fighting for them against her own people.
She was fighting for me, I said. For my father and the people of our village.
Stellon nodded, blinking back tears. I know. And I can see the honor in that, but my Father could not. He wanted to make an example of her. So he gathered the full Court here in the ballroom, and—
His story cut off abruptly.
My eyelids went wide, and I nearly choked on my own breath. Did you flog her to death like you planned to do with Pharis tonight?
The visual image was making me physically ill.
No, Stellon said. No. My father used his compelling glamour to toy with her for a while, forcing her to humiliate herself in front of the gathering. And then—
Go on, I urged.
He tired of it and compelled her to take her own life. She picked up the knife, but she wouldn’t plunge it into her own heart. She stood there, her hands quaking the blade in front of her chest as she resisted the compulsion. She kept saying…
He stopped and took a breath before continuing.
She said, “I have a child.”
Tears gushed down my cheeks as he went on.
She was strong, he said. My father was training me to assist him with my Exalting glamour. He turned to me and ordered me to augment his compulsion with my own glamour.
After a pause he said, And I obeyed.
Stepping toward me, he reached for my hands, but I stepped backward to avoid his touch.
You have to understand, Raewyn, I had no choice. It was an order from my father, and he always got what he wanted.
He wanted me dead, and yet here I stand, I countered. No thanks to you.
Stellon wagged his chin back and forth, his blue eyes sorrowful.
I’m so sorry. I was young. I was afraid to defy him.
I blew out a long, weary breath. I understand. But eventually we all grow up and have to take responsibility for our own actions, no matter what our parents did or didn’t do. You knew this all along and never told me.
I only realized it after seeing her picture in the locket, he said, as if that somehow excused his silence on the matter since then.
Don’t you see, I couldn’t tell you, Stellon said. You would have hated me… as you do now, based on that look on your face.
“I don’t hate you, Stellon.”
I said it aloud, but it was the truth. And I’d realized another one.
“I don’t hate you… but I don’t love you.”
My heart resonated with a new certainty as the strange shell that had encased it all day cracked and began to shatter.
What was happening? I was dizzy and confused.
Looking down at myself in a wedding dress I didn’t choose then up at the two Fae princes, I felt like I was waking from a bizarre dream.
How had things gotten to this point?
Why had I agreed to marry Stellon?
“Perhaps once I loved you,” I told him, “but so much has happened.”
“You mean Pharis happened.”
Stellon shot a glare toward his brother, who was listening intently.
“It’s more than that,” I said. “It’s the choices you’ve made. I remember when you found us in Havendor beside the waterfall, Pharis challenged you to tell me ‘the rest of the story’ about my mother, and you chose not to.”
Stellon hung his head.
“Maybe if you had told me the truth earlier… maybe I could have forgiven you. But not now. Not like this,” I said.
“So you will choose my brother and bond with him then?” he demanded angrily.
I looked from Stellon to Pharis then back again, another piece of the shell dropping away.
“No. I’ve learned my lesson about both of you,” I said. “You didn’t tell me the full truth, but neither did Pharis.”
I turned to him.
“And you compelled me to come back here and marry your brother, taking away my choice in the matter. I’ve had my fill of Elven princes and their half-truths. I will be with no one,” I said sadly.
“I’m sorry,” Pharis whispered, looking miserable.
Then in my mind I heard him ask, Is that what you really want?
He stepped toward me, and I took another step back, putting my hands up between us.
“I just… I need some space and time away from both of you. I need to be sure that the thoughts I’m thinking are my own.”
Pharis dropped his waiting hand and said, “As you wish.”
Then silently, he vowed, I will take you directly to your family and then walk away, if that’s what you want. Let’s just get out of here.
Unaware of Pharis’ private promise, Stellon stepped close to me again.
“You must forgive me,” he begged. “Give me a chance to make it up to you. In time, the pain of this revelation will fade, and you will find it in your heart to love me. You did once, you can love me again.”
“Anything’s possible,” I said. “But I’m not sure I want to try. You should marry Lady Helina. Maybe the seamstress can let out this dress again and repair it—it was Helina’s to begin with.”
Stellon’s jaw tensed. “I’m not going to marry Helina. You’re the only woman for me, and I won’t give up that easily. I won’t let you leave me.”
My jaw dropped.
“What do you plan to do?” I asked. “Keep me in the dungeon until I change my mind? I’ve spent so much time in there, they should rename it ‘Raewyn’s chambers.’”
“No, of course not. You can have the finest suite in the palace. I’ll move out of mine and give it to you, if that would please you. You can have anything you want if you’ll just stay and marry me. We’ll have eternity to work things out.”
I took in his familiar blue eyes, his pleading expression. He was beautiful and obviously sincere. Once I might have been swayed by that combination.
“I don’t think that’ll be long enough. Goodbye, Stellon.”
Turning to Pharis, I said, “Let’s go.”
He nodded, and the two of us started walking toward the ballroom exit.
“You’re leaving with him? No,” Stellon yelled, but when he tried to come after us, he seemed to be frozen in place.
His guards were similarly paralyzed.
“You’re doing this,” Stellon accused his brother.
Pharis stopped and looked back.
“Yes. It’s a paralytic glamour. It’ll wear off once we’re a certain distance apart.”
Though Stellon couldn’t move his body, he was still able to hurl accusations at his brother.
“You’re forcing her to go with you,” he said. “Using the glamour you stole from our father when you murdered him.”
Though I knew leaving was my own choice, Pharis didn’t deny it. He turned back to face the motionless King and kingsguard, sounding wholly unconcerned.
“I have an arena-ful of glamours, brother, if you care to experience them. No one has to get hurt. Let us go peacefully. Let her go.”
Stellon stared icy daggers at him. “This isn’t over.”
“It is, brother.” Pharis said. “It really is. Let Raewyn go. Honor her wishes, as I intend to do. Stay away from her and let her live her life in peace.”
All Stellon said in answer was, “I know where you live, you know.”
“And I know where you live,” Pharis warned in return. “Stay out of my life, and I’ll stay out of yours.”
Then the two of us walked out of the ballroom and straight to the front doors of the palace, leaving without interference.
We retrieved Cimmerian from the stables where Pharis compelled a stablehand about his size to surrender his clothing.
He winced as he pulled the rough material over his battered body.
“Are you going to be all right?” I asked, wishing I had healing glamour instead of fear-detection.
Just a glance of the whip had left my hand and chest burning, even now. I couldn’t imagine the agony Pharis was experiencing.
“I will be eventually,” he said. “When I get back to Stormcrest, Elanor can heal me. But if you don’t mind, I’ll ask you to ride in front of me instead of behind me.”
“Of course,” I agreed.
Unlike the first time we rode away from Castle Seaspire together, I did not look back.
Traveling under the cover of Pharis’ shadows, we reached the crossroads known as The Wheel, and the horse stopped, awaiting guidance on which way to turn.
“Did you mean what you said?” I asked. “Are you really taking me to my family in Havendor?”
“Yes. You’ll be with them this very night.”
“The ride to Havendor took us several weeks last time,” I reminded him.
“We’re not going to ride there. There’s a powerful Evanescer I know of in Ferndell.
I’ll glean his glamour and take you to Havendor that way.
After that whipping, I’m not sure how long I can last on a horse.
Besides, evanescing will be much faster than going on horseback—and we can’t be followed that way. ”
“You think Stellon will pursue us?” I asked with no small amount of alarm.
“It’s very likely. I used my Compelling glamour when I told him to let you go and to stay away from you, but his fixation on you is powerful. And as we saw in your case, the compulsion can be overcome when the feelings are strong enough.”
One thing I didn’t want to talk about right now was feelings, particularly the ones I’d felt strongly enough to break Pharis’ compulsion to believe I loved Stellon.
“Why did you do that to me?” I asked. “Why did you compel me to leave you?”
Pharis’ grip on the reins tightened. “I thought I was doing the right thing… the best thing for you.”
“But why would that be the best thing?”
He didn’t answer me.
“And is that what you believe you’re doing now?” I asked. “The right thing?”
“What I’m doing now is letting you make your own choices. It doesn’t matter what I think or want.”
Another vague answer. I was so tired of them. Especially when so many questions remained.
Why had he let himself be captured and tortured? Had he felt deserving of it somehow?
“Why did you not help yourself back there?” I asked. “Why did you not stop the flogger with your paralytic glamour—or prevent the public flogging in the first place?”
“I was cuffed in iron,” Pharis said. “Iron weakens us.”
“But how were you even captured?”
With all of his powerful glamours, it seemed unlikely the Kings’ men would have been able to get Pharis inside the castle walls against his will.
“I was… tired,” was all he said. “I let my guard down. And… I didn’t feel like fighting.”
My mind was still a little fuzzy about the recent past, but some things had come back to me.
I’d given Pharis a chance to stop me from going to Stellon, hoping the ultimatum might convince him to admit some sort of attachment to me.
Instead he’d broken his promise never to use his powers on me again and compelled me to leave him.
I went silent, not knowing what to say, not knowing what I even wanted. Part of me wanted to beg Pharis to tell me he’d done it all out of love.
Part of me knew that would be hopeless.
If he did love me, why would he have sent me to Stellon?
“It’s all right, Wildcat,” he assured me. “I’m fine. It’s over now—thanks to your courage. You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do. Once I see you safely to your family, I’ll follow my own advice and let you go.”
His promise left a dull, heavy feeling in my chest. It was hard to take a full breath.
What was that about?
Back at Seaspire, I’d been so sure about my decision to end my involvement with both of the Randalin brothers. But now there was this sense of impending loss that filled me with dread.
We found the Evanescer’s cottage, and Pharis gleaned the man’s transportation glamour, compelling him to forget all about it and promising to return it later tonight.
When we stepped back outside, he wrapped his arms around me, pulling me close.
My heart thumped against his body so hard he must have been able to feel it.
Looking down at me, he spoke softly. “Are you ready to see your family again?”
I nodded. But nothing happened.
Pharis just stood there, staring at me as if memorizing every line of my face. A charge of energy hovered between us. Maybe it was the Evanescing glamour ramping up? Maybe it was something else.
“What is it?” I asked.
Blinking at last, Pharis said, “Nothing. It’s just… when we get there, I think I should help move your family to a new location. Stellon’s been to Havendor once before. He might remember it and search for you there. That is, unless you want him to be able to locate you?”
“No, definitely not. Not after what he did to you,” I said. “Do you think he would actually force me to return with him? Threaten my family or something?”
Pharis shook his head. “I don’t know what he might do. My brother has changed. Whether his feelings for you are real or they’re motivated by a love spell, he said he wouldn’t give up, and I believed him.”
“Could you evanesce all of us somewhere else?” I asked.
“Not that many at once,” Pharis said, “but I could make several trips, travel back and forth and bring you one at a time.”
“Where would we go?”
Pharis thought for a moment. “There’s a little seaside village at the tip of southern Marinus, right on the Cyan Sea. I’ve been there once. I think you’d like it. I know how much you love the ocean…”
A little smile passed over his lips. “...and being warm.”
I blushed, remembering the last time I’d felt very warm in his presence—the hot springs pool.
If that was what Pharis was thinking of, he didn’t say so. His somber expression returned. “If not there, somewhere else. Consider it at least.”
I nodded, taking him seriously. I knew he cared about my family.
“You really believe it’s necessary to put Papa and the girls through another move?”
“Maybe it’s not necessary,” he said. “Maybe it’s overkill. But I want you to be careful. In those last few moments with Stellon, he acted more like our father than I’ve ever seen him.”