Chapter Nineteen
No more words were exchanged. Norah continued leading Chase to the cot, stopping just at the edge of the bed and looking at Chase with all the vulnerability and desire that she felt.
She placed one hand on Chase’s face, the other arm wrapped gently around her neck.
Chase’s eyes looked so sad. Norah was desperate to open up to her, if only for a minute, in a way she hadn’t yet.
She’d given Chase her body again, but in no way had she shown her heart.
And even though pragmatism told her there was no reality where she could ever trust Chase not to abandon her again, Norah felt like Chase at least deserved to hear the truth just once.
“Tell me again,” Norah said, her breath ragged, staring into Chase’s eyes.
“Tell you what?”
“Tell me what you’ve been telling me. What I wouldn’t let myself tell you back.”
Chase grinned, some of the sadness seeming to dissipate. She circled her arms softly around Norah’s waist, Norah’s thumb still stroking the soft skin of Chase’s cheek.
“I love you.”
Norah smiled. She let herself savor the words, fully succumbing to them for the first time, maybe ever.
She ran her thumb over Chase’s bottom lip and followed with her own, kissing her slowly, intentionally, trying to say everything words couldn’t.
She finally pulled away, but their gazes stayed connected, Norah finally accepting that no one had ever made her feel the way Chase did, and probably never would again.
“I love you too.”
The words seemed to ignite a fire in Chase, who kissed Norah again, this time with more urgency, grabbing Norah’s ass and lifting her so her legs were twisted around Chase’s hips.
Norah gasped. Chase never broke the kiss.
Norah grabbed frantically at Chase’s hair, trying to pull her in as close as she could.
And when Chase put her down on the bed, she kept her tight against her body, as if afraid to ever let her go again. Norah understood the feeling entirely.
They were flat on the bed now, Chase’s thigh between her legs, expertly grinding against Norah as she took both of Norah’s wrists and pinned them behind her head.
“Wait, stop,” Norah whispered.
“What? What’s wrong?”
“Nothing. Nothing in the world. I want you to take off all my clothes.”
Chase nodded eagerly, her eyes glassy with need.
She released Norah’s wrists and sat back enough to help her pull her T-shirt over her head so fast, Norah was shocked they hadn’t ripped it.
Norah unclipped her bra with the same fervor, tossing it into the corner of the tent.
In another instant she had her own shorts off, and then her panties, until she was fully naked, exposed underneath Chase.
Chase took a minute to look Norah up and down in a way that made Norah physically hurt with need, and then Chase removed her own T-shirt, casting it aside, and slid out of her athletic shorts.
When she settled back on top of Norah she moaned loudly, the feeling of their skin touching everywhere scrambling the signals to her brain.
“I forgot how good you feel,” Norah said, digging her nails into the skin of Chase’s back.
“I didn’t.”
They’d had sex before since they arrived in Louisiana.
But not sex like this. Not skin-to-skin, uninhibited, end-of-the-world sex.
Chase just looked at her for a long time, letting her body rest on Norah’s, stroking down her sides and then up to her wild hair Chase would smooth back over the top of her head.
“Please. I need you.” At least in that moment, Norah meant it. She meant it more than she’d ever meant anything.
Chase kissed down her body slowly, stopping at both nipples and taking them one at a time between her teeth, the pressure sending Norah over the edge.
Something about all the ways Chase knew her body, still, even after all this time had passed, amazed Norah.
She took Chase’s head in both of her hands, gently guiding her lower, until Chase reached where Norah wanted her.
She knew Chase liked to take her time, bringing Norah to the brink and then pulling back until she couldn’t take any more.
But this time, Chase couldn’t seem to control herself.
As soon as she ran her tongue over Norah’s clit, Norah bit down on her own lip so hard she tasted blood.
Chase seemed to want all of her, and she wanted it now, and nothing made Norah feel sexier.
Norah’s muscles tensed as Chase pressed gently with her palm on Norah’s lower stomach, working her tongue a little faster until Norah erupted around her, convulsing against the stiff cot.
She came so hard her vision actually faded a little, and she wondered if she might die right then and there.
It wouldn’t be the worst fate ever, to die like that.
Chase’s proud smile when she slid back up the bed to Norah was one that Norah recognized from so many times before. She knew how much Chase loved making her feel like that.
“I hope you know I’m nowhere near done yet,” Chase whispered into Norah’s ear, and the fire that had started to settle between her legs roared back to life.
“Well, then, I guess it’s going to be a long night.”
It was nearly one a.m. when both Norah and Chase had physically exhausted themselves completely.
It had been a long time since Chase had experienced sex so good she became exhausted.
She couldn’t stop thinking about Norah telling her that she loved her.
Even though the words didn’t change the circumstances and didn’t fulfill Chase’s fantasy of the white picket fence, hearing them was far from nothing.
No matter what happened with them, or what didn’t happen, Norah loved her again.
Or maybe she loved her still. It didn’t matter. For now, this was enough.
“I haven’t been able to sleep a full night since we got here,” Norah said with a sigh.
“Me either.”
“I used to be such a good sleeper too. Out like a light at ten p.m. and up at four thirty a.m. It didn’t matter what kind of day I was having, how much stress I was under, nothing. My head would hit the pillow, and I was done. Here, though, I just toss and turn most of the night.”
“I know. I’ve seen it,” Chase said softly.
“It’s so much better when I’m next to you though.” Norah smiled and brushed the back of her fingers against Chase’s cheek.
“I’d be happy to sleep here every night if you wanted.”
“Eventually people would get suspicious.”
Chase laughed dramatically and propped herself up on her elbow so she could look directly at Norah.
“Come on. You don’t think everyone already knows?”
“Ugh. You’re right. At least John does. And Jamie…” Norah felt the air be briefly sucked out of her chest.
Chase nodded solemnly. She curled tightly against Norah, and they lay there in silence for a moment.
“Hey. I think I have something that might help you.”
Norah watched with confusion as Chase got up and disappeared out of the tent. Less than a minute later, she was back, holding a pair of wired headphones.
“It’s silly, I know, but I found these YouTube videos.
I’ve been listening to them for a while now.
They’re called ‘The Sleepy Scientist.’ It’s basically just this guy with a very soothing voice telling stories about the history of the dinosaurs, the ice ages, the Cambrian Explosion.
A few minutes in, and I’m unconscious almost every time.
And if I’m not, it’s still fun to listen to. ”
“How on earth did I manage to forget you’re as nerdy as I am?”
“Now we both know that’s just not true.”
“I think it is.”
“It’s definitely not. Did you know I joined a pickleball league back home?”
Norah laughed and pulled Chase back down next to her, wrapping her arms tightly around her waist, suddenly deathly afraid to ever let her go again.
“And that’s supposed to be cool?”
“It is extremely cool. Sometimes we even get together for beer and Scrabble afterward.”
“Oh, Daddy, tell me more,” Norah said teasingly, batting her eyelashes.
“Shut up.”
“All right. I’m sorry.” She lay back down, pulling Chase with her and pressing her breasts close against Chase’s back, wrapping her arm around her middle.
“But I don’t mind if you want to call me Daddy again,” Chase whispered, a soft giggle following.
Norah whacked her shoulder, and Chase grabbed Norah’s hand and held it tightly against her chest. They lay like that for a while until Chase leaned over to grab the earbuds, putting one end in her own ear and handing the other to Norah.
All Norah remembered was hearing the Sleepy Scientist talk about the Greenland Shark and, then, nothing.
The sun wasn’t even up yet, but Norah knew she had to check on Jamie.
And she had to do it alone. Chase was still sleeping soundly next to her, the earbud still firmly in place and the wire snaking its way to her phone, which lay next to her on the cot.
She looked so sweet, breathing softly in the warm light of day, her eyes fluttering occasionally under closed lids.
It was sometimes too hard to believe this was the same Chase who had hurt her so badly so long ago.
Hoping to sneak out without discussing where she was going, Norah slid slowly from under Chase’s arm, which was still draped over Norah’s chest. Chase stirred, a gentle moan emerging, but didn’t open her eyes, and Norah exhaled in relief.
She managed to get to one of the jeeps without being spotted. If she was lucky, she could make it back before too many people noticed. Of course she could have just called the hospital. But for some reason, Norah needed to see for herself.
It hadn’t been even twenty-four hours since they, since Norah, gave Jamie the Birtamimab.
There wasn’t any data on how long improvement took, and it was nearly impossible to tell whether the drug caused any changes or if they were just coincidental.
She didn’t know what she was hoping to find there.
But that didn’t stop her from making the hour drive in silence, flashing her military ID at the front desk of the hospital, and hoping to god the temporary badge Timmons had given her still worked in the ICU.
The ICU was emptier than the day before.
Norah wasn’t sure if that meant people had died, been transferred, or just weren’t getting sick as often.
Probably all of the above. She held her breath and raised the badge to the card reader, a flood of relief overtaking her at the pleasant beep the doors emitted, followed by a soft click as they welcomed her in.
Norah made a point not to make eye contact, trying to embrace the same courage she’d had the day before.
But it wasn’t the same without Chase. Instantly she regretted not asking her to come along.
When she reached Jamie’s room, the curtain was closed.
She donned her paper gown, gloves, and mask and mentally prepared herself for whatever she would say if someone else was in the room with her. It was too late to turn back now.
But Jamie was alone. The ventilator still sang its eerie swan song, always sounding like death was just around the corner.
The lights were low, and the glow of the monitors was ominous.
Norah couldn’t help but notice the ventilator settings.
She was an infectious-disease doctor and hadn’t done anything with complex ventilator settings since medical school.
But she’d recently tried to brush up on her pulmonary pathophysiology and instantly recognized that the ventilator had been turned up.
Way up. If she remembered correctly, it was actually up as high as it could go.
Norah’s heart sank. She picked up one of Jamie’s hands, noting her brittle nails and the bruises that had accumulated across her forearms.
“Jamie, it’s me. Norah. I just came to check on you.” Jamie’s eyes showed zero recognition this time, and Norah kept her hand deadly still in Jamie’s, hoping to feel some version of a squeeze. Nothing came.
A tear slipped out and onto Jamie’s hospital gown.