Chapter Four
A long silence stretched between us as I waited for Xander’s response.
“What?” he finally managed to say.
“My adelphia can do magic.”
At that his eyebrows shot up his forehead. “Can you—”
“No,” I interrupted him. “Not me. But everyone else can.”
He seemed truly astonished. “What—how—what—”
I’d never seen him at a loss for words before.
“That life mage apprentice they found passed out, the one you thought I had something to do with? I might have temporarily kidnapped him and forced him to tell me how magic works and then made him drink a potion that caused him to forget and fall asleep.”
“I wish I could say I was surprised—”
“But you knew,” I finished.
“I knew.”
Because he knew me. And not just the pieces I wanted to show the world, the good and kind parts of me. He knew me at my absolute worst. The dark desires and jealousies and anger that I wanted to keep hidden—he had seen them all. I didn’t think there was anyone who knew me the way he did.
Why hadn’t I realized that before? I swallowed down the emotion I was feeling and instead continued my explanation.
“Priestesses and acolytes connect to an aspect of the goddess. And then when they say her name combined with the aspect, magical things happen. When Io did it for the first time, she used the life mage’s words and made every single flower in the courtyard bloom.
We’re more powerful than the life mages and we don’t need their amulets.
I think magic was always intended for women. ”
“Io?” he echoed, and I realized how strange it must be to discover that his sister could wield magic.
“Performing magic drains them just like it does with the life mages. Io passed out and slept for hours before she recovered. Zalira thinks they need to train, and that it will strengthen them.”
“You could go to the temple to train. I don’t want anyone seeing what your sisters can do.”
My sisters being condemned for using magic was a real possibility. The people in Ilion might consider it blasphemy because they had been told their entire lives that only men could do it.
One more thing I needed to question Lysimache about.
“That’s a good idea,” I said.
“What other powers do they have?” He tilted his head toward the wall we shared with Io’s bedroom.
“Ahyana can control pollinators, which was why that cloud of bees appeared when we camped overnight on our way to Lycia. Zalira’s always been connected to water and storms, but as far as I know, she hasn’t had a chance to try her magic yet.
And Suri—when Erisa asked how the five of us could bury the bodies so quickly, it was because Suri made a hole big enough by herself.
She finds hidden things and manipulates the earth. ”
Another long silence. I understood. This was a lot to unload on him all at once.
“Can Artemisia do magic?”
“I don’t know.” By the goddess, I hoped not.
That was the last thing we needed. “I have to assume that Lysimache told her that the women in the temple could potentially wield it.” It would explain why Artemisia had gone to the effort of murdering them all, why she risked going to a heavily guarded palace to try and kill me and my adelphia.
That wasn’t some grudge—she had wanted to make certain that no one could stand in her way.
“Now the five of you are all that’s left.”
“Yes. And Antiope, if she wakes up.”
He began to absentmindedly rub his thumb against the back of my hand and I tried to ignore the warm tingles shooting up my arm.
“You’re being very forthcoming,” he said in a quiet tone.
Not entirely. I still hadn’t told him about the eye of the goddess. I ignored the pang of guilt I felt and said, “Don’t you think we should be?”
“By all means. I’m just a little concerned that you’re some kind of shape-shifter and not actually my wife.”
I smiled at his joke. “No, it’s me.”
Our gazes met and my stomach tightened at what I saw. The look in his eyes—it was the same as when he had hovered above me and told me that I would be his undoing. The honeyed wine might have pushed him into saying it, but despite his denial, it felt as honest now as it had then.
He cleared his throat and looked down at our joined hands. “Why is your hand sparkling?”
“Luna sneezed.”
“She sneezes shimmering flakes?”
“Apparently.” I was glad I wasn’t the only one confused by her.
He let out a dramatic sigh. “Such a mess. I should have thrown her out the window the first night we found her.”
I was prepared to become indignant on her behalf until I realized that he was joking. “Maybe this is why she won’t talk to you.”
“Maybe,” he agreed. I loved that glimmer in his eyes, the way he half smiled at me.
Now I was the one clearing my throat and changing the subject. “Where is Lysimache?”
“She’s in a safe house nearby.”
“I need to question her to find out what she knows.” I let out an accidental yawn, covering my mouth with my free hand.
He shook his head. “I will take you to her first thing in the morning. You need to rest. We both do.”
I thought of the nightmares I’d had last night because I’d been out of his arms and was glad that I wouldn’t have to deal with that again now that we were back together.
“Go and use the washroom first,” he said.
A bath sounded divine. There was so much dirt under my fingernails from digging that I didn’t know if they would ever be clean again.
Not to mention the dried-over blood in the places that Lysimache had managed to superficially cut me.
I stood up, and I wasn’t sure if it was my imagination, but he seemed reluctant to release my hand.
I walked over to the washroom door and turned to see him watching me. A spike of longing pierced my gut, and I was struck with the urge to invite him to join me.
And given the heated, hungry look in his eyes, it felt like he knew exactly what I was thinking.
But he waited. Xander didn’t speak, didn’t make a move.
He was leaving it to me to act.
The words burned on my tongue, and I was about to say them when I heard Io exclaim, “You found Phoebe!” while Phoebe meowed loudly.
It brought me back to myself. This couldn’t happen. I knew better.
He always made me forget. When I was with him, it was as if he were the only thing in the entire universe that mattered.
I went into the washroom, closing the door behind me.
But I didn’t lock it.
While I undressed, I allowed myself to fantasize about him coming in here. What he would say, what he would do, the way he would make me feel . . . my skin began to flush in response.
I had just gotten into the water when the door opened. My heart leapt until I saw who it was. Io, Zalira, and Ahyana.
“We need baths, too,” Zalira said as she shut the door.
“Where is Suri?” I asked as I reached for a bar of soap.
“She’s looking for Priam, one of my mice,” Io said. “She seems to think that my birds flew away but that Priam’s still in the palace.”
I wondered if that was the only reason she hadn’t come with them. Suri usually bathed alone, and I assumed that was because she didn’t want anyone to see the self-inflicted scars that she kept hidden under the wrappings on her arms.
As my sisters got into the pools, it occurred to me that if I had asked Xander to join me in my bath, and he’d said yes, Io would have found us in here together. She had been our biggest advocate, wanting us to be together, and now she was part of the reason I had to try and stay away from him.
Zalira let out a satisfied sigh and leaned her head against the edge of the pool.
Io was talking about her ideas for new potions—she wanted to create a fortification one so that their magic would last longer and had already started planning out what plants she could use to separate my physical link with her brother.
When Io dunked her head into the water to rinse her hair, Ahyana took advantage of the temporary silence to say, “I know this is probably not the appropriate time to mention this, but there are no more temple guards.”
She was right. I put a hand over my chest as if that could calm my galloping heartbeat. Zalira exchanged a worried glance with me.
Io lifted her head and pushed her hair out of her face. “And?” she asked, not immediately seeing where Ahyana was going with this like Zalira and I did.
“That means there’s no one left to bury any of us alive if we break our vow of celibacy.”
The look of panic on Io’s face might have been comical in another situation. I decided to put her out of her misery. “I still have to use the eye to save Locris and need the goddess to find me worthy of wielding it. That hasn’t changed.”
“And you’re the savior,” she said. “You can’t be the savior if you break her laws.”
“That thought had occurred to me.”
Io’s reasons for wanting me to stay away from Xander were sound. Logical, even. It made sense. She didn’t want him to be hurt if I left.
Or if I died.
He wasn’t the only person who could potentially be harmed if he and I grew closer.
I knew how easily my heart could be shattered and ruined.
How I could become like my almost sister-in-law, Doria, perpetually waiting for my brother to return from the dead and not able to move on without him.
I knew I had the potential to be exactly the same way.
The thought of Xander dying . . . it was almost more than I could bear.
“Have you done anything that might warrant temple guards?” Zalira asked Ahyana, and I was glad she had done it because I would have felt like a hypocrite if I’d been the one to ask.
“Not for lack of trying,” Ahyana said in an annoyed tone. “Rokh is usually the one who stops. He says we need to get to know each other better first.”
“Ahyana!” Zalira protested.
“I am an adult and can make my own decisions. Whatever happens between Rokh and me is just that—between us. I’m not interested in hearing anyone else’s opinions about it.
” She briefly closed her eyes and exhaled sharply.
“I’m sorry. I don’t mean to sound harsh, but I love him and we are going to be together when this is all over.
And now there’s no reason that you can’t do the same thing with Stephanos. ”
Zalira gasped slightly. I knew it was what she wanted more than anything—to be able to be with Stephanos again. To tell him that she loved him, as he had already told her. To completely bind their souls to one another.
Ahyana’s face and voice softened. “Zalira, none of us know how much time we have left. Life is too short, and it might be even shorter for us. You should be allowed to love and be loved in return.”
I thought I saw a tear go down Zalira’s cheek but sensed that she wouldn’t want me to call attention to it.
“We should get out,” Io announced, apparently coming to the same conclusion that I had. “I think what we all need is a good night’s rest.”
We climbed out of the pools and dried ourselves off.
It was then that I realized that they had brought tunics to change into and I had come into the washroom without one.
I stood there awkwardly with my linen draped around me.
When they were all dressed, Io said they would see me in the morning and they left, closing the washroom door behind them.
I listened as she spoke briefly to her brother and felt foolish for not asking her to grab me a tunic.
And I suspected that it was because my body had come up with a ludicrous plan to go out into our bedroom in my wet linen. The words Xander had said to me about the first time he’d seen me this way—
You were like the goddess herself emerging from the deeps. If it were not blasphemy, I would have fallen to my knees and worshipped you.
They were seared into my mind.
It was as if my brain simply ceased to function and my body took over on the decision-making, because once I heard the room go quiet, I opened the door and entered our bedroom.