Chapter 11
CHAPTER ELEVEN
ISLA
I ’m not sure what I’m supposed to do right now. I was firmly in the “Asher is a total ass” category, but then he cornered me and said what he said, and oh my God, werewolves or excuse me, wolf shifters are real? And I might be one?
My head spins with this information and my body hums with uncertainty that feels like a live wire, ready to unleash itself on the world. Worse—or maybe not—the urge to go to Asher, to let him touch me again, nearly consumes me. Yet a part of me still screams for restraint.
Just this morning, I was dead set against this man, certain he was nothing but a royal ass. But now, his confession about our shared legacy tugs at strings within my heart that I didn’t know existed. I can feel my resolve melting, slipping right through my fingers while my body buzzes with coiled tension that craves his nearness.
How can this be my life right now? Believing all this is real is one thing, but suddenly feeling as if I’m supposed to be part of something bigger, to accept that magic exists, but not only that. That me, the woman I am now, is a part of all this? That’s a leap of a different magnitude.
Images of Elodee flash through my mind, grounding me with a jolt of guilt. She’s my rock, the one constant in my life. How can I think of staying here, entangled in this new, alluring world, when she’s back in Seattle, all alone?
My heart hammers with a barrage of what-if s. What if I embraced this bizarre truth? What if I let Asher show me everything he’s just confessed? What if I actually am a wolf shifter who’s been trapped on Earth for centuries?
What freaking if!
As Asher and I navigate through the lush forest, around mountains, and past a soothing river, the fresh, earthy air does little to calm my inner turmoil. I take several deep breaths and even shake out my arms, trying to physically remove the chaotic thoughts running rampant through me.
While the breathing and movements do help, it’s the profound sense of belonging that tells me nothing is ever going to be the same again. The soul-deep recognition—just like the first time I saw Grayson—that this is where I’m meant to be.
I don’t know if that means forever, but I do know, right now, in this moment, there’s no more fighting against what’s happened to me. No more not asking questions because the answers might be too intimidating.
If I was born in this world, if I’m not quite as human as I always believed, then there’s more to do here. Hiding in my room is no longer an option, especially when nobody seems to know what happened to me.
It’s time to start facing my new reality.
“Where are we going?” I ask, feeling only slightly guilty for ignoring the most romantic confession in history that he gave to me back there. One that still has my heart racing with the intensity of his words and makes me wish I could remember loving him just as fiercely.
Asher glances over at me, slowing his pace so that we’re now walking side by side. “There’s a cave just ahead that always felt like a secondary home of sorts to us. Even as kids, you and I found solace there.”
I can’t help but laugh. “We lived in a castle but made a home out of a cave?”
The idea seems absurd until his reply.
“You were never fond of the spotlight,” he says whimsically. “All you ever needed was your family and…me. That was enough, but we also had a duty, and you understood that, too. Or so I thought.”
The heartbreak that radiates from him as he says those last few words weighs heavily on me, like a boulder I can’t outrun.
“What do you mean?” I’m not sure I want the answer to this question, but I have a feeling that in order to understand who I am, I need to know who I was, even if that was a different lifetime.
He stops and faces me, grabbing both of my hands. My first instinct is to pull away, but as the heat from his palms seeps into me, I decide to stop fighting against the fantasy of this world. It’s only been three days and my mind is more than overwhelmed, but resisting all this isn’t going to help me. It’s like trying to stop a derailed train: completely pointless.
“I’m not sure because we don’t know all the pieces of information that we should,” he says, “but you disappeared right after I shared that my father was stepping down and I was to become king centuries sooner than either of us planned for.”
I blink, unsure what to say when I have no memory of this.
He continues. “You promised we’d get through whatever obstacles we were to face together and then, before that same evening’s dinner that you planned, you were gone, no trace of you left anywhere that we could find. You took nothing with you and no amount of magic could track you. It makes sense now if you went to Earth, but I still don’t understand how you continued to be reborn there.”
“Yeah, me, either,” I mutter, releasing his hold on my hands, then I begin walking again as I try not to be frustrated that I’ve been told so much yet still feel like I know nothing at all.
“But you’re here now,” Asher says with an elation that I don’t know how to match. “I know you’d rather be back on Earth and I’m sorry for forcing your hand, but in my defense, I was more desperate to keep you close than I’ve been in my entire life. I was wrong to go about things the way I did, but I wasn’t trying to intentionally hurt you. I just wanted more time to figure things out.”
Funny, Asher’s earlier romantic confessions made me forget that I was supposed to despise him for using Grayson’s life to control my choices. Yet even now, being reminded of what he did, there isn’t a part of my heart that still wants to blame him for what he did. Hell, after seeing this new side of him, I no longer believe that Asher would sit by and let Grayson die even if I chose to walk away.
Maybe it’s the magic of this world, or that I’m exhausted and it’s not even noon, but I’m okay with not hating him any longer. Asher holds answers that others won’t tell me and…even if I didn’t want to admit this before, there’s been an attraction to this man since the moment I first laid eyes on him.
Whether that’s from past me or current me or even both, I don’t know, but learning that we once shared such a strong connection makes me no longer care.
But I do have one very important question that can’t wait.
“Can humans live here?”
His head cocks to the side and his lips pinch together. “I don’t know. Nobody has ever asked that before, at least not that I know of. Are you not sure about whether or not you’re a wolf shifter in this life?”
His question is sincere and without judgment, something I appreciate because even if I’m done fighting, I’m still going to need time to come to terms with a lot of these things.
“It’s not that,” I explain. “My best friend, Elodee, is back on Earth. She’s the only family I’ve ever truly had in my life and if I’m still”—I swallow hard before I can force out these next words—“a wolf shifter, that changes things, but I won’t leave her behind. We’re all each other has.”
There’s a pain in my chest at even the possibility of doing so, but also with the thought of leaving Lunara behind before I truly know who I am or what happened to me.
After hearing Asher’s agony thanks to my disappearance, I feel like this is something we both need to figure out. Not only because what if there’s key information that I’m missing to make me understand why I never came back or what if someone did something to me and never got caught?
I’ve watched enough crime and mystery shows back home. People get away with murder every day. If someone took away the life I was supposed to have, they’re going to pay for that.
Though it hasn’t all been bad. I have Elodee and I wouldn’t give her up for anything. Not even for the future I was supposed to have. She deserves better than that from me after all we’ve been through together.
“As soon as we’re back at the castle, I will find out about your friend,” Asher promises with a conviction that makes the pressure in my chest lighten. “You came here without the energy you were blessed with at birth. There has to be a way to do the same for Elodee.”
My fingers brush over a lower branch of a nearby tree that we walk by, the soft leaves a vibrant green that I’ve never seen on any plant life back home. “She would love it here.” Then I chuckle. “She wouldn’t fight to go home like some people.”
Asher’s elbow bumps me and he grins when I look up at him. “You wouldn’t have been you if you didn’t put up some resistance.”
At least that’s always been a part of me, a comforting fact as we start to slow.
The trees become sparse and there’s a small clearing of grass and wildflowers in front of a rock hill that seems to come out of nowhere. The outside is covered in moss and it’s probably at least twenty feet tall. Looking around, I don’t see where the cave might be, though.
Asher grabs my hand for the second time and once again, there’s a current of energy that passes between us, nearly taking my breath away.
I stare at our clasped hands, expecting there to be some physical evidence of this connection, but there’s not a glow or spark to be seen.
“Here we are.” Asher’s voice cuts through my reverie.
Glancing up, I finally see the opening, hidden around the corner. It’s dark inside, but the moment we pass across the threshold, Asher touches a light that seems to be linked to several others, each spaced about three feet apart through the entry area.
“We added these solar lights about five years after we found this place,” he explains. “Year after year, we made changes until this cave became the haven we couldn’t find anywhere else on our island.” A frown creases his face. “I haven’t been here in so long. Without you, it was just a place that made the void in my chest ache all that much more.”
I place a hand on his bicep and squeeze. His anguish is so tangible, it’s almost as if I’m experiencing his heartbreak, barely capable of remaining upright from its weight.
“I’m sorry, Asher,” I tell him sincerely. “If there’s a way for me to remember, I’m going to do that. Not only because I want to know what happened to me, but because you deserve the truth as well.”
When his gaze meets mine, tears glimmer in his eyes as he looks at me, raw emotion laid bare. The intensity of this moment wraps around me so tightly that I can’t decide if I’m going to drown or find the comfort I’ve been searching for.
I inch forward to wipe away the few tears that fall, but his movements are quicker than mine. Before I can take my next breath, Asher’s hands are holding my face between his palms and his mouth is a hairsbreadth away from mine.
My eyes dart between his lips and his heady stare, unsure of what he’s going to do or even what I want him to do.
I’m frozen in place, desperate to know what’s coming, but then, just as quickly as he touches me, Asher backs away.
“I’m so sorry, Isla.” Asher’s hands scrub over his face as his chest rumbles. “This is harder than I realized it would be.”
Yeah, tell me about it.
If the wave of disappointment crashing through me right now is any indication, I’m in for one hell of a time figuring out what I want. Though the one thing I know with certainty is that I don’t want to lead this man on.
No matter my attraction for him, I haven’t loved him for over five hundred years like he has me. Kissing him for me would be like scratching an itch. While that itch might turn into a flaming inferno of passion with just one graze, I have a feeling for Asher, it would mean so much more.
He might have been an ass those first two meetings, but there’s no denying the weight of his suffering. If movies and shows have taught me anything, it’s that supernaturals love with an intensity that humans rarely understand. While I could be way off the mark with my assumptions, based upon what I’ve witnessed with Asher, I don’t believe so and he deserves better.
“If you want to leave, we don’t have to stay here,” I offer with a gentle tone, trying to mask the tightness in my chest. But before I can finish, Asher shakes his head firmly.
“No, you need to see this place,” he insists, his voice regaining a bit of strength. “Avoiding the spots that hold your deepest memories won’t help you remember.”
As we venture deeper into the cave, the amber glow from the lamps cast long shadows against the uneven walls, highlighting patches of tall grass that sprout randomly from the earthy floor. There are no flowers here—only the simple beauty of earth untouched. The path soon widens into a cavernous room that unexpectedly houses what appears to be a…hot tub or some sort of bath.
I thought it was warm in here, but I blamed that on my thick sweater. Now, I’m not so sure. Kneeling, I brush my fingers over the water’s surface, disrupting my reflection on its surface. “Is this…”
My words are cut off and I suddenly can’t breathe. My balance becomes shaky and before I know what’s happening, I go face-first into the pool of hot water.
I gasp for air and my arms flail, trying to grab at the side, but instead, a vivid memory floods my senses.
Shedding my clothes, I jump into the water, giggling without a care in the world. My hair is pinned to the top of my head and a few strands fall around my grinning face. I point a finger at someone I can’t see before beckoning them toward me.
“You’re not going to leave me here all alone, are you?” I tease, standing waist deep in the hot spring, not hot tub.
“Never,” a deep grumble says. “You’re mine until the end of time.”
It’s Asher who comes into view, confidently striding into the water without a stitch of clothes on, his presence as imposing as it is comforting. His arms wrap around my waist, tugging until we’re flush together. His lips come down on mine and I swear I can taste his woodsy scent.
“Asher.” I breathe out his name, my heart pounding against my ribcage, but instead of skin, my hands find the wet fabric of his shirt.
Reality snaps back harshly. “Gods, Isla.” Asher’s concerned voice cuts through the haze of my memory. “Are you okay?”
Embarrassment colors my cheeks as I scramble up from the cave floor, muttering incoherently before rushing to grab a towel. When I return, Asher’s expression oscillates between concern and disbelief.
“You knew where to get a towel,” he observes, astonishment changing his tone from concern to a light, joyous note. “Did you remember something when you fell into the hot spring?”
The intensity of the memory—or was it a mere daydream fueled by that almost-kiss?—leaves me unsettled. How am I to explain this without sounding utterly deluded by desire?
“I, uh, don’t know,” I say, wiping my face with a towel that’s rather stiff, likely from having sat untouched for who-knows-how-long.
His hand, warm and reassuring, cradles the side of my face. “What happened, Isla? There’s nothing you can’t tell me.”
The moment those six words leave his mouth, the weight of their truth settles over me like a warm blanket.
Still, I hesitate to reveal what I saw because it’s not like anything was said to pinpoint a time or event. It was just the two of us, getting ready to go at it in the water. Something I suddenly feel like happened quite often before.
“I was in the water, waiting for you,” I finally admit. “You joined me and then…I was back to the present. I don’t know that I’d call that a memory since I looked like me. There’s no way to tell the difference.”
“Our clothes,” he says. “What were we wearing? Things have changed here, just like they do on Earth.”
There’s no hiding my blush and Asher proves that I’m right to trust him when he seems to understand what I’m not saying without forcing the words from my mouth.
“It’s okay,” he promises with a sweet smile. “No matter what happened, this is progress. I was right to bring you here and I think when my mother mentioned having you go to Lunara Academy, she was onto something as well.”
Wrapping the towel around my dripping clothes, I ask, “What do you mean?”
“When our souls are reborn, it’s not with our full memories,” he explains. “We grow and learn and as we mature, more from our past lives comes back to us. You’re already grown and mature, but you haven’t learned.”
If this is the only way to figure out why I disappeared, then I’m in, all in.
“When do I start?” I ask with eagerness.
Asher grabs my hand and starts leading us back out of the cave without attempting to dry himself off. “First things first. We need to find out about getting your friend here. I know you asked my mother about finding your phone and relaying a message, but that’s a bit more complicated given the older portal you used. We’re not actually sure where your belongings have gone… ”
I gape at him. “Are you saying an entire car was just swallowed by the universe, never to be seen again?”
“Were you particularly attached to the vehicle?” His head tilts and eyes pinch at the side. “I can keep trying to locate it if…”
My hand waves, cutting him off. “No, it’s just a lot to still process. I don’t care about the car. Just Elodee.”
He gives my hand a squeeze as we keep walking. “We will find a way to bring her here, I promise. I don’t want you to worry about anything that you don’t have to if I can help it.”
Oh, hell. Can this man get any sweeter? Something tells me the answer is a resounding yes.