Chapter 22
CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO
ISLA
I t’s been eight days since the haunting vision of my death, and each day has been a blend of agony and exhilaration. Memories keep flooding back—tender moments with Asher, laughter with my family, knowledge surfacing without prompting.
All of which is great, except for one thing: Estee. Her absence casts a shadow over my newfound clarity. She hasn’t returned after running off from the school, not even for food or clothes, and refuses to speak with anyone other than our father. He’s let me know she’s physically fine, but she needs time to process a few things of her own before she returns.
I have no clue what could keep her away, and even though I’m not okay with her absence, I’m trying to respect her need for space by keeping myself preoccupied with all things books.
Well, and Asher. Though even that time has been limited.
I gave into his insistence about wanting me to stay in his room. We’ve spent every night together in his bed, but nothing has happened. Nothing more than kissing, anyway. Something is holding me back from more. I still feel lost. Whether that’s because of Estee’s absence or because I still don’t sense my wolf, I don’t know. Either way, I haven’t been in a hurry to rush anything else in my life.
That’s not to say that my feelings for Asher haven’t grown tenfold as my memories return, but there’s something missing and until I figure out what that is…we’re continuing as we’ve been.
My stomach growls and I suddenly have a craving for sausage. I’d always been a bacon person before, but this is how my memory has been working lately. I’ll just suddenly know something. For example, one day for dinner I had to have spaghetti and sausage meatballs—maybe there’s a theme here—or the other night, on Asher’s balcony, my mind conjured an image of a stunning silver wolf shining brightly in the forest beneath the glow of the twin moons. The wolf was me. I knew that without a doubt in my mind, but still, I can’t feel her like Asher says I will.
A knock sounds at the door and I put the book I was flipping through onto the mattress before slipping off the bed and heading to the door.
Mali is on the other side when I answer. It’s usually him, Cain, or Declan standing guard, each of them just as nice as the other. Though Declan is by far the most entertaining.
“Good morning, Malimorte,” I tell him with a smile. “Is Asher done with his meeting?”
He left before I’d barely awoken, stating something about bickering wolves and that he had to go be diplomatic. He lost me at bickering .
Mali tugs at the bottom of his vest and nods. “Yes, Your Highness. His mother has requested the two of you join her for breakfast. May I confirm that you’ll be attending?”
This man is always so polite and professional that I wonder what it might take to really piss him off. He seems to handle everything in stride, but Asher assures me that he’s a warrior beneath the prim demeanor.
“Yes, I’ll grab my shoes and be right there,” I confirm, glad for breakfast since I was already craving food a few minutes ago.
I go to the closet that I now share with Asher and slip into silver flats that match the black, wide-leg pants and crisp, white blouse I chose for the day—a combination that feels suitably regal yet comfortable for whatever the day might hold.
When Asher told me that the people here were wolf shifters, I didn’t expect as many formalities, but I’ve grown somewhat used to them over the last week. I can even admit that the upgraded wardrobe has become something I enjoy each day as I pick out my outfits. The only thing I’ve yet to be fond of is the silly tiara Sosheena says I should wear more often.
It’s not like everyone doesn’t know who I am in the castle. I don’t see the purpose of the glitzy adornment, but I try to play by their rules for most things.
Going back to the door, I find Malimorte still waiting for me, golden eyes focused on the hallway and his fingers lightly stroking his auburn goatee.
“Mali?” I say quietly in case I’m disturbing his thoughts. “Do you know if my father is already at breakfast?”
He holds up a finger and does the mind speak thing with Asher that I can’t do myself. Though I don’t consider that a bad thing yet.
“Yes, Your Highness,” Mali replies. “He’s just arrived.”
“And my sister? Estee?” As furious as I am that she’s abandoned me, I’m mostly worried about her. Something is wrong and it won’t be much longer before I finally charge out into that forest, bringing her back home myself.
Mali’s gaze casts down. “No, Your Highness. She is still absent.”
Disappointment rolls through me, pressing in on my chest. Still, it doesn’t change my plans. “Thank you. Let them know I’ll be right there.”
“King Asher asks that you please head straight there or…” Mali pauses, likely uncomfortable with being the liaison between mates. “Or he’ll resume escorting you where you wish to be.”
Escorting me? More like guarding , but after the first two days of that overprotectiveness, we’ve settled on a compromise. Though I doubt I’m ever as alone as I think. It seems there’s always a staff member hanging around close enough that I’m not truly by myself even for these short walks through the castle.
I thank Mali again before leaving for breakfast and grin when I see someone dusting the same side paneling near the stairs that was just cleaned yesterday.
Though maybe this time, it wouldn’t be bad to have someone with me. I haven’t eaten in the dining hall since that time with my father. Paying more attention, I try to recall that evening, at least feeling confident that I need to go down the stairs.
As soon as I reach the first floor, I turn left, watching for anything familiar. I spot a portrait of Asher and his parents and feel rather positive that I’m supposed to turn right at this next corner.
Except as soon as I do, my nose smashes into a hard chest and I stumble back, seconds from falling to the ground before warm hands wrap around my waist.
“Whoa, are you okay?”
I look up to see Noen standing there and freeze for a moment. I haven’t seen him since Asher brought him to my room. Not because I’ve been actively avoiding him, but something felt off with that whole interaction and I wanted more time to try to remember him.
I’ve been told we were best friends, but Estee is that to me and I wasn’t ready for someone else to explain my past life to me. I want to remember it for myself.
“Isla?” A crease forms between Noen’s brows. “Are you okay? Did I hurt you?”
I finally shake my head and take a step back before someone sees another man with his hands on me. Probably not a good idea when I’m supposed to be the king’s mate…
“I’m fine,” I say, forcing myself to smile. “Just didn’t expect to, you know, run into anyone. I’m trying to get to breakfast.”
“Oh.” He holds out a hand for me to take. “Let me show you the way.”
I start to move past him, politely declining. “It’s okay. I think I’ve got it.”
He chuckles and shakes his head. “By going the wrong direction?” His hand goes back to his side as he nods toward another hallway. “Come on. The royal dining hall is this way.”
Damn it . I was supposed to take another left, not a right at this hallway. Maybe a little help wouldn’t be so bad.
As we walk side by side, Noen casts several glances at me before he speaks. “How have you been?”
The words sound forced and I’m a little glad because it seems like I’m not the only one who feels awkward.
“Fine.” I shrug, unsure how much Asher has told him. “I’ve spent a lot of time reading.”
He feigns shock. “ You , reading? I would have never guessed.”
I frown. “What do you mean?”
“You never were one for school and books before,” he explains with a grin. “You preferred to learn by doing things yourself, instead of having them told to you.”
Huh. That doesn’t really sound like the person I am now, but I also know how stubborn I can be sometimes, so I’m not terribly surprised by that revelation, either.
“Well, things change,” I say with a shrug.
“They sure do.” Noen’s voice is tinged with a sadness that hits me right in the chest.
I reach for him, lightly touching his forearm. “I know that we used?—”
I blink several times, then start to kneel toward the ground. The signs of an incoming memory are getting easier to read and I no longer take them standing up after a few of them have made my legs give out.
I’m in the back yard of my parents’ house and fourteen years old. The flowers need watering and that’s one of my chores, something I do every day and usually with my mother. She and Dad aren’t home today, though, so I’m by myself.
I don’t know where Estee is, but I glance to my right at my neighbors’ house. That’s where Noen lives. He’s been my best friend for years and my heart instantly aches. I can hear his dad yelling and I want to go save my friend, but the last time I intervened, things only got worse for him.
Instead, I wait and wait for the yelling to stop. Only then do I go to the fence and peek over.
Noen is leaning against the side of his house, fists clenched, eyes closed, and jaw tight.
“Noen,” I whisper, staying in our yard.
He looks up at me and shakes his head. “You heard.”
“It’s okay,” I tell him. “Do you want to come over?”
His head shakes. “I have chores to do over again because apparently, the first time I did them wasn’t correct.”
I lied. It’s not okay. The entire situation with him and his father is terrible and everyone knows it. Yet Asher’s dad—the king—does nothing about it. I don’t understand why they let Noen be treated like this.
I’ve tried to bring it up to Asher, but my two best friends don’t exactly get along. Though that doesn’t change my feelings for either of them.
“I can help you,” I tell Noen as he comes to the fence.
He grabs my hands, rubbing his thumbs over my fingers and staring down. “You already do. More than you know.” He leans in closer, kisses the top of my head, and releases me. “I’ll see you later, Isobella.”
I return to the real world, my heart racing and no longer confused why things were awkward with Noen and Asher before. How could I have not seen that for what it was before ?
Noen loved me and not just as my best friend. That boy loved me.
Blinking up at the man kneeling before me, I try to decide if maybe he still does and that’s why Asher hasn’t spoken of Noen since the latter returned.
Noen shakes my shoulders when I don’t respond. “Issie, talk to me, please.”
“I’m fine,” I finally say, not missing how he’s among the small group of people who still use my childhood nickname.
His arms wrap around me and he squeezes. “Gods, don’t do that to me again.”
“Am I interrupting something?” Asher’s deep voice booms from within the hallway.
You’ve got to be shitting me right now.
Noen backs up before I have to push him away but still reaches to help me up.
Asher is there in the next second, moving in to assist me.
Yep. I think I’ve finally pieced this whole situation together. How fun for me. Not.
“Isla,” Asher’s deep tenor has goosebumps moving over my arms. “Did you have another memory come to you?”
I nod, glancing over his shoulder, wondering if Noen is still waiting here. “One from when I was fourteen. I, uh, remember Noen being my neighbor.”
Asher’s chest lets out a rumble. “That’s why I asked him to stay away. I had a feeling that remembering another strong connection would take you out again. Come on. I’ll take you back to the room to rest.”
I shake my head and smile up at him. “I need food and I’d like to see my dad. Also, don’t blame Noen. I ran into him, literally. This wasn’t his fault.”
Asher doesn’t seem to believe me, but he does at least turn to the side, revealing that Noen is, in fact, still waiting. “Thank you for watching over her. I’ve got it from here.”
Noen’s gaze stays on me a little longer before he finally nods at Asher. “I can see that. Let me know if you need me for anything today. Otherwise, I’ll be…out.”
We watch in silence as Noen leaves, shoulders tense and movements ridged. When he’s out of sight, I turn toward Asher and poke a finger against his chest. “I thought you said you and Noen were now friends.”
“We are,” he replies as if nothing just happened.
“That’s not how you treat friends ,” I tell him. “Noen really was just helping me, and I know what you thought before, but that doesn’t change anything for me. Whatever Noen felt for me has nothing to do with us.”
“I don’t think he ever stopped loving you,” Asher admits, pulling me closer. “What do you want me to do? Be okay with that? You’re mine and while Noen has been a good friend over the years, that doesn’t mean I can pretend him being near you, especially when our bond isn’t complete, doesn’t make me want to rip his head from his shoulders.”
Okay, that’s kind of sexy. A little crazy, but sexy nonetheless.
“Can you maybe turn down the murder-y thoughts a few notches and try to focus on the fact that I remembered my friendship with Noen, but I’m still here with you? I didn’t chase after him, even though his feelings were clearly hurt. I chose you back then and I’m choosing you now.”
Though, and I don’t think I should tell Asher this, I am concerned for Noen. If Asher has been his closest friend since I left, how terrible for him to be alone now. More than that, it’s wrong.
Asher pulls me into a tight embrace. “I’m sorry, love. I can’t control myself when it comes to you—just like when you showed up—but I’ll do my best to be better for you.”
I tilt my head until I can see his face again. “Not just for me. For yourself and for your friends. You need to figure out how to trust Noen again if he’s truly been your friend this whole time I’ve been gone. There must be a reason for that. Remember that reason and know that nothing between us is going to change because of him. No matter what I remember.”
His eyes darken and he holds me tighter. “I promise to try.”
I guess that’s as much as I should ask for.
Though I do still feel bad for Noen and will secretly do my best to make sure he and Asher remain friends because anything less isn’t right.
Asher wraps an arm around my waist. “Come on. The family is waiting for us to eat. I was just coming to find you when you didn’t make it to the dining room.”
We head in the right direction and when we join our family, I immediately look for Estee, even though Malimorte said she wasn’t here. I do at least find my father still present and am glad when he’s seated next to what has become my normal placement, on Asher’s left.
Even after having spent many hours with Grayson this week, I’m still taken aback by how much he’s changed this week. All for the better, but still, watching Asher’s blood finally heal him has been everything.
Just ten days ago, my father was on the brink of death, which I’ve now learned happens when a Lunarian stops shifting and starves themself. He appeared to be in his eighties before and now, he looks like a thriving, handsome fifty-year-old man. It’s a good kind of crazy and seeing his smile is something I will never take for granted now that I have him in my life.
“It’s nice to see you again, Isla,” Asher’s dad, Gideon, says from the opposite side of the table. “I thought maybe you were hiding from us.”
His smile is friendly, but his words still make me tense for some reason. “Not at all,” I reply, returning his friendly demeanor. “There’s just so much to read thanks to your wonderful mate’s help.”
Sosheena brightens next to him. “I’m so glad to hear that. If I can be of any more help, all you have to do is ask.”
Dad nudges me with his elbow. “Same here, my girl. I’m all better now and you shouldn’t worry about me.”
“I’m more concerned with Estee now,” I admit with a frown. “Any updates from her?”
He shakes his head and looks away. “Sorry, Issie.”
He shouldn’t apologize. He’s not the one who left without a word.
I love Estee. She’s my best friend and now my sister—nothing will ever change that—but I could choke her right about now for doing this. Right after I hug the hell out of her.
“Everyone, please eat,” Asher announces. “We have our monthly pack run tonight and you’ll want to make sure you have enough energy.”
My sharp gaze immediately goes to Asher’s and he’s clearly avoiding me, staring more at his plate than anywhere else. I kick him under the table and I catch a flicker of a smile that he seems to be fighting.
Oh, he’s up to something and I’m going to figure out what.
Right after I eat some of this delicious food.