32. Chapter Thirty-two
Chapter Thirty-two
The fast drum of my heart strokes my ribs, waking me up.
With a yelp, I open my eyes, wary about my surroundings. Shaking violently, I realize I’m on my bed at my granny’s house. I run my hands over my body, feeling a deep need to make sure I'm really here. Inspecting myself, I don’t find anything out of order besides a nasty headache slicing its way to me.
Relief washes over me, but it doesn't last long .
John.
Pushing the pain aside, I jump out of bed, making a run for it in a futile attempt to search for him. I skip across the corridor to the other two bedrooms on the floor but find them empty. I run downstairs and scan the kitchen before heading to the living room and find it empty as well.
Where are you, John?
I go down to the basement, finding the map in the same place I left it with dried blood smeared on it. I let out a choked breath.
Only then do I allow myself to accept the fact that he is really gone.
It’s hard. Everything is hard. Breathing, not thinking about how foolish I am, or the fact that I want to kill him.
He betrayed me.
I allowed myself to hang on to the hope he presented to me. This idea that I could control my magic. That I would no longer feel this void in the depths of my soul.
Now all my hope is gone, and all that's left is anger.
I focus on him. Anger and disappointment fill me, and I let them travel through my veins, cooling the warmth that was there before. I will not give him the chance to see me in sorrow. He is the one who will be in grief. I'll find him and he'll pay for it.
I rush upstairs, grabbing my car keys before heading out.
Fifteen minutes later, I'm standing in front of the door to his hotel room, breathing hard as my fist hits the door. “John? Open up!” Slamming it again, I use more force. “John, you’re a lying bastard. Open the fucking door!”
But it won’t budge. Blowing out a strangled breath, I move down the hall in search of the maid. Maybe I can ask her for help. No. She won’t gladly help some stranger who wants to enter a room that’s not her own.
Maybe I can lie to her. It’s a risk because John has been here for a while now and if it’s the same maid, she will know I’m lying.
Desperation nibbles inside me. Bitching never was my way, but right now, all I want to do is moan about my fucked-up life.
Deep breath. I feel my magic swirling inside me, increasing my distress, begging to be used.
A sparkle of excitement hits me as I rush back to the room. Pressing my hand on the door, I close my eyes. I focus my thoughts on the lock, imagining it snapping as I send a wave of force, and then another. I hear the click of the lock and the door opens. Relief washes over me, but it doesn’t last long.
Pushing the door aside, I enter the room slowly, not sure what I’m going to find. When I find the place empty, the anger inside me intensifies and I fight my magic for control as it flares in vengeance.
Closing my eyes, I try to push it away by taking a deep breath and thinking about my granny instead of John, leaving his betrayal far behind me. My grandma needs me. I can't let rage get the better of me. This is what he wants. This is what he must think he has achieved. I will not give him the satisfaction of seeing me hurt.
I'm not sure how much time passes, but at some point, I feel the magic settle, becoming a little more relaxed.
Practicing more calculated breathing, I open my eyes with the need to get out of this place.
**
This might be the stupidest decision I could make, but I can't stop my heart from leading me to do it anyway. Even if it means I'll use up all my magic, I must.
With trembling hands, I drink the herbal mix I crushed before sitting down on the circle I drew on the basement floor. The same one I saw in the room they locked me in. It was the Tree of Life combined with Trinity. I have never done this spell before, or heard of someone who did, but the description in one of my granny’s books is pretty clear on the process. Drink a mix of some herbs, whisper the spell, and get going with it, so that’s what I do .
Closing my eyes, I focus on my magic, feeling it stirring within me. Calling on it, I summon all my force. Suddenly, it’s cold. The force of the wind blows the candles around the room, flipping the pages of my notes into the air.
Shivering, I continue saying, “Past and future, present and what we don't know. Past and future, present and what we don't remember.” I focus on the pain and sorrow, and my magic roars inside me. “I summon the child I used to be. I call the girl I won’t be. I shout at the woman I could have been.”
My whispers turn into cries for help as I scream from the top of my heart, feeling the tears I’ve been holding break.
“Past and future, present and what we don't know. Past and future, present and what we don't remember. I summon the child I used to be. I call the girl I won’t be. I shout at the woman I could have been.”
Until the wind stops. The pages drop to the floor, and I look around, breathless, as the scene before me unfolds.
Everything changes.
I’m not in my granny’s basement anymore. I’m In another place, in another time.
I’m standing outside of a house.
Looking around, I recognize the back garden as it was when I was born, before my grandmother had to step into my mother's shoes and become a full-time parent. Even though the garden is well maintained now, at that time, my grandmother was just a grandmother. Every time I caught her messing around the garden, taking care of her plants, her smile reached her eyes. This was her love, and you could see it.
Recovering quickly, I debate whether to enter the house. It’s night. Entering would raise too much suspicion.
Instead, I call her name. I know it's not that original, but this is my last resort. She has to stop me from making the mistake of my life. She has to stop me from doing all this from the beginning.
"Hailey?"
I’m about to give up when I see a small figure from the window.
"Hailey, come outside," I say, needing her to come faster. I have to warn her before my time runs out.
"Who’s there?" her small voice asks, making me sad.
"I'm a friend. I need to talk to you."
"I don't know you and I'm not allowed to go outside after dark."
I never thought I would meet my younger self. Knowing she is this close makes me want to tell her about all the heartbreaks and all the difficulties waiting ahead. Maybe if I do, the outcome would be easier to handle.
I can’t do that .
It was a mistake. I’m probably breaking a million universe rules.
Moving to leave, her soft voice stops me. "Wait." Turning around, I find it’s hard not to break the distance and hug my younger self.
"Who are you?" she asks.
"You shouldn't have come." I sigh.
"What do you mean? You called my name."
"Your mom would be angry."
"My mommy is asleep. I checked," she says. "You look like my mommy. Are you, her sister?"
"No, I'm not," I reply softly. "I'm here on a super important mission and I need your cooperation. Can I get your help?" She nods, and I take that as my cue to continue. "But you need to promise me you would keep it quiet."
"Like a secret mission?"
“Yeah, like a secret mission.”
"I promise. I promise!" She jumps way too enthusiastically
"Okay." Bending down, I take her hands in mine. "In a few years, a man will come to you with an offer."
"What offer?"
"One that seems too good to refuse. But you have to. Okay? "
"My mommy says that all men are bad, and that I should stay far, far away from them."
"You should listen to Mom, okay? No matter what, don’t agree to anything he has to offer you."
"You said Mom. Do you know her? Is she your Mommy too?" The hope in her eyes is jarring and I find myself holding my breath. I always felt alone growing up, and the desire for another sister burned in me. Until I met Rosie of course, she changed everything I was used to.
"I'm not your sister."
"Then who are you?"
"It doesn’t matter. I need you to promise me. It's for your safety."
"If you are neither my aunt nor my sister, it doesn't leave many options. You look too much like me. But I'm cuter."
"Have you ever been told that you talk too much?"
"All the time. Grandma says it's part of my charm."
"I can see why."
"Am I going to get my magic? Please just tell me that."
"I'm sorry. I can't."
"Okay," she nods slowly. Stars, she is so young and fragile.
"Repeat after me. 'I won't talk to a strange man who asks for my help and promises me a fake future'."
She repeats after me with a confused look.
"Good. Now I need to give you something to hold on to." Taking the vail with the remaining leaves from the Tree of Life, out of my pocket I hand it to her. “I need you to hide it someplace safe, a place no one would find. Not even future you, okay?”