Chapter 6
Six
The winter solstice is in a week. There’s supposed to be a ball sort of thing for everyone that Jullia keeps babbling about.
She said it usually happens the night before because the Willow of Lore ceremony happens on the winter solstice, but because it already happened the ball will be moved to that Sunday.
She’s currently out with Hanna and Asher in town looking for dresses. After admitting that I have – in a sense – met Sanivin before three days ago, of course a million and one questions were asked. But it all got shut down when my stomach rumbled and Callahan had shut everyone up.
He led me out and back to his room at Stone House where everyone had stared at me, but let me use his private bathroom to shower and change into one of his long sleeve shirts and an old pair of sweats.
Then he ordered more food than even I could ever eat, but I did my best, and after he had blood bags sent from the infirmary for me to gorge myself on.
The rest of the day I slept undisturbed and the following day he did the same. Telling me that I was excused from classes even though I felt fine, but this time I didn’t fight him on it. I did, however, wrestle with him about going back to my dorm rooms.
I had been given a new tablet since mine was destroyed in the fight and Ms. Elaycia and Nana both had their contacts programmed in. Along with Rosemary, Caleb, Cordellia, Ana, and a few other girls from the house.
That’s what had kept me occupied all Friday – even though Callahan was still nearby.
But Ms. Elaycia said she organized the paperwork and funds for me, as well as, sent all of my things over to my room.
Which is currently surrounding me, though everything is still in boxes.
The only thing out is my tank for Lasairorm.
Her enclosure on my desk against the wall.
Her white body is curled up under her rock cave.
There’s a soft pink tiger stripe pattern down her slim body with dark blue diamonds running along her back.
A sapphire ghost viper. Typically they only live about a decade, but they have an ability to imprint on another creature which mirrors their lifespan to that creature.
Lasairorm imprinted on me when I was thirteen and hiding in the woods after running from my last foster home.
She’s about as long as my whole arm, but no thicker than a half dollar coin.
Her spade-shaped head pops out now that I’m staring at her.
Tiny black orbs watching me as her white tongue flicks out.
I roll my head to look at all the boxes stacked at the foot of my bed.
I’m still reeling about the fact that I’m still stuck here.
Both Ms. Elaycia and Nana had left Thursday night with a text saying they’ll be back soon.
Rosemary and Caleb had to leave a week into my comatose state to continue running the club, but both have texted me about visiting too.
It helps – I guess. Being able to contact them whenever I want. I had done a video chat with Cordellia to catch her up on everything and let her meet Jullia last night.
I haven’t left my room since I got here Friday night. Callahan brought more food over and while I thanked him, I pushed him right back out as soon as he dropped it off. I didn’t even care that he paid for it all, I just needed him away.
I still can’t remember most of what happened those couple of weeks before I went comatose. I already know the reason for my comatose state was because I had done what I’ve only done twice before. Locking myself within my mind, which eventually causes my body to die.
I don’t remember how I was drawn out of it, but I do remember the last time it happened.
Varian had been truth-pulling and I locked myself away from the pain.
I remember thinking I needed to start having someone touch me to get me used to the pain of it.
Like what had happened when the sun devil continuously touched me.
It always hurts when the initial contact is made, and it always hurts worse when there is no skin on skin contact for a while inbetween – but I could retrain my brain. I can’t be crippled by someone accidently grabbing me without a barrier.
And I wanted to kiss Varian.
I roll my eyes and glare at myself. That does not matter. That kiss. . . that was my first and will be my last. Even if I am able to push the pain away enough that it doesn’t cripple me during a fight, pleasure wasn’t part of the bargain.
I just need to survive.
I sit up and think about the list I had compiled before.
Hanna had been my first choice, but something about her makes me feel like she couldn’t stomach purposefully causing harm to someone else to that extent.
At least, so long as they didn’t deserve it.
Jullia has shown me some of Hanna’s training and fighting and she’s ruthless.
That left Darian. The angel who shares DNA with my abuser and I can barely look at for longer than a few seconds without internally bracing.
The guy who shares a similar face to my torturer doing what my torturer did to me. That’s a ball of trauma about to explode in my face like a nail-filled bomb.
I contemplate Thorne. . . but my resolution remains the same. I don’t know what my feelings are with Thorne – he’s too confusing and I don’t care enough to figure him out. So that leaves the angel.
I glare at the piled boxes. Jullia had asked this morning if I wanted to unpack, but I glanced at it all and felt like destroying it. It should all be in my room back in New York right beneath Ana’s attic. It should not be here in this place that had wished I was dead for months.
Well. . . there’s nothing I can do about it now.
At least – that’s what I tell myself. Unless I were to drop out, but it’s already been stated I have no control over my magic so I doubt the Mage Board would just let me off the hook.
Plus, after the display on Thursday in Varian’s rooms after waking up from my coma I doubt they’d believe me at all.
I can get angry and rage and hate without my magic even twitching, but get me wet and I’m a loose cannon.
I scream.
Only for a second. Just to get the frustration out. Not that it helps. I want to punch something. I want to hit and pummel and push my body until I’m so exhausted I collapse.
Jumping off the bed, I open my wardrobe to clothes galore. Ms. Elaycia had helped in unpacking all my clothes and toiletries but kept all the miscellaneous things in boxes for me to open and organize and decorate.
Rummaging through the clothes I pull out a pair of black leggings, a Calvin Klein sports bra, a crewneck to throw over and a Dodgers baseball hat.
Once dressed I peek at Lasairorm to let her know I’m going and then leave.
The tennis shoes I put on are quiet on the shabby carpet as I walk down the hall with the MP3 player and wired earbuds.
I’m going no contact for a bit, so I had left my tablet on the desk.
Ricka isn’t at the desk as I pass so I give a sarcastic salute to it in tribute.
Then I halt right at the doorway and look outside.
The sun is nearly set, but its rays still beam through select areas.
I lift my hat, pull out my hair to fully cover the back of my neck, and pull the hat back on before exiting.
The sun only hits me for a few paces as I enter the main building and walk around the perimeter of it. Curving towards where the cafeteria is and past it to the eastern side.
Despite it being Sunday with school tomorrow – I’m sure with plenty of work or tests to prepare for – there are a lot of people wandering about. Most of them notice me and stop to stare or whisper, but it no longer necessarily feels malicious.
There are expressions of awe and appreciation and gratitude. Not that any of them come up to speak to me. I wonder what they all think. What they were thinking that day on the battlefield. Callahan had given me a rundown of what happened.
Me screaming at them a warning that there were witches right as a death blow was about to hit.
Asher also filled me in on me doing some sort of temporary blood bond with him and lending him my strength.
I had asked Caleb about it and he said he recognized what I was doing the moment he saw my blood on the vampyr.
I told Asher to make a runic shield and it had been so strong not even the witches’ blows could penetrate it. Then I had entered the battle by stopping a death blow, and I had killed that blood witch.
Callahan explained everything in detail, though those gaps in my memory are still just as blank.
He still told me everything and all that happened before.
The first face off with Kolasi and Varian truth-pulling.
Everything with the infirmary and him chasing after me because I was trying to get to class.
He said I also broke a Devil’s Lock. Varian had been pissy with me about keeping secrets and wouldn’t let me into his class on that Wednesday. I ended up telling Callahan the sun devil used to make me break them for rewards.
A week with no broken bones.
Three days of any food I’d want.
My choice with where he would bite me next.
I could tell he wanted to comfort me, but I wouldn’t let him touch me. Even though Ms. Elaycia’s voice was in the back of my head telling me people need physical contact. Hugs are a necessity to life.
I walk the path I remember running right before burning Thorne’s rooms down.
His house comes into view and then the rest of them as I round the mini woods that give a sort of separation between the main building and the society houses.
Breath House is next to Stone and I hesitate for a millisecond wondering if I could go ask Darian.