Chapter 17 #2
‘God, I never wanted to hurt you, Sive.’ His voice was thick and his eyes welled up with tears.
‘You’re my best friend. I honestly thought those feelings would go away.
I wanted them to. I broke up with you as soon as I realised that wasn’t going to happen.
And you know nothing happened with Inez in Nepal. I told her I had a girlfriend.’
She was glad he hadn’t cheated on her at least. Even if he’d wanted to, it was good to know he’d been loyal and respectful enough to break up with her before allowing anything to happen with someone else.
He was going to be the father of her child, and he’d always be in her life now.
It was important to her to know that he was a good person, as she’d always believed him to be.
Some people might think she was an idiot to believe him.
But she knew Ben well enough to trust that it was true.
He hadn’t even broken up with her in a cruel way.
He hadn’t said he didn’t love her anymore.
He hadn’t led with Anna Purna. They’d been lying together on his bed and he’d asked her how she’d feel about splitting up, as if it wasn’t a unilateral decision he could make, but something they should discuss and agree on together.
She’d been taken aback by the question, coming out of the blue for her. She’d pushed out of his arms and pulled back to look at him properly.
‘Do you want to split up?’ she’d asked him. They hadn’t been arguing. There’d been no fighting. They’d been getting along well, she’d thought. She’d been happy he was back and they were together again. She’d assumed he felt the same.
She’d studied his face, but he was looking down at the bed, not meeting her eyes. ‘Did you … is there someone else?’
There had been a long pause before he’d answered quietly, ‘Yeah, there is. Someone I met on the Annapurna Circuit. She was leading another group.’
‘Oh.’ Sive had sat up, wrapping her arms around herself. She’d felt suddenly cold and hollow.
Then she’d burst into tears and Ben had taken her in his arms and said they didn’t have to split up if she didn’t want to.
Which was ridiculous, because how could you hold someone to that?
Tell them yes, you wanted them to stay with you when they clearly wanted to go?
So she’d wiped her eyes and told him it was okay, she was fine with breaking up, and she’d let him tell her about the woman he’d met, whose name was Inez.
She was Portuguese and a mountain guide like him.
‘So you’ll be doing the long-distance thing?’
But it turned out Ben was planning to move to Lisbon as soon as Sive gave him the okay.
After the initial shock and upset, when she’d calmed down, she realised she wasn’t as devastated as she’d have expected to be at the end of such a long relationship, and she felt maybe it was the best thing, not just for Ben but for her too.
She was glad now that she hadn’t made it difficult for him, that it had been amicable and respectful.
It meant they could remain friends, and now that Ben would always be in her life as the father of her child, she was grateful for that.
They’d still be friends – family even – and Bean wouldn’t have hostile, warring parents. It was better for all of them.
When she got back to her house, only Aoife and Mimi were still sitting at the table among the detritus of dinner.
‘Are Jonathan and Sam gone?’
‘Yeah,’ Aoife said. ‘They said to tell you thanks for dinner.’
‘Where’s Rocco?’ She sat down at the table.
‘I sent him home ahead,’ Mimi said. ‘I wanted to hear what happened with Ben.’
‘So, how did it go?’ Aoife asked.
‘Great.’ Sive pulled the plate of plum tart towards herself and cut a slice. ‘He asked me to marry him.’ She bent her head to her pie, hiding her smile as her sisters’ jaws dropped.
‘And I said yes,’ she said, lifting her head and enjoying their stunned reaction.
‘You didn’t!’ Mimi gasped wide-eyed.
Sive nodded. ‘Sure did.’ She paused. ‘But just for a second, to wind him up. You should have seen his face!’
They both visibly relaxed.
‘Serves him right.’ Mimi sniffed.
‘But it’s all good. He wants to be involved as much as he can. And Bridget and Cal are great. It’s nice that Bean will have grandparents just across the road.’
‘And now you can go out with Sam,’ Aoife said.
‘Yeah …’
‘What?’ Mimi asked. ‘There’s no way he won’t want to go out with you just because you’re pregnant.’
‘It’s not exactly a little thing. I wouldn’t blame him. But it’s not just that.’
‘What then?’
‘I still think maybe we should leave things as they are – just be friends. I love Sam – as a friend – and it could ruin everything if we try to make it something more.’ She was aware that Ben was only going to be back in her life because she was pregnant.
It wasn’t a sustainable way of holding onto your friends.
‘You love Sam, full stop,’ Mimi said firmly. ‘Stop trying to talk yourself out of it and just go for it.’
Sive gasped at the bald declaration on her behalf, but the truth of it landed with a thud. Mimi was right – she did love Sam. It was complicated and messy, but that was life. Maybe it would work out and maybe it wouldn’t, but win or lose, she had to at least give it a shot.