Rule #5
DON’T GO LOOKING FOR ANSWERS YOU DON’T WANT
CAI
While I had warned Sonny about topics to avoid with several members of my family, I hadn’t specifically warned him not to mention anything building-related to Rey.
Rey is a third-generation owner of a Miami construction company and would unleash a full lecture on government contracts, OSHA nightmares, and the eternal war against cutting corners at the drop of a hat.
I hadn’t realized this oversight until Sonny innocently asked, “Oh, what are they building over there?” He was pointing at a site off the highway; I knew we were in for it.
Sonny is a good sport and nods along as Rey launches into an epic tale about the shopping center that was once a Kmart and is now being leveled to make room for a parking garage.
I’m not plagued by the same need to pretend to care, so I take the opportunity to check my phone. There are a few texts in my family group chat, but nothing else; nothing from Trevor. I decide to check social media to see if there is maybe an update.
Trevor doesn’t use social media, but his friend Chris does, so I quickly navigate to his page to see if there are any updates. The latest post is from just an hour or two before, a picture of the group in Puerto Rico.
My thumb freezes on the screen. There he is, Trevor, with a million-dollar smile, and his arm wrapped around the waist of a woman I’ve never seen.
Ashy blonde top bun, low-cut tank, tiny shorts, tiny body, completely at ease.
The caption hits like a slap: “…Our Battle War Campaign team sniper showed us the best spots… and she didn’t miss in real life either! Thanks @Eagle3y3z99.”
I do what I can to keep my face neutral. I take deep breaths, blink back tears. My stomach twists like I’ve swallowed glass. Inside, I’m screaming. A girl? One of the players on his Battle War team was a girl this whole time? And she joined them on his boys’ trip?
Am I wrong? Did I only assume that “Eagle3y3z99” was a dude?
Trevor was adamant; his gaming time was his “me time.” I always respected that and didn’t ask questions.
But he always referred to his friends as “the guys.” Always made a point about how this was what he and his “boys” did to blow off stress.
No, this isn’t a case of wrong assumptions; he led me there.
I stare at the picture again. I zoom in on the arm around her waist; it’s definitely Trevor’s. She is so slender that his arm wraps around her, and his whole hand is flat against her stomach, fingers splayed possessively on her toned middle.
I feel sick to my stomach.
Trevor hates taking pictures. In fact, after dating for a year, there are barely any of us together. I pinch in to get a closer look at his face. He didn’t look like he was hating this picture; quite the opposite. Looks like he only hates posing in pictures with me.
I focus back in on the girl, wondering what she has that I don’t. My inner gremlin chimes in with her typical negative comments: “It’s probably what you have that she doesn’t.” Like a plump belly and thighs that could moonlight as tree trunks.
I push my inner gremlin and her negativity away, resist the urge to dive any deeper into this girl’s Facebook, and shove my phone back into my pocket. I was already struggling to keep it together, and I couldn’t fall apart in front of Rey without giving away the whole awful thing.
“Is that okay, Cai?” Rey’s voice pulls me out of my spiral.
Had he just asked if I was okay? Was my distress that obvious? “What?” is all I can get out.
“I was saying I’m going to park here and run to Tio’s house on the next block over to avoid the traffic on Calle Ocho. If you guys come with me, he’ll start chatting you guys up, and we’ll never get out of here. You’re ok to wait for me here?”
“Oh sure,” I say, glad that I won’t have to join him on his chicken mission, and I try my best to push the picture I just saw with Trevor out of my mind. Rey doesn’t seem to suspect anything from my shift in mood, but one glance at Sonny’s concerned face, and I know he has clocked my distress.
SONNY
I notice as soon as Cai pulls out her phone. I assume she’s checking for any messages from her guy. I don’t want to see her upset, of course, but I selfishly hope he hasn’t reached out. I don’t want to have to compete with her boyfriend for her attention.
I notice her tense up. Her jaw clenches, and her eyes register worry.
Her chest starts to rise and fall quickly as her breathing picks up.
She shows all the signs of someone suffering in silence.
I want to reach out to see what’s happening, but there is no way I can do that with Rey here without bringing her troubles with her boyfriend to light.
So instead, I listen politely as Rey discusses parking garage plans while I watch her quietly spiral.
The first opportunity to ask about it finally arises when we park on the street near Rey’s uncle’s house. Rey gives us a quick assurance that he’ll be right back, and shoots out of the car surprisingly fast for a big guy.
Before I can ask what’s wrong, Cai bolts out of the car too.
I hesitate, then follow, giving her space but staying close.
She leans against the van, hands jammed in pockets, staring at the sky like it owes her answers.
It had stopped raining, and the sky had mostly cleared, but the clouds were moving fast as the wind picked up.
I don’t want to ask her outright what she saw on her phone, so I decide to look for something else to spur the conversation and then build on it.
Finding neutral ground isn’t hard. Random chickens strut the sidewalk, a guy on the corner is selling tiny green fruits the size of marbles, and then, six feet away, a four-foot iguana saunters onto the concrete as if it owns it.
“Holy shit,” I say, jumping as it scuttles close. “Did someone lose a pet dinosaur?”
Cai seems to snap out of her reverie and glances over in my direction.
“What? The lizard?”
“Lizard?! I’ve seen gila monsters smaller than that!” I’m not kidding. From head to tail, the iguana is probably as long as a surfboard! It has long claws and bright colors, and it seems completely unbothered by us.
Cai just shrugs. “Well, I’ve never seen a gila monster, but these iguanas are all over Miami. They’re a menace.”
“Are they aggressive?”
Cai takes a few steps towards me to get a closer look.
“I don’t think so. The worst I’ve heard is that they have whipped people with their tails.
They’re invasive. They ruin plants and shit everywhere.
They’re not afraid of people either; they just seem so smug.
” She makes a face as if she’s personally offended by the iguana’s lack of attention to us.
“You don’t seem scared of them. You’re not one of those people who would have, like, a pet snake or something?” I tease.
Cai scoffs, “No way! I am not a fan of snakes or anything creepy-crawly. I’m just used to seeing those, but I’d never have a reptile for a pet.” She suddenly looks introspective and adds, “I wouldn’t mind a puppy, though.”
The iguana scurries into some bushes, leaving us in the humid quiet.
“Oh?” I say. “Why don’t you have one already?”
“Uh, lots of reasons… they’re a lot of work and require long-term commitment,” she says it like she rehearsed the line.
“So what’s-his-face didn’t want one?”
“He’s not the pet-owning type,” she says with a scowl.
“Sometimes,” she continues, and then, as if thinking better of the words, she stops.
I take a step towards her, encouraging her to continue.
“Sometimes he could be cruel.” She swallows.
“I don’t think he’d do well with a pet, especially one forced on him. ”
I bit the inside of my cheek hard enough to taste copper. The words land like a brick. I have to understand what she means. “Cruel?”
Cai backs up to lean on the van again. “Maybe I’m being unfair,” she explains.
“I never saw him do anything to animals or anything, but the way he talked about things made me feel that way. Like he’d make jokes when he heard a friend say their puppy chewed up his shoes.
Trevor said something like, ‘If that was my dog, it’d be the last thing he ever did.
’” Cai shakes her head and shrugs. “Probably he was kidding, but I never felt the need to test that theory.”
My hands flex at my sides, itching to do something, anything, but hold back.
She looks up at the sky again, eyes glassy. “One of the guys posted a picture. Looks like one of his gamer pals is a woman he’s gotten… close to. So yeah. That’s probably why he’s extending the trip.”
I want to take her in my arms and curse him to hell, but I have to settle for taking a half step closer and saying, “Hey, I know we just met, and this wasn’t your plan of how this would go, but I am here. You don’t have to carry this alone.” She gives me half a smile.
Encouraged, I add, “I’m going to give you advice just this once, and then I’ll shut up and not mention it again.
Some people spend years with the wrong person.
I suggest you look at this like maybe he did you a huge favor.
I say you shake it off and do your best to put it out of your mind.
And if you feel compelled to message him or reach out at all, you just thank him.
That’s going to piss him off worse than anything else you could ever say. ”
Cai takes a deep breath, then, taking my advice literally, lets it out with a loud moan, shaking her arms and head. When she’s done, her face looks relaxed, her hair wild and free, and seeing her so unguarded, so alive, stirs something deep in my chest.
“That’s better,” she says, straightening up just as Rey comes back holding a box that jumps and clucks angrily.
“The chickens in there?” I ask, swallowing hard. “She’s… spirited.”
Rey nods and smiles. “This is La Jefa. Means ‘the Boss.’”
“Is that box going to hold her?” I ask after another lively kick from inside.
“Oh yeah, and that’s not what you have to worry about.” I raise an eyebrow in question as he hands me the box. “What you should worry about is that my Tio named her La Jefa because she reminded him of Cai’s mother.”
The box bucks in displeasure. I look from the box back to Cai. “Should I be worried?”
“No,” Cai says unconvincingly. “She’ll be very nice to you… probably.”