Chapter 5 #3
Lately, Blondie had been throwing tons of jealous fits, though I’d told her many times to knock it off. She had no right to be busting my balls. We weren’t together. She wasn’t my woman, and I most certainly wasn’t her man. I wasn’t anyone else’s either.
“Through the grapevine,” Luke said, drawing my attention back to him.
“And are you sad about her leaving?” I pressed.
I could perfectly recall the way he’d licked his lips after he kissed her.
Selene had only jumped him to make me mad after she’d watched some random blond get on her knees for me.
Luke and I had talked about it and clarified the situation, but I certainly hadn’t forgotten how he’d talked about her in the car that day.
“She is fucking stunning and she smells nice and she has a picture-perfect ass and who knows what else she’s hiding under those baggy clothes… ”
“What?” he asked with a frown, pretending he didn’t understand me. But I was well aware that he knew exactly what I meant, and he knew that too.
“Are you sad about her leaving?” I repeated. “You wanted to do her, didn’t you?” I needled him deliberately. Xavier and Luke both leaped to their feet, though they did it for different reasons. The former wanted to get between us in case of a fight; the latter wanted to start that fight.
“What the fuck do you want from me?” Luke raised his voice, and I grinned at him. I didn’t want anything from him, but I was antsy, and I didn’t know why.
In reality, there were several reasons: I had built up too much frustration and too much anger, and I was at the point where I needed to explode and take it all out on the first person I came across.
“She’s gone! I didn’t touch her; Xavier didn’t touch her.
We followed your orders! You are out of line with this!
” Luke continued, stabbing a finger at me, though I wasn’t sure why he’d gotten so worked up.
“And you only have yourself to blame. She probably left because she needed to get away from a person like you!” he concluded, and I took an immediate step forward, which made Xavier grab me by the shoulders.
“What did you say?” I hissed, trying to understand what he was getting at. Luke knew something, something I didn’t know, and he needed to spill, or else I was going to act now and deal with the fallout later.
“I talked with her on Halloween,” he confessed, a self-satisfied expression on his face. I tried to advance on him, but Xavier held me back.
He talked to her? When exactly did that happen? And why hadn’t Selene said anything to me?
“I ran into her as she was fleeing in tears from the bedroom where you took her to fool around with Jennifer. She told me everything, and she was completely freaked out. All I did was console her,” he said with a note of satisfaction. Meanwhile, my brain was stuck on one word.
Console?
I stopped and stared fixedly at him. Halloween had been another goddamned mistake, and I regretted it bitterly even as I realized I’d had to do it. I had to be sure that Selene fully understood who I was. She had to leave me.
So I did something terrible because I knew she would hate me for it, and that would make everything easier for her. I wanted her to go back to Detroit; I wanted her to get far away from me and the many dangers that cast a pall over my life.
And that’s what happened. It had definitely happened, just not in the way I’d hoped.
“Console her? How the fuck were you trying to console her?” I asked in a menacing tone.
Luke treated women just like I did. If he told me that he touched her or kissed her again, I would have hit him for real, and, this time, no one would have been able to save him from my fury.
I wouldn’t have stopped Selene from sleeping with other men, as long as they were worthy of her body and respected her values. They needed to be a lot more worthy than me, certainly not less. She had to save the best of herself for someone much better than me.
Not someone like Luke.
That was why I told her I’d always protect her from the Krew, because I knew them: I knew what they were like, and I knew how depraved and dangerous they really were.
I tried to get around Xavier again, like a lion throwing himself against the bars of his cage in search of an escape route. But Xavier knew how agile I was, and he never let down his guard.
“Relax,” Luke said. “We just talked while you were fucking Jennifer in one of the rooms. But you were the one who decided to show her what you are. How did you think she was going to react? Selene isn’t like the women you usually see; she’s not used to the kind of stuff we do!”
I hated the way he talked about her, like he knew her better than I did. When, actually, I was the one who figured out the kind of girl she was long before he did.
It occurred to me in that moment that this reaction wasn’t warranted—I was out of line.
But I couldn’t help but link this to the physical discomfort I’d been enduring for days and my inability to have a normal sexual relationship, as well as to both Logan’s and Selene’s accidents.
I linked it to the blonds who came to my bed, one after another, and to the Boy who would not give me peace.
I linked it to all of my dysfunctions and how I forbade myself a cure for them.
It was all because I was trapped. I had been in a glass prison since childhood, and all my problems were constantly hammering it into my head that they were right there and always would be.
The root cause of all of it was my longing to be free of the suffering that consumed me a little more each day, turning me erratic and violent.
The only things I felt were concealed anger and pure adrenaline coursing through my body, ready to spill out over anyone. Anything to find some relief.
I tried to calm down.
The fact that they’d done nothing but talk allowed me to breathe and rein in my instincts. It was a mistake to show the Krew that I cared in some way for this girl. They already suspected that I liked her, and now I’d just confirmed it.
I had to get ahold of myself to be the indifferent, immovable guy again.
“I’m sorry,” I told Luke, taking a few steps back. I ran a hand through my hair, still damp from the shower, and shook my head. “I’m having a rough time. I’m tense,” I added, trying to sound convincing. Luke relaxed his shoulders, and Xavier dropped his guard.
We’d never actually fought before. Sure, we were all dicks to each other, but four years earlier, we had made a very specific agreement: We’d never turn on each other over a woman.
“Little too tense, I’d say,” Luke grumbled, giving me a suspicious look. I sighed and continued with my script.
“I’ve got too much on my mind right now. I don’t give a shit about that girl,” I said irritably, and it was partially true.
Jennifer perked up at my voice sounding so strong and decisive, and a hopeful look spread over her face.
Honestly, I really was thinking about how wrongheaded it had been to fight with Luke about Selene anyway.
He hadn’t ever touched her again, and she’d never shown any real interest in him, and so my reaction had been irrational, even ridiculous.
Was I jealous over some hypothetical, nonexistent “platonic” relationship between Luke and Selene?
Me?
A guttural laugh vibrated my chest, and I leaned on one of the stools at the kitchen island. It was the same one, in fact, where I’d allowed that nameless blond to suck me off not long ago, and…
I burst out laughing. A real laugh, like a lunatic.
The sound of it cut through the deafening silence that had fallen over the luxurious pool house.
Xavier and Luke exchanged looks while Jennifer continued to stare thoughtfully at me.
“There’s a screw loose here, folks.” I tapped my index finger against my left temple and glared at Luke with a wicked smile on my face just for him. For some reason, my mood seemed to change by the minute that night, and he was apparently my newest target.
Luke.
My hands itched to use him as a punching back to violently banish all those sick thoughts.
Why was I so pissed at him?
I didn’t know. I just knew that I couldn’t stop staring hatefully at him.
The Krew didn’t know about my childhood, what I’d been through, or the disorders I had.
They just thought I was weird, sometimes inaccessible, sometimes unfathomable, but none of them even remotely doubted that I’d experienced something fucked up.
I drummed my fingers on the island counter and took note of the steel pizza slicer nearby.
They’d probably just used it to cut the pizza.
I grabbed it and examined it, lingering on the reflection of my golden eyes in the shiny steel.
“I think today is one of the bad ones,” I murmured to myself, running an index finger over the serrated edge of the tool before slowly rotating the wheel.
All the days were bad ones.
Especially since Babygirl had gone away.
I accidentally cut myself, and a tiny drop of scarlet welled up on my finger. I stared at it, then dragged my eyes away and got up off the stool, watching the Krew. They stood motionless, like wax statues with their backs straight and limbs tensed.
Why did they have those disturbed looks on their faces?
I strode slowly but decisively over to Jennifer and looked her up and down. My Blondie was beautiful. Our Blondie, I should say, because all three of us fucked her, not just me.
I stopped just a short distance from her body. She was far shorter than I was, even with her high heels on. Her bright eyes fastened on my lips before moving to my stormy gaze. I could smell her arousal but also the fear that twisted her guts.
I leaned my head to one side and brought my injured finger up close to her lovely mouth.
“Suck,” I ordered in a soft voice, and she breathed in sharply.
I could feel her warm, heavy breathing on my skin.