Chapter 10
I felt a void open up beneath me, a chasm
ready to pull me down.
Selene
“So? Are you coming?” Alyssa asked again for the millionth time.
I’d been back in the house for about ten minutes, returning furiously after my fight with Neil. I stationed myself on the couch in the living room, trying in vain to find something to watch on TV.
“Why are you so mad?” Logan asked, swinging his leg back and forth over the arm of the chair he was sprawled in.
I looked first at him and then at his girlfriend and gave them both a huff.
I didn’t want to admit that the cause of my bad mood was just a few yards away in the pool house, taking one of his numerous showers.
Neil wanted me to use him, did he? Well, what I really wanted to do was burst into that shower, slam him up against the cold tiles, and kiss him.
I wanted to touch every part of him, trace his every natural relief with my tongue, and show him that I, too, could act like Jennifer.
I could have taken pleasure from him and his body without feelings.
I could have, but, of course, I never would have.
“Your brother!” I snapped at Logan, which only made him snicker at me.
“It’s not his day today. Whatever he said or did to you, try to be understanding,” he answered, turning serious again.
“What are you talking about? Neil is always out of his head, and he always treats her like shit. Stop defending him and try to be impartial for once,” Alyssa cut in, scolding Logan.
He turned his attention to her, giving her a sharp look.
Alyssa had crossed the line. Everyone knew, after all, that Logan didn’t allow people to talk about Neil like that.
Alyssa must have sensed that because she drew her knees up tight against her chest. She curled into herself next to me on the couch, looking timid in the face of her boyfriend’s reaction.
“I’m sorry, love. I didn’t mean to be tactless,” she murmured immediately, trying to disperse the tension that had arisen between them.
I looked between the two of them and decided to intervene.
I never wanted them to get into a fight because of me, and I was the one, after all, who’d brought up Neil.
“Weren’t you two supposed to go out?” I cleared my throat and turned off the TV. There was nothing on anyway.
“Are you coming with us?” Logan asked in a placid tone, turning his attention to me. I was glad he was calm again.
“I don’t know.” All at once I was unsure again about what to do.
Just ten minutes before, I had convinced myself that I was going to turn down their invitation, and now I wanted to go out.
I wanted to distract myself and, more than anything else, get away from Neil.
Staying in the house with him so close by wouldn’t have been appropriate.
I felt too vulnerable, and my mood swung too violently whenever he lavished his attention on me.
It didn’t matter whether it was to actually talk to me or just to bother me.
“Oh, come on. Come out with us. Please.” Alyssa batted her eyes sweetly at me, and I smiled.
At the same time, I heard the sound of a key turning in a lock.
The front door opened, and Neil’s now unmistakable footsteps echoed in the space around us.
Alyssa fell silent, and I turned to watch him as he let the door fall shut with a thud.
Immediately his scent overwhelmed my nose.
How much bath gel did he use?
He smelled so good.
Additionally, his hair was surprisingly neat, with the longer quiff arranged in an orderly fashion, though still casually enough that it gave him an impetuous look.
He was beautiful, like he always was.
He was dressed all in black, from his tight jeans to his hoodie, while his leather jacket (undoubtedly from some expensive brand) had fiery-red trim along the sleeves and zippers.
That was another small characteristic of Neil’s: He always dressed simply and casually.
He didn’t need to look ostentatious to get women to notice him.
His body had a carnal impact on a woman.
“Finally, you emerge from hibernation,” Logan teased, giving him a wolf whistle.
Neil paused for a moment to glance at him.
It was the first time he’d deigned to pay attention to anyone in the room.
Then, his gaze shifted to include the rest of the living room, and he cast an uninterested glance at Alyssa, ignoring me completely.
Dick.
I knew that he saw me. I mean, I was right there.
Either way, Mr. Disaster chose not to answer his brother and moved toward the kitchen island instead.
He circled it casually and opened the refrigerator to retrieve a container of pineapple juice.
As he lifted it to his lips, I saw him look at me.
But I was determined to reflect his own indifference, so I turned to Alyssa in a fit of pique and continued talking to her.
“What were you saying?” I asked, pretending to be interested in our conversation.
“Oh, yeah. The party. I think I will go. I really need to get out for a little bit.” I looked at her and Logan, who had started frowning, wondering what had made me suddenly change my mind.
I gave him a smug smile and kept talking.
“Will there be hot guys there at least? I’d like to…
” I tapped my index finger on my chin, pretending to be deep in thought.
“Blow off some steam,” I concluded firmly, trying my best to sound convincing.
I knew Neil was listening to our conversation, and I’d decided to get a few things off my chest. Far too much had built up there.
“Wow.” Alyssa nudged me with her elbow, grinning. “And how do you intend to blow that steam off?” she asked with a wink, and I hoped I wasn’t blushing.
“What does one usually do at a party with hot guys? I am single, after all…” I shrugged one shoulder, flashing a mischievous grin as I tried to look confident.
In reality, I didn’t even have the guts to turn and look at Neil for any reaction or sign that I’d achieved my goal of getting under his skin.
“So you’re trying to get laid?” Logan arched a surprised eyebrow.
“Of course, what else?” Alyssa blurted out, a delighted expression on her face.
I was about to tell them that this wasn’t the case because I didn’t want them to think I was that kind of girl.
I still had my principles; I was still the prudish little girl who was incapable of fully satisfying a man.
I was still the girl who had lost her virginity far too recently to have learned everything about sex.
I was still me, the person who associated sex with feelings and would never be able to tolerate the touch of anyone who wasn’t…
The sound of the refrigerator being slammed shut made me jump.
I quit thinking and even “performing” when I turned in the direction of the sound.
The gold of Neil’s eyes had all but disappeared, and he was staring fixedly at me with a gravity so dark that it chilled me to the bone.
I felt a void open up beneath me, a chasm ready to pull me down. He breathed in deep and exhaled through his nose, pure hatred in his eyes aimed at me.
Only at me.
“Neil, is everything okay?” Logan watched him intently. He planted both feet on the floor but remained seated as he considered the situation. Neil, meanwhile, leaned back against the kitchen island and crossed his arms over his chest, making the muscles in his biceps flex.
“What sort of party are you taking the Babygirl to?” He spoke in a derisive, singsongy tone, especially on the last words. He looked to Logan for an answer, chewing his lower lip with a strange look of cruelty on his face.
“Why? What’s it to you?” Alyssa cut in, intrigued.
“Was I talking to you?” Neil snapped in irritation. He shot her a dirty look, and Alyssa gulped, shrinking back into her seat.
“Well?” Neil turned to his brother again, drumming the fingers of one hand on the opposite forearm impatiently.
“You want to come with us?” Logan offered. “You could keep Selene company. She might get bored with just the two of us,” he said drily, and I frowned at this ridiculous suggestion.
What the hell was he trying to do?
In the depths of my heart, I wanted Neil to accept Logan’s offer.
“I don’t take sluts out,” Neil said baldly, an insolent smirk curving up his lips. For a moment, I thought I must have imagined his words. Maybe I’d heard him wrong? But no…
“Neil!” Logan scolded him, leaping to his feet. “What the fuck are you saying?”
“Slut? You mean me?” I got up from the couch, fists clenched at my sides. I couldn’t believe he’d actually said that.
“Aw, Tigress, sheathe those claws. It’s not like I mentioned you by name,” he answered slyly and even gave me a wink. He was making sport of me, completely unashamed. He was trying to needle me until I lost my cool and tipped over the edge into exasperation.
“You were obviously talking about me!” I raised my voice, determined to defend myself. Oh, today was the day. I was going to slap him or give him a kick in the downstairs that he’d remember for the rest of his life. Neil just chuckled.
“As far as I’m concerned, a girl who goes out looking to get fucked is a little slut.” The confidence in his voice was almost as infuriating as his over-the-top arrogance. I walked over to him with no fear and looked up at him.
“You do nothing else with your blonds, and now you’re going to lecture me?” I shook my head, smiling sarcastically. We were at the edge of absurdity. He of all people was daring to judge me? I didn’t like getting so aggressive, but Neil drove me crazy; he made me lose all inhibitions.